How to prepare for his culture shock?

[AnaMaria]

I obviously hope he'll have mostly good experiences...but from the other immigrants I know and other Cubans living in Toronto, it's not always easy. There's gonna be some racist people, some people who are just ignorant jerks. In Cuba, he knows everyone, has a good job, is a loved and respected member of his community. Here he's gonna be just another immigrant to a lot of people. He's going from the top rung of his home, to the bottom rung of his new home. I love Canada and believe most Canadians are good people...but I know it's not perfect here and he'll run into some of those imperfections.

This would be one of the biggest challenges, if not THE biggest. Well maybe weather, too . The other things are mostly just a matter of getting used to.

Not necessarily the experiences in Canada but I was shocked that vending machines or transportation system (like on a bus) did not give me change, I did not know "family doctor system" and I had to wait 3 months to see a doctor when I caught a cold (and eventually I developed bronchitis and cracked a rib and had to go emergency room on ambulance and cost me tons!), holding a bank account would require a fee, etc. etc. If you grew up in a country, basically everything you did would be the norm until you experience otherwise. It can be frustrating if things don't go as in the home country but I think it is important that you guys talk the experiences. If possible have him experience first and assist him, instead of you doing everything for him. He will be here with his loved one! He will be fine.

BTW, congrats on reunion in Canada!

 

[Habibti]

That is an interesting topic. My husband is in Morocco and I have known him for more than 4 years now. We just got the news that we won the appeal. We have been discussing a lot about the cultural shocks before we received the refusal letter... we were so sure he would be in Canada by December 2011.

So we started to talk again about the cultural shocks. Here in Morocco it smells bad and there is trash everywhere. In Canada, the air is pure and fresh and it is so clean! They don't have recycling here, in Canada yes.

Also he might be shocked to see how women dress (or barely dress lol) in Canada. He is so used to see women covered from head to toe.

I talked this morning on Facebook with a Moroccan friend who arrived in Canada in September 2011. He misses so much his family and friends, but also the mosques, the food, the culture, the weather... He finds that in Canada there is too much stress as in Morocco it is stress free. Also he said he dislikes the capitalism in Canada, it is all about corporations, money and work.

I am in Morocco now (it is my 4th time) and I must say this country is in disarray. In Canada, it is all about organization, order and structure.

 

[Lasiar]

While my husband is American, he's from the south. He had a bit of a culture shock too! Just talk to him about Canada. Make sure he knows there's no igloos that we live in or polar bears in our backyards (Hubby's family thought that...) and maybe talk to him about what to expect with the crazy drivers haha.

I slowly introduced some Canadian foods to my husband, IE Poutine. He LOVED poutine, and is slowly getting used to KFC having fries, not mashed potatoes haha. And saying pogos instead of corndog. I'm going to have him eat a beaver tail next time we're in Ottawa

That's all I can advise! Like I said, hubby is only from the US so it's not A LOT different, but he had some of the media's portrayal of what it would be like. IE Lumberjacks, igloos, polar bears haha.

LOL Parker, my hubby is from the south also, and the corndog/pogo thing struck me funny.. so true. but ya little differences for him and they (his family) thought it was winter all year round and we played hockey all the time.. lol..

 

[Hello121]

Try to save money and keep your spouse smiling or laughing. Toronto theatre and sport, Canadas Wonderland, Niagara Falls... these will buy you and spouse some time.lol My wife is from Cambodia, she has family near. That wil help with food and the like when I'm at work.lol She also loves watching me workout and train. I dont blame her. ;D But I'll be getting her addicted to fitness quick(but proper).

Culture shock when moving to a cleaner place isnt really so bad. Alot nicer than when I 1st went there, I am sure.lol. 2nd visit on tho, it's been absolutely beautiful.

 

[amaranth]

LOL Parker, my hubby is from the south also, and the corndog/pogo thing struck me funny.. so true. but ya little differences for him and they (his family) thought it was winter all year round and we played hockey all the time.. lol..

Going along with the "winter all year round" theme...

During the crazy heat a couple of weeks ago, I jokingly posted on facebook that my igloo was melting... The number of people who took me seriously was surprising and sad. I could laugh about the folks who live in the south/west, but a few of them were from my home town... BUFFALO. Border city. Less than 100 miles from Toronto. SAME CLIMATE! :

 

[Steph C]

I think the biggest thing is to let him feel empowered for himself when he comes here. The worst thing about being in a new country is that it's hard to do anything for yourself if you don't know how.. stupid small things like running the stove or where would you buy something can set you right off. So when it comes to decisions, even small ones, let him feel like a man and let him be able to have the power to do things for himself.

 

[CharlieD10]

I think the biggest thing is to let him feel empowered for himself when he comes here. The worst thing about being in a new country is that it's hard to do anything for yourself if you don't know how.. stupid small things like running the stove or where would you buy something can set you right off. So when it comes to decisions, even small ones, let him feel like a man and let him be able to have the power to do things for himself.

+1. Totally important point, and applicable even to wives. My husband walked me through a number of things and after going over it once, he stood back and let me manage on my own. It has really helped to know he is there to catch me, like when I forgot the PIN # for my credit card and had to call him, but he has been content to let me experience on my own and make whatever mistakes I need to so that I don't feel like he isn't confident in my ability to adapt and function.

 

[veradis]

+1. Totally important point, and applicable even to wives. My husband walked me through a number of things and after going over it once, he stood back and let me manage on my own. It has really helped to know he is there to catch me, like when I forgot the PIN # for my credit card and had to call him, but he has been content to let me experience on my own and make whatever mistakes I need to so that I don't feel like he isn't confident in my ability to adapt and function.

I TOTALLY agree with you guys on this point!!!! 487523877843% agreement!!!! I think it's easy to fall into the trap of a parent-child relationship if you're not careful and that is so not a healthy dynamic for a marriage. Nobody wants to feel babied by their spouse. We've talked a lot about this, how sometimes he will have to fight his macho cultural urges to let me help him with things he just doesn't know how to do. But also how sometimes I'll just have to let him try things on his own, whether the result is success or failure. We started this with the immigration process. I know lots of people who filled in their spouses part of the application for them. We decided it was important that he did his part. Even though it took a bit longer and he did make some mistakes, I feel it was definitely a good decision because it made it into a real joint process for us. I will obviously do everything I can to help him feel comfortable in Canada but a big part of that is knowing that sometimes I just need to step back and let him discover things on his own.

 

[temmyt]

I think the biggest thing is to let him feel empowered for himself when he comes here. The worst thing about being in a new country is that it's hard to do anything for yourself if you don't know how.. stupid small things like running the stove or where would you buy something can set you right off. So when it comes to decisions, even small ones, let him feel like a man and let him be able to have the power to do things for himself.

Well said.....thank you. We often forget and then try to baby the other new PR spouse which might be frustrating for them with every other thing they have to encounter. I must say this is a really good advise.....thank you!

 

[Steph C]

Well said.....thank you. We often forget and then try to baby the other new PR spouse which might be frustrating for them with every other thing they have to encounter. I must say this is a really good advise.....thank you!

I've been on the other side of it before.. visiting my partner in Philippines and also another boyfriend I had before I met him, from Europe. If you guys have also been on the other side of it you know exactly how it feels to be alone somewhere that you don't know how to do anything.. sometimes you just want to stay in the house where you can feel normal and not always be around their family and friends with a headache trying to understand the language, etc. So if you're out together with family or friends and he/she asks to go home.. listen to them. And try and help them set up a social network of their own - maybe a group of people from the home country that they at least can feel at home speaking the same language.

 

[parker24]

I've been on the other side of it before.. visiting my partner in Philippines and also another boyfriend I had before I met him, from Europe. If you guys have also been on the other side of it you know exactly how it feels to be alone somewhere that you don't know how to do anything.. sometimes you just want to stay in the house where you can feel normal and not always be around their family and friends with a headache trying to understand the language, etc. So if you're out together with family or friends and he/she asks to go home.. listen to them. And try and help them set up a social network of their own - maybe a group of people from the home country that they at least can feel at home speaking the same language.

I totally agree with the social network thing. My hubby has been visiting for a year now, he only has, maybe three friends? I'm a lot more social and outgoing so I've got quite a few of girlfriends. I've gotten him talking to them and he likes them, but he wouldn't want to spend the day with them. He's really shy and has a hard time making friends because his values are a little different (most of the people in this area are drunks sadly, or they talk with sexual innuendos) and he's not like that. I told him once he gets a job, he'll make some more friends. He REALLY misses his best friends back home. One is engaged and getting married in Jamaica in October, and he's sad he won't be able to go. But I've been talking with him and we're planning a surprise when they are on their way home, they are going to land in Ottawa and we're going to get them and they will hang out for a weekend

Social networking is difficult, but like I said, work will help with that!

 

[BCgirl2012]

I've been on the other side of it before.. visiting my partner in Philippines and also another boyfriend I had before I met him, from Europe. If you guys have also been on the other side of it you know exactly how it feels to be alone somewhere that you don't know how to do anything.. sometimes you just want to stay in the house where you can feel normal and not always be around their family and friends with a headache trying to understand the language, etc. So if you're out together with family or friends and he/she asks to go home.. listen to them. And try and help them set up a social network of their own - maybe a group of people from the home country that they at least can feel at home speaking the same language.

Yes, I agree with you. I've also been on the other side. It's quite frustrating, especially with the language differences. I have to tackle two different languages when I visit him, as they are bilingual. It's difficult to learn to follow one, let alone two! and they might switch from one to the other at any time.
Apart from not being able to understand labels, signs, conversations, etc (I learned both of the scripts they use later on) what frustrated me was something that was quite innocent. In the heat of the discussion when we were hanging out with friends, they would all of a sudden switch to the languages I didn't understand. If you think about it, it's perfectly natural: they weren't native English speakers, it's their country, and they were speaking English just to accomodate me anyways. So sometimes, it was perfectly acceptable to do that, and believe me sometimes they wouldn't even notice that they have switched!

Another thing I struggled with was going around on my own. It wasn't finding the way. When I still hadn't learned how to read Georgian and Russian scripts, I couldn't even figure out what the name of the street was! Since then, I have learned some, and they have also started to put up some English signs, so it isn't that bad.

Grocery shopping was another challenge. Try explaining to the butcher what you want, how you want it cut, etc And of course social networking was also the other thing that I struggled with. Well, I never lived there for more than a few months at a time, since I always had to come back home, and I couldn't really move there for longer periods. I have now a few friends there, but it did take some time and effort to find them. Plus language barrier is always there. In a way, I ended up more with the expats, or Georgians who have ties to the expat community for some reason.

I, too, have been thinking about this topic for some time. I know that dealing with the official stuff (PR card, SIN, health, driver's license, etc) would be a breeze. But I'm not so sure about the actual day to day life. Over there, they think I'm overly polite, or sometimes too politically correct. It took my Georgian friends some time, and after several encounters with other Canadians, and then North Americans, basically all of them told me that now they understand, it's a culture thing. I agree that we need to let the newcomers find their way of adapting. So the biggest challenge is actually to be there for them, but not give them an in-your-face type of a support.

 

[veradis]

Georgia? Wow, how did you end up there? Were you there already and fell in love...or went there for love. I can empathize with the not being able to read part. Dealing with Chinese characters in China was always a battle for me. Though, due to a fatal allergy to fish and, well, obvious bathroom reasons,...I made sure to learn the characters for fish and female as soon as possible.
I remember being so confused a lot of the time...but also remember how fun it was to sometimes just have no clue what was going on and trying to figure it out. I think it's important to also remember to let my husband have those moments of confusion and discovery for himself and not try to explain everything for him. Sometimes in China I was just so proud of myself at the end of the day when all I'd done was get from Point A to Point B and fed myself. Got to let him have those personal victories too and not feel like I have to protect or baby him!

 

[BCgirl2012]

Georgia? Wow, how did you end up there? Were you there already and fell in love...or went there for love. I can empathize with the not being able to read part. Dealing with Chinese characters in China was always a battle for me. Though, due to a fatal allergy to fish and, well, obvious bathroom reasons,...I made sure to learn the characters for fish and female as soon as possible.
I remember being so confused a lot of the time...but also remember how fun it was to sometimes just have no clue what was going on and trying to figure it out. I think it's important to also remember to let my husband have those moments of confusion and discovery for himself and not try to explain everything for him. Sometimes in China I was just so proud of myself at the end of the day when all I'd done was get from Point A to Point B and fed myself. Got to let him have those personal victories too and not feel like I have to protect or baby him!

Well, we met in the States a few years ago. He returned to Georgia later on, so yes, I went to Georgia because of him.

Yes, I remember the first time I could find which bus to take to go from point A to point B in Georgia was such a proud moment for me! But the height of my sense of achievement and pride was when I could take a taxi, and order in a restaurant. So yeah, I'm all with you on the personal victories. They are very important!