IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Moeedkh]

Hello,

Can anyone review my writing task ? I will be extremely grateful if someone can guide me on it. I am stuck at 6.5 for so long.
Thanks in advance

Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes?

Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Give reasons for your viewpoint.


Nuclear technology is a symbol of destruction for majority of people, but it can also be used for the welfare of humanity. It has been utilized in many desciplines of life, but it has shown remarkable utility in power generation, medical science and space exploration. I strongly believe in exploiting the nuclear technology for the prosperity of humanity, but we still need to work towards enhancing the safety standards for its widespread use.


The biggest constructive usage of nuclear technology has been observed in power generation. Billions of dollars in fuel cost can be saved worldwide by using nuclear power generation plants, which are already operational in many parts of the world. For example, USA, Japan and Russia are the major beneficiaries of nuclear power plants, as a huge portion of their energy is requirements are being met by nuclear plants. We can create an energy surplus by effectively using this technique worldwide.

Today, many types of power plants are under usage e.g. Hydel, coal-power and solar etc. Except solar, which are very small share, hydel and coal-power plants have severe environmental spill-overs. For example, Dams cause many changes in the world ecosystem leading to migration of humans and animals in the region. Coal-based power plants generate harmful gases in the environment leading to nuisance in the surrounding areas, but nuclear plants have no such impact on the environment except safety hazard.

Medical science and NASA has also reaped benefits of nuclear phenomena. Many cancers can be treated by using nuclear chemotherapy which is a quickly evolving cure of cancer. Nuclear energy is also used as the primary energy source in space where conventional fuels are not available. Both medical and space sciences are using focusing now to use nuclear technology to solve their problems.

Safety has been a major bottleneck in the widespread utilization of nuclear technology. It is very complex to operate nuclear power plants and in case of any mishap, the upcoming destruction is mamoth. For instance, world still remembers the famous power plant incident of Russia, where hundreds of thousands of people died in few minutes. Thus, Nuclear community has to do a lot of work to ensure safety for accidents to increase the utilization of this technology.


To recapitulate, nuclear technology has a vast potential to solve the most chronic problems of humanity. It can readily solve energy crisis in the world provided with improvement of safety standards. Moreover, it can be the cure of cancer, which has taken lives of millions of people. I believe this technology will improve over the time and humanity will reap its benefits.

 

[cansha]

Hello,

Can anyone review my writing task ? I will be extremely grateful if someone can guide me on it. I am stuck at 6.5 for so long.
Thanks in advance

Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes?

Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Give reasons for your viewpoint.

Nuclear technology is a symbol of destruction for a majority of people, but it can also be used for the welfare of humanity. It has been utilized in many desciplines (wrong spelling) of life, but it has shown remarkable utility in power generation, medical science and space exploration. I strongly believe in exploiting the nuclear technology for the prosperity of humanity, but we still need to work towards enhancing the safety standards for its widespread use.

Pretty decent introduction in my opinion. Very decent use of vocab. Well done!

The biggest constructive usage (use) of nuclear technology has been observed in power generation. Billions of dollars in fuel cost can be saved worldwide by using nuclear power generation plants, which are already operational in many parts of the world. For example, USA, Japan and Russia are the major beneficiaries of nuclear power plants, as a huge portion of their energy is requirements are being met by nuclear plants. We can create an energy surplus by effectively using this technique (technology) worldwide.

Today, many types of power plants are under usage e.g. Hydel, coal-power and solar etc. Except solar, which are very small share, hydel and coal-power plants have severe environmental spill-overs. For example, Dams cause many changes in the world ecosystem leading to migration of humans and animals in the region. Coal-based power plants generate harmful gases in the environment leading to nuisance in the surrounding areas, but nuclear plants have no such impact on the environment except safety hazard.

This whole paragraph honestly is adding no value whatsoever. If you wanted to use this argument may be you could have used a single line as an intro line for earlier paragraph. This paragraph isn't really on point.You should have combined the above two passages to deliver your message in a much better way. You have made two points 1. Nuclear power is cleaner 2. Nuclear power is cheaper. But do you think it is easy to get those points ? Ideas are really good. The delivery could be better. Your grammar, vocab and English is pretty good. You need to make sure the examiner feels you have addressed the topic.

Medical science and NASA has (have or has?) also reaped benefits of nuclear phenomena. Many cancers can be treated by using nuclear chemotherapy which is a quickly evolving cure of cancer. Nuclear energy is also used as the primary energy source in space where conventional fuels are not available. Both medical and space sciences are using focusing now to use nuclear technology to solve their problems.

You used two paragraphs for a single idea and ran out of steam in this one. You have two ideas here but none of those fully developed. Again good ideas. But combining medical sciences with space exploration is a bit too much.

Safety has been a major bottleneck in the widespread utilization of nuclear technology. It is very complex to operate nuclear power plants and in case of any mishap, the upcoming destruction is mamoth (mammoth). For instance, world still remembers the infamous power plant incident of Russia, where hundreds of thousands of people died in few minutes. Thus, Nuclear community has to do a lot of work to ensure safety for accidents to increase the utilization of this technology.

fine

To recapitulate, nuclear technology has a vast potential to solve the most chronic problems of humanity. It can readily solve energy crisis in the world provided with improvement of safety standards.(needs better phrasing) Moreover, it can be the cure of cancer, which has taken lives of millions of people. I believe this technology will improve over the time and humanity will reap its benefits.

In summary - Your pluses are good command of over English Grammar, excellent vocab and ability to write good introductions and conclusions

Minuses - Ideas not fully developed or passages not relevant to topic.

 

[Immortal111088]

I am new here and being stuck at 6.5 sucks big time. This is my first attempt at writing an essay here and I request your help and insights to improve my writing. Anyone who could provide some insights shall be much appreciated.

Q-solar energy is becoming more and more popular as a source of household energy in many countries. Why is this?what are the advantages and disadvantages.?

Perpetual use of non renewable sources of energy has exhausted our planet of its natural resources. Alternate energy requirements are not only the need of the hour but are also a pre requisite to a greener future. Solar power is increasingly used in households around the world and It has certain pros and cons which shall be discussed below.

The environment is getting obliterated by the excessive use of non biodegradable materials and exponentially rising pollution.To reduce carbon footprint incorporating renewable energy sources such as solar power is imperative.The biggest advantage of Solar energy is that it is an uninhibited and inexhaustible fuel which is not only eco friendly but also non hazardous. Secondly the large magnitude of solar energy available makes it a highly appealing source of electricity for domestic purposes. Another upside is that solar thermal technology is used in households for water heating, space heating and for many more purposes.

Although the benefits of solar energy outweigh its disadvantages but still there are some complexities which need to be resolved. The very first downside of solar power is that it is expensive as setting up a solar panel for a normal household is costly.Another con of solar energy is that it may be a universal source but it is not uniform. Many places in the world are deprived of adequate sunlight needed to run a solar panel. To top it all the solar energy technology has still some teething issues like unawareness amongst masses and improper government support.

It is evident that solar energy can make considerable contributions to solving some of the most urgent problems the world now faces. It is a futuristic and effective power source which just needs proper implementation and support. Thus it would be wise to say that solar energy is not only a boon for environment but also a remedy for depleting fuel sources.

 

[amitahlawat06]

Hello,

Can anyone review my writing task ? I will be extremely grateful if someone can guide me on it. I am stuck at 6.5 for so long.
Thanks in advance

Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes?

Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Give reasons for your viewpoint.


Nuclear technology is a symbol of destruction for majority of people, but it can also be used for the welfare of humanity. It has been utilized in many desciplines of life, but it has shown remarkable utility in power generation, medical science and space exploration. I strongly believe in exploiting the nuclear technology for the prosperity of humanity, but we still need to work towards enhancing the safety standards for its widespread use.


The biggest constructive usage of nuclear technology has been observed in power generation. Billions of dollars in fuel cost can be saved worldwide by using nuclear power generation plants, which are already operational in many parts of the world. For example, USA, Japan and Russia are the major beneficiaries of nuclear power plants, as a huge portion of their energy is requirements are being met by nuclear plants. We can create an energy surplus by effectively using this technique worldwide.

Today, many types of power plants are under usage e.g. Hydel, coal-power and solar etc. Except solar, which are very small share, hydel and coal-power plants have severe environmental spill-overs. For example, Dams cause many changes in the world ecosystem leading to migration of humans and animals in the region. Coal-based power plants generate harmful gases in the environment leading to nuisance in the surrounding areas, but nuclear plants have no such impact on the environment except safety hazard.

Medical science and NASA has also reaped benefits of nuclear phenomena. Many cancers can be treated by using nuclear chemotherapy which is a quickly evolving cure of cancer. Nuclear energy is also used as the primary energy source in space where conventional fuels are not available. Both medical and space sciences are using focusing now to use nuclear technology to solve their problems.

Safety has been a major bottleneck in the widespread utilization of nuclear technology. It is very complex to operate nuclear power plants and in case of any mishap, the upcoming destruction is mamoth. For instance, world still remembers the famous power plant incident of Russia, where hundreds of thousands of people died in few minutes. Thus, Nuclear community has to do a lot of work to ensure safety for accidents to increase the utilization of this technology.


To recapitulate, nuclear technology has a vast potential to solve the most chronic problems of humanity. It can readily solve energy crisis in the world provided with improvement of safety standards. Moreover, it can be the cure of cancer, which has taken lives of millions of people. I believe this technology will improve over the time and humanity will reap its benefits.

There many errors in grammar, punctuations, a few spelling mistakes also some redundancy and repetition of words.

 

[Moeedkh]

Hi Cansha,

Many thanks to you for reviewing my essay in detail. I have never received such valuable feedback from anyone.
The issues highlighted by you are quite relevant and I was also having a feeling about them. I will be grateful if you can clarify on few points:

1. According to my understanding, you have identified some structural issues with the essay. do you suggest improvement in structure of essay ?
2. How do you rate this essay ? Is this still worth 6.5 band or I have improved a bit ? your candid opinion will be highly valuable to me.

Thanks again.

Regards.
Moeed



This whole paragraph honestly is adding no value whatsoever. If you wanted to use this argument may be you could have used a single line as an intro line for earlier paragraph. This paragraph isn't really on point.You should have combined the above two passages to deliver your message in a much better way. You have made two points 1. Nuclear power is cleaner 2. Nuclear power is cheaper. But do you think it is easy to get those points ? Ideas are really good. The delivery could be better. Your grammar, vocab and English is pretty good. You need to make sure the examiner feels you have addressed the topic.



You used two paragraphs for a single idea and ran out of steam in this one. You have two ideas here but none of those fully developed. Again good ideas. But combining medical sciences with space exploration is a bit too much.


fine




In summary - Your pluses are good command of over English Grammar, excellent vocab and ability to write good introductions and conclusions

Minuses - Ideas not fully developed or passages not relevant to topic.[/QUOTE]

 

[Moeedkh]

There many errors in grammar, punctuations, a few spelling mistakes also some redundancy and repetition of words.

Thanks for reviewing... can you elaborate a little further ? Can you identify those mistakes for me ?

I will be grateful to you.

 

[cansha]

Hi Cansha,

Many thanks to you for reviewing my essay in detail. I have never received such valuable feedback from anyone.
The issues highlighted by you are quite relevant and I was also having a feeling about them. I will be grateful if you can clarify on few points:

1. According to my understanding, you have identified some structural issues with the essay. do you suggest improvement in structure of essay ?
2. How do you rate this essay ? Is this still worth 6.5 band or I have improved a bit ? your candid opinion will be highly valuable to me.

Thanks again.

Regards.
Moeed

I'll answer the second question first. I really can't comment on the bands as I'm not an IELTS examiner. So even if I said this is a band 7 essay it won't make a difference as the actual examiner may have a different opinion. So my suggestion is, do not write essays worrying about the bands. Write the best possible essay and hopefully it will impress the examiner too.

Now to the first question. When I say structure could be better, I kind of combine three kinds of structures.

1. Order of ideas in the essay ... structure of the essay itself
2. Structure of the paragraph
3. Structure of an individual sentence.

Let me explain. So if I have to summarize your essay in bullet points here would be the summary

Para 1: Intro - Nuclear power is destructive but has constructive use in power generation, space and medicine. Safety issue needs to be addressed

Para 2: Argument 1 : Nuclear power is good. It saves cost

Para 3: Traditional sources of power harm environment and hence use nuclear power

Para 4: Nuclear technology is used in cure of cancer AND nuclear energy is used in space because no other source of power.

Para 5: Need to address safety issue for widespread use

Para 6: Summary of essay

Now read this summary again. Para 2 and Para 3 and second half of para 4 are all touching upon the same idea. Nuclear power is better. And hence combine those in one paragraph that will improve structure of the essay.

Now let's look at structure of idea within a paragraph. If you read beginning of para 2 and para 3, those are generic statements and not your "opinion" or "argument". You are stating a fact. The actual opinion or argument comes at the very end of the paragraph and even than it is not clear.

Technically, there is nothing wrong with the way you have written paragraph 2. But in my personal opinion I would want to give my argument or my stand in the very first line of the paragraph and then later explain the idea. The person checking your paper may be tired and hence not reading every line and just skimming through the essay, You want to make his life easy and give him what he is looking for i.e. your task response as easily as possible.

So, again my personal opinion, a better structure for the para two is as follows

I highly encourage / support the use of nuclear technology in the area of power generation as it is not only more eco-friendly compared to traditional sources of power but also much cheaper / cost effective. <Now continue with your arguments why you think this way blah blah blah>

Now if you notice you have given a complex sentence at the beginning of the paragraph. Given your argument in the very first line. Use the rest of the paragraph for building on it. Support it by examples you already have.

Now last part structure within a sentence. This is a sentence from your essay summary paragraph.

It can readily solve energy crisis in the world provided with improvement of safety standards.

Since this is a summary paragraph you want to have more weight in your sentences. I would follow the same principle I talked about for a paragraph. Bring you main idea to the front. So I will rewrite that sentence as

With improvements / advancements in the safety standards of nuclear technology, it can help solve energy crisis in the world
or
If scientific community is successful in making nuclear technology safer, it can help us solve the energy crisis in the world
or
The improvement in safety standards of nuclear technology will lead to its widespread use which will / may help to solve energy crisis in the world.

The point is you are reinforcing your argument that nuclear technology needs to be safer and if it is safer it can help you solve problems.

Again, these are my personal thoughts and many people may not agree with me. It is your choice whether you want to incorporate these suggestions in your writing or not. All the best!

 

[Moeedkh]

Wonderful analysis Cansha.. I've certainly made these mistakes.

I think you are absolutely right about paragraph structure. I should put a complex sentence and my personal viewpoint in the first line of para, to make myself free of most worries.

and, yes I did make a mistake in summary sentence. I dint use the focus very well. I should have focused on safety part.

Also grouping of ideas was not correct as you highlighted earlier.

I am extremely thankful to you. I may ask for reviews from you later, once I improves myself.
God Bless you.

 

[cansha]

Wonderful analysis Cansha.. I've certainly made these mistakes.

I think you are absolutely right about paragraph structure. I should put a complex sentence and my personal viewpoint in the first line of para, to make myself free of most worries.

and, yes I did make a mistake in summary sentence. I dint use the focus very well. I should have focused on safety part.

Also grouping of ideas was not correct as you highlighted earlier.

I am extremely thankful to you. I may ask for reviews from you later, once I improves myself.
God Bless you.

I'm glad I could help you. All the best!

 

[saurabh2004]

Dear Friends, I am planning to appear for IELTS - General Training test.

The level of preparation required for "Writing Section" of IELTS Academic or General Training is same. Kindly advise...

 

[cansha]

Dear Friends, I am planning to appear for IELTS - General Training test.

The level of preparation required for "Writing Section" of IELTS Academic or General Training is same. Kindly advise...

The task 2 for Academic and General I think is the same. The difference is in Task 1 and I think writing for Task 1 of General is relatively easy compared to Academic IELTS.

 

[puneet.arora]

Hello,

Can anyone review my writing task ? I will be extremely grateful if someone can guide me on it. I am stuck at 6.5 for so long.
Thanks in advance

Do you support that the nuclear technology should be used for constructive purposes?

Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Give reasons for your viewpoint.


Nuclear technology is a symbol of destruction for majority of people, but it can also be used for the welfare of humanity. It has been utilized in many desciplines of life, but it has shown remarkable utility in power generation, medical science and space exploration. I strongly believe in exploiting the nuclear technology for the prosperity of humanity, but we still need to work towards enhancing the safety standards for its widespread use.


The biggest constructive usage of nuclear technology has been observed in power generation. Billions of dollars in fuel cost can be saved worldwide by using nuclear power generation plants, which are already operational in many parts of the world. For example, USA, Japan and Russia are the major beneficiaries of nuclear power plants, as a huge portion of their energy is requirements are being met by nuclear plants. We can create an energy surplus by effectively using this technique worldwide.

Today, many types of power plants are under usage e.g. Hydel, coal-power and solar etc. Except solar, which are very small share, hydel and coal-power plants have severe environmental spill-overs. For example, Dams cause many changes in the world ecosystem leading to migration of humans and animals in the region. Coal-based power plants generate harmful gases in the environment leading to nuisance in the surrounding areas, but nuclear plants have no such impact on the environment except safety hazard.

Medical science and NASA has also reaped benefits of nuclear phenomena. Many cancers can be treated by using nuclear chemotherapy which is a quickly evolving cure of cancer. Nuclear energy is also used as the primary energy source in space where conventional fuels are not available. Both medical and space sciences are using focusing now to use nuclear technology to solve their problems.

Safety has been a major bottleneck in the widespread utilization of nuclear technology. It is very complex to operate nuclear power plants and in case of any mishap, the upcoming destruction is mamoth. For instance, world still remembers the famous power plant incident of Russia, where hundreds of thousands of people died in few minutes. Thus, Nuclear community has to do a lot of work to ensure safety for accidents to increase the utilization of this technology.


To recapitulate, nuclear technology has a vast potential to solve the most chronic problems of humanity. It can readily solve energy crisis in the world provided with improvement of safety standards. Moreover, it can be the cure of cancer, which has taken lives of millions of people. I believe this technology will improve over the time and humanity will reap its benefits.

You can get a 7+ provided you reduce:

1. Spelling errors ('desciplines', 'mamoth', 'infamous')
2. Grammar mistakes ('the humanity', 'energy is requirements', 'under usage', 'which are very small share', 'are using focusing now', 'provided with improvement')

While there are other things you can improve (fewer paragraphs, cohesion), the 2 above should be enough to give you another half a band. Good luck!

 

[Moeedkh]

Thanks Puneet.. I am working to get over them. Can you suggest any method to improve my spellings overnight ?

 

[Babukumar]

Kindly provide feed back

Once children start to go to school, schools influence them on their intellectual and social developments more than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It is believed by some that Social and intellectual developments of children are greatly dominated by school rather than parents. While some have the opposite opinion, I completely agree that those skills are highly influenced by schools.

It is believed that parents play an important role in developing social skills and cognitive development of children.They argue because children have a special bonding with their parents which enhances their social skills. However, this may not be true because some children develop mental disorders due to loneliness . Further, they could not mingle with their peers due to insecurity and shyness. This deters their developmental skills. Also, they are not introduced to the structured learning environment from parents which delays their intellectual skills. For example , many researchers have concluded that majority of children who have developmental issues are due to loneliness from staying at home with parents rather than spending time at school.

On the contrary ,It is the schools that majorly influence children's learning ability and scocial behaviour when they start their education. Maximum time is spent at school where it allows children to share their knowledge and food, to play with their peers, to learn new things , to enhance their relationship with other members of school. They also learn the ability of tolerating other students which helps in improving emotional balance . In addition , it accelerates the reasoning as well as thinking skills from. the teachers who demonstrates practical applications of subjects and accessing resources like libraries. This plays a predominate part to their cognitive improvement.

To conclude, cognitive skills and social developments depend upon the environment where children are exposed to. Therefore , from the above discussions I agree that school is the more contributing factor to children to develop thier skills.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Kindly provide feed back

Once children start to go to school, schools influence them on their intellectual and social developments more than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some that Social and intellectual developments of children are greatly dominated by school rather than parents. While some have the opposite opinion, I completely agree that those skills are highly influenced by schools.

exact copied from the prompt
It is clear and confusing at the same time. please write more clearly

It is believed [repeat] that parents play an important role in developing social skills and cognitive development of children.

They [who are they ?] argue because children have a special bonding with their parents which enhances their social skills.
[to this point it was fine, after this, I don't know what are you talking about, why that is happening ]

However, this may not be true because some children develop mental disorders due to loneliness
[where the loneliness came from ?] .

Further, they could not mingle with their peers due to insecurity and shyness. [what are you talking about ?]
This deters their developmental skills.

Also, they are not introduced to the structured learning environment from parents which delays their intellectual skills. [Again, whats going on ?]

For example , many researchers have concluded that majority of children who have developmental issues are due to loneliness from staying at home with parents rather than spending time at school.
[WTF is this ?]

english seems fine, Logic is murdered brutally.

On the contrary ,It is the schools that majorly influence children's learning ability and scocial behaviour when they start their education. Maximum time is spent at school where it allows children to share their knowledge and food, to play with their peers, to learn new things , to enhance their relationship with other members of school. They also learn the ability of tolerating other students which helps in improving emotional balance . In addition , it accelerates the reasoning as well as thinking skills from. the teachers who demonstrates practical applications of subjects and accessing resources like libraries. This plays a predominate part to their cognitive improvement.

overall its fine, logic is broken, no clear progression of thoughts, you made a paragraph out of bullet points. which is a dead beat kind of thing.

To conclude, cognitive skills and social developments depend upon the environment where children are exposed to. Therefore , from the above discussions I agree [ say conclude that, infer that, but again its all wrong, you have already mentioned that in intro so it is redundant.] that school is the more contributing factor to children to develop thier skills.

read all this thread before posting any other essay, same mistake as others, it does make me feel bad.