Hello batchmates, well here I am, after my outburst and venting out in FB yesterday, and crying my eyes out for all the frustrations I am feeling, i thought I would feel better overnight, but no. Its monday morning and my work is piled high in front of me, and usually I would attack it and finish it as fast as I can, but today I cant even bring myself to lift one single paper.. This nightmare of waiting is consuming me, its getting the best of me, and yes, I know I should hold on more, be patient, believe, claim it, pray more, etc etc etc... but some days are worst than others... and I believe I am at the lowest of the low today. I find myself checking ecas every hour, willing it to change to DM , only to feel sinking disappointment every time. I am just all negative aura today that even my officemates seem to feel it, asking me if I'm feeling alright. Trying hard to smile and feel better but I just cant seem to bring myself to be positive and be brave about this. I'm even starting to think of options... My parents are coming in September and if by then hubby doesn't have his visa yet, I am thinking of going back home, and have my parents take over the house I just rented here. This could mean turning my back on the great job I have, coz there's no way they will be letting me go on vacation so early (I dont have vacation credits yet) And of course, no job means starting all over again, financially. Crazy thoughts that would never have occurred to me, but now I'm willing to risk it just to be with my husband again. Right now nothing just makes sense.. like life is on hold.. and there's no moving forward.. :'( oh well, sorry for ranting but I guess this is one way to get things off my chest, coz I know this is one place I am understood and I am not alone. :'(
