This time of year is so difficult for me. Thanksgiving back home tomorrow and Christmas coming up. Some days I feel like I can wait eternity and others like today I can't help but cry every minute. I love Canada, my hubby, and his family but dang if I don't miss my mom and home so bad some days. Is it too much to ask for me to have both? Be able to visit home and be guaranteed that I can come back to live with my husband? I cannot wait for that day to come. A girl should not have to go almost 2 years without seeing her mom's face or having her hugs to help get her through the tough days. I want to break down but I can't on the phone with her because it will only crush her. Sometimes I hear her cry on the phone with me and it tears me apart. Am I selfish for loving someone from another country and choosing to live a life with them? Sometimes I feel that way. I just hate knowing that no matter what I do, I will have to deal with sadness. If I had to go home without hubby, I would be missing him and being here I constantly miss home. Ugh...I want to keep both but I guess life can't be that way. Sorry for bringing sadness in but I had nowhere else to go. I just need some support to get me through...
Also, there is a song by a band that both me and hubby love (we said if we have a son we are naming it after the guitarist, we said that from the moment we met lol) and I usually post the video on Facebook for my friends to listen to but no one really understands. When I listen to it, it just explains the battle we are having to go through. Well in a sense. The song is actually about the singer missing his wife while they are thousands of miles away but I think that suits everyones situation here. Whether you are missing a mom, brother, aunt, or spouse it just explains it. I figured I would post it here and maybe realize I am not the only way to feel that way about this song.
These words are always the ones I think of when I miss my mom: "Dear God the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around,when I'm much too far away." I pray that God holds her until I can get back home.
Here are the lyrics to the song:
http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/avengedsevenfold/deargod.html
Here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzX0rhF8buo