Kingston,Jamaica

[Ninirae]

*sigh*... so apparently it's a boastful war about how much better Jamaica is than Canada and if a choice was given, that Jamaica is #1 to live in... and by war, I mean him having a tirade of how wonderful Jamaica is and me just listening and trying to let it roll of my shoulder... that being said, it quickly ended when I finally said to him: "Honestly, if you don't want to come here because Canada is so awful and Jamaica is so amazing, then don't. I would rather know now, than after you get your VISA and then have to be sent back." All of a sudden it turned into; "I never said it was BAD, I was just trying to tell you the good points about Jamaica. Baby, I want to be with you and I don't care where in the world it has to happen." All of which I know. I have lived in country and city in JA, and I am becoming frustrated with his attitude.

Can I get a little insight here because I know there is NO way I am alone in this. It's like the closer we get to a possible call or update, the more ignorant he is becoming. Remember everyone, he has NEVER left Jamaica. It is the only place he has ever known... :'( :'( :'(

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

*sigh*... so apparently it's a boastful war about how much better Jamaica is than Canada and if a choice was given, that Jamaica is #1 to live in... and by war, I mean him having a tirade of how wonderful Jamaica is and me just listening and trying to let it roll of my shoulder... that being said, it quickly ended when I finally said to him: "Honestly, if you don't want to come here because Canada is so awful and Jamaica is so amazing, then don't. I would rather know now, than after you get your VISA and then have to be sent back." All of a sudden it turned into; "I never said it was BAD, I was just trying to tell you the good points about Jamaica. Baby, I want to be with you and I don't care where in the world it has to happen." All of which I know. I have lived in country and city in JA, and I am becoming frustrated with his attitude.

Can I get a little insight here because I know there is NO way I am alone in this. It's like the closer we get to a possible call or update, the more ignorant he is becoming. Remember everyone, he has NEVER left Jamaica. It is the only place he has ever known... :'( :'( :'(

Sorry to hear Ninirae. Maybe his is stress or depressed and probably trying to deal with this in his head, not sure that make sense. My husband and I never compare the two countries but we do argue when he talks about Negril and the way it is like entire Jamaica is a tourists town. He would make comments like Canada isn't like Negril. Women don't dress the way you guys do down there, blah blah. I would get offended sometimes and shrug it off. But guess what we Jamaicans like to think we are the smartest and know everything. Try not to get all worked up over it because sometimes we don't mean what we say. Our way of communicating sometimes can be ignorant or we say first thing that comes to mind without thinking. It's FRUSTRATION about something!

 

[Ninirae]

Sorry to hear Ninirae. Maybe his is stress or depressed and probably trying to deal with this in his head, not sure that make sense. My husband and I never compare the two countries but we do argue when he talks about Negril and the way it is like entire Jamaica is a tourists town. He would make comments like Canada isn't like Negril. Women don't dress the way you guys do down there, blah blah. I would get offended sometimes and shrug it off. But guess what we Jamaicans like to think we are the smartest and know everything. Try not to get all worked up over it because sometimes we don't mean what we say. Our way of communicating sometimes can be ignorant or we say first thing that comes to mind without thinking. It's FRUSTRATION about something!

I’m very happy to hear another Jamaican’s point of view because I am sure he doesn’t mean to offend me. I remember I made a comment the other week about how beautiful Jamaica is and he was genuinely surprised that I thought that. For some reason, because I don’t rave about it the way tourists do, that I don’t appreciate his country. I realized then that maybe I need him to understand that I love Jamaica too, I’m just not as vocal as people who don’t get to go as often. When you go to Jamaica 5-8 times a year, it becomes your second home and that in of itself I wish was understood as a huge compliment, especially when I don’t have the creature comforts of home.

Your hubby definitely does not mean to offend you either, as a Canadian, I understand what he is trying to tell you as I try to tell me hubby on the daily – lol. Things are very different in Canada and a taxi driver in JA actually said it best to my husband once: “Until you have been to Canada, you will never truly understand what your wife is trying to explain to you. Canada has a LOT of rules and laws, but because they are used so often, it is a beautiful country for a reason completely different than why Jamaica is beautiful.” I probably never could have thought of better way to explain that to my Boo. It definitely made him think differently for a while.

The comment about trying to work it out in his head. That's a Jamaican thing, isn't it? Because he says that to me all the time. He doesn't want me to worry about him, so he almost never tells me his fears or concerns unless I push him.

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

Yes we often keep or worries to ourselves. To speak our problems sometimes feels like a weakness that we don't want to show, especially as Jamaican man. I never use to speak what's on my mind until I was about 21 I started to open up a bit. I guess the way we express ourselves is quite limited for many reasons than people of North America. Yes I'm sure we will never understand until we get to Canada, I travelled a couple of times, but as for your husband as a Jamaican we can get very defensive about our Country haha my husband learn what not to say about Jamaica . It's more like a pride thing.

My husband told me Winnipeg is so different than the States. I'm always comparing the two places thinking they are very similar since they are neighbors, so I'm yet to see. I know I won't have a problem adjusting because I'm already Americanize since many years. I hardly have an accent anymore .
I hope your sweetie will adjust quickly and I guess reminding him about how lovely Jamaica is will soften him up. Good luck to you both this is a minor issue for you too.

 

[CanadianWifey89]

Yes we often keep or worries to ourselves. To speak our problems sometimes feels like a weakness that we don't want to show, especially as Jamaican man. I never use to speak what's on my mind until I was about 21 I started to open up a bit. I guess the way we express ourselves is quite limited for many reasons than people of North America. Yes I'm sure we will never understand until we get to Canada, I travelled a couple of times, but as for your husband as a Jamaican we can get very defensive about our Country haha my husband learn what not to say about Jamaica . It's more like a pride thing.

My husband told me Winnipeg is so different than the States. I'm always comparing the two places thinking they are very similar since they are neighbors, so I'm yet to see. I know I won't have a problem adjusting because I'm already Americanize since many years. I hardly have an accent anymore .
I hope your sweetie will adjust quickly and I guess reminding him about how lovely Jamaica is will soften him up. Good luck to you both this is a minor issue for you too.

I can definitely attest to the mannerisms of most Jamaican men. I quote my husbands response to me asking why he doesn't tell me about his problems/issues once "I don't want to burden you". I felt like screaming "BUT WE'RE ONE..YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM..MINE IS YOURS.." I understood though...and gave him time and eventually once he "figured it out in his head"...we spoke about it but he knew that I was there to support/lean on in the process.

 

[Need to be with Hubby]

I can definitely attest to the mannerisms of most Jamaican men. I quote my husbands response to me asking why he doesn't tell me about his problems/issues once "I don't want to burden you". I felt like screaming "BUT WE'RE ONE..YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM..MINE IS YOURS.." I understood though...and gave him time and eventually once he "figured it out in his head"...we spoke about it but he knew that I was there to support/lean on in the process.

Ah true that. That's nice though, yeah support for each other is good.

 

[Ninirae]

Yes we often keep or worries to ourselves. To speak our problems sometimes feels like a weakness that we don't want to show, especially as Jamaican man. I never use to speak what's on my mind until I was about 21 I started to open up a bit. I guess the way we express ourselves is quite limited for many reasons than people of North America. Yes I'm sure we will never understand until we get to Canada, I travelled a couple of times, but as for your husband as a Jamaican we can get very defensive about our Country haha my husband learn what not to say about Jamaica . It's more like a pride thing.

My husband told me Winnipeg is so different than the States. I'm always comparing the two places thinking they are very similar since they are neighbors, so I'm yet to see. I know I won't have a problem adjusting because I'm already Americanize since many years. I hardly have an accent anymore .
I hope your sweetie will adjust quickly and I guess reminding him about how lovely Jamaica is will soften him up. Good luck to you both this is a minor issue for you too.

It is definitely minor and I'm definitely putting more effort into making him see how wonderful I think your country is My hubby thinks he's super Canadianized because he works around Canadians all the time. I giggle and tell him it's very different when he's here.

Your hubby is right! USA and Canada are very different for sure even though we are right next door to one another! ;D I've been told by hubby that he knows "all about Canada" because he has a couple of buddies in the USA. And then he starts reciting things and I try to find the best way possible to tell him he is oh so very wrong and that's not how it is here.

I'm not worried about him adjusting once he's here though and I'm definitely not worried about you adjusting if you've already travelled! Everything will work itself out :

 

[lovindahubby]

*sigh*... so apparently it's a boastful war about how much better Jamaica is than Canada and if a choice was given, that Jamaica is #1 to live in... and by war, I mean him having a tirade of how wonderful Jamaica is and me just listening and trying to let it roll of my shoulder... that being said, it quickly ended when I finally said to him: "Honestly, if you don't want to come here because Canada is so awful and Jamaica is so amazing, then don't. I would rather know now, than after you get your VISA and then have to be sent back." All of a sudden it turned into; "I never said it was BAD, I was just trying to tell you the good points about Jamaica. Baby, I want to be with you and I don't care where in the world it has to happen." All of which I know. I have lived in country and city in JA, and I am becoming frustrated with his attitude.

Can I get a little insight here because I know there is NO way I am alone in this. It's like the closer we get to a possible call or update, the more ignorant he is becoming. Remember everyone, he has NEVER left Jamaica. It is the only place he has ever known... :'( :'( :'(

Hun u dnt have to worry... its the same with me and hubby... we argue because off this long ass process and knowing the fact our lives are in kingston hands. It come to.the point where hes so stressed he wanted to end things and when i said fine go ahead, he came back saying he wants to spend his rest of his life with me... its just stress and depression... just try to comfort and tell him everything will work out... be patient in the end theres always a reward...

 

[Ninirae]

Hun u dnt have to worry... its the same with me and hubby... we argue because off this long ass process and knowing the fact our lives are in kingston hands. It come to.the point where hes so stressed he wanted to end things and when i said fine go ahead, he came back saying he wants to spend his rest of his life with me... its just stress and depression... just try to comfort and tell him everything will work out... be patient in the end theres always a reward...

Thank you so much for that! Your hubby isn't the only one who threatens to end everything, it happens on both sides for us too, but everytime the other person says: "Fine, let's just forget it" the other person caves and we work it out. :-* :-*

 

[LivnKani]

*sigh*... so apparently it's a boastful war about how much better Jamaica is than Canada and if a choice was given, that Jamaica is #1 to live in... and by war, I mean him having a tirade of how wonderful Jamaica is and me just listening and trying to let it roll of my shoulder... that being said, it quickly ended when I finally said to him: "Honestly, if you don't want to come here because Canada is so awful and Jamaica is so amazing, then don't. I would rather know now, than after you get your VISA and then have to be sent back." All of a sudden it turned into; "I never said it was BAD, I was just trying to tell you the good points about Jamaica. Baby, I want to be with you and I don't care where in the world it has to happen." All of which I know. I have lived in country and city in JA, and I am becoming frustrated with his attitude.

Can I get a little insight here because I know there is NO way I am alone in this. It's like the closer we get to a possible call or update, the more ignorant he is becoming. Remember everyone, he has NEVER left Jamaica. It is the only place he has ever known... :'( :'( :'(

 

[lovindahubby]

Thank you so much for that! Your hubby isn't the only one who threatens to end everything, it happens on both sides for us too, but everytime the other person says: "Fine, let's just forget it" the other person caves and we work it out. :-* :-*

Yes, it has reached to that part... but its because of this stress... you have to see with him... when he talks about jamaica,just agree with him.. cause at the end of the day we all know what it is already...

 

[LivnKani]

Thank you so much for that! Your hubby isn't the only one w. .ho threatens to end everything, it happens on both sides for us too, but everytime the other person says: "Fine, let's just forget it" the other person caves and we work it out. :-* :-*
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Happy New Year Ninarae

I totally understand what you are going through. You are not the only one going this, I think this long process is what causes the arguing. This is a very long and stressful process and at times your frustration causes people to say things they truly don't mean. I can't even talk to my husband about this cause he' s frustrated about this and doesn't even want to hear about it... the worse is when you have to leave them behind after a visit, it's so unfair that they cannot visit us the way we go visit them. Just know this you are definitely NOT ALONE!

 

[LivnKani]

Hi Ninirae
I'm still learning how to use this and I'm using my cellphone. All couples going through this difficult & stressful time argue because we are wanting to together so bad. This is what I was trying to to say in the last 3 messages!
You are not alone :-[ ??? :

 

[Ninirae]

@lovindahubby

Yes, thank you and you are right. Just deep breath and smile and nod. It's really hard because it's so unfair but you're right. I just need to keep on trucking.


@livnkani

OMG! Yes and thank YOU for that as well. I agree that it's because of Kingston. I don't think they truly know the damage they cause to some marriages because of this drama. When hubby and I are together, we still fight occasionally (who doesn't), but we're MUCH more understanding to everything.


Leaving him behind after a visit, he goes into shut down mode and gets very angry at the world. I CANNOT wait for this to be over!!! :-* :-* :-*

 

[Mrs. Parkin]

Because he says that to me all the time. He doesn't want me to worry about him, so he almost never tells me his fears or concerns unless I push him.

Ummm, this is something that I find difficult..I've said to him 'I feel like I'm always the one struggling through this, do you even care?!" and he always is responding with 'how could you even say that??" or 'so it go' or 'I don't let it bring me down, it's not worth it' or 'mi soon come' or 'it's right around the corner'

I know he finds it hard too, but I feel like when he doesn't tell me when HE is having bad days that he doesn't trust me to support/encourage him...he is my support and comfort, and I just want to be that for him too! I have to try not to take offense to it...I know in the end he thinks if he dwells on it, it will make it worse for us both so he just doesn't.