Other people have no idea what we go through

[MandiF]

And so I'm having a bit of a bad day anyway, but when my husband's friends put in their two cents worth, seriously not helping!!

Bit of background, I am British, husband Canadian, started outland process me in UK and him in Canada, I moved over mid January, and UK VO currently has my passport and am waiting for it to come back to me in order to land, am finding it a bit of an adjustment not working, not really knowing anyone and not really being able to get around as I am currently without a vehicle.

Am trying really hard not to use my UK mobile that I changed over to pay as you go before I left to call and chat to my mates in UK, as it costs a fortune, and so am (I admit) nagging my husband a bit about getting a new phone over here, which the cell phone companies they won't put in my name as I don't yet have a SIN number and so my husband has to get it.

He is either just putting off getting me a phone until I have my passport back or waiting for two weeks, until my birthday to give it to me, I have no idea which, but....

This evening when we were discussing it, his mate decided to put in his two cents worth and said that his wife (Canadian) went out and got her own job so she could go and get her own phone and pay for it herself and he didn't understand why I didn't just do this!!! After explaining to him very calmly that it was illegal for me to work right now as I hadn't received my PR yet and had no SIN number, he pooh poohed that and said whateverrrr....

Seriously, that's what he said! Really he has no bloody idea of what my husband and I are going through and just thinks me a big lazy cow for not going out and getting a job and sorting my own phone out.

Sure I'm not working cause its illegal, and I do not whatsoever want to be put in a position where I could possibly be thrown out of the country and not be able to come back especially when we're so close, but really it doesn't help when I'm feeling crap that it's -30 outside and wandering around town is not really possible, I have no transport as my husband is out at work all day and I know no one in the town that my husband's mate then starts airing his views on my laziness.

I wash and clean and cook and do everything for my husband right now. I have never ever ever been a housewife, I have worked ever since I left school and really don't appreciate snarky comments from people who have no bloody idea.

Soz, bad day, serious rant - just thought that others may have experience of this as well.

 

[Millu]

Sending lots and lots of good thoughts and hugs!!!Somedays are just so stressful.
I feel you!
I have almost same situation, and something similar has happened to me as well. yes i have worked and support myself even before college! and it's difficult enough to be with someones money.

I hope UK sends your passport back soon!!!

And i hope i get passport request soon.

btw, did you had the wine???

 

[angelbrat]

hugs.........

 

[MandiF]

Thanks folks, I know I'm probably overreacting and yeah, had the wine and moved onto vodka and sprite, unfortunately not helping probably, thinking early night for me, or I know me and I'll say things I will regret saying! LOL

I know it will be all okay and great once I have my passport back but just having one of those days.

and yes, I know we all have them, which is why I know I can post here. Thanks.

 

[Millu]

mmmmm vodka and sprite!!
now i know what i should have tomorrow! yumyum.

i have been meeting girl from this forum. it has helped alot, you can talk with someone who is in same situation...But anyway, even the forum helps alot. i would be insane without it!

sleep well and no hangovers!!

 

[patiently_waiting]

Ah MandiF go back and read the joke again!! It made you laugh the first time, I am sure it will have more meaning after this!! It is tough to land in a new country and get settled, get used to other peoples humour and let things roll off your back. Ignore him, it isn't worth worrying about in the end. Get skype to call your friends, even if you are calling them to their landlines it is only about 1c a minute, I use it all the time. You can even just text their mobiles from there and that may make all the difference in the meantime.

Sleep well, tomorrow is a new day

 

[Love_Young]

Aww oh my goodness. *HUGS* I know a virtual hug isn't much but I hope it reaches you just the same.

I just wanted to say that I understand what you are going through. Maybe not in the same exact manners but in some way we can all relate. This all isn't for the faint of heart and I think that makes all of us stronger people. I hope you can get through this with ease. We are entitled to our bad and venting days. I too had one myself earlier. That is what I like about here. No one is going to judge you for venting because we have all been here and everyone is here to lift each other up when they are down. I hope you find comfort in knowing you aren't alone. Keep your spirits up high. It can only look better from here.

P.S. On a side note, does anyone else hate having to re-explain over and over what the immigration process is? If I don't explain no one is going to understand what I am talking about but at the same time I feel like it takes an hour to explain the whole thing. Ugh...what a chore! :

 

[Cdagal]

I have a job that deals with ALOT of the same people on a regular basis...translated, that means I get to explain MANY times a day WHY my husband isn't here yet...over and over. Thinking of getting "I don't KNOWWW - please stop asking" put on a t-shirt or something. People are caring and that is nice, but NOONE understands how complicated the immgration process is and repeatedly explaining it wears me out. I feel like I spend all day trying not to look like I feel inside.

 

[Love_Young]

Ugh Cdagal I can't even begin to imagine. I know if I was back home they would be asking me when I would see my hubby again. But the questions I always get are, "Why aren't you working?" "Can't you get a study or work visa?" "When are you coming home?" "When are you getting your own place?" Some days I can handle it but having to explain over and over again is so tiring on your mind and body. I mean I try to hang out with friends and get immigration off my mind and they are just reminding me how stuck we are right now. Can't I just go a day without being asked those questions and just pretend to be living a normal life? I hope we all get our positive answers soon so this can be a thing of the past memory.

 

[waitingintz]

Mandi - remember all that matters is what's between you and your husband. He knows you can't work and if he's understanding about it that's all that matters. It's stressful enough to get through within a relationship... and everyone else needs to a reminder that if you have nothing nice to say you should just keep your mouth shut!

Good luck - sounds like you'll have that PR soon!

 

[Jen85]

Hi Mandi

Oh dear, big hugs! I just had to post and tell you I can so relate to what you are saying.
I was born in the UK and moved to Canada when I was 8. Even at that age, I remember how hard it was. I was used to living in a small little village and suddenly I was sitting in the middle of massive and noisy Vancouver. Big culture shock. It is hard to move to a new country and start a new life. I returned to England 7 years ago after growing up in Edmonton. Even coming back here was weird as I felt more Canadian than English and it was difficult at the beginning to build a new life and start everything from scratch.

Immigration is not for the faint hearted and to be honest, there are many people that would not be brave enough to even attempt it. You should feel really proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished so far. Unfortunately when we are dreaming of our new lives in Canada, we tend to view things with rose coloured glasses. Everything will be sweetness and light once we get there. That is not the case. You will have good and bad days and it is a big adjustment to make. You will miss your old life and friends and family back here and the rose coloured glasses will be pointed back towards the UK when you will think of all the good things you are missing and forgetting the bad parts. All I am saying is it takes time and patience to really feel like you are at home in Canada.

Canadians are thought of by the rest of the world as very friendly people. In most cases, that is very true but there are always exceptions to the rule. There are ignorant people everywhere and in every country. I found that there are some Albertans that have a very narrow view on life. They only know what is inside their tiny box and really don’t understand what the rest of the world is like. Maybe your husband’s friend is a bit like that. Just a bit narrow minded and he doesn’t have a clue all that you have gone through to get there. He doesn’t understand how the process works. All he sees is the simplistic idea of ...need money?...get a job!

Now, weather in Alberta! To be honest, you haven’t picked the best time of year to start your new life in Alberta. I know you just wanted to be together with your husband so I can certainly see why. Winter can be brutal. Some people love it but I wasn’t one of them. The cold weather will make your sense of isolation feel even worse as it is harder to get out. Even going for a walk to burn off some energy and frustration is difficult in -30c! You mentioned that transport is a problem as well. Do you have a bus route nearby that you can get around on that? If you do, venture out and explore your new world...just dress warmly! You need to find ways to make friends and build up a local support network. Can you join any groups or volunteer just to get you busy and help meet people? Or how about starting to apply for jobs? You won’t be doing anything wrong if you are completely honest in your applications. Maybe have a covering letter that explains that you are just waiting for your visa (which has been approved) before you can apply for your SIN number. Some companies take so long with their hiring process that by the time they get to choose a candidate, you will be ready to go. Obviously you cannot apply for any job where they want you to start right away. You won’t be risking your immigration status as you will open and upfront and won’t be working until you have your SIN number.

I promise that life will get better for you Mandi, just give it time. Spring will be here before you know it and life will suddenly feel a whole lot better. Savour the good days and know the bad times won’t last forever. Be very proud of yourself and enjoy the long awaited time with your husband. Good luck with the job hunt.
Sorry for the long post!!
Jen

 

[Baloo]

No sexist comments here!!


Girl you really need a T shirt:

Immigrant
+
PMS
=
DON'T PUSH ME !​

 

[Baloo]

I gave up telling people that I was not allowed work, my wife and I tell others that I am a consultant, which I am, outside of Canada.

The accusations of narrow minder idiots do wear thin, many people think that, as a guy, I must work or I am just a freeloader.
The good news is my wife is very understanding, plus I have the chance to renovate our home. I am lucky that I have plenty to do.

+100 on using Skype - good call patiently_waiting.

Also if you get Skype there is a conference mode, where a few people can all get together at the same time.
I regularly talk with a multiple friends from different countries. But even they would not understand all the immigration loops we all jump through.

 

[Baloo]

And for the guys:

Immigrant Male
+
window shopping
=
ANGER MANAGEMENT MY A$$​

 

[Love_Young]

Oh Baloo, you never fail to make me giggle.

So glad you're here to make things more easier.