Married in less than a year of dating, queer couple, proof of relationship questions

[cookiecutter456]

Hello! Just wondering if anyone might have gone through something similar with some advice.

Me and my partner (both 23) recently got engaged, about a week after our 7 month anniversary. We met during pride month last year and immediately hit it off. We've shared endless moments and conversations since then, including a vacation, and it's clear we want to spend our lives together.

We plan to get married at the start of the summer, in May, with a small court wedding. We will be going on a Europe trip shortly after to celebrate the occasion. We are queer, and neither of our families are really accepting (I'm from a homophobic African country, they are Caribbean). However we have a strong community of friends who we consider our chosen family and can attest to the legitimacy of our relationship, and some of whom will be present at the court wedding. They have never met my family as my family lives in in Africa, but I've met theirs once or twice.

I'm in Canada on a PGWP in the EE pool, but since the scores are looking impossible, we've spoken about beginning the spousal sponsorship application once we get married.

My questions:
1. How much of a concern is it that we'll be getting married less than a year after meeting?
2. Does it matter that our families won't be heavily involved, considering they are homophobic?
3. Will stating this prevent my parents from visiting in the future? I love them but this is just something we disagree on and neither of us are willing to compromise.
4. Although we are planning on officially moving in together in the coming months, we are taking our time with it because I have an ongoing lease that will be difficult to get out of. They currently spend a lot of time in my apartment and my roommate is aware of the depth of our relationship. Is it a concern that we won't be living together at the time of the application? If it is, we will consider speeding up the process.

All help appreciated, thanks!!

 

[scylla]

Hello! Just wondering if anyone might have gone through something similar with some advice.

Me and my partner (both 23) recently got engaged, about a week after our 7 month anniversary. We met during pride month last year and immediately hit it off. We've shared endless moments and conversations since then, including a vacation, and it's clear we want to spend our lives together.

We plan to get married at the start of the summer, in May, with a small court wedding. We will be going on a Europe trip shortly after to celebrate the occasion. We are queer, and neither of our families are really accepting (I'm from a homophobic African country, they are Caribbean). However we have a strong community of friends who we consider our chosen family and can attest to the legitimacy of our relationship, and some of whom will be present at the court wedding. They have never met my family as my family lives in in Africa, but I've met theirs once or twice.

I'm in Canada on a PGWP in the EE pool, but since the scores are looking impossible, we've spoken about beginning the spousal sponsorship application once we get married.

My questions:
1. How much of a concern is it that we'll be getting married less than a year after meeting?
2. Does it matter that our families won't be heavily involved, considering they are homophobic?
3. Will stating this prevent my parents from visiting in the future? I love them but this is just something we disagree on and neither of us are willing to compromise.
4. Although we are planning on officially moving in together in the coming months, we are taking our time with it because I have an ongoing lease that will be difficult to get out of. They currently spend a lot of time in my apartment and my roommate is aware of the depth of our relationship. Is it a concern that we won't be living together at the time of the application? If it is, we will consider speeding up the process.

All help appreciated, thanks!!

1) Not a concern if you have strong proof of relationship.
2) Not a concern but you should include a letter explaining the situation if they won't be at the wedding.
3) No it won't prevent them from visiting.
4) This could be an issue. Recommend you try to keep the period you don't live together short since this is pretty unusual for a married couple and could cast doubt on your relationship. Note that you must apply Outland if you are not living together. You cannot apply inland.

 

[cookiecutter456]

1) Not a concern if you have strong proof of relationship.
2) Not a concern but you should include a letter explaining the situation if they won't be at the wedding.
3) No it won't prevent them from visiting.
4) This could be an issue. Recommend you try to keep the period you don't live together short since this is pretty unusual for a married couple and could cast doubt on your relationship. Note that you must apply Outland if you are not living together. You cannot apply inland.

Thank you so much for your response! Technically, they would be living with me, but just won't be official because of the lease situation.

Just to confirm, even if we will both be in Ontario at the time of applying, and only live an hour away from each other, I will still have to apply as outland? In the case that I have to apply as outland, how do we provide proof of trips, visits etc when we see each other every other weekend (they drive down to me).

 

[scylla]

Thank you so much for your response! Technically, they would be living with me, but just won't be official because of the lease situation.

Just to confirm, even if we will both be in Ontario at the time of applying, and only live an hour away from each other, I will still have to apply as outland? In the case that I have to apply as outland, how do we provide proof of trips, visits etc when we see each other every other weekend (they drive down to me).

Yes, you need to apply Outland. You are required to be cohabiting to apply inland. Cohabiting means living together full time and having the same primary address. You are not cohabiting.

Alternatively you can hold off applying an wait until one of you has given up your lease and you are in fact living together, then apply inland.

 

[KClaire]

I can't speak to #3 and #4, but just to lend you some anecdotal support of the views already expressed in this thread for #1 and #2. My spouse and I are a queer couple who got engaged after 7 months of meeting and we eloped (just the two of us) just shy of our one year meeting anniversary. (In our view, this is pretty slow by lesbian standards! Ha ha.) My spouse does not speak to their father, brother or most other extended family due to political differences. I'm also not very close with my family, though they did meet my spouse after our engagement. We applied outland and explained many of these factors in the relationship questionnaire, which asks a lot about what family each spouse has met, who was at the wedding along with why/why not, etc. We have passed the eligibility stage in our application process without an interview, so it is definitely possible with other strong relationship evidence. We had lots of photos with friends and the few family members we do speak to. We had nine letters of support from our chosen family talking about the time they have spent with us, what they know about our interests and connection, their knowledge of our future plans together, etc.

One distinction that I'd point out is that we are a Canadian/American couple, so we did not have any cultural obstacles, either between one another or with which we were not complying when we got married.

 

[armoured]

We have passed the eligibility stage in our application process without an interview, so it is definitely possible with other strong relationship evidence. We had lots of photos with friends and the few family members we do speak to. We had nine letters of support from our chosen family talking about the time they have spent with us, what they know about our interests and connection, their knowledge of our future plans together, etc.

One distinction that I'd point out is that we are a Canadian/American couple, so we did not have any cultural obstacles, either between one another or with which we were not complying when we got married.

Truth is, family differences and estrangements are as old as human history, and every family has some problem or another. Perhaps it's more common with same sex couples - but far from exclusive to them.

You did well to make sure the other relationship info was strong, because that addresses concerns about the relationship being genuine. A letter of explanation about why some family members were not there is helpful to include (and doesn't need a lot of explanation, just facts - 'parents don't approve' is easily understandable).

And yes, 'cultural' matters are important - but in context, eg parents/families' attendance may be critical for an arranged marriage (not my culture, but rhetorically - isn't that kind of the point?), in other contexts, arguably it's partly evidence that it's a real/public relationship.*


*This can be a serious but separate issue for same-sex or interfaith marriages where being public is not realistic, but I'll leave that aside for time being.

 

[canuck78]

When does your PGWP expire? The fact that you have applied for EE but are unlikely to qualify will potentially create some concern about your relationship which is not impossible to overcome. If the expiry date of your PGWP coincides with when you will be getting married the optics are not great. The fact that you are both quite young also highlights that your immigration status may be a big factor as to why you are getting married. These days most are not getting married at 23. Would imagine the average age of queer marriages may be even older than cis marriages. Would strongly recommend that you have a reception after your court wedding with friends and any family members who are supportive of your relationship. It doesn’t have to be expensive (could be a backyard bbq for example) but given that you are only dating for a short time and it seems more like a long distance relationship just having a court wedding potentially raises concern that you are getting married for immigration purposes. How much time have you spent together in person? Have you spent 2 weeks a month together during the whole 7 months? You mention that you went on holidays together as a couple taken a holiday together which would be good proof of your relationship in addition to the every 2 weekends together. In terms of your parents not attending your wedding as long as you explain that both your parents are not supportive of LGBTQIA+ marriages their lack of attendance shouldn’t be an issue but if either of you have extended family members who are supportive like siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. it would be a good idea to invite them to the wedding and reception. After you get married you mention that you will be living together just not officially. You don’t have to be on a lease to live together and living and living together after marriage would help your case and allow you to apply both inland or outland. You can move out of your apartment although you’ll still have to pay rent until your lease is up. You can change your address on your ID, on bills, update CRA that you are both now married, be added to insurance plans through employers if you have an extended health benefit plan at your employer, etc. You could also ask your partner’s landlord if you could be added to their lease. Because your in person relationship was limited to every second weekend and I suspect your PGWP is expiring soon it would look much better if you lived together after marriage.

 

[cookiecutter456]

I can't speak to #3 and #4, but just to lend you some anecdotal support of the views already expressed in this thread for #1 and #2. My spouse and I are a queer couple who got engaged after 7 months of meeting and we eloped (just the two of us) just shy of our one year meeting anniversary. (In our view, this is pretty slow by lesbian standards! Ha ha.) My spouse does not speak to their father, brother or most other extended family due to political differences. I'm also not very close with my family, though they did meet my spouse after our engagement. We applied outland and explained many of these factors in the relationship questionnaire, which asks a lot about what family each spouse has met, who was at the wedding along with why/why not, etc. We have passed the eligibility stage in our application process without an interview, so it is definitely possible with other strong relationship evidence. We had lots of photos with friends and the few family members we do speak to. We had nine letters of support from our chosen family talking about the time they have spent with us, what they know about our interests and connection, their knowledge of our future plans together, etc.

One distinction that I'd point out is that we are a Canadian/American couple, so we did not have any cultural obstacles, either between one another or with which we were not complying when we got married.

Wow, it's great to hear from a fellow lesbian couple, and LOL at your note on the time frame...definitely slow by our standards!
Thank you so much for sharing, and good luck with your application! Wishing y'all the best and a happy married life

 

[cookiecutter456]

When does your PGWP expire? The fact that you have applied for EE but are unlikely to qualify will potentially create some concern about your relationship which is not impossible to overcome. If the expiry date of your PGWP coincides with when you will be getting married the optics are not great. The fact that you are both quite young also highlights that your immigration status may be a big factor as to why you are getting married. These days most are not getting married at 23. Would imagine the average age of queer marriages may be even older than cis marriages. Would strongly recommend that you have a reception after your court wedding with friends and any family members who are supportive of your relationship. It doesn’t have to be expensive (could be a backyard bbq for example) but given that you are only dating for a short time and it seems more like a long distance relationship just having a court wedding potentially raises concern that you are getting married for immigration purposes. How much time have you spent together in person? Have you spent 2 weeks a month together during the whole 7 months? You mention that you went on holidays together as a couple taken a holiday together which would be good proof of your relationship in addition to the every 2 weekends together. In terms of your parents not attending your wedding as long as you explain that both your parents are not supportive of LGBTQIA+ marriages their lack of attendance shouldn’t be an issue but if either of you have extended family members who are supportive like siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc. it would be a good idea to invite them to the wedding and reception. After you get married you mention that you will be living together just not officially. You don’t have to be on a lease to live together and living and living together after marriage would help your case and allow you to apply both inland or outland. You can move out of your apartment although you’ll still have to pay rent until your lease is up. You can change your address on your ID, on bills, update CRA that you are both now married, be added to insurance plans through employers if you have an extended health benefit plan at your employer, etc. You could also ask your partner’s landlord if you could be added to their lease. Because your in person relationship was limited to every second weekend and I suspect your PGWP is expiring soon it would look much better if you lived together after marriage.

Firstly, thanks a lot for your detailed response! My PGWP expires towards the end of the year, in November, but we're aiming to get married in the summer. We aren't getting married for immigration purposes but when we eventually get married, we would just have another option in case EE doesn't work out.

We are also not long distance...they currently live 1 hour away from me, so we see each other multiple times in a week. We definitely will have a reception with our chosen family as well as extended family who are supportive like their siblings. We are planning to move in together so fingers crossed everything goes well with adding them to my lease.

Thanks a lot!