Making Marriage work?

[mrsprogram]

Mrsprogram, I completely understand about keeping the language and traditions of your family. I have had many students and friends who speak a different language at home, and I think that's both wonderful and important. I wish I spoke more than one language and my partner (who speaks 4) wishes I would have at least learned to speak French by now! I wonder though, do you think of yourself a Canadian or do you more associate your identity with your cultural heritage?

It is wonderful. Preservation of our language and culture is extremely important to my family. We identify ourselves with our own Native community first but we are also proud Canadians too. ;D

 

[dair2dv8103100]

Wow Tallen...

You know...your story is such an encouragement to me and certainly not boring at all! I have almost the same story about meeting...just that we are not married yet...but I envision all the running around and translating and such when I go to Morocco in Jan. Plus the fact that I am travelling during the winter is not something I am looking forward to either.

I honestly cant remember when I knew he was my true love (he says he knew right away), it just flowed so naturally. We met online Nov 11 '08. I thought he only wanted friends and I was only looking for friendship because I was getting over a broken heart (which now I realise was not real love anyway) we both did not have computers at home so at first it was emails whenever we could manage to get on a computer, which was pretty regular. In Jan '09 I purchased a pc and cam, got internet installed and as soon as I had it he was the first person I sent an SMS too. He loves to tell this story because he was in bed when he got the message and it was winter time and so cold (Morocco cold hahaha) he got dressed and took his bike and went to 3 different cyber cafes to try and find one that was still open just so he could talk to me for a few minutes... I still remember the cafe and exactly where he sat...LOL

From there it is kind of a blur...it just went so smoothly into the next step of travelling to meet him...meeting alot of his family...and by the time I left I knew for sure this was my true love. I did as my lawyer suggested and waited for about 6 months and kept talking with him to make sure we both felt the same (ha, I laugh at this now). Then I had planned to travel this year in Sept or Oct to marry but I ended up finding out I had a melon sized tumor inside me which had to be removed right away (Thank God it was not cancer!!) so this set my plans back to what I thought would be Nov of this year until my manager told me I could not get the time off. So here we are .. waiting patiently (or not so patiently in my case lol)for Jan 5 '11, 6:50pm...thats when my flight leaves Toronto ;D I will arrive on Jan 6 at 2:30pm in Rabat .... and then the process begins.....

I am very conscious of the fact that when he is finally here with me that we will go through a few stages of adjustment and it might get uncomfortable at times but I believe that we can over come this and that in the end all will be good. Nothing good in this life comes easy! So I believe that all our struggles and perseverance will prevail in the end.

Blessings to everyone...I hope you all remain encouraged.

 

[AllisonVSC]

Until recently if you'd told me you were Irish, tgchi13, I would have asked how long you've been in Canada! ;D

I guess the American melting pot melted a little faster than it did here. There was a time in US history when people would say I'm Irish American, Italian American, Polish American, German American, etc but like sbwv09 said, pretty much the only people who qualify their status now are Mexican Americans, some Chinese Americans, and African Americans (which is a bit funny to me because many are not descended from Africans based on more recent history and all of us can trace our ancestry back to Africa if we go back a little farther in history).

I suppose that eventually I will be a Canadian citizen and when asked I'll still claim I'm American, but then I won't be a Canadian until I'm almost 50.

 

[tgchi13]

tgchi is Mare, Allison. I expect my husband will always say he is American. And, honestly, I expect when I am in the US I willl say I am Canadian long before I give my genetic heritage.

 

[AllisonVSC]

Can you explain "tgchi is Mare"? Thanks

 

[dair2dv8103100]

Mare as in Mom I believe... ??

 

[Tallen]

Thanks dair2dv8103100,

That is also a touching story that he would look for a ciber cafee to only share a moment with you.. This is the same for Maria and I, we would do whatever it takes each and every day just to connect for a few moments.

I am happy for you it was not cancer, I know he is coming to you but for us Maria was so so nervous of the Medical Exam.. as this process is so hard not the ME just every step is “life or death” Ok sponsorship approved… ok Medical good.. ok Police clearance stellar.. Ok… this and that.. any step is just like walking thought a mine field, but of emotions.. Each step could kill the process but we all continue to step and pray.

We are ALL doing the hardest thing imaginable for a couple to go though.. but anything easy is not appreciated… this is why our marriages have such a better chance of standing the test of time. You can be married in ONE day in the USA… but for us documents to JLAC, then from there to an Embassy, flights, etc. A process that takes 30+ days, lots of time to consider True Love.

Andrew & Maria

 

[dair2dv8103100]

I know he is coming to you but for us Maria was so so nervous of the Medical Exam.. as this process is so hard not the ME just every step is “life or death” Ok sponsorship approved... ok Medical good.. ok Police clearance stellar.. Ok... this and that.. any step is just like walking thought a mine field, but of emotions.. Each step could kill the process but we all continue to step and pray.

We are ALL doing the hardest thing imaginable for a couple to go though.. but anything easy is not appreciated... this is why our marriages have such a better chance of standing the test of time. You can be married in ONE day in the USA... but for us documents to JLAC, then from there to an Embassy, flights, etc. A process that takes 30+ days, lots of time to consider True Love.

Andrew & Maria

Yes, I agree, each step is like a potential bomb in the immigration process. I just can't think about it even though I am fully aware of it's reality. I have to believe that he will be with me soon...otherwise my hope would be in vain. We have talked about the fact that immigration might deny us and we know that we will just keep persevering.

I find it frustrating that some anonymous person(s) is handling our fate based on whether their perception of the validity of our "proof of relationship" fits some so called standard created by other people with different perceptions of what a "genuine" relationship is. I mean...there are people in my neighbourhood that are in the wierdest/most suspicious relationships in MY perception...but they are happy or appear to be so who am I to say what is right or wrong for anyone?? On the other hand... I DO understand immigrations concern on marriages of convenience though....such a catch 22.

You are right Tallen...I would NOT do this or go through this for just anybody!! Not in a million years!! Elyass IS my true love and we will do whatever it takes to be together. Giving up is NOT an option for us.

I am glad to hear that so far everything is going well for you both and I know you will be successful!! Many blessings to you both.

 

[HoneyBird]

In some ways i curse the long distance and in some ways i appreciate the long distance. Cursing the long distance because I can't be with him physically but appreciating the long distance because of how our relationship grows...this is the first relationship i have been in where sex has not been at the top and where i have talked and talked and listened and listened to another person. I have shared so much and everyday its like a continous learning of my husband and we are growing stronger and stronger every day. Being apart is also giving me time to organise my business here...getting all my documentation/finances/etc in order to start my new life...i have to admit that i am a perfectionist and i need to have total order to do this change to a different country. And i am achieving that. However i can't be wiht him and i miss him especially since i have been going through some health issues. So i don't know. I can deal wiht this for a few more months..but once it crosses december...i have no idea how i am going to cope because by then i would be fully prepared for the move.

 

[locolynn]

it was winter time and so cold (Morocco cold hahaha)

Not the point of the story, I realize...but you have no idea. Costal Morocco (Casablanca, Tangier, Essouira) as well as any of the mountain cities are SO COLD in the winter (December, January, February). I am originally from Winnipeg, so I know from cold. My first trip to Casa was also in January (oh so many years ago), and although the lowest the temperature it got was 6 degrees, I swear I have NEVER been colder in my life. Never. Ever. Most homes are stone and don't have a heating system, so when it's 6 degrees outside, it's likely 6 degrees inside too.

Now if you are going inland to say, Marrakesh, it will be warmer. But I promise you, it's waaaaaaaaaay colder than you think.

And even though I'm telling you this, I am soooo sure you will STILL be shocked at how cold it really is here.

Cheers,

Lynn

 

[dair2dv8103100]

Wow...I had no idea...your right.

I always thought my fiance was just used to the warm so was being sensitive.

He did show me pics of when he was in the mountains and there was snow...but the people dont have much coats or sweaters....so did not think it was that cold...haha

And here I was thinking I better take shorts because likely I would be hot....hmm better rethink that...

 

[BeShoo]

I have asked a few people about their background and they say I'm this or I'm that. So I ask when did you immigrate, and they often say oh I was born here.

As I Canadian, if someone asks about my origin, I think they want to know where my ancestors came from. I'm Canadian two generations back on my dad's side and three on my mother's (all of them came from various parts of the British Isles). On the other hand, the census forms ask for "ethnic origin" and about 20% of people in the last census gave "Canadian" as their ethnic origins, even though their ancestors some way back came from Europe. Unless you're aboriginal/Indian/native, I don't think that "Canadian" is an "ethnic origin." (Even the natives came from somewhere else if you go back about 10,000 years or more, actually.)

 

[tgchi13]

Can you explain "tgchi is Mare"? Thanks

Yes, of course. I sent you a PM.

 

[tgchi13]

As I Canadian, if someone asks about my origin, I think they want to know where my ancestors came from. I'm Canadian two generations back on my dad's side and three on my mother's (all of them came from various parts of the British Isles). On the other hand, the census forms ask for "ethnic origin" and about 20% of people in the last census gave "Canadian" as their ethnic origins, even though their ancestors some way back came from Europe. Unless you're aboriginal/Indian/native, I don't think that "Canadian" is an "ethnic origin." (Even the natives came from somewhere else if you go back about 10,000 years or more, actually.)

I agree. If you want to know where I was born that is a different question than where am I from. To me, Canadian born and bred, where am I from implies familial heritage.

 

[bobshynoswife]

I guess the American melting pot melted a little faster than it did here.

this is because we don't have a 'melting pot'. Canada is based on a "Mosaic" system where by everyone is encouraged to keep their own language and cultural identity, which makes up the beautiful mosaic that Canada is. I actually got in an argument with my mother about this, who said 'i hope when your husband comes he realizes he is Canadian, not Nigerian-Canadian or African-Canadian" So what - he is supposed to give up his culture and heritage and the country where he spent 26 years of his life and thousands of years of ancestry? My husband will be Nigerian (or more specifically, Yoruba - his tribe) until the day he dies. Our children will be Nigerian-Canadian, and hopefully will learn their father's language as well.

I mean, if I immigrated to Australia, I would still forever be Canadian! sheesh.

As for languages, it's amazing how close knit some immigrant groups are, so that even their children do not speak english or have much to do outside their group. While we are a mosaic, I don't think it's in the best interest of anyone to stay isolated in such a great country.

i've enjoyed reading this thread and hearing people's stories!