Need some advice, prooving genuine relationship

[Avila]

Sorry this is long...

Just a bit of my story....My husband and I got married on 5/5/11. Im a US citizen and he'a a Canadian citizen. We met online through gaming. We have had 3, 10 day long trips over the past year...the last one being when we got married. He has met my family and friends, and I have met many of his friends that I knew online before meeting in person. Our major problem is his mother. She has never been supportive of our relationship AT ALL because we met online. All she knows or cares to know about me is my first name and where I live. She refused to meet me when i went up to visit him and she thinks he needs "counseling" because he is dating a girl that he met online. He's 23 and just graduated college, so he will be moving out in the next month or so before we send in our PR sponsorship application. He pays her half the rent each month so one of our concerns is that she will not be able to afford a place on her own. I might also mention that he hasn't had any contact in over 18 years with his father or his father's side of the family. She is his only close family member, and because of the way she is, he has not been able to speak about me in front of family he sees from her side around holidays, etc...

Looking through all of our documentary evidence...we have...around 200 photos of us (that we should probably narrow down), us with his friends and us with my friends, our small courthouse wedding and different places we have vacationed together....my mom doesnt "do pictures" and although he has met my parents several times..I have no pictures of them with us my mom is willing to write an affidavit for us and get it notarized. Also letters from mutual friends, flight and hotel/condo itineraries, Xmas,wedding and birthday cards, all required certificates and a stack of emails from over the past year.

His mother is the only person that doesn't know we're married. I'm afraid this will look very bad to the CIC. We decided she should know before we send in our application, probably after he moves out. Should we explain in our application about his mother or just avoid mentioning her? I think by doing that, I increase my chances of being called for an interview...which would be ok, but obviously not preferred. What advice could anyone offer?

 

[mmmadni]

well in my opinion, it does not matter whether your mother in law has accepted your marriage or not, visa officers always focus on how someone keeps the relationship on after the marriage. I just had my interview couple of days ago, the visa officer asked me only this question.
you can use your photographs with your husband, no matter you do not have pictures with your mother in law , of his pictures with your mom. I had the same situation, I did not have photos with my in laws, so visa officer told me that it only helps to prove your relationship, decision are not solely made on the basis of photos.

if you want to avoid interview, do the following.
1. completely fill all the required forms.
2. pay the fees ( about $1040 )
3. communications record( chat, email, phone bills, visit, hotel bills, gift receipts etc)
4. FBI criminal record check(you can submit it later)
5. photos
6. marriage certificate
7. record of any financial help
8. anything that is associated with your marriage
9. medical examination receipt

well all I said is based on my own experience. there are many people who are more expert in this. You should post your questions frequently so that you get right guidance.

 

[abhi211984]

well in my opinion, it does not matter whether your mother in law has accepted your marriage or not, visa officers always focus on how someone keeps the relationship on after the marriage. I just had my interview couple of days ago, the visa officer asked me only this question.
you can use your photographs with your husband, no matter you do not have pictures with your mother in law , of his pictures with your mom. I had the same situation, I did not have photos with my in laws, so visa officer told me that it only helps to prove your relationship, decision are not solely made on the basis of photos.

if you want to avoid interview, do the following.
1. completely fill all the required forms.
2. pay the fees ( about $1040 )
3. communications record( chat, email, phone bills, visit, hotel bills, gift receipts etc)
4. FBI criminal record check(you can submit it later)
5. photos
6. marriage certificate
7. record of any financial help
8. anything that is associated with your marriage
9. medical examination receipt

well all I said is based on my own experience. there are many people who are more expert in this. You should post your questions frequently so that you get right guidance.

could you please tell what type of question were you asked in ur interview ? and what documents did you take wid you ?

 

[mmmadni]

the first thing lady (visa officer) told me that if she find anything not genuine, she would refuse the whole application.
the questions were in 3 categories.
A. my status in USA..she asked my status in USA, how long I had been here in USA, visa type, education etc

B. wedding..then how the whole wedding procedure started, who came with the proposal, my marriage was an arranged so I explained the whole thing.

C. post wedding relationship.. she told me that you guys are staying away from each other since the wedding, so how could you prove that your relation is still as strong as it was at the time of wedding. so I showed her all my chat records, emails, e-greeting cards, phone bills, gift i sent to my wife after the wedding till date,

also she asked me to submit marriage certificate, original FBI clearance certificates, any other PCC,

thats all what happened, it was a quick session lasted about 20 minutes. then she told me that my application has been accepted and as I had not paid one fees at that time, she asked me to pay that and once they get the receipt they would issue me visa.

let me know if you need any specific help.

 

[abhi211984]

the first thing lady (visa officer) told me that if she find anything not genuine, she would refuse the whole application.
the questions were in 3 categories.
A. my status in USA..she asked my status in USA, how long I had been here in USA, visa type, education etc

B. wedding..then how the whole wedding procedure started, who came with the proposal, my marriage was an arranged so I explained the whole thing.

C. post wedding relationship.. she told me that you guys are staying away from each other since the wedding, so how could you prove that your relation is still as strong as it was at the time of wedding. so I showed her all my chat records, emails, e-greeting cards, phone bills, gift i sent to my wife after the wedding till date,

also she asked me to submit marriage certificate, original FBI clearance certificates, any other PCC,

thats all what happened, it was a quick session lasted about 20 minutes. then she told me that my application has been accepted and as I had not paid one fees at that time, she asked me to pay that and once they get the receipt they would issue me visa.

let me know if you need any specific help.

would it matter if a couple are of 2 diff religion and culture?
my wife is filipina catolic n me pakistani muslim....we were in a relationship for 2 years before gettin married...so have photos and call history before marriage...and now i live in Pakistan and she is in Canada...after marriage... doin outland process... we chat everyday and i also call her once or twice a day...what else would you recommend us to do....as for now we have before marriage proofs (pics and call history) and after marriage ( chat logs,call history and western union reciepts) what else would you recommend...i heard once from a person dat sometimes interviewer also ask to see your wallet jus to check if der is a pic of ur suppose...does dat happened wid you?

 

[mmmadni]

now I recall, she had asked the religions of both of us, me any my wife's. so I think they consider that too, but in love affairs, they would not ask this thing. also dont keep waiting for your interview, keep submitting the stuff you have with the file number on it. this might waive the interview. in my case I had not submitted any of these, thats why I had to o through the interview.

 

[mmmadni]

btw, visa officer did not see my wallet to check whether I had my wife's photo in it, though I had one.

 

[abhi211984]

thnx

 

[abhi211984]

btw, visa officer did not see my wallet to check whether I had my wife's photo in it, though I had one.

i do have one too...and have since da start of our relationship...i hope da difference in religion doesnt counts to negative result

 

[Avila]

I'm not sure if I should write about my monster-in-law in the application or not...

 

[CrazyLucy]

She has never been supportive of our relationship AT ALL because we met online. All she knows or cares to know about me is my first name and where I live. She refused to meet me when i went up to visit him and she thinks he needs "counseling" because he is dating a girl that he met online.

I dont think you should have too much of an issue with your 'monster-in-law' when it comes to your PR application. If anything..you could use it as proof that you've stuck with him through thick and thin despite the in-law's opinion. Online dating isnt something that's considered a big deal anymore. Especially meeting though MMOs (World of Warcraft, Rift, FF11 ect ect) The IO isnt going to side with your mother-in-law. He/She is going to look at the application as a whole. You seem to have enough proof. Feel free to add her into the application if you're comfortable with it.

 

[Kathy Nguyen]

I also on the same boat with Avila. My monster-in law does not accept me as I am not in the same religion with her son (and her family, of course). My hubby (was my boy friend then) did take me to her home (in Kingston while he lives in Woodbridge with his brother's family) with the inconvenience /in-confident manner (me and his mom) but I insisted him to take me there just once to make sure what he had told me were right ;D. And he was right, not only his mom but also his brothers and sisters don't like me (at this point, I don't know why beside religion reason). Honestly, I don't care. All I need just him. But, as for the sponsorship application we are afraid that the evidence of our relationship is not strong enough to convince the visa officer that our relationship is genuine for some following reasons:

1/ We are not in the same religion. He is Catholic but I am Buddhist. Is this really a matter? I think that is so weird, anyone has his/her own believe so why not keep it as it is. That is not a big deal, don't you think so?

2/ We've met since last Christmas of 2010 and decided to marry last month so the length of our relationship including marriage is just about 5 months). It sounds short but for both of us we think that is enough because we have known each other quite well. Hence, this is another reason the Monster does not accept me as she think I use him to stay here or whatever (he is just one year older than me and he looks quite handsome but I look old and ugly). But she does not know that we both have found another half and don't want to loose this chance. Furthermore, I don't have a reason to stay here if I did not meet her son. I have my own business in my home country and I have my own property (house, car...). The matter here is I have found my soul mate and I could do anything for him and just to be with him. Since I am here holding tourist visa so this is also the reason he wants to manage the process of sponsorship faster and firmly to have me here with him.

3/I am here in land so we basically don't have chat logs, emails, phone calls (I don't have my own phone just using my sister's to text with him) during our date times so how could we prove to the visa officer as we have only our photos of the wedding party, engagement, outgoing in a short time and our wedding rings as our proof of love?...

4/ As his family don't accept me as one of the family member so most of them were not attending the wedding (ceremony, party or engagement..) so there is only one big brother family, his friends, my sister's family and her friends only. In general speaking, the wedding party photos look just like we are having informed our wedding officially as we don't take this seriously (we both not young he is 36 and I am 35).

The above reasons are just a few among many what I should have mentioned but with them do you think our application has any chance to success or what? is there any advices that you guys expertise have to share? Please let me know...

Thanks and waiting for your ideas... all the best

 

[SmoothiesQueen]

I think alot of you are forgetting something. I see people asking " is this ok" , " or is this ok". Listen, its not up to immigration to decided whats right and wrong, but whats VALID AND REAL!! An immigration officer cannot say " omg the mother does not approve", or " omg one is Philapeno Catholic and the other is from Pakistant" or " the relationship is between and island man and a western lady...thats risky"....welll I should deny it then. NO, it doesn't work that way. No matter what your circumstances are, because believe me IO's get a bit of everything imaginable, it all comes to to YOU proving the relationship is valid. There is some countries and red flags that stand out a bit more but if your circumstances are a little shakier then provide more evidence, do everything you can to assure the officers reviewing your files. And you and your spouse should prepare early on for the possiblity of an interview so you can completly ace it and shake any remaining doubt.

Really a real marriage has nothing to worry about as long as they prepare for interviews and take time to make a solid application package. The worse that can happen is you have to jump through a few more hoops to prove it. Its the fake marriages that have something to worry about...because IO's are good at poking holes in those cases and seeking them out. And really fake marriage applications are a disgrace in my opinion. Other countries cannot house all those seeking to escape other countries...as sad as that sounds, its just not possible. Fake applications to screw the system for immigrating purposes actually screw over people who are geuninely in love, because it makes it harder for them.

But ya anyways back to the point....if its real, its not up to immigration to tell you how to live your life or whether you make a good couple, or whether your mother in law should support you its up to them to decide if its a real marriage so they can then decide whether to grant you PR to Canada. So the only real advice is, when doing your package " PROOF PROOF PROOF"...include EVERYTHING YOU CAN FIND!!! I put in pictures, I put in facebook comments that I copied and pasted from years back, I put in emails and chat logs, plane tickets, receipts. a million and one letters from family and friends, because we'd lived together for years in his country I included rent reciepts, letters from landlords and neighbours, and extensive plans to reestablish in Canada down to job offers and acceptance letters and housing etc. And so on.....

 

[awor]

Avila, it's my mother that I've excluded from my life - I haven't seen or talked to her since 2003, she'd never met my youngest 2 children, and I don't think she even knows about my being with my husband, let alone that we got married. I just explained that in my file (it ended up in the Development of Relationship story, to indicate why other family was there but not her even though she lives in the same town I do). They aren't going to care. You have plenty of other proof and support from others so her opinion doesn't matter at all.

 

[Avila]

Thank you all, I really appreciate these replies and I think I may be re-writing a lot of my application...I don't want to leave something open ended and give them cause to call me to an interview...And good luck to those of you in the same boat =/....Before his mother...I'd only ever seen ppl so difficult in movies...and she's not just difficult...She's Impossible. I've always told myself that "Ok, he loves her, so I will put up with it"...even if she never wants to meet me...its not his fault...he can't change the way she feels...As far as immigration goes..We haven't done anything illegal and we are very much in love...so I guess I hopefully have nothing to worry about.