IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Vive]

Please can you help evaluating my essay
Horribly stuck at 6.5 for 6 times

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet.

How accurate is this statement?

Are there any other big threats to mankind?


The greatest menace to the life on this earth is the change in climatic conditions. This is completely true because climate change leads to the increase in sea level by elevating the temperature of the globe. Another huge hazard to the human race is the destruction of forests which eventually leads to the extinction of a variety of flora and fauna-that plays a major role in the food chain.

To embark with, the changes in the climate of our planet earth will increase the level of the sea because, the raised global temperature melts he snow clad glaciers at a much faster rate. This process will not only diminish the amount of land surface available to human beings, but also will lead to many natural disasters like Tsunami. To illustrate, scientists have recently found out that every year, the earth is becoming 2% hotter than the year before, ultimately melting the glaciers and the increased sea level leads to 10% loss of land that is available for living.

Other than the aforementioned threat, destruction of forests impose a huge danger to the life of human beings, as this leads to the loss of habitats of many other species. To be more specific, many different animals and plants, which play a significant role in completing the food chain, are in the verge of extinction. As a result, the food cycle will get collapsed, leaving human beings without the essential supplies and eventually putting an end to the human race on this earth. For example, the increased numbers of insects that destroy crops in the farm are due to the decrease in the small birds which feed on them- whose population was diminished due to deforestation.

To conclude, changes in patterns of climate are a great peril to the human race as it slowly eats up the land available for living, by increasing the sea level. Other than that, deforestation is another major jeopardy.

 

[Noor_100]

H0peAndFa1th Thanks for evaluation. I am trying to better in writing. your comments helping me a lot.

 

[13nitinsharma]

Hi Everyone,

I am writing this post to motivate all my friends who have been pushing themselves hard to achieve the required scores i.e, 8777 and still struggling to achieve it.

My story, I cleared my IELTS exam in my 6th attempt and trust me, never thought of that I’ll have to appear for 6 times. Everytime I missed by .5 in any of the module and was stuck in the dark at the end. Lemme share my scores with dates:

July 2018 - L7.5 R7 W7.5 S7
Aug 2018 - L7.5 R7 W7 S7.5
Oct 2018 - L8 R6.5 W7 S7
Nov 2018 - L8 R8 W6.5 S7 (applied EOR, score unchanged)
Jan 2019 - L8.5 R6.5 W7 S7
Feb 2019 - L8 R7 W7 S7 (Finally)

It took me more than 6 months to achieve the desired scores. During this struggle, I always tried to make sure to be motivated and show patience till the time I dont achieve the desired scores. I know its really tough to stay focused but one thing is for sure, Hard work always pays off and no matters what NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

I have seen so many people in the forum who’re stuck even after attempting IELTS so many times. My only advice to everyone is that stay focused, study and practice with right strategy. You’ll definitely achieve what you’re aiming for.

I have now entered into the pool with CRS 450 and waiting for ITA to proceed further.

Good luck everyone, and remember 1 thing - Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win !!

 

[Hannan Khan]

you are consistent, i saw one of your essay today, it was one of the best essay in this thread.

what went wrong in the test ? was it IDP OR BC ?

did you practiced on computer ? or with pencil and paper ? yes this makes the difference.

did you wrote essay first or letter first in 14 feb exam ?

First of all thanks a lot for going through my posts and especially giving feedback on the essay. I will work on the mistakes and try to rectify them.

I don't know for sure what went wrong but I discussed the side I agreed with first, in 2 paragraphs and then the one I disagreed with in 1 paragraph. May be I needed to flip this order around and discuss the side I disagreed with first. Fulfills the task either way but just a little easy on the read. Do you agree?

The 14th Feb test was with BC. I have attempted 2 tests each with BC and IDP. The one you evaluated was my first one on a computer. I am taking a test on the 24th of this month instead of April 3. Just had my exam date changed and it will be a computed delivered test this time. Fingers crossed, hoping to get through this time.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

First of all thanks a lot for going through my posts and especially giving feedback on the essay. I will work on the mistakes and try to rectify them.

I don't know for sure what went wrong but I discussed the side I agreed with first, in 2 paragraphs and then the one I disagreed with in 1 paragraph. May be I needed to flip this order around and discuss the side I disagreed with first. Fulfills the task either way but just a little easy on the read. Do you agree?
Yes, agree to that.

The 14th Feb test was with BC. I have attempted 2 tests each with BC and IDP. The one you evaluated was my first one on a computer. I am taking a test on the 24th of this month instead of April 3. Just had my exam date changed and it will be a computed delivered test this time. Fingers crossed, hoping to get through this time.

Best of luck, i am sure, you will crack it this time.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi Everyone,
July 2018 - L7.5 R7 W7.5 S7
Aug 2018 - L7.5 R7 W7 S7.5
Oct 2018 - L8 R6.5 W7 S7
Nov 2018 - L8 R8 W6.5 S7 (applied EOR, score unchanged)
Jan 2019 - L8.5 R6.5 W7 S7
Feb 2019 - L8 R7 W7 S7 (Finally)

thanks for sharing this valuable info, I said this before, experienced it many times,

if you score is less than 8 in listening there are higher chances of getting 7 in writing.

listening >= 8, then writing 6.5 <<< pattern

congratulations for your success, thanks again.

 

[Hannan Khan]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th, @cansha and other members. Here is a one for you to rip apart. Finishing these in 40 minutes but will try to cut it down to 35 next time.

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Most of the superstars of current era are known for their lavish lifestyle and bank balance rather than their accomplishments and it is a bad example for the youngsters. In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement as not only does this practice deviate youngsters’ minds from studies but it also makes them set unrealistic ambitions.


Firstly, the possessions of celebrities attract teenagers while luring them away from the studies. Students in their teens are the ones most attracted to celebrities. The superstars often showcase their supposedly content life around all the materialistic things they have earned. Teenagers are most vulnerable among their audience and they waste a lot of time and money following them. By the time they realize, the professional life is already knocking at the door.


Secondly, the extravagant lifestyle of the celebrities encourages youngsters to fantasize about unrealistic goals. There is so much competition in the entertainment industry that only 3% of the people trying to become a superstar actually make it big in their lives. The youngsters fail to realize this and focus with all their might, on becoming like their idols. After multiple attempts at it, they are often left broke and wondering which career path to choose.


In conclusion, I agree that the trend of following hyped up celebrities becomes a reason for lack of education and meaningless wander for the youngsters. The dreams of the youngsters are manipulated by materialistic attraction and it is often too late when this is realized.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Please can you help evaluating my essay
Horribly stuck at 6.5 for 6 times

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet.

How accurate is this statement?

Are there any other big threats to mankind?

The greatest menace to the life on this earth is the change in climatic conditions. This is completely true [avoid this kind of phrasing ] because climate change leads to the increase in sea level by elevating the temperature of the globe. Another huge hazard to the human race is the destruction of forests which [will/would/could] eventually leads to the extinction of a variety of flora and fauna-that plays a major role in the food chain.

fine, good.

To embark with, the changes in the climate of our planet earth will increase the level of the sea because, the raised global temperature melts the snow clad glaciers at a much faster rate. This process will not only diminish the amount of land surface available to human beings, but also will lead to many natural disasters like Tsunami. To illustrate, scientists have recently found out that every year, the earth is becoming 2% hotter than the year before, ultimately melting the glaciers and the increased sea level leads to 10% loss of land that is available for living.

again, fine.

Other than the aforementioned threat, destruction of forests impose a huge danger to the life of human beings, as this leads to the loss of habitats of many other species. To be more specific, many different animals and plants, which play a significant role in completing the food chain, are in [on] the verge of extinction. As a result, the food cycle will [better: could, would ] get collapsed, leaving human beings without the essential supplies and eventually putting [better: could put an end ] an end to the human race on this earth [you are implying that, there are other earths ?, better : on this planet]. For example, the increased numbers of insects that destroy crops in the farm are due to the decrease in the small birds which feed on them- whose [ one may ask, "whose" refer to insects or birds ? phrase this correctly to avoid ambiguity ] population was diminished due to deforestation.

To conclude, changes in patterns of climate are a great peril to the human race as it slowly eats up the land available for living, by increasing the sea level. Other than that, deforestation is another major jeopardy.

there are chances that this essay could fetch 7, but not 100% sure, depends on examiner
another thing, you could make more mistakes in an original test, 2 more mistakes, they won't give you 7,
and you will be thinking that I wrote just like this one. so you need to be careful,

that is why lots of us stuck at 6.5, despite doing everything right.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi @H0peAndFa1th, @cansha and other members. Here is a one for you to rip apart. Finishing these in 40 minutes but will try to cut it down to 35 next time.

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most of the superstars of current era are known for their lavish lifestyle and bank balance rather than their accomplishments and it is a bad example for the youngsters.
that "it is" refer to what exactly ? "lifestyle OR bank balance OR accomplishments", you wrote it, there are chances you can not identify the problem here, it's little advance problem for likes of us, yup me including.
better :
Most of the superstars of current era are known for their lavish lifestyle and bank balance rather than their accomplishments, and this situation/phenomenon/trend is a bad example for the youngsters.

In my opinion, I completely agree with this statement [better: the given statement] as not only does this practice [i doubt if it is a practice; better : situation/phenomenon/trend ] deviate youngsters’ minds from studies but it also makes them set unrealistic ambitions.

to a normal person, who is not well-versed with ielts shit, would mark this intro as 100% correct, or atleast someone not from grammar police.

no big issues, but you want to make sure, that there's 7 in writing at your TRF.

Firstly, the possessions of celebrities attract teenagers while luring them away from the studies. Students in their teens are the ones most attracted to celebrities. The superstars often showcase their supposedly content life around all the materialistic things they have earned. Teenagers are most vulnerable among their audience and they waste a lot of time and money following them. By the time they realize, the professional life is already knocking at the door.

now, see the highlighted, lots of "they their", in real exam, with pressure, ticking clock, you could easily confuse these ones, who are "they" their "them" etc. and can confuse the reader/your enemy/your nemesis.

here, to me, only last "they" is clearly confusing.

By the time young ones/youngsters realize,

be careful, i know its small and stupid mistake.

Secondly, the extravagant lifestyle of the celebrities encourages youngsters to fantasize about unrealistic goals.There is so much competition in the entertainment industry that only 3% of the people trying to become a superstar actually make it big in their lives.The youngsters fail to realize this and focus with all their might, on becoming like their idols. After multiple attempts at it, they are often left broke and wondering which career path to choose.

fine

In conclusion, I agree that the trend of following hyped up celebrities becomes a reason for lack of education and meaningless wander for the youngsters. The dreams of the youngsters are manipulated by materialistic attraction and it is often too late when this is realized.

fine.

you are a good writer, there is no influence of your first language in your writing.

now take a look at my this post

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-11#post-7085313

Find out what these things are, and add them into your essay and letter,

Simple sentence.
Compound sentence.
Complex sentence.
Compound-Complex sentence.
Conditional sentence ( If they do not invest in good books then students can not get good information.)
Relative clauses, defining and non-defining.

use Modals, Could, Should, would, - Avoid writing like this is the end of arguments, leave the wiggle space in your own idea or view.

ever heard of term : overgeneralisation ?? - avoid it. see : 1 2 3 4

use linking devices, However, furthermore, moreover etc see : 40 Useful Words and Phrases for Top-Notch Essays
but don't repeat same devices, or force them into your essay, avoid mechanical use.

read this carefully, and check your essay, what are the things from this, that you are missing.

No i will not point out, if you do this exercise, your next essay will be much better.

 

[Noor_100]

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th I have modified my previous letter a little. kindly evaluate this letter and provide your band score
Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.
Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment.

In your letter

· Describe the problem with the equipment

· Explain how this problem is affecting your work

· Say what you want the shop or company to do.

Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any address.

Begin your letter as follows:

DEAR SIR or Madam,
I am Noor, a couple of months back I have bought a comfortable color printer from your company for my
home business. The printer was working fine for the first two weeks, however, after that it started malfunctioning. Once it works for ten hours continuously, the paper circulation by the printer slows gradually. In addition to this, it heated up sooner and stops periodically.

Due to the above mentioned issue, my paper pressing business is incurring loss of revenue. Also, now I am in a position to reduce my printing business commitments because of this printer’s inefficacy. Moreover, a dedicated person is needed to monitor the printer throughout the day and restart whenever it stops.

The warranty paper of the printer says that for the first year, any fault or defect in the printer will be troubleshooted within ten days of the complaint lodged. Kindly consider this issue with high priority and fix it as soon as possible. Looking forward for your service.

Yours sincerely,
Noor

 

[Noor_100]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha Kindly evaluate and provide your band score. Thanks in advance

Writing task 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.

What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your won knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

It is a factual statement that the coverage of tourism and tourists are expanding all over the world. Nowadays most of the tourists are showing interest in adventurous tourism such as exploring challenging places to experience the fresh nature and feel themselves special and accomplished. There are numerous advantages and demerits in the aforementioned trend of tourism.

In recent days, there are increasing number of tourists who are looking for the opportunities to explore difficult places in order to set their foot prints and to take daring photographs. In addition, people are interested to set record in tourism and touch the places which are untouched before. This kind of tourism is certainly beneficial to them to have strong mindset and improves their enthusiasm to achieve and explore more in their life. The photographs taken in such daring places brings them lifetime cherishable memories. For instance, a set of underage tourists have climbed the mount Everest first time followed by more such tourists, which was believed to be dangerous for youths earlier. Photograph taken by them are still trending in social media.

On the other side, it is becoming an alarming trouble for the Government to ensure tourists safety in all circumstances. There are chances for people who could end up their life in risk in the name of tourism, which is unacceptable at any case. Adventurous trips make them addictive to explore more life threatening circumstances which in turn misguides the following tourists. For example, in Indonesia set of tourists were in a verge to explore the prohibited underground tunnel and got stuck deeper. Fortunately, the police was alerted and saved the tourists lives from risk.

In conclusion, touring unexplored places brings the excitement and make it memorable. At the same time, taking right precautions and sufficient guards saves tourists from risking lives and set a better example for future tourists.

 

[Vonnie]

Hi Everyone,

I am writing this post to motivate all my friends who have been pushing themselves hard to achieve the required scores i.e, 8777 and still struggling to achieve it.

My story, I cleared my IELTS exam in my 6th attempt and trust me, never thought of that I’ll have to appear for 6 times. Everytime I missed by .5 in any of the module and was stuck in the dark at the end. Lemme share my scores with dates:

July 2018 - L7.5 R7 W7.5 S7
Aug 2018 - L7.5 R7 W7 S7.5
Oct 2018 - L8 R6.5 W7 S7
Nov 2018 - L8 R8 W6.5 S7 (applied EOR, score unchanged)
Jan 2019 - L8.5 R6.5 W7 S7
Feb 2019 - L8 R7 W7 S7 (Finally)

It took me more than 6 months to achieve the desired scores. During this struggle, I always tried to make sure to be motivated and show patience till the time I dont achieve the desired scores. I know its really tough to stay focused but one thing is for sure, Hard work always pays off and no matters what NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

I have seen so many people in the forum who’re stuck even after attempting IELTS so many times. My only advice to everyone is that stay focused, study and practice with right strategy. You’ll definitely achieve what you’re aiming for.

I have now entered into the pool with CRS 450 and waiting for ITA to proceed further.

Good luck everyone, and remember 1 thing - Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win !!

Congratulations, please can you share tips for writing, noticed you've been acing writing

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha Kindly evaluate and provide your band score. Thanks in advance

Writing task 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.

What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your won knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

It is a factual statement that the coverage of tourism and tourists are expanding all over the world.
[if I remove this sentence, your intro look just fine to me, well this line is not appropriate, so avoid this kind of things.]
Nowadays, most of the tourists are showing interest in adventurous tourism such as exploring challenging places to experience the fresh nature, and feel themselves special and accomplished.
There are numerous advantages and demerits in the aforementioned trend of tourism.

look commas, fine.

In recent days, there are increasing number of tourists who are looking for the opportunities to explore difficult places in order to set their foot prints and to take daring photographs. In addition, people are interested to set record in tourism and touch the places which are untouched before. This kind of tourism is certainly beneficial to them to have strong mindset and improves their enthusiasm to achieve and explore more in their life. The photographs taken in such daring places brings them lifetime cherishable memories. For instance, a set of underage [what is underage ?] tourists have climbed the mount Everest [for the first time] first time followed by more such tourists, which was believed to be dangerous for youths earlier. Photograph taken by them are still trending in social media.

mostly, fine, should be acceptable for 7 bands, I guess, (yup its all guess work here, nobody knows for sure.)

On the other side, it is becoming an alarming trouble for the Government to ensure tourists['] safety in all circumstances. There are chances for people who could end up their life in risk in the name of tourism, which is unacceptable at any case. Adventurous trips make them addictive to explore more life threatening circumstances which in turn misguides the following tourists. For example, in Indonesia set of tourists were in a verge to explore the prohibited underground tunnel and got stuck deeper. Fortunately, the police was alerted and saved the tourists lives from risk.

again, fine, good enough for 7
, you could add the term, adrenaline junkie

In conclusion, touring unexplored places brings the excitement and make it memorable. At the same time, taking right precautions and sufficient guards saves tourists from risking lives and set a better example for future tourists.

fine,

on topic, no big issues, errors, smooth, examples, linking devices, etc are there.
i would say, definitely 7

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th I have modified my previous letter a little. kindly evaluate this letter and provide your band score
Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.
Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment.

In your letter

· Describe the problem with the equipment

· Explain how this problem is affecting your work

· Say what you want the shop or company to do.

Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any address.

Begin your letter as follows:

DEAR SIR or Madam,
I am Noor, a couple of months back I have bought a comfortable color printer from your company for my
home business. The printer was working fine for the first two weeks, however, after that it started malfunctioning. Once it works for ten hours continuously, the paper circulation by the printer slows gradually. In addition to this, it heated up sooner and stops periodically.

Due to the above mentioned issue, my paper pressing business is incurring loss of revenue. Also, now I am in a position to reduce my printing business commitments because of this printer’s inefficacy. Moreover, a dedicated person is needed to monitor the printer throughout the day and restart whenever it stops.

The warranty paper of the printer says that for the first year, any fault or defect in the printer will be troubleshooted within ten days of the complaint lodged. Kindly consider this issue with high priority and fix it as soon as possible. Looking forward for your service.

Yours sincerely,
Noor

much better than previous ones, could get 7, but to make sure

"not only but also" << one sentence, one in entire essay and letter
"If -- then " << conditional sentence, one in entire essay and letter

read this page
https://www.ef.com/in/english-resources/english-grammar/non-defining-relative-clauses/
try to master these ones, and add at-least two in an essay and one in letter.

then throw some, could,would,should,

for more, read this post, a 100 times

yes, its mathematical formula to get 7 bands

 

[13nitinsharma]

Congratulations, please can you share tips for writing, noticed you've been acing writing

Buy the book - IELTS TOEFLS Made Easy, and read all the essays. They have 8 bands essay.