IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[ViAchKoN]

I think @H0peAndFa1th has given a detailed review of your essay. I will give you my opinion. I won't necessarily call your ideas incoherent. I understand what you're trying to say. You want people to use more public transport and make more energy efficient choices. But, I agree the presentation of ideas is a bit incoherent.

I have a question for you. Are you trying hard to write "complex sentences" because that is what people said gets you a higher IELTS band? It is probably correct but you don't have to make a simple idea in to a complex sentence.

For example below sentence.

In the first place, there are 7 billion people in the world. It is a huge number of humans who directly influence our shared home.

"In the first place" phrase is completely unnecessary. I would have just written ... There are 7 billion people in the world who directly impact the environment of our shared home.

Similar idea .. less words ... relative clean to understand your point. If you are being unnecessarily verbose it gives an impression on examiner that you're trying to increase word count of your essay or it may totally confuse him/her.

Lastly, I'm making an assumption (pardon me if I'm wrong) that you wrote those sentences in that way because you were trying to write "Complex Sentences". If yes, my suggestion is once again google and read what are complex sentences. I think many of us may have an incomplete or inaccurate understanding of the concept. You don't need to write a very long sentence for it to be a complex sentence.

My two suggestions

1. Review what exactly is a complex sentence vs compound sentence.
2. Try to keep sentences short. You don't need to write all long sentences.

Thank you for your answer!

It was a great help because you have pointed on several moments which I should try to avoid. It is true that it was better to write in your way a sentence which you mentioned. I will try to write shorter sentences and at the same time to keep a main thought from now on.

And an answer to your question, I don't write such long sentences because somebody has told me that it will be good for IELTS. I just write them in such a way. You know, naturally expressing my thoughts how they are in my head =))

But again, thanks! You answer gave me topics about which I should think when I write.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

Plz assess this

Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

A number of issues come to mind, when one debates about environment. Out of those, most serious is the harm that modern technology possess on the environment. Some would argue that leading a simple life has the answer to this problem, while some disagree and believe otherwise. I personally believe that technology is developed enough to counter the ill-effects that it poses on the environment, but for the sake of argument, we will enlighten both the statements in this essay.

Although the dependency on modern technology has increased exponentially over the past decade; however, living a life with minimal technological advancements is also not far-fetched. We now know for sure, that the harms that modern gadgets bring with them are pretty adverse. Dangerous radio waves from cell phones is one such example. Using such devices to urgency based rather than making them time killing appliances will ensure such approach. Along with this, the major danger to environment today is due to the increasing number of transport vehicles. The harmful gases that these vehicles emit not only endangers environment and wildlife nearby, but also us humans who inhale such gases on daily basis. Using one vehicle for the whole family and walking once in a while will counteract such effects. But the other side of the coin is also present in this scenario.

With increasing issues related to technological impact, the number of different solution approaches is also increasing. One such approach is using solar energy, cars and gadgets these days use solar energy to power themselves, which can be a boon to our non-renewable resources. On top of that, electric cars these days, are very power efficient with negligible effects on surrounding atmosphere. In addition to this, green fuels have also boomed up in the last two years, mainly in public transports. Using Natural gasses to propel conventional vehicles has resulted in a sudden drop in environmental pollution in many countries. All these alternatives can clearly negate the ills of modern technology.

To sum it up, although there are many opinions pertaining to this issue, but, the modern technology has the key to the solutions that can eliminate such ill-effects on our environment. Using better and improved technology will ensure that both us and the environment can grow hand in hand.'s

I would say, it's pretty impressive, well-done. A good command of introductory clauses, subordinate sentences, cohesive devices. An astonishing use of collocation words, academic words and your idea is all the way long coherent with the task. I have a doubt, since I've read a lot different books, tips, strategies, and of course, I follow quite a few guys on YouTube who teach this kind of things. Most of them say that is an error to say on the introduction your Thesis would be develop on your body essay. You have written "we will enlighten both the statements in this essay"... So, i'm no quite sure it is a mistake. It just my view. Overall, your essay is easily to read and fond to the task.

When is your test?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Plz assess this

Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

A number of issues come to mind, when one debates about environment. Out of those, most serious is the harm that modern technology possess on the environment. Some would argue that leading a simple life has the answer to this problem, while some disagree and believe otherwise. I personally believe that technology is developed enough to counter the ill-effects that it poses on the environment, but for the sake of argument, we will enlighten both the statements in this essay.

"for the sake of argument, we will enlighten both the statements in this essay." >> this is entirely unnecessary

I would suggest write a neutral intro for "both views essay", then give your opinion later.

you could write a better intro, you just don't know how to write it, nobody taught you that.
read every essay review carefully in this thread, then understand, then write an essay. you will rock.

but "e" for an effort.

4 sentences = quite long

[1] Although the dependency on modern technology has increased exponentially over the past decade; however, living a life with minimal technological advancements is also not far-fetched.

[okay, this line, vocab, grammar, use of sem-colon, "however" is great. but this sentence does not have the meat (content) its a general statement which is good for introduction, in paragraph hit the issue directly
its not helping the issue or topic, but introducing well enough - you know english but understand the IELTS requirements first.]

[2] We now know for sure, that the harms that modern gadgets bring with them are pretty adverse.
[again same without meat, and there is no "WE" in IELTS essay, drop it for goood]

[3]Dangerous radio waves from cell phones is one such example.
[fine- bad example I would say, use something serious, like use of plastic]

[4]Using such devices to urgency based rather than making them time killing appliances will ensure such approach.
[fine - but I would suggest to, not to add new ideas such as "time killing" ]

[5]Along with this, the major danger to environment today is due to the increasing number of transport vehicles.
[fine - but another idea, but still introducing this idea is genuine and authentic]

[6]The harmful gases that these vehicles emit not only endangers environment and wildlife nearby, but also us humans who inhale such gases on daily basis.
[fine- good use of "not only" and "but also"]

[7]Using one vehicle for the whole family and walking once in a while will counteract such effects.
[fine]

[8]But the other side of the coin is also present in this scenario.
[fine- but no meat = fluff = to increase word count = bad for you = understand this as soon as possible ]

first your English is good, vocab, grammar etc all fine.

Do you see the problem in this paragraph, yup a serious one and and other small ones.

8 sentences ?? = disastrous I would say, keep it to 4-5 in a paragraph- I know you can do it.

suggestion: Read every sample band 9 essays, line by line, word by word, like I did with this one, separate every line from another line.

you were writing for = "adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem"
right ?
did you exactly write that ?
no, not entirely, sorry but read the question and your paragraph as an answer.
there is no stress on "simple lifestyle" understand this, its affecting your Task Response.

you did >> problem > effects > solution

your solution is meat here, so need a lot of stress on it. you have to tell that this is "simple lifestyle"

this paragraph is perfectly fine, but its just the little nuances.

With increasing issues related to technological impact, the number of different solution approaches is also increasing.

One such approach is using solar energy, cars and gadgets these days use solar energy to power themselves, which can be a boon to our non-renewable resources.

On top of that, electric cars these days, are very power efficient with negligible effects on surrounding atmosphere.

[all above is fine]

In addition to this, green fuels have also boomed up in the last two years, mainly in public transports.

Using Natural gasses to propel conventional vehicles has resulted in a sudden drop in environmental pollution in many countries.

[This idea has nothing to do with technology, or does it ? - I would say its confusing, Natural gasses are again controversial issue, Where is technology providing any solution for any impact on environment ? Nowhere.
Could have said that we are now using microwave ovens, electric stoves, cooktops, which produce no pollution and save wood, coal, natural gasses, mineral oil, non-renewable energy sources,
and that electricity is cumming from solar cells, or wind, hydro etc,
Are you seeing the angle, point of view, here ? Its not your English, its a frigging IQ TEST toooo
]
All these alternatives can clearly negate the ills of modern technology.
[Fine-but fluff, so drop it.]

To sum it up, although there are many opinions pertaining to this issue, but, the modern technology has the key to the solutions that can eliminate such ill-effects on our environment. Using better and improved technology will ensure that both us and the environment can grow hand in hand.

English is clearly fine, superb I would say,

But logic and methodology is maimed somewhere.

environment can grow >> false logic > its already there, going nowhere, so say, preserve it, conserve it
know the difference between preservation and conservation, Please.

Though there are problems, but it still stands for 7, but they rarely give it, see the forum around, you will see that one time person is getting 7.5 bands in second attempt same would get 6.5, so nobody knows for sure, what's going on there, see re-evaluation success thread, people are getting one band jump in writing revaluations, even I got one band jump in speaking.

so my friend, avoid as much mistakes you can. don't gun for better technique, just remove your limitations, anchors, weight and you will rise for sure.

READ this thread post by post, and post another essay. you have the potential to get 7 to 8.5 bands.

 

[tbamrah]

Thankyou for the valuable comments,
I am yet to book my test,this is my first essay.
Been following udemy online course

I would say, it's pretty impressive, well-done. A good command of introductory clauses, subordinate sentences, cohesive devices. An astonishing use of collocation words, academic words and your idea is all the way long coherent with the task. I have a doubt, since I've read a lot different books, tips, strategies, and of course, I follow quite a few guys on YouTube who teach this kind of things. Most of them say that is an error to say on the introduction your Thesis would be develop on your body essay. You have written "we will enlighten both the statements in this essay"... So, i'm no quite sure it is a mistake. It just my view. Overall, your essay is easily to read and fond to the task.

When is your test?

 

[tbamrah]

Thankyou for the valuable info,really needed it at this stage as I dnt want to retake ielts,so hoping to get better before i take the test hopefuly in october

"for the sake of argument, we will enlighten both the statements in this essay." >> this is entirely unnecessary

I would suggest write a neutral intro for "both views essay", then give your opinion later.

you could write a better intro, you just don't know how to write it, nobody taught you that.
read every essay review carefully in this thread, then understand, then write an essay. you will rock.

but "e" for an effort.

4 sentences = quite long

first your English is good, vocab, grammar etc all fine.

Do you see the problem in this paragraph, yup a serious one and and other small ones.

8 sentences ?? = disastrous I would say, keep it to 4-5 in a paragraph- I know you can do it.

suggestion: Read every sample band 9 essays, line by line, word by word, like I did with this one, separate every line from another line.

you were writing for = "adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem"
right ?
did you exactly write that ?
no, not entirely, sorry but read the question and your paragraph as an answer.
there is no stress on "simple lifestyle" understand this, its affecting your Task Response.

you did >> problem > effects > solution

your solution is meat here, so need a lot of stress on it. you have to tell that this is "simple lifestyle"

this paragraph is perfectly fine, but its just the little nuances.





English is clearly fine, superb I would say,

But logic and methodology is maimed somewhere.

environment can grow >> false logic > its already there, going nowhere, so say, preserve it, conserve it
know the difference between preservation and conservation, Please.

Though there are problems, but it still stands for 7, but they rarely give it, see the forum around, you will see that one time person is getting 7.5 bands in second attempt same would get 6.5, so nobody knows for sure, what's going on there, see re-evaluation success thread, people are getting one band jump in writing revaluations, even I got one band jump in speaking.

so my friend, avoid as much mistakes you can. don't gun for better technique, just remove your limitations, anchors, weight and you will rise for sure.

READ this thread post by post, and post another essay. you have the potential to get 7 to 8.5 bands.

 

[tbamrah]

I apologise as I am posting another essay,without considering the advice to go through the previous comments first, as i wrote this in the morning itself,hence posting for feedback. TIA.

Do you think the museums should charge for admission? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Today entry fee is charged for almost every attraction we visit, but asking the same for museums is a deeper topic of discussion. Although, in my opinion, art should be available free of cost to everyone, but I believe, charging a nominal amount for the right to admission wouldn't hurt much.

To start with, the money collected by such initiative can not only be used for the betterment of museums, but also for investing in essential resources, like, security. According to a survey, conducted in 2017 by WMF, 70 percent of the museums were susceptible to robberies, so being able to invest in an efficient security would be supremely beneficial. Adding on, this money could be used to acquire more valuable artifacts, and would in turn, increase the popularity of the museum, hence, beinging in more business. But like every other initiative, this too has a cold side.

Not evrery art lover would be able to afford the fee, not to mention, that appreciation for art is fount most prominent in young students, who can't always sqeeze out a hefty amount just to witness the art showcased nearby. Not only will this limit the exposure to the rich, but also defy the sole purpose of museums, which is to reach out to common pupils, so they would appreciate different forms of art and culture associated with them.

To conclude, although, the basic fundamental purpose of museums is to reach out to as many groups as possible, but, asking a marginal price for the services offered will neither sting the pocket of an art lover, nor will it disrupt the budget of a layman.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

Please take a look at this essay. Be brutally honest as always.

ELTS /TASK 2

In some parts of the world, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically over the past few decades.

Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.

ESSAY:
In some countries, over the last twenty years, an increasingly numbers of families has opt to get divorce. A stressful life style coupled with an alarming high cost of living could be considered as possible causes. Luckily, a good management of life stressors and delaying childbearing can serve as greater solutions to this problem.

It's common known that stress in life could lead to family breakups. A highly demanding job, heavy traffic, sleep deprivation are all examples of life stressors, which inevitable provoke a high release of cortisol response - stress hormone. High amount of this hormone running through the bloodstream, drive to a rententless state of irritability and disasttifaction. Due to this uncomfortable feelings and emotions, couples cannot bear each other; they constantly keep fighting and arguing one another for any minimum issue that comes up. So under this escenario the marriage is bound to fail.

In the modern world, cost of living turns to be a hinder for a happy marriage. If a marriage cannot afford a mortgage, or their own car, or even the pleasure of a short vacation on the near town, is highly likely the partners would end up living a dissatisfaction live, which in turn lead to an inevitable visit to the family court to sign up the divorce papers.

Fortunately, if couples learn how to manage daily stress, for instance, by practicing mindfulness, and other meditation techniques, which are proven strategies to reduce stress in life, they could avoid end up in divorce. In addiction, deciding to put off parenting after all their goals and life dreams have been reached, it turns to have effective impact in keep families glued.

To conclude, during the last years, families are increasingly coping with negative and stressors factors that if they are not properly and wisely face, they will ruin the marriage, pushing the couple to bring to an end their marital live.

 

[cansha]

I apologise as I am posting another essay,without considering the advice to go through the previous comments first, as i wrote this in the morning itself,hence posting for feedback. TIA.


Do you think the museums should charge for admission? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Today entry fee is charged for almost every attraction we visit, but asking the same for museums is a deeper topic of discussion. Although, in my opinion, art should be available free of cost to everyone, but I believe, charging a nominal amount for the right to admission wouldn't hurt much.

From what I had researched while appearing for IELTS, I can say that using contractions in writing Task 2 is not advisable. Contractions are good for speaking section but IELTS task 2 is testing formal writing in which contractions use is not encouraged. You may want to research a bit on this. Or may be some other experts can comment. Overall I like the introduction. It is concise and clear. Although I think saying it would not hurt much is also a bit informal / casual way of saying it. I personally would have written a formal sentence.

To start with, the money collected by such initiative can not only be used for the betterment of museums, but also for investing in essential resources, like, security.

This is a perfect example of how not to use a "not only ... but also" construct. Do you see the problem here?
Read the sentence again and see if you can correct the mistake. Also do you know if you're supposed to use commas in "Not only ... but also" construct? Again search a bit and see the right way of writing it.

According to a survey, conducted in 2017 by WMF, 70 percent of the museums were susceptible to robberies, so being able to invest in an efficient security would be supremely beneficial. Adding on, this money could be used to acquire more valuable artifacts, and would in turn, increase the popularity of the museum, hence, beinging in more business. But like every other initiative, this too has a cold side.

It's probably my misconception but I see a lot of people posting here using too many commas even though they may not be needed. Adding commas doesn't make a complex sentence. I like the vocab you have used. The idea is good also. But you never establish the fact that you want to use the money for security. You touch upon it, do not establish it clearly and move on to the next idea of adding artifacts. Good ideas. But not very clear writing. And those commas need to be controlled.

Not evrery art lover would be able to afford the fee, not to mention, that appreciation for art is fount most prominent in young students, who can't always sqeeze out a hefty amount just to witness the art showcased nearby. Not only will this limit the exposure to the rich, but also defy the sole purpose of museums, which is to reach out to common pupils, so they would appreciate different forms of art and culture associated with them.

So I think the chances of spelling mistakes on computer are less. But you have a few. Hopefully, you will not commit these mistakes on paper. This particular para has just too many spelling errors. Good idea. But students being most prominent art lovers is a bit of stretch. It may not matter much though. Learn a few more more constructs in addition to "not only .... but also".

To conclude, although, the basic fundamental purpose of museums is to reach out to as many groups as possible, but, asking a marginal price for the services offered will neither sting the pocket of an art lover, nor will it disrupt the budget of a layman.

So here is a thing you argued in introduction that museums charging a nominal entry fee would not hurt much. You contradicted your own stand in third para saying the biggest audience is students and they can not afford to pay fee and if museums are charging fee they will be left out. You see a problem with logic and flow? You may want to address that point a little bit more. May be suggest that such groups be given discounts or something like that.

 

[cansha]

Please take a look at this essay. Be brutally honest as always.

ELTS /TASK 2

In some parts of the world, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically over the past few decades.

Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.

So I will focus mainly on the sentence structure and grammar in this review, There are a lot of spelling errors which is worrying. Guys if you have spelling mistakes while typing on a computer what would happen when you write the essays on paper? You need to be more careful.

ESSAY:
In some countries, over the last twenty years, an increasingly numbers (increasing number) of families has (have) opt (opted) to get divorce. A stressful life style coupled with an alarming high cost of living could be considered as possible causes. Luckily, a good management of life stressors and delaying childbearing can serve as greater solutions to this problem.

The introduction is nice. But three grammatical errors in the very first sentence is not good.

It's (Avoid contraction) common(ly) known fact that stress in life could (can) lead to family breakups. A highly demanding job, heavy traffic, sleep deprivation are all examples of life stressors, which inevitable (inevitably) provoke (induce) a high release of cortisol response - stress hormone. High amount of this hormone running through the bloodstream, drive(s) to a rententless state of irritability and disasttifaction. Due to this (these) uncomfortable feelings and emotions, couples cannot bear each other; they constantly keep fighting and arguing one another for any minimum (trivial) issue that comes up. So under this escenario the marriage is bound to fail.

I have just corrected some grammatical errors. But the sentence structure can be better as well. I won't comment on the logic much. It has a good explanation. So at least whatever you have said you have tried to expand on that. The choice of certain words can be better and I have mentioned those in some places.

In the modern world, cost of living turns (out) to be a hinder (hindrance) for a happy marriage. If a marriage (or couple? or family?) cannot afford a mortgage, or their own car, or even the pleasure of a short vacation on the near town, is highly likely the partners would end up living a dissatisfaction (dissatisfactory) live (life), which in turn lead(s) to an inevitable visit to the family court to sign up the divorce papers.

I'll be honest, the sentence structure is not good. You also need to revise concepts of noun, verb, adjective and adverbs.

Fortunately, if couples learn how to manage daily stress, for instance, by practicing mindfulness, and other meditation techniques, which are proven strategies to reduce stress in life, they could avoid end(ing)up in divorce. In addiction, deciding to put off parenting after all their goals and life dreams have been reached, it (can) turns to have effective impact in keep families glued.

Possibly the best sentence in the whole essay based on English and least number of mistakes.

To conclude, during the last (few) years, families are increasingly coping with negative and stressors factors that if they are not properly and wisely face, they will ruin the marriage, pushing the couple to bring to an end their marital live.

I think you really need to be careful about your grammar and it would be great if you can refresh a few concepts. The sentence structure is bad. See your task response aspect also gets impacted if you are not able to put across your thoughts in a manner that can be understood by the examiner.

 

[tbamrah]

Thanks a ton, now i see the mistakes you hv pinpointed and feel so stupid to hv committed them.
Will try n improve further

From what I had researched while appearing for IELTS, I can say that using contractions in writing Task 2 is not advisable. Contractions are good for speaking section but IELTS task 2 is testing formal writing in which contractions use is not encouraged. You may want to research a bit on this. Or may be some other experts can comment. Overall I like the introduction. It is concise and clear. Although I think saying it would not hurt much is also a bit informal / casual way of saying it. I would personally would have written a formal sentence.



This is a perfect example of how not to use a "not only ... but also" construct. Do you see the problem here?
Read the sentence again and see if you can correct the mistake. Also do you know if you're supposed to use commas in "Not only ... but also" construct? Again search a bit and see the right way of writing it.




It's probably my misconception but I see a lot of people posting here using too many commas even though they may not be needed. Adding commas doesn't make a complex sentence. I like the vocab you have used. The idea is good also. But you never establish the fact that you want to use the money for security. You touch upon it, do not establish it clearly and move on to the next idea of adding artifacts. Good ideas. But not very clear writing. And those commas need to be controlled.


So I think the chances of spelling mistakes on computer are less. But you have a few. Hopefully, you will not commit these mistakes on paper. This particular has just too many spelling errors. Good idea. But students being most prominent art lovers is a bit of stretch. It may not matter much though. Learn a few more more constructs in addition to "not only .... but also".



So here is a thing you argued in introduction that museums charging a nominal entry fee would not hurt much. You contradicted your own stand in third para saying the biggest audience is students and they can not afford to pay fee and if museums are charging fee they will be left out. You see a problem with logic and flow? You may want to address that point a little bit more. May be suggest that such groups be given discounts or something like that.

 

[cansha]

Thanks a ton, now i see the mistakes you hv pinpointed and feel so stupid to hv committed them.
Will try n improve further

No need to feel stupid. We all make mistakes and that is how we learn. I think one aspect which is a bit underrated is reading your own essay once you have finished it. All the best!

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

cansha did a great job to find grammatical mistakes, not going to repeat that ones.

there 317 words, its too much, keep it to 260

Please take a look at this essay. Be brutally honest as always.

ELTS /TASK 2

In some parts of the world, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically over the past few decades.

Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.

ESSAY:
In some countries, over the last twenty years, an increasingly numbers of families has opt to get divorce. A stressful life style coupled with an alarming high cost of living could be considered as possible causes. Luckily, a good management of life stressors and delaying childbearing can serve as greater solutions to this problem.

Like the way you gave pointers/glimpse of what you are going to say "management of life stressors and delaying childbearing"

no personal opinion, good, Is is neutral introduction , it is not even asked.

keep doing it, very good introduction to the topic.

It's common known that stress in life could lead to family breakups. << on topic

A highly demanding job, heavy traffic, sleep deprivation are all examples of life stressors, which inevitable provoke a high release of cortisol response - stress hormone. << off topic - not even mention family, husband, wife

High amount of this hormone running through the bloodstream, drive to a rententless state of irritability and disasttifaction. << off topic- not even mention family, husband, wife

Due to this uncomfortable feelings and emotions, couples cannot bear each other; they constantly keep fighting and arguing one another for any minimum issue that comes up. << off topic - not even mention family, husband, wife

So under this escenario the marriage is bound to fail.

OMG don't explain the science, please.
see, first and last line is on topic, rest is nonsense.

you every sentence must link back to main topic, here you are giving reasons for divorce.

let us rewrite the same with more sense

Modern lifestyle requires both partners to work in a stressful and competitive environment to make their ends meet, which stress their minds far beyond regular working hours of office. Usually, people take their work home which shrink family time and de-stress/recreation/unwinding hours, thus a situation of overall dissatisfaction arise among couples. As marriage partners could have different careers, ambitions and priorities, their dedication to the marriage fluctuates, thereby even small issues could lead to regular/frequent and big fights which many times end in bitter relations and inevitable divorces.

that is 88 words, 3 sentences. see pink all linked to main topic. yup, there could be grammatical mistakes as my grammar is weak . but you can get the idea, that is how you stay on topic, in every line.

In the modern world, cost of living turns to be a hinder for a happy marriage. If a marriage cannot afford a mortgage, or their own car, or even the pleasure of a short vacation on the near town, is highly likely the partners would end up living a dissatisfaction live, which in turn lead to an inevitable visit to the family court to sign up the divorce papers.

Fortunately, if couples learn how to manage daily stress, for instance, by practicing mindfulness, and other meditation techniques, which are proven strategies to reduce stress in life, they could avoid end up in divorce. In addiction, deciding to put off parenting after all their goals and life dreams have been reached, it turns to have effective impact in keep families glued.

To conclude, during the last years, families are increasingly coping with negative and stressors factors that if they are not properly and wisely face, they will ruin the marriage, pushing the couple to bring to an end their marital live.

wtf ? this conclusion has failed on every front, grammar, phrasing language, logic etc



2 paragraphs and 162 words total for reasons.
1 paragraph and 61 words for solution

this is not a balanced approach.

40 words intro
90 Body Paragraph 1
90 Body Paragraph 2
40 conclusion
=260 words total, that should be your plan. STICK TO IT

your intro is good, it is neutral essay, you did not gave your own opinion, which is good.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

I apologise as I am posting another essay,without considering the advice to go through the previous comments first, as i wrote this in the morning itself,hence posting for feedback. TIA.

it's okay, don't apologize, take your time.

Do you think the museums should charge for admission? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Today entry fee is charged for almost every attraction we visit, but asking the same for museums is a deeper topic of discussion. Although, in my opinion, art should be available free of cost to everyone, but I believe, charging a nominal amount for the right to admission wouldn't hurt much.

if question is not asking for your opinion then don't give one, atleast in an introduction, do it in conclusion if you have to or you are short on words.

To start with [don't use it, ever], the money collected by such initiative can not only be used for the betterment of museums, but also for investing in essential resources, like, security. According to a survey, conducted in 2017 by WMF, 70 percent of the museums were susceptible to robberies, so being able to invest in an efficient security would be supremely beneficial. Adding on, this money could be used to acquire more valuable artifacts, and would in turn, increase the popularity of the museum, hence, beinging in more business. But like every other initiative, this too has a cold side.

almost fine, you tried to introduce other side in last line which is good for cohesion, but its not done with proper care.

another thing is, you did not indicated that your are writing advantages,
yes I can read and understand that, deduct that from text.
but you have to tell the reader that these are the advantages, which is my answer to the question

Not evrery art lover would be able to afford the fee, not to mention, that appreciation for art is fount most prominent in young students, who can't always sqeeze out a hefty amount just to witness the art showcased nearby. Not only will this limit the exposure to the rich, but also defy the sole purpose of museums, which is to reach out to common pupils, so they would appreciate different forms of art and culture associated with them.

again disadvantages/drawbacks is not mentioned anywhere.

please understand this, examiner is expecting full answer
like

what is your name ?
john smith
Or
My name is john smith but you can call me john.

it is IELTS, play by its rules.

To conclude, although, the basic fundamental purpose of museums is to reach out to as many groups as possible, but, asking a marginal price for the services offered will neither sting the pocket of an art lover, nor will it disrupt the budget of a layman.

if you are going to support charges, then write advantages of charges in second paragraphs, it makes more sense and flow, and just stress little more on advantages, so it could seem like you really support charges.

yup, it's all aesthetics.


another thing...
question : Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
your answer is missing.


Examiner can deduct it from text, but again, don't leave it to Examiner
Examiner could be dumb/stressed//irritated/frustrated/constipated/ while checking your paper.

To solve it, write something like this
In light of benefits, advantages clearly outweigh disadvantages.

your this essay clearly stand for 7, you have innate skills, need some polishing.

 

[tbamrah]

Thanks for the feedback,
Will kepp this in mind in my next essay

it's okay, don't apologize, take your time.




if question is not asking for your opinion then don't give one, atleast in an introduction, do it in conclusion if you have to or you are short on words.



almost fine, you tried to introduce other side in last line which is good for cohesion, but its not done with proper care.

another thing is, you did not indicated that your are writing advantages,
yes I can read and understand that, deduct that from text.
but you have to tell the reader that these are the advantages, which is my answer to the question



again disadvantages/drawbacks is not mentioned anywhere.

please understand this, examiner is expecting full answer
like

what is your name ?
john smith
Or
My name is john smith but you can call me john.

it is IELTS, play by its rules.



if you are going to support charges, then write advantages of charges in second paragraphs, it makes more sense and flow, and just stress little more on advantages, so it could seem like you really support charges.

yup, it's all aesthetics.


another thing...
question : Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
your answer is missing.


Examiner can deduct it from text, but again, don't leave it to Examiner
Examiner could be dumb/stressed//irritated/frustrated/constipated/ while checking your paper.

To solve it, write something like this
In light of benefits, advantages clearly outweigh disadvantages.

your this essay clearly stand for 7, you have innate skills, need some polishing.

 

[priteshgondalia]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th, please advice me on my essay.

Appreciated.

Thank you so much,
Pritesh

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.

Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?


These days, it is important for youngsters to consider whether they should continue their education or take a gap year between secondary and university education. In many nations, they are often inspired by others to take a year break before attending the university and work or study in that time. In my opinion, this trend can bring about more positive outcomes for adolescents compared to any drawbacks it might bring.

The first significant benefit of working for a year after finishing high school is that such practice can aid them to gain the valuable job experience. This is because they can easily learn various technical and social skills not only from their colleagues but also from their job tasks. As a result, when they return to pursue their tertiary education, they will not probably face difficulties in their subjects as they tend to have the substantial amount of knowledge related to their courses.

Another obvious advantage of taking a gap year is that teenagers can broaden their horizons by travelling to numerous places in that break time. Since travelling provides the chances to meet different people, young individuals will be able to know about divergent cultures and their practices, including their clothing style, food preferences and languages. In short, travelling in a gap year can be advantageous for teenagers because it helps them to increase their knowledge about different aspects.

Admittedly, one drawback is that some students may never come back to university for their higher studies. This is due to the fact that some of them tend to be more influenced by the small income that they are earning by working in a gap year. Consequently, such students might not get a professional job with a handsome salary package in their future, due to the insufficient education; however, it is only limited to some adolescents, who do not enjoy studying.

Another minor problem is that it sometimes requires a huge amount of money to travel overseas. This is since almost all travellers have to spend their money on transportation, accommodation and food when they commute to various places. Therefore, this option can often prove expensive for some middle-class and poor students since they are also required to pay their fees for the tertiary education.

To recapitulate, I believe that important skills and knowledge that youngsters learn when they work or travel for a year between high schools and university education clearly outweigh any drawbacks.