IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
absolutely, no rush at all, sorry about thatGive me a day.. I do have a day job
. I just tried to push it on top of the thread again.@cansha I need your assistance to clarify one thing here, some ielts writing teachers in youtube or even in udemy advice us to use ready phrases such,
this essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this ..... (in the Intro)
while some people believe .... others think ..... (Intro)
people who think .... argue that (in the topic sentence)
To begin with, ....
and there are other examples too, should we really use such ready made phrases or avoid them for higher band score in our writing.
Please rate my essay:
@cansha
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
It’s believed by some people that spending money on the arts by the government is a waste and this expense can be better spent other than the arts. In my opinion, this view is narrow and overly simplistic. However, there should be an oversight for art expenditure so that the budget for the art remains balanced.
Firstly, art is not some leisurely activity that only rich people enjoys. Art is required for the well-being of the souls. A human can’t survive without air or food but the human can’t grow without art as art is the food for the soul. It broadens the horizon of the human mind and makes us more compassionate to our fellow citizens. Moreover, our history and culture are also preserved via art. As a result, investing money in the arts is as equally important as investing any social program that benefits the society.
On the other hand, like many of the government activities and expenses, expenditure in the arts is also prone to the mismanagement. A better way to control this is to have checks and balances throughout the process. For example, creating a committee with specialized people from different sectors and then use this committee to authorize the spending will minimize the waste. Moreover, auditing the expense and making the audit report public will also help as the common people can understand how the money is spent.
In conclusion, art is an important part of our socio-economic structure and it’s the responsibility of the government to invest money on it. However, the government must have an oversight to avoid any kind of wasteful spending.
@cansha
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
It’s believed by some people that spending money on the arts by the government is a waste and this expense can be better spent other than the arts. In my opinion, this view is narrow and overly simplistic. However, there should be an oversight for art expenditure so that the budget for the art remains balanced.
Firstly, art is not some leisurely activity that only rich people enjoys. Art is required for the well-being of the souls. A human can’t survive without air or food but the human can’t grow without art as art is the food for the soul. It broadens the horizon of the human mind and makes us more compassionate to our fellow citizens. Moreover, our history and culture are also preserved via art. As a result, investing money in the arts is as equally important as investing any social program that benefits the society.
On the other hand, like many of the government activities and expenses, expenditure in the arts is also prone to the mismanagement. A better way to control this is to have checks and balances throughout the process. For example, creating a committee with specialized people from different sectors and then use this committee to authorize the spending will minimize the waste. Moreover, auditing the expense and making the audit report public will also help as the common people can understand how the money is spent.
In conclusion, art is an important part of our socio-economic structure and it’s the responsibility of the government to invest money on it. However, the government must have an oversight to avoid any kind of wasteful spending.
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See this link and check out the very first sentence. Hope that answers http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/
I like the idea. phrasing could be a little better. Overall, I like that you are thinking. And you took a balanced approach in the essay. It is a different way of answering this question.
You are now thinking. Very good! Make messaging more clear. Make flow better. Bring in your opinion at the beginning of paragraph. Ok let me try and rewrite this. All your ideas. See if it looks better. Something like below.
One area where, I believe, exercising control over children behavior could be beneficial for them, is teaching them moral values. Children are most susceptible to external information at young age and hence can get influenced very easily. Parents and teachers should play an active role to make sure kids are learning good moral values at such age like empathy, calmness, respect for others and being truthful. Bad behavior, if unchecked, at this age may be harmful for the kids in the future, for example, an overly aggressive behavior at school may even lead to suspension.
The idea is you are not flip flopping between your idea / opinion, support line and then example. Keep them in one flow. One should know what was your main idea ... why are you supporting the idea ... an example what you mean
In above your idea is teach kids moral values at young age ... support is that they are most influenced at this age ... consequence of not doing it is example of facing suspension. Makes sense?
Like the idea. Don't like the execution. Like the fact that you are thinking more on task execution and generating ideas. But ideas not presented well is as good as no task accomplishment. So, be careful.
Conclusion is okayish.
All the best!
Hey @H0peAndFa1th & @cansha,
Can you please have a look at this essay.
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
It is often believed by some that the government budget spent on the arts is being wasted and could have been utilized in other social facilities, such as health, educational and transportation facilities. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the aforementioned statement as precious artwork can help not only to conserve the native culture but also to promote tourism in that particular nation.
The artwork is playing a key role in preserving the local culture. This is because a number of cultural aspects and historical events are often reflected in many paintings, sculptures and handicraft which usually help people remember their culture's history and encourage them to value it. Therefore, allocating appropriate governmental budget to informative museums is not the waste of public money since, without local arts, most adolescents and adults tend to follow the western culture and traditions because of the western influence from the media and a television.
In addition to this, spending enough money on the arts can also attract international tourists in the country to view impressive artworks. They are generally more curious about historical art pieces and monuments and can pay any amount of money to see and purchase them. This is why having a small amount of entrance fee in museums can develop a passive income for the government, which can be utilized in other social sectors, including hospitals and schools, for the betterment of the society. The increasing amount of profit from the Madame Tussaud museum simply shows how effective is spending money on the arts.
To summarize, I think that preserving the arts is must for any government since it plays a predominant role in protecting the native culture and enhancing the tourism industry. If they provide better care for the arts, a huge amount of money can also be earned and better used elsewhere.
Can you please have a look at this essay.
Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.
To what extent do you agree with this view?
It is often believed by some that the government budget spent on the arts is being wasted and could have been utilized in other social facilities, such as health, educational and transportation facilities. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the aforementioned statement as precious artwork can help not only to conserve the native culture but also to promote tourism in that particular nation.
The artwork is playing a key role in preserving the local culture. This is because a number of cultural aspects and historical events are often reflected in many paintings, sculptures and handicraft which usually help people remember their culture's history and encourage them to value it. Therefore, allocating appropriate governmental budget to informative museums is not the waste of public money since, without local arts, most adolescents and adults tend to follow the western culture and traditions because of the western influence from the media and a television.
In addition to this, spending enough money on the arts can also attract international tourists in the country to view impressive artworks. They are generally more curious about historical art pieces and monuments and can pay any amount of money to see and purchase them. This is why having a small amount of entrance fee in museums can develop a passive income for the government, which can be utilized in other social sectors, including hospitals and schools, for the betterment of the society. The increasing amount of profit from the Madame Tussaud museum simply shows how effective is spending money on the arts.
To summarize, I think that preserving the arts is must for any government since it plays a predominant role in protecting the native culture and enhancing the tourism industry. If they provide better care for the arts, a huge amount of money can also be earned and better used elsewhere.
A letter too,
Thank you so much.
You have not received the prize which you have won at a newspaper. Write a letter to the editor of the newspaper with below details:
- Details of how you won the prize
- What is the prize given to you
- What action you expect to be taken
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to draw your immediate attention to the prize which I have not received after winning the last month's literature competition in your prestigious newspaper company.
As you might know, in this contest, only 25 selected university students from Toronto city were required to submit an article regarding any one social issue on your website before the deadline which was 1st November. Therefore, I wrote and uploaded a brief article about gender inequality and surprisingly, I was declared the winner for my outstanding English skills and social knowledge about the topic.
I was promised to receive the reward, which was Toshiba UHD Smart TV, within 1 week after the result, but it has been more than 15 days and I have not received any communication since then.
This is why I would like you to provide me an estimated date, so I can be sure that when to visit your headquarter to receive the prize for my incredible performance in that competition. It would be nice if, from next time, you would be more serious about following the time-frame you have given to the general public.
I am waiting for your prompt and favourable response.
Yours faithfully,
Pritesh Gondaliya
Thank you so much.
You have not received the prize which you have won at a newspaper. Write a letter to the editor of the newspaper with below details:
- Details of how you won the prize
- What is the prize given to you
- What action you expect to be taken
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to draw your immediate attention to the prize which I have not received after winning the last month's literature competition in your prestigious newspaper company.
As you might know, in this contest, only 25 selected university students from Toronto city were required to submit an article regarding any one social issue on your website before the deadline which was 1st November. Therefore, I wrote and uploaded a brief article about gender inequality and surprisingly, I was declared the winner for my outstanding English skills and social knowledge about the topic.
I was promised to receive the reward, which was Toshiba UHD Smart TV, within 1 week after the result, but it has been more than 15 days and I have not received any communication since then.
This is why I would like you to provide me an estimated date, so I can be sure that when to visit your headquarter to receive the prize for my incredible performance in that competition. It would be nice if, from next time, you would be more serious about following the time-frame you have given to the general public.
I am waiting for your prompt and favourable response.
Yours faithfully,
Pritesh Gondaliya
Hi @cansha and others, Please evaluate my essay and help with areas of improvement. I had checked the old posts and even tried to implement it but it will come in flow with practice and today I will read a few 9 band essays as well.
Some people think young people should follow what elders say. Rest think, young people may have different views than elders. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Young generation might have different thoughts than elders, whereas others believe that youngsters should respect the instructions given by elders. I opine that advice provided by elders should be followed because they are more experienced and can also coach young one’s on moral values.
Elders can evaluate a problem in a better way as compared to youngsters because they are experienced and have seen the ups and down in life. Teenagers are like blossoming flowers are they are not able to brainstorm a situation as they are in their early age. In addition, various learnings are learned by an individual at each phase of life due to which elders have a calculative thought process as opposed to youngsters.
Another reason due to which elders should be followed by young people is that they can coach the younger one’s on the code of ethics and moral values. It is tough for young people to differentiate between right and wrong, therefore, they might end up in trouble sometimes. Thus, if youngsters will follow elders then they will be able to attain various values and habits which will be helpful for them in upcoming life.
One basic reason due to which people agree that youngsters have different thoughts as compared to Elders is due to generation and technological gap. They have adapted to the modern lifestyle and all their thoughts are creative and out of the box. In addition, they are a vivid user of technology which helps them in brainstorming things by using interest and assist them in decision making.
In conclusion, youngsters should follow the advice of the elders because they are helpful in making conscious decisions. Although, youngsters can take their own decisions in the later stages of life.
Some people think young people should follow what elders say. Rest think, young people may have different views than elders. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Young generation might have different thoughts than elders, whereas others believe that youngsters should respect the instructions given by elders. I opine that advice provided by elders should be followed because they are more experienced and can also coach young one’s on moral values.
Elders can evaluate a problem in a better way as compared to youngsters because they are experienced and have seen the ups and down in life. Teenagers are like blossoming flowers are they are not able to brainstorm a situation as they are in their early age. In addition, various learnings are learned by an individual at each phase of life due to which elders have a calculative thought process as opposed to youngsters.
Another reason due to which elders should be followed by young people is that they can coach the younger one’s on the code of ethics and moral values. It is tough for young people to differentiate between right and wrong, therefore, they might end up in trouble sometimes. Thus, if youngsters will follow elders then they will be able to attain various values and habits which will be helpful for them in upcoming life.
One basic reason due to which people agree that youngsters have different thoughts as compared to Elders is due to generation and technological gap. They have adapted to the modern lifestyle and all their thoughts are creative and out of the box. In addition, they are a vivid user of technology which helps them in brainstorming things by using interest and assist them in decision making.
In conclusion, youngsters should follow the advice of the elders because they are helpful in making conscious decisions. Although, youngsters can take their own decisions in the later stages of life.
Listening 8.5
Reading 9
Speaking 7.5
Writing 6.5(old) New : 7
OverAllBandScore 8
Guys, you can imagine my state, Got positive EOR of this test, got 7 in writing in this one tooo.
now can I say I got 7 in writing many times, And its not by an accident or luck.
I did say it will change
But honestly I know it is not luck to score 7 three times in a row! I guess you can now bury the ghosts of IELTS forever.
I don't know what's wrong with IELTS test centers. But at least you are done with it, you do not have to worry about their carelessness.
Do you mind sharing your recent IELTS practice essay? You are a great example of moving from 6.5 to 7 and sustaining. I am still stuck.
I had the same issue thrice, so I went ahead for rechecking and my scores got corrected from 6.5 to 7. Please be advise, there is a charge for rechecking which is around 6k INR in British Council and around 9K INR in IDP. If the scores are corrected, the money is refunded.
Hope it helps