I have not seen my husband in 17 months. We have so far passed 2 months after SA and have about 13 more long months looming over us. I do not think that a visit will be in the near future either.
I spend a lot of my time trying to do things to keep my mind occupied. For the most part it doesn't work. Little things will remind me of a time we did this or that, or I will think of how I want to show him things as I am doing them. So even the everyday mundane tasks can cause me burst into tears.
I know I am depressed. I try to avoid seeing people so they can't ask me anything about the immigration process or even my husband. It makes me feel way to vulnerable to be upset in front and anyone. I feel like I walk through everyday as a zombie. Not the people eating kind of course, the emotionally void and heart broken kind.
I have tried the "look forward to the future" route, planing things we can do and so on. It worked for a while. I have tried the keep a positive outlook thing too. All I can say is I am positive with every passing day my heart breaks a little bit more.
The reality is we have some red flags and I can plan everything down to the amount of socks he needs, or how many long johns he'll have to wear in the winter to avoid making an "Egyptiancicle". They could still say no. Our life is hanging for the decision a complete stranger will make on our marriage. (I know, we all are like that).
I find comfort in helping others here(or trying to) and following to see as others get PPR and then their visa. I feel happy for them, and hey, right about now any happy is a good happy. Hope no one minds me being a happy leech! Living vicariously off all of your happy moments and success stories....
