Thanks for your time and input
In my first essay, did the mistake of using a new idea in conclusion so have become a little over cautious now. But point well taken, will try to incorporate it in next essay.
Thanks
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
In my first essay, did the mistake of using a new idea in conclusion so have become a little over cautious now. But point well taken, will try to incorporate it in next essay.
Thanks
I feel your ideas and structuring could have been better. You made an excellent point in the introduction section about preserving cultural ideas using technology.Thanks for your time and input
In my first essay, did the mistake of using a new idea in conclusion so have become a little over cautious now. But point well taken, will try to incorporate it in next essay.
Thanks
However, i feel your second paragraph related more toward the main argument and should have been your 1st body paragraph. Also, when you talk about preserving through digital courses / books, TA could have been on point if you had made comparison to physical books which have chances to get destroyed.
First paragraph:
"Technology has given us newer and faster ways to travel and communicate which helps in popularising certain traditions and in turn, provides a new-life line to them. When foreigners show interest in another culture traditions it helps in regaining interest among the localities who have been losing interest in old traditions. For instance, the cultural sport of bull-fighting in Spain has become a well-known around the globe after tourist experienced it and know about it and want to see it live every year to relive their experience. This would not have been possible without technical progress in space of communication.
I feel interlinking reasoning was missing in your paragraph.
"New-age modes of information sharing allow one part of the world to know about the culture of other parts. This leads to creation of pockets where these traditions are preserved forever."
What do you mean by "creation of pockets"? and how sharing one part of culture allows it to preserve. (This was written before i made changes to your paragraph)
I have corrected the essay and put it in my writing style. Hope this is better than earlier and more clearer. Still if you think anything missing- let me know pls
People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Due to the technological advances including, communication and transportation, workers has actually gained liberty to work and stay at any preferred location. In my opinion, it has more more benefits like flexibility and convenience over its disadvantage like stress.
To begin with, advance technical tools like, email and skype, can let anyone to be in touch with office teams and complete the task, irrespective of their location. This means, professionals can work from home and can spend more time with family and finishes up the task assigned to him. To illustrate, one of my friend who works for ABC Inc., usually takes work from home upto 5 days per month if needed.
What is more, nowadays, people are able to travel upto quite a long distance to office due to convenient and improved travelling option like carpooling and Metro in big cities. Since traveling by these is quite fast and convenient to reach workplace, people prefer to travel long distance and stay with family rather staying near to the office. For example, 30% workforce of Gurgaon comes from out of the city everyday by travelling almost 40 kms.
On the other hand, few drawbacks like stressful family life and less time for recreational activity would arise, if one over use the above mentioned advancement. Firstly, often work from home might disturb the family life of the person which could lead to stress among partner. Secondly, when people travel for a considerable about of duration, it become hectic and leave the person with no or less time to carry out any recreational activity like exercise or yoga.
To conclude, technical advancement has made people more liberal in terms of working and living. It certainly has more upsides like flexibility and ease to work from and live anywhere however, some minimal drawbacks like fatigue.
Word : 302
Please check and let me know if this is good enough
Public celebrations (such as national days, festivals etc) are held in most countries. These are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things.
Do you agree or disagree?
Many countries host public holiday celebration like, Independence day parade, which is usually an costly affair hence, this amount of hefty money should be spent pumped for other causes as advocated by some. I completely agree with this notion as this money can be utilised in order to subsidize education and transportation services to the people of that countries.
To begin with, education at school and colleges has become exorbitantly expensive in some countries which can be addressed by government by placing subsidize educational program. This means, parents who belongs to certain income slab, can send their children to better schools or colleges to earn credential that can enable them to secure a decent job later in life. Additionally, this will also let few talented kids to earn free education in their field of study or research. To illustrate, many students usually go to different county to research when they get scholarship from any government or institutes.
What is more, government should use aforementioned amount of money to provide discount on the fare of local transport. This mean, local commute will become economic for all the citizens hence, it would motivate people to opt for public transport for their daily travel. Moreover, when people adapt to public transport opposed to private cars, there would be a dip in traffic jams in the city. For example, as per recent survey, 5000 people in Delhi opt to travel by tube for their daily commute in year 2018-2019.
To conclude, a decent sum of money being spent of national holiday celebration however, this money can be better by offering discounted education and medical services.
Guys - my another attempt to handle this tricky question (atleast for me)- Please see if I was able to develop Ideas and follow the right structure and what is needed to go to 7 on this-- Please check
Special request to cansha and hope.
Do you agree or disagree?
Many countries host public holiday celebration like, Independence day parade, which is usually an costly affair hence, this amount of hefty money should be spent pumped for other causes as advocated by some. I completely agree with this notion as this money can be utilised in order to subsidize education and transportation services to the people of that countries.
To begin with, education at school and colleges has become exorbitantly expensive in some countries which can be addressed by government by placing subsidize educational program. This means, parents who belongs to certain income slab, can send their children to better schools or colleges to earn credential that can enable them to secure a decent job later in life. Additionally, this will also let few talented kids to earn free education in their field of study or research. To illustrate, many students usually go to different county to research when they get scholarship from any government or institutes.
What is more, government should use aforementioned amount of money to provide discount on the fare of local transport. This mean, local commute will become economic for all the citizens hence, it would motivate people to opt for public transport for their daily travel. Moreover, when people adapt to public transport opposed to private cars, there would be a dip in traffic jams in the city. For example, as per recent survey, 5000 people in Delhi opt to travel by tube for their daily commute in year 2018-2019.
To conclude, a decent sum of money being spent of national holiday celebration however, this money can be better by offering discounted education and medical services.
Guys - my another attempt to handle this tricky question (atleast for me)- Please see if I was able to develop Ideas and follow the right structure and what is needed to go to 7 on this-- Please check
Special request to cansha and hope.
Overall, the essay was OK, but the conclusion didn't include key facts from the essay like the why the migration was happening and the problems it caused.
good
Don't use LIKE - VERY, ANYTHING, EVERYTHING, ANYONE - low quality or vague words
these cunning examiners are good at their job, they will not let you make these kind of small mistakes without a loss.
good
good
good essay, good chances for 7, but can not be sure
use some idiomatic language
like
long commutes go in tandem with increased stress
if then
not only but also,
these things increase chances, stand out your essay from pile of thousands of essays, in one center there are 500 to 1000 candidates, count the centers, count the essays,
good
good
mostly it is good, no big issues,
https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/ielts_task_2_writing_band_descriptors.pdf
download it, read it, thousand times, until you remember each and every thing by heart,
follow "THE LIST"
Hi bro, I have highlighted the grammar blunders. I am also doing these mistakes often and working to improve. Lot of work is required for me to write at band 7.5 in order to achieve 7 bands
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Thank you for the comment. If you are to score it, what will be the score? Also, can you give me an example of how I could have written the conclusion? Thank you.
@cansha @H0peAndFa1th
Can you please review my essay and provide the band estimate?
Write about the following topic:
Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
Receiving proper health care is one of the basic need in the modern society. Some people argue that countries should have free health insurance service even though the cutting edge medical advancements might not be available as there won’t be enough budget. However, I disagree with this statement and in this essay, I will elaborate how a country can have free health benefits without compromising availability of modern medical research and techniques.
Firstly, research in the medical domain is not dependent on the money received from the patient as part of their hospital bills. In fact, pharmaceutical companies and drug manufacturers are the primary providers for developing new methodologies in this sector. For instance, a recent study from the american association of medicine shows that 95% of the time, developing a new method for a specialized treatment is funded by private companies. In short, free health service and using recent advancement are not mutually exclusive.
Secondly, not all of the latest and greatest treatments are expensive. With the rapid expansion of disruptive technologies such as deep learning and machine learning, many expensive medical procedures cost a fraction now as compared to before. For example, 2019 NVIDIA study confirms that 85% of the various full body imaging tests, once considered one of the most expensive procedure, cost only one tenth now compared to the price in 2015.
In conclusion, most of the advancements in medical area is not dependent on the health care budget as those are privately funded and not all of the latest medical processes are costly. Hence, receiving free or cheap health benefits can be achievable without cutting down the newest available medical treatments.
Can you please review my essay and provide the band estimate?
Write about the following topic:
Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
Receiving proper health care is one of the basic need in the modern society. Some people argue that countries should have free health insurance service even though the cutting edge medical advancements might not be available as there won’t be enough budget. However, I disagree with this statement and in this essay, I will elaborate how a country can have free health benefits without compromising availability of modern medical research and techniques.
Firstly, research in the medical domain is not dependent on the money received from the patient as part of their hospital bills. In fact, pharmaceutical companies and drug manufacturers are the primary providers for developing new methodologies in this sector. For instance, a recent study from the american association of medicine shows that 95% of the time, developing a new method for a specialized treatment is funded by private companies. In short, free health service and using recent advancement are not mutually exclusive.
Secondly, not all of the latest and greatest treatments are expensive. With the rapid expansion of disruptive technologies such as deep learning and machine learning, many expensive medical procedures cost a fraction now as compared to before. For example, 2019 NVIDIA study confirms that 85% of the various full body imaging tests, once considered one of the most expensive procedure, cost only one tenth now compared to the price in 2015.
In conclusion, most of the advancements in medical area is not dependent on the health care budget as those are privately funded and not all of the latest medical processes are costly. Hence, receiving free or cheap health benefits can be achievable without cutting down the newest available medical treatments.
I am thankful that at least my Idea development has improved in the right direction...Rest of your suggestion about word usage along with complex structure (natural)- I can surely handle it.
Thanks once again!
Thanks for review !
I have figured out below things:
1 No matter which side you choose even if it is not much logical - doesn't matter, you have to present it in convincing manner.
2. Develop your ideas as much as you can. By supporting statement or example
3. take care of your punctuation and articles.
4. Pay attention to right and appropriate words - Use high value words - but stay relevant. 1-2 Repetition are fine rather using irrelevant words.
5. Take care of your capital word in sentences.
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yes - my article placement is truley bad as I place as and when I feel not by the grammer rules..But still will take care of it..Hi bro, I have highlighted the grammar blunders. I am also doing these mistakes often and working to improve. Lot of work is required for me to write at band 7.5 in order to achieve 7 bands
Thanks for pointing out my grammar errors - surely a help. Can u also keep me giving feedback in this area? just be assured on all the part..