IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Aruntocanada]

good



Despite of minimal drawback below, [ you will amazed to hear that, drawback below, does not make any sense in english, it is not english at all, correct is, despite of following drawback, ] - I have taken it from liz video - Is she also wrong when she claims that that this is Band 9 essay? Confused here
https://ibb.co/yP8VPRk




good



messed up TA, you don't know what topic requires you to write.
poor everything.

let me tell you, how to write a para, I call it 1234

1-statement
2-reason
3-example
4-conclusion, complete the para, close it, draw some conclusion,


for this,
1-statement
Undoubtedly, with contemporary technologies, it is possible to work from remote locations through high speed internet and network connectivity.

2-reason
Some modern work requires one to work on computers, and this provides the flexibility to work from home or anywhere in the world for that matter.

3-example
For instance, technology companies such as Google and Microsoft, provide their workforce with an opportunity to choose some of their workdays as work-from-home days.

4-conclusion
This indicates the physical presence of an employee is not required, which enables them to save commute hours, and allow them to spend the same time with their family and friends, which ensure better mental health, enlightened sense of purpose and increase in productivity.


note: my TA in this example is also bullshit, but it might work.

115 words, you need to write, around 80 to 100 words in a Body paragraph.

now tell me , how hard it is ???

make the second para about, transportation. you need 7 bands right ? or 100 bands ?? >>> What would happen to the disadvantage of technical advances? Can we skip that or you suggesting 3 BPs.

you need 8 or 9 bands in TA,
break the para into 4 sentence,
this is the last time i am telling you this.

break and write 4 lines, separately .
don't write them in one go, it mess up everything.
break them,
break them,
break them
only in exam, join them.


bullshit, TA, what are you talking about ??

When I can supporting advantages, wouldn't that be a good idea to make disadvantage less sharp and critical - Intentionally

failed to see the topic.


this is 6 bands, forget about 7, yea sure, they will throw 6.5, because they know, it is useless in general exam.

Despite of minimal drawback below, [ you will amazed to hear that, drawback below, does not make any sense in english, it is not english at all, correct is, despite of following drawback, ] - I have taken it from liz video - Is she also wrong when she claims that that this is Band 9 essay? Confused here
https://ibb.co/yP8VPRk


Thanks a lot for your review though I can sense you screaming ! Please calm down- I am learning here and will go anywhere possible where I think it might be helpful for my exam. Thanks Again.

I have been watching Liz paid video and tried this new structure. Now I have few points to ask if I can take the liberty to put forward.

1. Intro is good and I tried to explain the benefit of the technological advances: ..Right?

"People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?"

Now, what I see is in the prompt- "People can work and stay/live anywhere in the world due to technological advances. "I say it is advantageous - Now read the BP1 and see if TA is missing or incomplete. I explained how technical platform let people find the job and travel to another countries and back to their parents. Isn't the requirement.
I vouch on some errors and new structure which is not what you quoted, but was it incorrect.

make the second para about, transportation. you need 7 bands right ? or 100 bands ?? >>> What would happen to the disadvantage of technical advances? Can we skip that or you suggesting 3 BPs.

PS : Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? this is an outweigh essay


bullshit, TA, what are you talking about ??

When I can supporting advantages, wouldn't that be a good idea to make disadvantage less sharp and critical - Intentionally

failed to see the topic.



I do respect your views as you have helped lot of people here. Thanks a lot in advance! God bless you!

 

[cansha]

Tried following what I have learnt so far with my own writing style and yes carried tips and structure recommended by Liz


People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

A cursory glance on your essay and I see BP1 is much longer than BP2. This is always troublesome in my opinion. It either means you ran out of ideas by the time you reached second para or the views in the essays are not balanced impacting task response. This is first impression without reading the essay in detail. If you are reviewing your work and see this happening frequently you really need to analyze this.

Anyways let's look at the essay now.

Nowadays, due to the improvised communication system and travel medium, people has have actually gained liberty to work and stay any preferred location around the planet. Paraphrase line
I believe that this development has far more benefits than drawbacks. opinion line. Again no glimpse of the essay. And hence a weak opening to the essay.

Despite of minimal drawback below, Not needed. Also I think when ever you writing such essays it is always better to write disadvantages and then move to advantages and end the essay on a high. That way you avoid contradicting your points.
there are crucial upsides of this development as people can connect with others for numerous reasons with ease or can even travel in very less time to meet them, if needed. Honestly, this is a long sentence but you still haven't made your argument. If you look at it this is almost the same message your have in the paraphrase line. So a wasted opportunity

This means, advance mode of communication, Linkedin, for example, can let people connect with their potential employers in order to find work anywhere.
Furthermore, people can utilize other tools, like, Facebook and Whatsapp, to establish communication with their friends and family if they stay on the long-distance. Bad Grammar.

Similarly, technology has made it plausibly quick for anyone to travel over thousands of miles in few hours with the help of air travel. For example, my brother who work in Sweden often visits us every after few month by only traveling for 10 on the plane.(This Example is optional) Example is bad.

Admittedly, there are some downsides of this advancement involved air pollution and harmful radiation. This means, since we are relying heavily on air planes which emits harmful gases into the our environment. However, its can be controlled with better and less pollutant airplanes. Moreover, usage of smart devices may cause serious health issues, if used in excess, as they releases harmful radiation. This one is way opposite to what you have been saying in first paragraph. See your argument is WA, FB, Linkedin is good and you have one line of air travel and the whole drawback is based on that one line. That is bad.

To conclude, improved technological system let people connect with anyone around the world for varied purposes and even can pay a visit when needed however, this has certain controllable drawbacks. Weak conclusion.

I'm really interested in seeing how you thought about this topic and organized your thoughts before starting to write the essay. I get an impression you are more worried about "IELTS way of writing" than actually writing some content. And this is very common and very much fixable. Yes you need to write the way IELTS expects you to write but before that let's be sure what we want to say.

Again, there are issues with grammar and trust me the issues will happen on exam day as well. So, that is something difficult to control but task response can be fixed. And how do we do that? There is no quick fix but I think focus more on thinking about ideas. I think I wrote a post in the early pages of this forum. When I was preparing I hardly wrote an essay for first week or so. I would just read an essay topic and write what ideas come to my head. And how would I organize them. Then I would read some essays on those topics and matched with what I wrote down vs what I could find. But everyone has a different way. So find what works for you. Take a break from looking at structures and all and just focus on ideas. may be 2-3 days. It will help. All the best!




Cansha and hope and anyone- please share if this can get 7 --PLSSSSSS

 

[akh136]

Hello guys,

Please spare few minutes and review my essay. Thanks in advance

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?



It has always been a point of debate whether technological advancement and cultural heritage can coexist or not. In my opinion it is impossible to lose traditional cultures and technology can, in fact, be used to preserve them.

Technology and culture have always existed side by side. Technology has given us newer and faster ways to travel and communicate. This has, in turn, made it easier to popularise certain traditions. New-age modes of information sharing allow one part of the world to know about the culture of other parts. This leads to creation of pockets where these traditions are preserved forever. For instance, the cultural sport of bull-fighting in Spain has become immortal as people around the globe know about it and want to see it live. This would not have been possible without technical progress in space of communication.

New techniques also allow us to store a lot of data which can be easily accessed by a large amount of population. Therefore, study of ancient cultures has never been easier. World wide web is one such tool which allows storage of unlimited information. This information is then used by students and teachers around the globe. Consequently, any person interested in any past tradition or culture can take up its study without any hurdle. New York University, for example, offers 115 online and offline courses on various ancient cultures. This is solely because of the richness of technology and storage.

In conclusion, it can be said that advancement allows us to have newer ways to communicate and store facts about our heritage and culture.

Hello guys...anyone ?

 

[akh136]

Has anyone tried any online essay correction service ? IElTS Blogs or any other ? How dependable are their reviews ?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Despite of minimal drawback below, [ you will amazed to hear that, drawback below, does not make any sense in english, it is not english at all, correct is, despite of following drawback, ] - I have taken it from liz video - Is she also wrong when she claims that that this is Band 9 essay? Confused here
https://ibb.co/yP8VPRk


Thanks a lot for your review though I can sense you screaming ! Please calm down- I am learning here and will go anywhere possible where I think it might be helpful for my exam. Thanks Again.

I have been watching Liz paid video and tried this new structure. Now I have few points to ask if I can take the liberty to put forward.

1. Intro is good and I tried to explain the benefit of the technological advances: ..Right?

"People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?"

Now, what I see is in the prompt- "People can work and stay/live anywhere in the world due to technological advances. "I say it is advantageous - Now read the BP1 and see if TA is missing or incomplete. I explained how technical platform let people find the job and travel to another countries and back to their parents. Isn't the requirement.
I vouch on some errors and new structure which is not what you quoted, but was it incorrect.

make the second para about, transportation. you need 7 bands right ? or 100 bands ?? >>> What would happen to the disadvantage of technical advances? Can we skip that or you suggesting 3 BPs.

PS : Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? this is an outweigh essay


bullshit, TA, what are you talking about ??

When I can supporting advantages, wouldn't that be a good idea to make disadvantage less sharp and critical - Intentionally

failed to see the topic.



I do respect your views as you have helped lot of people here. Thanks a lot in advance! God bless you!

on LIZ - she is expert teacher, native user - don't copy her words exactly
why ?
because, she is scoring 9 bands on all aspects of an essay- ending up with 9
even if she scores 8.5 in one and 9 in other 3, then it is still 9 band essay
got it ?

1 : there are chances that you may use them incorrectly.
2 : be simple, put your idea forward, add some spices, you will have 7

improvise, don't imitate

lets check topic again

transport
advantages - can write 2
disadvantages - can write 1

technology
advantages - can write 2
disadvantages - can write 1


2 main things, 4 sub things, to write

but in intro, you said, advantages are more, so more focus on advantageous

which way is better


technology
:advantages
person/worker can choose flexible work hours
spend more time with family
increased productivity, decreased stress
more healthy
sense of purpose
:disadvantages
mixing work and family could increase stress in home, adverse home environment, stress increase,
partners unhappy etc etc


transport
:advantages
can work at far distance
can meet family regularly
better job prospects
can stay away from big cities
better health, etc etc
:disadvantages
more people travel more the pollution will be
unnecessary long commute
money waste on fairs


see bro, provide a cohesive picture in a coherent manner

full picture, glued everything together,

would love see you re-write this same essay, let's make this better.

what I want you to do,

Task Achievement = 8.5 to 9 bands ( if this is 7 or below, you will never get overall 7 bands)
Grammatical Range and Accuracy = 7 to 7.5 (sufficient/adequate for topic )
Lexical Resource = 7 to 7.5 (sufficient/adequate for topic )
Coherence and Cohesion = 7 to 7.5 (sufficient/adequate for topic )

in exam situation, expect one or two to go down, take a hit,
but still overall essay band score will be 7

I want to make sure, there is 7 at the end.

or atleast, you will have the chance to increase your band score in re-valuation,

some people got 1 band jump in writing, I have got .5

so, we have a strategy. which worked for me, for some others too, surely will work for you too.

at the end, it is all subjective. totally depends on the person, or his/her mood.

 

[cansha]

Task Achievement = 8.5 to 9 bands ( if this is 7 or below, you will never get overall 7 bands)

This is the key!!

 

[Aruntocanada]

on LIZ - she is expert teacher, native user - don't copy her words exactly
why ?
because, she is scoring 9 bands on all aspects of an essay- ending up with 9
even if she scores 8.5 in one and 9 in other 3, then it is still 9 band essay
got it ?

1 : there are chances that you may use them incorrectly.
2 : be simple, put your idea forward, add some spices, you will have 7

improvise, don't imitate

lets check topic again

transport
advantages - can write 2
disadvantages - can write 1

technology
advantages - can write 2
disadvantages - can write 1


2 main things, 4 sub things, to write

but in intro, you said, advantages are more, so more focus on advantageous

which way is better


technology
:advantages
person/worker can choose flexible work hours
spend more time with family
increased productivity, decreased stress
more healthy
sense of purpose
:disadvantages
mixing work and family could increase stress in home, adverse home environment, stress increase,
partners unhappy etc etc


transport
:advantages
can work at far distance
can meet family regularly
better job prospects
can stay away from big cities
better health, etc etc
:disadvantages
more people travel more the pollution will be
unnecessary long commute
money waste on fairs


see bro, provide a cohesive picture in a coherent manner

full picture, glued everything together,

would love see you re-write this same essay, let's make this better. I am surely going to do it today. Will post again here.

what I want you to do,

Task Achievement = 8.5 to 9 bands ( if this is 7 or below, you will never get overall 7 bands) Got this bhai
Grammatical Range and Accuracy = 7 to 7.5 (sufficient/adequate for topic )
Lexical Resource = 7 to 7.5 (sufficient/adequate for topic )
Coherence and Cohesion = 7 to 7.5 (sufficient/adequate for topic )

in exam situation, expect one or two to go down, take a hit,
but still overall essay band score will be 7

I want to make sure, there is 7 at the end.

or atleast, you will have the chance to increase your band score in re-valuation,

some people got 1 band jump in writing, I have got .5

so, we have a strategy. which worked for me, for some others too, surely will work for you too.

at the end, it is all subjective. totally depends on the person, or his/her mood.

Thanks for taking time to share tips and path to be followed.

 

[akh136]

Hello guys...anyone ?

@H0peAndFa1th @cansha

 

[Aruntocanada]

A cursory glance on your essay and I see BP1 is much longer than BP2. This is always troublesome in my opinion. It either means you ran out of ideas by the time you reached second para or the views in the essays are not balanced impacting task response. This is first impression without reading the essay in detail. If you are reviewing your work and see this happening frequently you really need to analyze this. > Agreed it looks like that

Anyways let's look at the essay now.

Nowadays, due to the improvised communication system and travel medium, people has have actually gained liberty to work and stay any preferred location around the planet. Paraphrase line
I believe that this development has far more benefits than drawbacks. opinion line. Again no glimpse of the essay. And hence a weak opening to the essay.

Despite of minimal drawback below, Not needed. Also I think when ever you writing such essays it is always better to write disadvantages and then move to advantages and end the essay on a high. That way you avoid contradicting your points.
there are crucial upsides of this development as people can connect with others for numerous reasons with ease or can even travel in very less time to meet them, if needed. Honestly, this is a long sentence but you still haven't made your argument. If you look at it this is almost the same message your have in the paraphrase line. So a wasted opportunity --- Yes

This means, advance mode of communication, Linkedin, for example, can let people connect with their potential employers in order to find work anywhere.
Furthermore, people can utilize other tools, like, Facebook and Whatsapp, to establish communication with their friends and family if they stay on the long-distance. Bad Grammar.

Similarly, technology has made it plausibly quick for anyone to travel over thousands of miles in few hours with the help of air travel. For example, my brother who work in Sweden often visits us every after few month by only traveling for 10 on the plane.(This Example is optional) Example is bad.

Admittedly, there are some downsides of this advancement involved air pollution and harmful radiation. This means, since we are relying heavily on air planes which emits harmful gases into the our environment. However, its can be controlled with better and less pollutant airplanes. Moreover, usage of smart devices may cause serious health issues, if used in excess, as they releases harmful radiation. This one is way opposite to what you have been saying in first paragraph. See your argument is WA, FB, Linkedin is good and you have one line of air travel and the whole drawback is based on that one line. That is bad. --- Needed to be more elaboration

To conclude, improved technological system let people connect with anyone around the world for varied purposes and even can pay a visit when needed however, this has certain controllable drawbacks. Weak conclusion.

I'm really interested in seeing how you thought about this topic and organized your thoughts before starting to write the essay. I get an impression you are more worried about "IELTS way of writing" than actually writing some content. And this is very common and very much fixable. Yes you need to write the way IELTS expects you to write but before that let's be sure what we want to say.

Yes I was worried to following a set structure and ran out of disadvantages.

Again, there are issues with grammar and trust me the issues will happen on exam day as well. So, that is something difficult to control but task response can be fixed. And how do we do that? There is no quick fix but I think focus more on thinking about ideas. I think I wrote a post in the early pages of this forum. When I was preparing I hardly wrote an essay for first week or so. I would just read an essay topic and write what ideas come to my head. And how would I organize them. Then I would read some essays on those topics and matched with what I wrote down vs what I could find. But everyone has a different way. So find what works for you. Take a break from looking at structures and all and just focus on ideas. may be 2-3 days. It will help. All the best!


Will take care of these and will focus more of developing ideas and my inclination towards my view rather than a format. I realized that there is not format at all



Cansha and hope and anyone- please share if this can get 7 --PLSSSSSS

 

[AB17]

Absolutely agree with whatever @H0peAndFa1th @cansha said about the key to scoring 7. Why i am emphasizing on mentioning 7, is unlike those IELTS professors including Liz and Jay, we are facing hard in one or other or even more than one aspect of evaluation criteria. They have (very) good command over English and can make arguments in precise n fluent manner. Something which we aren't good at.

They have variety of sentence formations and even if they write a simple sentence of 4-5 words its clear in the meaning. Also they back it up immediately with a complex sentence. Understand this, they have crossed the 7 bridge and are fighting for 9. We have long way to go.

 

[velocityblood]

How I think of ideas, may be it works differently for every one. I think of it as I am sitting with my friends for a tea. And the essay topic is the point of discussion. Then i think that what my friends will say about this agree/disagree/direct questions/solutions. It hardly takes me 2 minutes to come up with relevant ideas. Saw this on IELTS advantage also and Chris told that this is effective way of idea generation.
I don't say that I am writing at band 7 above or less but I am sure that my TA is at least band 8 in all the essays.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Absolutely agree with whatever @H0peAndFa1th @cansha said about the key to scoring 7. Why i am emphasizing on mentioning 7, is unlike those IELTS professors including Liz and Jay, we are facing hard in one or other or even more than one aspect of evaluation criteria. They have (very) good command over English and can make arguments in precise n fluent manner. Something which we aren't good at.

They have variety of sentence formations and even if they write a simple sentence of 4-5 words its clear in the meaning. Also they back it up immediately with a complex sentence. Understand this, they have crossed the 7 bridge and are fighting for 9. We have long way to go.

precisely, you got it.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

How I think of ideas, may be it works differently for every one. I think of it as I am sitting with my friends for a tea. And the essay topic is the point of discussion. Then i think that what my friends will say about this agree/disagree/direct questions/solutions. It hardly takes me 2 minutes to come up with relevant ideas. Saw this on IELTS advantage also and Chris told that this is effective way of idea generation.
I don't say that I am writing at band 7 above or less but I am sure that my TA is at least band 8 in all the essays.

you brainstorming idea is good.

following too many masters, will only confuse you.
you can not combine, boxing, judo, taekwondo, thai kick boxing, wrestling, krate, etc in one fight
you brain will waste time in finding the move, rather than using it, so follow one method, take a fight, make every blow count, don't counts your blows.

you TA is generally good in most of essays, sometimes C&C deform/distort your great ideas.

essay is a package, like a dish, one spice can overpower other, in other words, ruin it.

 

[velocityblood]

you brainstorming idea is good.

following too many masters, will only confuse you.
you can not combine, boxing, judo, taekwondo, thai kick boxing, wrestling, krate, etc in one fight
you brain will waste time in finding the move, rather than using it, so follow one method, take a fight, make every blow count, don't counts your blows.

you TA is generally good in most of essays, sometimes C&C deform/distort your great ideas.

essay is a package, like a dish, one spice can overpower other, in other words, ruin it.

Hey I never followed anyone else other than IELTS advantage, all my essay structure and everything is from IELTS Advantage only. Yes I have Grammar and C&C issue.

P.S. I am working on my C&C since last few days that's why not posting any essays here for evaluation.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hello guys,

Please spare few minutes and review my essay. Thanks in advance

please read previous few posts, for more clarity.

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has always been a point of debate whether technological advancement and cultural heritage can coexist or not. In my opinion it is impossible to lose traditional cultures and technology can, in fact, be used to preserve them.

good.

Technology and culture have always existed side by side. Technology has given us newer and faster ways to travel and communicate. This has, in turn, made it easier to popularise certain traditions. New-age modes of information sharing allow one part of the world to know about the culture of other parts. This leads to creation of pockets where these traditions are preserved forever. For instance, the cultural sport of bull-fighting in Spain has become immortal as people around the globe know about it and want to see it live. This would not have been possible without technical progress in space of communication.

good

New techniques also allow us to store a lot of data which can be easily accessed by a large amount of population. Therefore, study of ancient cultures has never been easier. World wide web is one such tool which allows storage of unlimited information. This information is then used by students and teachers around the globe. Consequently, any person interested in any past tradition or culture can take up its study without any hurdle. New York University, for example, offers 115 online and offline courses on various ancient cultures. This is solely because of the richness of technology and storage.

good

In conclusion, it can be said that advancement allows us to have newer ways to communicate and store facts about our heritage and culture.

weak conclusion,
keep around 40 words in conclusion, << it is not must, but suggested.
conclusion has a unique role, it complete whole essay, put a fullstop/period to discussion, by annoucing decisive decision,
It can not be weak

In conclusion, it is apparent that technology provide methods/ways to store and distribute cultural facts/events/, thus, it not only promote culture in contemporary times but also preserve it for future generations.


clever use of- not only-but also

you essay is good, 7, but look for weak spots