I am going back to my country within a month. Hence, not booking a test in near future so I was trying for EOR.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Hi Cansha, Please could you give your valuable feedback on below essay.
Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making society less interactive.
Agree or Disagree?
Many people assert that technological evolvement, such as cell phones have made the society less interactive. I wholly agree with this statement and also feel that technology has taken over the happiness of getting indulged in traditional ways of living life.
Although, technological inventions have umpteen benefits into human’s life, however, there are numbers of disadvantages attached to it as well. For example – a cell phone invention is inarguably revolutionary which enables human to communicate with anyone sitting far away, however, the purpose of this evolution could have been well served if it was restricted for long distance calls only but it is seen that people use phone for almost every purpose where it used to be done through personal interactions. Owing to this, society by and large has become less social.
Furthermore, internet has also contributed here in so many ways and by virtue of that reasons for interaction with one another has diminished significantly. For instance – almost a decade ago mostly people preferred to go to the banks personally as per their work requirements where they used to meet with known and unknown people. Whereas, majority of the people now a days manage their banking related matters through either their phones or computers by using online net banking service. In addition, a new generation smart camera phones has also taken away the charm of having traditional reel cameras, where earlier people required help of others to click a picture which now not needed. Today people are virtually connected with each other through social media network but not personally.
In conclusion - it is undeniable that technological inventions have empowered humans and society, but it has impacted the society negatively at the same time by being less social.
Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making society less interactive.
Agree or Disagree?
Many people assert that technological evolvement, such as cell phones have made the society less interactive. I wholly agree with this statement and also feel that technology has taken over the happiness of getting indulged in traditional ways of living life.
Although, technological inventions have umpteen benefits into human’s life, however, there are numbers of disadvantages attached to it as well. For example – a cell phone invention is inarguably revolutionary which enables human to communicate with anyone sitting far away, however, the purpose of this evolution could have been well served if it was restricted for long distance calls only but it is seen that people use phone for almost every purpose where it used to be done through personal interactions. Owing to this, society by and large has become less social.
Furthermore, internet has also contributed here in so many ways and by virtue of that reasons for interaction with one another has diminished significantly. For instance – almost a decade ago mostly people preferred to go to the banks personally as per their work requirements where they used to meet with known and unknown people. Whereas, majority of the people now a days manage their banking related matters through either their phones or computers by using online net banking service. In addition, a new generation smart camera phones has also taken away the charm of having traditional reel cameras, where earlier people required help of others to click a picture which now not needed. Today people are virtually connected with each other through social media network but not personally.
In conclusion - it is undeniable that technological inventions have empowered humans and society, but it has impacted the society negatively at the same time by being less social.
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Hi, Could you please correct my essay? My exam date is nearing and I don't know where I stand.
Q: More and More people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is increasingly common for people to work at home, rather than going to the workplace. While it is thought by some people that this will bring stress to the home, I would agree with those who argue that working from home is beneficial to both the workers and their families.
On the one hand, those who believe working from home is stressful might argue that it can negatively impact the relationship with family members. This is because a family member often have expectations to do some minor household works from the one staying at home, and if one fails to do so, it might be the cause of trouble between them. For example, a wife might ask husband to do dishes as he is working from home, and if he is unable to do so due to his work commitments, it is likely to bring clash between husband and wife. As a result of this, working from home tends to bring stress.
On the other hand, my view is that working from home can bring joy and happiness to both the worker and their family members. The reason for this is that the worker can work as well as spend some time with their loved ones, which can be beneficial to strengthen the bond with families. For instance, a worker can enjoy breaks with his child, which will help to know and understand each other more. As a result, the child would be happy to realize how close his father is with him, and the father might feel satisfied to maintain a work-family balance.
In conclusion, despite the stress of meeting family expectations that working from home might bring, my firm belief is that it is a vital step to strengthen the relationship with family members by balancing work and family.
Q: More and More people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people say this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others think it will bring stress to the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is increasingly common for people to work at home, rather than going to the workplace. While it is thought by some people that this will bring stress to the home, I would agree with those who argue that working from home is beneficial to both the workers and their families.
On the one hand, those who believe working from home is stressful might argue that it can negatively impact the relationship with family members. This is because a family member often have expectations to do some minor household works from the one staying at home, and if one fails to do so, it might be the cause of trouble between them. For example, a wife might ask husband to do dishes as he is working from home, and if he is unable to do so due to his work commitments, it is likely to bring clash between husband and wife. As a result of this, working from home tends to bring stress.
On the other hand, my view is that working from home can bring joy and happiness to both the worker and their family members. The reason for this is that the worker can work as well as spend some time with their loved ones, which can be beneficial to strengthen the bond with families. For instance, a worker can enjoy breaks with his child, which will help to know and understand each other more. As a result, the child would be happy to realize how close his father is with him, and the father might feel satisfied to maintain a work-family balance.
In conclusion, despite the stress of meeting family expectations that working from home might bring, my firm belief is that it is a vital step to strengthen the relationship with family members by balancing work and family.
Pls help review and suggest band score.
Question:Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens.
Do you agree or disagree?
Food is one of the fundamental human need. Majority of the populace agrees that home made cuisines are better than buying outside. I strongly support this view because home made foods are safer , nutritionally richer and cooking skills could be transferred to the children.
Home made delicacies are safer and nutritionally richer.This is because the hygienic conditions under which the food is prepared can be ascertained and the chances of getting infection from food contamination will be reduced. Also, food item such as vegetable can be prepared ensuring the nutritional contents are preserved when cooked in the home.
Furthermore, making food at home helps transfer cooking skills to the children because the parent could show them how each item is made. This ensures preservation of the family culture and independence of the children in the process. For instance, a youth at the university living in the hostel could easily prepare food without resulting to buying food daily if trained in the home previously.
To conclude, cuisines are important in the safety, health,development and life span of an individual. I will like to reiterate that home made foods are better than purchasing them out because they are safer ,nutritionally richer and the skill could be transferred to the whole family.
Question:Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens.
Do you agree or disagree?
Food is one of the fundamental human need. Majority of the populace agrees that home made cuisines are better than buying outside. I strongly support this view because home made foods are safer , nutritionally richer and cooking skills could be transferred to the children.
Home made delicacies are safer and nutritionally richer.This is because the hygienic conditions under which the food is prepared can be ascertained and the chances of getting infection from food contamination will be reduced. Also, food item such as vegetable can be prepared ensuring the nutritional contents are preserved when cooked in the home.
Furthermore, making food at home helps transfer cooking skills to the children because the parent could show them how each item is made. This ensures preservation of the family culture and independence of the children in the process. For instance, a youth at the university living in the hostel could easily prepare food without resulting to buying food daily if trained in the home previously.
To conclude, cuisines are important in the safety, health,development and life span of an individual. I will like to reiterate that home made foods are better than purchasing them out because they are safer ,nutritionally richer and the skill could be transferred to the whole family.
Hi, I am not an expert in IELTS writing and have started preparation this week only and had written hardly one or two essays. I have even posted my first ever written essay here for evaluation. I think this group has gone slow these days. Although I am new to IELTS and this forum, it is my sincere effort to help my fellow members with the knowledge that I have.
Below is my feedback on the essay. This is my first attempt so excuse me if I am wrong with my feedback.
Question:Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens.
Do you agree or disagree?
Food is one of the fundamental human need. Majority of the populace agrees that home made ( homemade) cuisines are better than buying outside. I strongly support this view because home made (repetitive and again spelling error) foods are safer , nutritionally richer and cooking skills could be transferred to the children. ( You are probably lacking here in Task Achievement- you said about cooking but not about eating, and also you forgot to mention individual and families)
Home made(repetitive and again spelling error delicacies are (avoid generalizations here) safer and nutritionally richer( You need to start this with cohesive phrases such as : A good reason to support homemade delicacies is that they are generally safer and nutritionally rich)This is because the hygienic conditions under which the food is prepared can be ascertained (I don't know, sound a bit absurd to me) and the chances of getting an (Grammar) infection from food contamination will be reduced. Also, food item such as vegetable can be prepared ensuring (prepared is usually followed by to-infinitive so replace ensuring with to ensure) the nutritional contents are preserved when cooked in the home. ( You haven't fully developed the topic sentence. You've only mentioned why it is safer and nutritional. you need to further explain and support your view with examples)
Furthermore, making food at home helps(avoid generalizations here) transfer cooking skills to the children because the parent could show them how each item is made. This ensures the (Grammar) preservation of the family culture and independence of the children in the process(what??). For instance, a youth(you stated children in the topic sentence and the example doesn't seem to fit in this context) at the university living in the hostel could easily prepare food without resulting to (without having to)- resulting in buying food daily if trained in the home previously.(in the first place), Again you are all about making food and not about eating it, you haven't mentioned anything about going out and eating in the restaurants).
To conclude, cuisines are important in the safety, health,development and life span of an individual.(don't introduce any ideas(development, lifespan) here and it doesn't seem to answer the question) I will (would) like to reiterate that home made foods are better than purchasing them out because they are safer ,nutritionally richer and the skill could be transferred to the whole family. ( Again you haven't fully addressed the task)
Comments:
TASK ACHIEVEMENT: ( your essay is very short- 210 words, means you lose at least 1 bands here and you haven't addressed the task completely. Maybe you could write one paragraph explaining why you agree that eating and cooking at home is better for INDIVIDUALS than eating out in the restaurants and another paragraph explaining the same for FAMILIES.) In this way, you could easily cover main ideas: COOKING, EATING, HOME, INDIVIDUALS, FAMILIES, OUTSIDE)- Band 5 for Task Achievement.
COHERENCE AND COHESION: You have used few cohesive devices such as Also, Furthermore, For instance, to conclude) and few referencing ( This is because, This ensures) but your supporting doesn't always strike back to the topic sentence). You have stated your opinion clearly in the introduction and by seeing each body paragraph one can estimate what you are about to talk. You could make your supporting points more coherent by further explaining and linking it back to the topic sentence.)- a bit of practice might get you 7, but for now it's 6 for me.
LEXICAL RESOURCES: you have repeated the words safer, richer, homemade, nutritionally etc. multiple times. However, there are few uncommon words such as cuisines, delicacies, contamination, nutritional contents) but these are not enough. Use more topic related vocabulary. For me, it's a 6.
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY: You haven't written sufficient complex sentences. There are few sentences with coordinating conjunction but none with subordinating conjunction. You need to use some conditional sentences. You need to use defining and non-defining relative clauses and also consider using all the three tenses in your essay. Also, the majority of the complex sentence contains error. so for me, it's a 5.5
OVERALL: 5 to 5.5 ( If there were 250+ words, you could possibly get 6 for this essay)
Don't feel disheartened or panicked. You could really improve if you put a little bit of hard work on your essays.
GUYS, let's help each other to get our desired band scores. Let's check each other's essay and give feedback.
Below is my feedback on the essay. This is my first attempt so excuse me if I am wrong with my feedback.
Question:Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family than eating out in restaurants or canteens.
Do you agree or disagree?
Food is one of the fundamental human need. Majority of the populace agrees that home made ( homemade) cuisines are better than buying outside. I strongly support this view because home made (repetitive and again spelling error) foods are safer , nutritionally richer and cooking skills could be transferred to the children. ( You are probably lacking here in Task Achievement- you said about cooking but not about eating, and also you forgot to mention individual and families)
Home made(repetitive and again spelling error delicacies are (avoid generalizations here) safer and nutritionally richer( You need to start this with cohesive phrases such as : A good reason to support homemade delicacies is that they are generally safer and nutritionally rich)This is because the hygienic conditions under which the food is prepared can be ascertained (I don't know, sound a bit absurd to me) and the chances of getting an (Grammar) infection from food contamination will be reduced. Also, food item such as vegetable can be prepared ensuring (prepared is usually followed by to-infinitive so replace ensuring with to ensure) the nutritional contents are preserved when cooked in the home. ( You haven't fully developed the topic sentence. You've only mentioned why it is safer and nutritional. you need to further explain and support your view with examples)
Furthermore, making food at home helps(avoid generalizations here) transfer cooking skills to the children because the parent could show them how each item is made. This ensures the (Grammar) preservation of the family culture and independence of the children in the process(what??). For instance, a youth(you stated children in the topic sentence and the example doesn't seem to fit in this context) at the university living in the hostel could easily prepare food without resulting to (without having to)- resulting in buying food daily if trained in the home previously.(in the first place), Again you are all about making food and not about eating it, you haven't mentioned anything about going out and eating in the restaurants).
To conclude, cuisines are important in the safety, health,development and life span of an individual.(don't introduce any ideas(development, lifespan) here and it doesn't seem to answer the question) I will (would) like to reiterate that home made foods are better than purchasing them out because they are safer ,nutritionally richer and the skill could be transferred to the whole family. ( Again you haven't fully addressed the task)
Comments:
TASK ACHIEVEMENT: ( your essay is very short- 210 words, means you lose at least 1 bands here and you haven't addressed the task completely. Maybe you could write one paragraph explaining why you agree that eating and cooking at home is better for INDIVIDUALS than eating out in the restaurants and another paragraph explaining the same for FAMILIES.) In this way, you could easily cover main ideas: COOKING, EATING, HOME, INDIVIDUALS, FAMILIES, OUTSIDE)- Band 5 for Task Achievement.
COHERENCE AND COHESION: You have used few cohesive devices such as Also, Furthermore, For instance, to conclude) and few referencing ( This is because, This ensures) but your supporting doesn't always strike back to the topic sentence). You have stated your opinion clearly in the introduction and by seeing each body paragraph one can estimate what you are about to talk. You could make your supporting points more coherent by further explaining and linking it back to the topic sentence.)- a bit of practice might get you 7, but for now it's 6 for me.
LEXICAL RESOURCES: you have repeated the words safer, richer, homemade, nutritionally etc. multiple times. However, there are few uncommon words such as cuisines, delicacies, contamination, nutritional contents) but these are not enough. Use more topic related vocabulary. For me, it's a 6.
GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY: You haven't written sufficient complex sentences. There are few sentences with coordinating conjunction but none with subordinating conjunction. You need to use some conditional sentences. You need to use defining and non-defining relative clauses and also consider using all the three tenses in your essay. Also, the majority of the complex sentence contains error. so for me, it's a 5.5
OVERALL: 5 to 5.5 ( If there were 250+ words, you could possibly get 6 for this essay)
Don't feel disheartened or panicked. You could really improve if you put a little bit of hard work on your essays.
GUYS, let's help each other to get our desired band scores. Let's check each other's essay and give feedback.
Than
Thank you . I am not disheartened. I am ready to work harder so as to get it right this time around(resitting soon)
Please help me edit and assign band score.
Some prefer online courses to study and they think it is better. Others prefer classroom education. Discuss both views and share your opinion
Learning is important for the development of an individual and a nation. Arguably, some people support that studying online is better than learning in a classroom. Specific examples will be provided to discuss both views.
First, I will like to discuss the benefits of online courses and why it may be perceived better. The most important advantage of online courses is that it offers flexibility. This is because learning materials are uploaded on students portal and they are given a long time range to study and understand them. Students tend to have more time for themselves, plan their daily schedule or even pick up a job while schooling. In my opinion, this is the best thing about online courses and also explains why people prefer enrolling online. Another good example is that they are less expensive. The cost of transportation to and from school, the cost of buying cloths, shoes and bags to wear to school could be saved and invested in something more productive. For instance, the money saved may be invested in money market yielding more income for the investor.
On the other hand, classroom learning also offers some advantages. one of the major benefits is that it offers opportunity of meeting new people. Meeting people helps students develop their communication skills, have the opportunity of interacting with other people and make new friends. I think people can meet people through other avenues such as social media. Furthermore, students are able to ask lecturers questions during the lectures. During classroom lessons, there is two way communication between the Students and the teachers. The students can ask the lecturer immediately questions on any grey area on lessons taught and the teacher explains. This helps clarify students understand better and they may also ask friends or classmates to further explain any topic that seems difficult.
To conclude, both online and classroom learning clearly have their advantages. However, I think online courses are better than traditional class room lectures because of the flexibility and free time online classes offers.
Some prefer online courses to study and they think it is better. Others prefer classroom education. Discuss both views and share your opinion
Learning is important for the development of an individual and a nation. Arguably, some people support that studying online is better than learning in a classroom. Specific examples will be provided to discuss both views.
First, I will like to discuss the benefits of online courses and why it may be perceived better. The most important advantage of online courses is that it offers flexibility. This is because learning materials are uploaded on students portal and they are given a long time range to study and understand them. Students tend to have more time for themselves, plan their daily schedule or even pick up a job while schooling. In my opinion, this is the best thing about online courses and also explains why people prefer enrolling online. Another good example is that they are less expensive. The cost of transportation to and from school, the cost of buying cloths, shoes and bags to wear to school could be saved and invested in something more productive. For instance, the money saved may be invested in money market yielding more income for the investor.
On the other hand, classroom learning also offers some advantages. one of the major benefits is that it offers opportunity of meeting new people. Meeting people helps students develop their communication skills, have the opportunity of interacting with other people and make new friends. I think people can meet people through other avenues such as social media. Furthermore, students are able to ask lecturers questions during the lectures. During classroom lessons, there is two way communication between the Students and the teachers. The students can ask the lecturer immediately questions on any grey area on lessons taught and the teacher explains. This helps clarify students understand better and they may also ask friends or classmates to further explain any topic that seems difficult.
To conclude, both online and classroom learning clearly have their advantages. However, I think online courses are better than traditional class room lectures because of the flexibility and free time online classes offers.
Please me edit and assign a band score. My exam in few days...
Task2: The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many counties.
Discuss some possible reasons for this increases and suggest solutions.
In recent times, teenage crimes are becoming more and more popular around the world. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and proffer solutions.
The first reason for increasing teen's crimes is lack of parental supervision. The world is evolving and both mother and father tend to engage in full time jobs. This is not so in the past, where either of the parent stays home and monitor the children. For example, the mother being a full house wife, focusing on the upbringing and guidance of the children from childhood through the teenage years to adulthood. Another factor influencing the rise in teenage crime is boredom. A lot of young adults are left unoccupied after school hours, such teenagers maybe lured into crimes due to their idleness.
However, these challenges maybe tackled in the following ways: Firstly, the government should encourage flexible working schedules for workers in both the private and public sectors. This will allow employees work from home, have more time to guide and monitors their children and young adults activities. Also, parents should be encouraged to help their teenage child develop their innate skills. These can be done by enrolling them in skill developmental classes such as ballet dance class, drama class, choreography class and so on. Such teens are able to use their idle time creatively rather than engage in crimes.
As you can see, there are various reasons for the increase in crime. But, solutions are available to tackle these issues. If enforced we maybe able to prevent further rise in crimes.
Task2: The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many counties.
Discuss some possible reasons for this increases and suggest solutions.
In recent times, teenage crimes are becoming more and more popular around the world. This essay will discuss the reasons for this and proffer solutions.
The first reason for increasing teen's crimes is lack of parental supervision. The world is evolving and both mother and father tend to engage in full time jobs. This is not so in the past, where either of the parent stays home and monitor the children. For example, the mother being a full house wife, focusing on the upbringing and guidance of the children from childhood through the teenage years to adulthood. Another factor influencing the rise in teenage crime is boredom. A lot of young adults are left unoccupied after school hours, such teenagers maybe lured into crimes due to their idleness.
However, these challenges maybe tackled in the following ways: Firstly, the government should encourage flexible working schedules for workers in both the private and public sectors. This will allow employees work from home, have more time to guide and monitors their children and young adults activities. Also, parents should be encouraged to help their teenage child develop their innate skills. These can be done by enrolling them in skill developmental classes such as ballet dance class, drama class, choreography class and so on. Such teens are able to use their idle time creatively rather than engage in crimes.
As you can see, there are various reasons for the increase in crime. But, solutions are available to tackle these issues. If enforced we maybe able to prevent further rise in crimes.
That's alright. Nothing we can do about it overnight anyway. So I got stuck again...on a Valentine's day. IELTS! why you so cold.
Here is how it has transpired so far:
Date - LRWS
14 Feb 19 - 8.0, 8.5, 6.5, 7.5
05 Jan 19 - 8.5, 7.0, 6.0, 7.0
10 Nov 18 - 8.5, 8.5, 6.5, 7.5
24 Sep 16 - 7.5, 8.5, 6.5, 8.0
I am contemplating taking a computer delivered test this time. Let's see how that fares.
Thanks!
Go for a remark if you think you did better than your previous attempts. There is a chance of 0.5 increase in band.
Thanks for your explanations.
I hope it would change my result. It is difficult to explain how my performance gradually declined from a 7 to a 6 and then a 5.5.
It is indeed frustrating.
I went for a remark once but it didn't work out so I am a bit skeptic. Plus I may have written beyond the 300-word mark. I couldn't count them may be I should go for an EOR. I really don't know the difference between a 6.5 and a 7 band write up. I will post an essay here to see where I stand.