On a casual note... LESSONS OF LIFE -Enjoy it's every Moment !!!

[nevilraval]

1)Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
2)The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910
3)Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our nose and ears never stop growing..

4)You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
5)A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur in about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.

6)Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
7)Mona Lisa had no eyebrows.

8)When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.
9)Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf.
10)"I Am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
11)Colgate faced big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself.

Some unknown and strange facts!
Regards
Nevil

 

[home1]

Hi brother,

U changed the names of the nations from the original msg, but overlooked to change the date.

BTW, why rake in unnecessary issues? Aren't we part of the global human race? Don't we have the same fluid in our veins, the same walnut in our head & defecate thru the same hole - which smells as bad as everyone's?

Qorax

Isn't it hypocritical when you say that to me but not to the person who wrote a joke about Pakistan. If you accept a joke about Pakistanis, you should accept one about Indians. That is only fair, otherwise it speaks volumes about you!!!

Isn't it funny that you talk about the same fluid when there is a joke with India at the receiving end. Was the fluid different when there was a joke about Pakistan. Lip-service I say. That was really my point.

 

[home1]

The economy is so bad that... I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials! Wives are having s*x with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. My ATM gave me an IOU! A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her! A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street ." When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...

 

[qorax]

The Brotherhood of Man

They tell a story about Saint Peter... He was taking a visitor to the next world on a tour.

First they came to HELL. There was a big dining room with long tables, all loaded with food. And still, everyone seemed skinny and half starved. They had a special way of eating here in Hell: Each one had a spoon with a handle which was two meters long.

Now when the guest visited HEAVEN he noticed that they had the same system of eating in their dining room. But here everyone seemed well fed.

Noticing this, the visitor asked Saint Peter the reason.

"Well," he explained, "did you notice that in Hell everyone tried to feed himself with that long spoon? Well, no one could reach his mouth, and so they were all starving. But in Heaven everyone feeds everyone else with those same long spoons. And so, everything goes just fine".

Reference: http://members.fortunecity.com/lefty58/morals.html

Reproduced by:
Qorax
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Esprit de corps (də kôrˈ)
Noun;
A common spirit of comradeship, enthusiasm, and devotion to a cause among the members of a group.

 

[dreamscanada]

Thanks Qorax, Thanks for for replying my P/M too... God bless!!

you are a man with "Local in action & Global in Attitude" - a very high spirit you have.. keep it up..!!

There r some real good ones here on this page... Thanx Nevil, Lakhvinder & DreamsCanada!

 

[atul.amin]

INTELLEGENCE...

An Eccentric Philosophy Professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go... The professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this CHAIR does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair.

One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A grade when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:

"WHICH CHAIR”...?

 

[Rajan01]

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read: "Dear God, I am a 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money
I had until my next pension check."

"Next Sunday is Mother's Day, and I had invited my last two friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with." "I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. Mother's Day came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. " "By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieving bastards at the post office!!!!!!

Cheers!
Rajan

 

[nevilraval]

Good one….13) & 14) are excellent!

1)TEACHER: Why are you late?
LJOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
LJOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


2)TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
LJOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!



3)TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
LJOHNY: "KROKODAIL"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
LJOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!


4)TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
LJOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
LJOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!


5)TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America?
LJOHNY: George!


6)TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
LJOHNY: Me!


7)TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
LJOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.



8)TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
LJOHNY: Don't bite any.


9)TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I".
LJOHNY: I is...
TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am."
LJOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


10)Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
LJohnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime


11)Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LJohnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."


12)Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
LJohnny: Brotherly love.


13)Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
LJohnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.


14)Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did u copy his?
LJohnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!


15)Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
LJohnny : A teacher

Regards

Nevil

 

[lakhvinder.kaur]

Hi all,

This joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."


one more for you....

What an Awesome Reply


It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other.
Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.
To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"

 

[atul.amin]

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If you are born Poor, it's not your Problem... but if you Die Poor, it's definitely your Problem..!!!!!

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[qorax]

1. Awesome two - ahh Lakhvinder!
2. Well said there - Atul. Very true!

 

[qorax]

If u ever feel a little bit stupid & wonky,
just dig this up and read it again;
u'll begin to realize that u r good - smarter than the lot below...
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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
-Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995)
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
-Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
-Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
-A congressional candidate in Texas.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
-Al Gore, Vice President.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
-Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
-Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Feeling smarter yet?
If not, read it again...

Qorax

 

[disco1004]

All I was thinking about was WHERE IS MY 2ND AOR!!!! YOU BUFFALO OFFICE!!
But I got a small peace in my mind while reading the post.
Thanks.
Maybe I better enjoy my time now until the 2ND AOR time comes. lol.

J

 

[Canadian4U]

Funny Laws​

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

 

[Canadian4U]

Some logic​

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.

Practice makes perfect....But nobody's perfect.....so why practice?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

Success is a relative term. It brings so many (unwanted) relatives.

"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep

"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk

"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours