IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Aruntocanada]

Please see member : I have re-corrected my essay:


In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas.

Why do you think that is?
What problems can this cause?

Nowadays, numerous nations are experiencing phenomenal shift of people moving from small towns to developed cities. This is happening due to the fact that, people are striving to achieve better standard of living by opting to diverse opportunity to work that originate concerns like competition for work.

It is irrefutable that people often move out of their hometown in order to take up their preferred job from a wide range of opportunities available in the city. This would not only benefit them financially but also let them learn or upgrade skills at work with latest methodologies. Moreover, financial freedom let people enjoy the life and, at the same time, improvised work experience pushes them forward in their career.

On the other hand, more people moving to certain urban cities to seek employment make it more competitive for them to secure a job as more qualified people would be available to take up the same work. It is obvious that living cost of big cities are quite high and every person needs to work in order to pay his or her bills every month. Since the number of opportunity are usually limited but applicants increase with time, keep the situation competitive.

All being said, human who wants a better quality of work usually move out of their native place and to big cities to taste the global job opportunities available there. Since the cost of living is high in metro cities, every person needs to earn their expenses hence it create a competitive situation for both native and immigrants.


Thanks in advance and sorry for troubling all who are helping!

 

[akh136]

nicely done, impressive.



good, smooth

good, smooth, flawless.



well done, little longer conclusion, but its okay, cuz it contains your opinion

this one can fetch, 7.5 to 8, maybe 8.5 also, who knows.

direct examples are missing
idiomatic language is missing

include those next time.

Thanks a lot for your time and inputs !

Will surely try to incorporate your suggestions in next essays

 

[marosa]

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas.

Why do you think that is?
What problems can this cause?


During the past few decades an overwhelming number of people worldwide tend to move from the country to cities. In my opinion, one of the main factors for this phenomena is the lack of job opportunities outside urban areas. This, on its turn, can lead to such a negative consequence, as food supply crisis.

Every year thousands of people around the world leave their homes in small towns and villages in search for a better career. It is believed by many that life has become more expensive than before, forcing people work more hours a day, in order to earn more. It is also thought that most employers are located in big cities, practically meaning that should a person need a job he or she will have to move to the city. An article by The Economist from April 2018 claims that nearly 75% of all vacancies within the US require candidates, who would work in metropolitan areas.

The scenario described above might potentially lead to a drop in food supply. Most of our daily diet consists of products that come from farms, including mean, vegetables and fruits. A decline in the number of farmers can result in a decrease in agricultural goods production, meaning that there will be less food for an ever-increasing number of the Earth’s population. A recent research conducted by the faculty of Economics of Moscow State University illustrates it how one farmer can provide food to an average of three to five people.

To conclude, the recent tendency of those living in smaller communities to move to the cities is caused by a smaller number of job opportunities locally, I opine that this trend can result in a dramatic decrease in food supply.
------------------------

12 sentences, 288 words

“Number” – used 4 times

“People” – used 4 times

“Meaning that” – used twice

“Job” – used 3 times


Do I need to use wider range of vocabulary or will it work for band 7?

 

[marosa]

Sorry for spamming, bear with me a couple of more days please.

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money they make.

Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?

In what other ways could success in a business be measured?


There is a popular school of thought stating that the key indicator of a successful business is the cash it generates. In my opinion, while cash inflow is important for any company, money is not a realistic tool to measure business success with. I believe there are more effective criteria to estimate business success, including brand.

For an overwhelming number of experts money is secondary in terms of the assessment of a firm’s success. The reason behind this is the fact that there can be a myriad of factors behind cash increase, not all of which lead to an improvement of the company’s performance. Shall a manager decide to focus his or her attention on cash generation solely, this can result in a detrimental effect on the whole business. A recent article by The New York Times has illustrated a case of a business, the owner of which received impressive amounts of cash via bank loans and soon went bankrupt, as was unable to repay.

At the same time, more precise techniques to evaluate business success can be adopted, including brand popularity. It is thought by many that based on how publically accepted a brand is, one can tell how successful and long lasting it can be. Wide popularization of a brand or a product can lead to sales increase in the long run and, therefore, will ensure profitability for the company. For instance, as stated in a recent report by Dow Jones, the most successful businesses during the past 10 years have been those with most loyal customers, including Coca-Cola, Apple and Microsoft.

To conclude, even though a successful business can be evaluated based on how much money it earns, I believe that is not the most precise method. Instead, success in business can be measured based on how popular it is among the customers.

 

[Kashif ahmed]

Sorry for spamming, bear with me a couple of more days please.

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money they make.

Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?

In what other ways could success in a business be measured?


There is a popular school of thought stating that the key indicator of a successful business is the cash it generates. In my opinion, while cash inflow is important for any company, money is not a realistic tool to measure business success with. I believe there are more effective criteria to estimate business success, including brand.

For an overwhelming number of experts money is secondary in terms of the assessment of a firm’s success. The reason behind this is the fact that there can be a myriad of factors behind cash increase, not all of which lead to an improvement of the company’s performance. Shall a manager decide to focus his or her attention on cash generation solely, this can result in a detrimental effect on the whole business. A recent article by The New York Times has illustrated a case of a business, the owner of which received impressive amounts of cash via bank loans and soon went bankrupt, as was unable to repay.

At the same time, more precise techniques to evaluate business success can be adopted, including brand popularity. It is thought by many that based on how publically accepted a brand is, one can tell how successful and long lasting it can be. Wide popularization of a brand or a product can lead to sales increase in the long run and, therefore, will ensure profitability for the company. For instance, as stated in a recent report by Dow Jones, the most successful businesses during the past 10 years have been those with most loyal customers, including Coca-Cola, Apple and Microsoft.

To conclude, even though a successful business can be evaluated based on how much money it earns, I believe that is not the most precise method. Instead, success in business can be measured based on how popular it is among the customers.

Please replace cash with income,please

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

A quick question - do you know if they deduct scores for sentences added in the end, with an "*"? For example, when checking one of the essays I noticed that I missed a sentence right in the middle of the 2nd paragraph can I add a "*" there and then another one in the end and write down the missing sentence or do I need to erase and rewrite the whole part?

Thanks!

better to give clean and clear essay, whole, don't irritate examiners, 6.5 at first then 7 in revaluation

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Dears, 2 days left for me.

I've attempted a double question essay, though not very happy with what came out.))
Could you please comment on this?

Thanks in advance!


Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

During the past few years technological innovations have appeared to popularize new communication types. While face-to-face chat was considered to be the most common way of human interaction a few decades ago, nowadays most of socialization is thought to take place online. In my opinion, this phenomena has a positive effect, as it enables communication in long distances.

good

One of the major changes that innovative technologies have brought can be the switch from live to virtual interaction. Should people wish to share information with one another urgently, they no longer need to meet physically. Any person, who has an access to the Internet is now able to provide or receive information: would it be on a personal matter, global news or a professional topic. A recent research by The Economist have illustrated that around 60% of people’s daily communication takes place via the Web.

noticed the variety, good

The invention and rise of online networking is perceived to result in individuals keeping in touch even if they are thousands of miles away. Those, who are located in different countries are able to continue socializing via online platforms, including Facebook, Whatsapp and Skype. As a result, after moving to another city people are still able to learn about their family and friends, meaning that the family (used "family" twice in one sentence) bounds (had to be "bonds") can be maintained. For instance, my grandmother, who would previously meet her sister once in a few months, have started making video calls with her nearly every day.

good, perfect, I would say.

To conclude, cutting edge technologies are believe to greatly change means of interaction, in terms of people giving preference to virtual communication. I strongly opine that this is beneficial, as such a change has enabled people to remain connected, when they are far away (is this too simple?).

good

I am feeling that first para and second para is saying the same thing,
first one is abstract, second is more real, I liked the second one. more impact.

---------------

N of words 284, 13 sentences

“People” – used 5 times
“Technologies” – used 3 times

don't worry, 7 or more is sure for this one.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Please see member : I have re-corrected my essay:
In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas.

Why do you think that is?
What problems can this cause?

Nowadays, numerous nations are experiencing phenomenal shift of people moving from small towns to developed cities. This is happening due to the fact that, people are striving to achieve better standard of living by opting to diverse opportunity to work that originate concerns like competition for work.

very good,

It is irrefutable that people often move out of their hometown in order to take up their preferred job from a wide range of opportunities available in the city. This would not only benefit them financially but also let them learn or upgrade skills at work with latest methodologies. Moreover, financial freedom let people enjoy the life and, at the same time, improvised work experience pushes them forward in their career.

very good,

On the other hand, more people moving to certain urban cities to seek employment make it more competitive for them to secure a job as more qualified people would be available to take up the same work. It is obvious that living cost of big cities are quite high and every person needs to work in order to pay his or her bills every month. Since the number of opportunity are usually limited but applicants increase with time, keep the situation competitive.

very good,

All being said, human who wants a better quality of work usually move out of their native place and to big cities to taste the global job opportunities available there. Since the cost of living is high in metro cities, every person needs to earn their expenses hence it create a competitive situation for both native and immigrants.

Thanks in advance and sorry for troubling all who are helping!

see, this essay present clear picture, one thing after another, there is no confusion, no errors, no wrong word usage, or any blunders etc etc.

what is missing, clear example, some data reference, and idiomatic language.

but it is still 7 to 7.5, but examiner will surely give it 7

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas.

Why do you think that is?
What problems can this cause?

During the past few decades an overwhelming number of people worldwide tend to move from the country to cities. In my opinion, one of the main factors for this phenomena is the lack of job opportunities outside urban areas. This, on its turn, can lead to such a negative consequence, as food supply crisis.

very good, especially the last sentence,

Every year thousands of people around the world leave their homes in small towns and villages in search for a better career. It is believed by many that life has become more expensive than before, forcing people work more hours a day, in order to earn more. It is also thought that most employers are located in big cities, practically meaning that should a person need a job he or she will have to move to the city. An article by The Economist from April 2018 claims that nearly 75% of all vacancies within the US require candidates, who would work in metropolitan areas.

delicious

The scenario described above might potentially lead to a drop in food supply. Most of our daily diet consists of products that come from farms, including mean, vegetables and fruits. A decline in the number of farmers can result in a decrease in agricultural goods production, meaning that there will be less food for an ever-increasing number of the Earth’s population. A recent research conducted by the faculty of Economics of Moscow State University illustrates it how one farmer can provide food to an average of three to five people.

excellent

To conclude, the recent tendency of those living in smaller communities to move to the cities is caused by a smaller number of job opportunities locally, I opine that this trend can result in a dramatic decrease in food supply.

your ideas are fully developed in first paras, sentence structure is great, everything is great

that one red line, is repeat, adds no value to essay, so instead of that, you could use suggestion
Like
Governments must provide incentives to industries to setup their plants/units in remote area, and better regulation policy must be adopted to make the farm businesses more profitable, which can keep the balance of workforce, etc etc, u know the rest.

this would close the essay with a message, a solution, a whole idea, make the reader feel full.

but still, it is 7.5 to 8 -- yup no kidding, it is.

------------------------

12 sentences, 288 words

“Number” – used 4 times

“People” – used 4 times

“Meaning that” – used twice

“Job” – used 3 times


Do I need to use wider range of vocabulary or will it work for band 7?
don't worry about it

 

[Aruntocanada]

very good,


very good,


very good,




see, this essay present clear picture, one thing after another, there is no confusion, no errors, no wrong word usage, or any blunders etc etc.

what is missing, clear example, some data reference, and idiomatic language.

but it is still 7 to 7.5, but examiner will surely give it 7

You can't really imagine my reaction by looking at your positive comments. I have no words to thanks you man!

Takeaway : keep it simple and swift for reader and yes will surely add what is missing on my next writing.

You and rest all member made me smile and write in the write

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

You can't really imagine my reaction by looking at your positive comments. I have no words to thanks you man!

Takeaway : keep it simple and swift for reader and yes will surely add what is missing on my next writing.

You and rest all member made me smile and write in the write

to gain faster, read other essay reviews, compare yourself with others, develop the ability to see, what's wrong in you or in them.

 

[Aruntocanada]

You can't really imagine my reaction by looking at your positive comments. I have no words to thanks you man!

Takeaway : keep it simple and swift for reader and yes will surely add what is missing on my next writing.

You and rest all member made me smile and write in the correct way as I was earlier unsure about following the right approach.

 

[Aruntocanada]

to gain faster, read other essay reviews, compare yourself with others, develop the ability to see, what's wrong in you or in them.

That's what I on - I am on page 17 of this thread and religiously doing the same . Wish me luck

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Sorry for spamming, bear with me a couple of more days please.

don't worry, we are here, but there is no promise to that.

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money they make.

Is money a true indicator of the success of a business?

In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

There is a popular school of thought stating that the key indicator of a successful business is the cash it generates. In my opinion, while cash inflow is important for any company, money is not a realistic tool to measure business success with. I believe there are more effective criteria to estimate business success, including brand.

normally, I suggest that, you should avoid using "I" , if question is missing "you" - or save it for the end, for conclusion
but advance writers can get points from other areas, so I won't affect them much.

For an overwhelming number of experts money is secondary in terms of the assessment of a firm’s success. The reason behind this is the fact that there can be a myriad of factors behind cash increase, not all of which lead to an improvement of the company’s performance. Shall a manager decide to focus his or her attention on cash generation solely, this can result in a detrimental effect on the whole business. A recent article by The New York Times has illustrated a case of a business, the owner of which received impressive amounts of cash via bank loans and soon went bankrupt, as was unable to repay.

example is out of context, everything else is great.

you can say, a company has monopoly in service or product for some time, for the time being they can generate huge cash with even poor service or product, but can soon go out of business when alternative arrives.

get the idea. right ?

At the same time, more precise techniques to evaluate business success can be adopted, including brand popularity. It is thought by many that based on how publically (wrong word choice, broadly ) accepted a brand is, one can tell how successful and long lasting it can be. Wide popularization of a brand or a product can lead to sales increase in the long run and, therefore, will ensure profitability for the company. For instance, as stated in a recent report by Dow Jones, the most successful businesses during the past 10 years have been those with most loyal customers, including Coca-Cola, Apple and Microsoft.

great.

To conclude, even though a successful business can be evaluated based on how much money it earns, I believe that is not the most precise method. Instead, success in business can be measured based on how popular it is among the customers.

use of "I" here is completely relevant, it become a feature, sort of.

surely 7, no doubt about it, but I think, it can get 7.5 also, but not sure about 7.5

u get the idea. right ?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

That's what I on - I am on page 17 of this thread and religiously doing the same . Wish me luck

I was so frustrated at ielts examiners, I am sure you can feel my frustration,
read my analogies and rants carefully, people suffered there.
I scattered lots of gems along the way, collect them, they will surely pay you the rewards.