Sponsoring husband from Morocco

[hakimncaroline]

thank you Habibti, rjessome, locolynn, dair2dv810310 and Futurista. I had no idea about this, but i will take a step back and wait it out. He isn't gonna like it im sure lol .. but I will take your advices and wait it out lol .. thanks a bunch, I guess I have a lot to learn and think about before making a big huge commitment, especially if hes miles and miles away from me. May was the time I made my plans to go meet him, maybe i will meet him and observe him as well lol

~caroline~

 

[dair2dv8103100]

I was very skeptical actually.

Exactly, as was I.

I already went through one online relationship were I had many red flags about his intentions and turned out I was right... he is now living with his wife (who he married after only 4 months) in the states and even though he knows I am married he tries to contact me and continually asks me if I will marry him when he eventually comes to Canada.....He has his wife completely convinced that he is faithful and loves her, when all this time his plan is to eventually get to Canada on the coat tails of a woman... and not the woman that is his wife.

So my point is... he has his wife completely under his spell. This is even after I talked with her myself and showed her messages he had sent me!! These men can be tricky and they are willing to say and do whatever neccessary to get out their countries.

I am not suggesting your guy has these sort of intentions...but it is something you need to seriously consider if he is talking marriage already. What is the rush anyway?? I can guarantee you guys meeting and getting married in the first trip is going to be a big, red flag to immigration about his intentions. If he is true in his feelings he will be willing to understand and to take the time to make sure things are done correctly and with integrity.

 

[hakimncaroline]

I have actually talked to him just a few minutes ago. and he understands and wants everything to go right too. He said he loves me, and will wait for the right time and not rush it .. So we will meet, but not marriage in mind. And we get to know more of each other. And see what makes him tick, etc. I am glad I have posted on this forum, otherwise I wouldn't know what to do. This is really great help.

 

[Elizabeth Joe]

This is just my opinion:
How can you "love" somebody after only knowing each other for a month ONLINE?
This worries me a lot!
How did get you come across an Immigration Forum, after talking to somebody for one month? What are you looking for? To find the perfect love thousands of miles away through the Internet? Be realistic! It might happen, but chances that everything is going the way you are dreaming are very very little.
I find it already hard to understand that you are making plans to visit him after only talking to him for one month. By doing so you will start to live in your "Dream World" and maybe not be able to make reasonable decicions about your future, because you don't want to be disappointed. Falling in love and building up a relationship with somebody from a different continent is hard! And I can only imagine it being even harder with hugh cultural differences.
My advise:
read through everything on this forum, especially about Sponsoring a husband from Morocco. You will come across a lot of hard and sad stories. And then ask yourself if you could or want to go through that, especially with your children. If you think you could, continue to talk online and take you time and see what happens. If you get scared and want to save yourself a lot of trouble, money and protect your kids, stop talking to him before you are too much involved.

 

[hakimncaroline]

elizabeth joe - thanks for your opinion and your advise. how i came across an Immigration Forum was simple, I Google'd. yeah I did fall hard for him with all his sweet words, maybe because no one has said sweet things to me, even in my relationship with my ex (the children's father) who by the way left us and married his close cousin. I have taken a big step back from this online chatting. And I am seeing a difference in him. He keeps saying "as you wish" "i understand now" "do whats best for you" we had an argument about me taking my time in knowing him. So he thinks I am looking for a way out. When I have explained what I want for everything to be alright. Today we talked about meeting first in the future, not right away. And now I can't meet his family because I will be there just to meet him, and he will not involve his family. So instead of going to his city, I have to spend my time in hotel with him. Its not what I had in mind. But to think of it, I would be ok with it, but I wouldn't have him in my room, but he stay at his home when I am there. know each other this way, since I can't meet his family at the same time. Has anyone ever gone to Morocco to meet their guy and meet his family on the first trip? just curious. Well we'll see what happens though, looks like things are going down in a slant. If he understands, its awesome...if not, then its alright. thanks EJ for responding to my posting.

~caroline~

 

[dair2dv8103100]

elizabeth joe - thanks for your opinion and your advise. how i came across an Immigration Forum was simple, I Google'd. yeah I did fall hard for him with all his sweet words, maybe because no one has said sweet things to me, even in my relationship with my ex (the children's father) who by the way left us and married his close cousin. I have taken a big step back from this online chatting. And I am seeing a difference in him. He keeps saying "as you wish" "i understand now" "do whats best for you" we had an argument about me taking my time in knowing him. So he thinks I am looking for a way out. When I have explained what I want for everything to be alright. Today we talked about meeting first in the future, not right away. And now I can't meet his family because I will be there just to meet him, and he will not involve his family. So instead of going to his city, I have to spend my time in hotel with him. Its not what I had in mind. But to think of it, I would be ok with it, but I wouldn't have him in my room, but he stay at his home when I am there. know each other this way, since I can't meet his family at the same time. Has anyone ever gone to Morocco to meet their guy and meet his family on the first trip? just curious. Well we'll see what happens though, looks like things are going down in a slant. If he understands, its awesome...if not, then its alright. thanks EJ for responding to my posting.

~caroline~

This is sending HUGE red flags out to me. All of the people I have talked to always went to meet their men AND the family at the same time. I do not know anyone who has gone over and NOT met the family in the first trip. Especially if he is considering a relationship with her.

He should WANT you to meet his family. To interact with him outside AND inside the home with family AND friends. I have the pleasure of having some close friends who are also married to Moroccan men... and I know that both, on their first trips, stayed with their husbands family as did I. This sounds very unusual to me and I would be really taking my time.

And the whole emotional mind game of "as you wish" crap...grr don't even get me started ... that is emotional manipulation and he is trying to make you feel guilty so you will cave in and go back to the way it was before. This is immature and a big signal for emotional issues in the future!!

Be careful Caroline... I am glad to see you are taking some steps to ensure you are not getting involved too quickly. I suspect you have your own intuition about it and is possibly why you sought out information in the first place.

 

[CharlieD10]

I just thought I'd chime in and say, I'm the foreign national and met my Canadian husband online. I left him alone to spend time with my mother and brother in my hometown more than 230km away from where he and I lived together, to make sure he could handle immersion in my family. He acquitted himself so well, my brother called me up and asked, "Are you sure he's never been here before?!" My point is, anyone who's thinking of joining their life to yours seriously, especially when the two of you are from different cultures and countries, will WANT to see how you handle yourself out of your comfort zone, they will NEED to see it, if they have truly lasting intentions.

I could have had my husband book a hotel room, but that wouldn't cut it for seeing how he interacted with them in "normal" circumstances, so he stayed in my brother's house, he took his meals with my mother, he went out with my sister-in-law, he spent time with my father, he baby-sat my 4 year old niece. You better believe each one of them was on the phone talking to me about his behaviour and the time they spent together (yes, including my niece)!

Don't fall for the emotional manipulations, as Dair rightly pointed out. That's just making you out to be the bad guy because you're not falling in line anymore. Falling in love is great, but you have to be practical and use your head too. 5 weeks is nothing in the scheme of getting to know someone, not even someone you've lived with, let alone someone you've only talked to online. Talking about marriage is out of the question at this point in time, and visiting is still months in the future. When the time comes, visiting will most definitely be to stay in his home and interact with his family, not some "one away thing", as we say here in Jamaica. If it is anything less, then you must consider what that means carefully!

 

[rjessome]

Don't fall for the emotional manipulations, as Dair rightly pointed out. That's just making you out to be the bad guy because you're not falling in line anymore.

Nailed it!!! Let the games begin.

 

[locolynn]

Run Caroline Run.

His sweet words are MEANINGLESS he doesn't know you at all. 5 weeks is not enough time to take his words at face value. Check out his actions...I think the very little you've posted of his actions speak volumes.

Caroline please hear us!!! It's so easy to believe the fairytale - god knows how good it feels. But it's not real. Really. It's not. Really. Really.

You owe this man nothing....talk some more before you spend your time and money going there. Once you go there you WILL be convinced he is the love of your life and there will be no turning back. Remember he has NOTHING to lose and everything to gain...where you have the opposite.

Before you write me off as a one if the bitter betrayed...I'm not. Been married to my Moroccan for 7.5 years. Been in this forum for 4.5 years. I know a red flag when I see it and your posts are full if them.

At least consider what many of us are saying and start asking your guy some tough questions.

Locolynn

 

[Habibti]

Oh Caroline... I have goosebumps! As I said before my husband and I communicated every day for 2 years before I met him for the first time. Before I met him I was alone for 9 years, raising my son by myself and I never wanted to be in a relationship again! My mind was set! I was happy by myself and with my life. My husband knew I did not want to be with a man and we were the best of friends. Then, I decided to visit him. I said to my mother before I left: "I am happy and at peace with my decision to stay alone for the rest of my life. If things don't work out between me and him, I will still be happy to come back to my life in Canada. If things work out, then I will take it as a bonus".

I went there completely detached, not expecting much. I was like a spectator, observing everything... My husband and I spent lots of times with his 3 brothers, his mother, his uncles & aunts, his cousins and his 4 grand-parents and a few of his friends. And I learned so much that way! I learned so many things about who he is and where he was coming from. You have to go to the source!

There is a saying that says the best way to know a man is through his mother. If angels really exist, his mother is one! Such a patient and soft woman! Always smiling. I saw the interactions between my husband and his mother... quite sweet! I was impressed by all the qualities and virtues his family displayed. They all have high morals and then I started to believe in marriage again.

Another good thing to stay with his family is that you won't have any temptations. It was so hard for my husband and I not to share physical intimacy. It was our biggest aspiration not to have sex before marriage because of our faith and our values. If you find yourself alone in a room with your man, you run the risk to fall... Physical intimacy could blur everything else. Study his character first, develop a strong friendship with him, see how he reacts under pressure or stress, etc. A great advantage with long-distance relationships is that it pushes you to focus more on the mental and emotional bonds. You learn to communicate more with your heart, soul and spirit. The physical part is not in the way. Solid foundations is the key for a successful marriage!

 

[Habibti]

Another thing... the process of Immigration is so stressful and painful that both of you need to have solid and strong foundations to go through this process. I am telling you... it is going to shake you hard. Especially when you get denied like us lol Our marriage could not have survived everything we went through. We have waited for near 4 years to be together and because of all this time apart and taking the time to know each other quite well helped us to be patient and steadfast and to especially cherish our bond!!!

 

[hakimncaroline]

thanks locolynn, charlieD10 and dair. I think its over between this man and I, we had an argument saying that i was the looking for a way out, when my aunt came here to visit me, she doesn't live in my city. Takes 8 hours drive to come to my city. I was like "OMG, i cant even visit my aunt?" and I couldn't take it anymore, so I just signed out, but before i signed out he told he will be online to enjoy his time, so i just told him "Yeah I'm sure" he was writing something, but i just signed out. Made me feel so guilty, and he had rules as he put it, how he wants things to go and that they were right ways. I don't know. He has my number, we exchanged numbers last week. he doesn't call, but he tells me to call, so i do. Man I think i fell to fast for him. I was trying him out with something too before i had my call from my aunt. i was telling him that my parents have agreed to take my kids and I be with one. and right away he said that was good. and the line he used pissed me off "your free now to correct your faults" i just told him i don't regret having my kids. I don't know if i should have done that, but in my way i had to find out, he said he loved my kids, so i just wanted to know how he really felt. was I wrong to lie to him this way? I don't want to lie to anyone. But he has mentioned my kids before, saying two is enough to raise. and on top of that he wanted to have his own two with me. His brother got married to his wife on the first visit, and now he is in USA. but he got there by winning the Lottery (some green card thing) he asked me what was wrong with marrying on the first trip there, i just told him i needed to know more about him, and he told me i had my doubts about him and he said "i understand" and "as you wish" again, before i could even respond, so I thot F**k it let him think that way, since those are his rules that i just TRUST him. so i told him about what i was learning on the net reading about this whole marriage thing and immigration, he said he understood, but he got very far from me very fast. IDK but FML!!
but yeah, thanks for your thoughts, much appreciate it.

~caroline~
I hope my posting made sense, my mind is like everywhere thinking about how our chats have been like and now that I am starting to see the pattern. Every two days, he finds a way to turn everything on me, and then he gets mad and then here i am trying to explain that i haven't done anything wrong. and he says he's sorry and tells me he loves me. But now i see what I have done wrong, was meeting him online and letting him sweet talk me. he likes to compare me to his ex gf who went to him last summer too .. saying she was a bad woman, and not a smart one. Maybe thats how he sees me too i hate my life lol

I was just about to post this when I seen Habibti postings. I don't think it will work for me and Hakim, and I am alright with that I guess. He was the sweetest, but there were his times. he doesn't love me enough, he only wants me to love him is the way i see it. setting his rules on how our time together should be, he talks about sex all the time, i respect his religion. but hes mentioned about his ex and what they did in his room every night. its not what i would like to hear when i talk to him,but he doesn't stop, even sends me her photo of him in it. total piss off. and tonight I think that was it for me and him. because I signed on invisible just now and he didn't leave a message, i guess i shouldn't expect a message from him, since he knows it ALL!!!

~caroline~

 

[hayati]

oh caroline, iam so sorry you had to go through this,,,you deserve better then this man,,,trust me iam sure you saved your self alot of heart aches,,wish you the best!!

 

[locolynn]

Caroline I am sorry that your heart is hurting right now but you did the right thing! Hold your head up high, love yourself and keep trusting your gut! Always remember your gut instincts led you here... We didn't tell you much you didn't already know!

Good luck to you!

Lynn

 

[rjessome]

Caroline,

Don't feel bad. Feel grateful and lucky that you discovered what you did. You are wiser now and stronger. And, hopefully, much more careful. Best of luck to you.

rjessome