Entering the US to propose - should I say so?

[InfiniteCheese]

Hi there! Just starting on what will no doubt be a long journey that'll bring me back here a few times — in a few weeks I'm planning to visit my American girlfriend to propose to her. I know she'll say yes, and we're very proactive so I've been reading stuff here basically since we met almost three years ago, we've already started gathering proof of our relationship, and we're hoping to start the process as soon as we're married (probably still over a year away).

All that said, I do still want to surprise her with a proper engagement. Even after visiting more than 20 times in the past two and a half years, I always get super anxious driving through the border. Never had any problems, just the occasional quick search, but one time when I was visiting for her brother's wedding and had a suit in the car, they saw it and started asking a lot of questions about if I planned to propose or get married while I was down there. They let me in, but it's left me worried about what will happen now that I actually am.

Basically, my question comes down to this: I know I shouldn't lie if asked outright, but when they ask what I'm doing in The States, should I use my usual answer of "visiting my girlfriend and her family?" I just worry that if they pry any deeper (and since it'll be a week long trip that's over Valentine's day, I imagine they might) and ask about if I plan to propose, my not saying it initially will just make them more suspicious.

Either way, I'm going to make sure I have some proof that I'll be returning to Canada — a record of my current university enrollment and my job contact which extends through to April. I'm hoping that'll be enough. Like I said, I'm always anxious about the border and I'm probably overthinking this, but this visit of all visits I'd hate to run into any trouble.

Anyway, thanks for any help you can provide! I'm sure I'll be here lots over the coming years.

 

[CDNPR2014]

there is nothing illegal about going to the US to propose to your girlfriend. You won't be able to avoid the questions they ask, as it's at their descretion so be prepared and be truthful. by prepared i mean carry a copy of recent pay stubs or a work contract, lease agreement and your school id. anything to show them what you have to go back to. also, if they ask for immigration intentions, just be honest and tell them you're doing your research and you guys haven't decided which country to settle in yet, or if you've decided to settle in canada tell them she's planning to apply for pr after getting married. they'll def. back off at that point. again, you're not doing anything illegal or suspicious. it is highly doubtful you'll be denied entry for wanting to propose to your girlfriend. as scary as the border is, you can relax a bit about that!

 

[Juniorrlopez]

In my experience, full disclosure is ALWAYS the right thing to do. The only concern is that you may not leave after you cross borders. As long as you are honest you should have no problems although they may ask for some sort of proof that you plan on returning to your home country.

You do not want them to find out after a few probing questions that you were "hiding" information. This will have you detained for a couple hours as they search your car. It's not fun. lol.

Best of luck with your proposal!

 

[CanadianZenGirl]

In my experience, full disclosure is ALWAYS the right thing to do.
You do not want them to find out after a few probing questions that you were "hiding" information.

Our experience has been the less said, the better. We've had a couple of occasions where we've tried to be very honest and upfront and, quite frankly, it didn't do us any favours. If they ask you a specific question, of course you have to answer truthfully, but I doubt anyone will ask if he's going over to propose. My American husband and I dated for over two years before he proposed, which he did on a Valentine's Day. No one at the border asked him anything beyond "why are you here?" and "how long are you staying?". He was visiting his girlfriend and leaving in two weeks. It was honest and they were happy. Nothing more was needed.

 

[CDNPR2014]

Our experience has been the less said, the better. We've had a couple of occasions where we've tried to be very honest and upfront and, quite frankly, it didn't do us any favours. If they ask you a specific question, of course you have to answer truthfully, but I doubt anyone will ask if he's going over to propose. My American husband and I dated for over two years before he proposed, which he did on a Valentine's Day. No one at the border asked him anything beyond "why are you here?" and "how long are you staying?". He was visiting his girlfriend and leaving in two weeks. It was honest and they were happy. Nothing more was needed.

agreed. it is only necessary to answer the questions asked truthfully. it is not necessary to elaborate on answers if not specifically asked about it. it would be perfectly fine for the op to say "im here to visit my gf" and wait for them to ask more probing questions if they have any concern. a lot of people overshare information because they are nervous. it's not necessary to tell border agents your entire story, just the facts they ask about.

 

[canadianwoman]

I would not tell them upfront that you are going to propose. Just say you are going to visit your girlfriend and family, as usual. If they directly ask, you should say you will be proposing. They will then wonder if you are going to stay in the USA long term, so definitely do not say you two have not yet decided where to live. It sounds like you have decided to live together in Canada, so if they ask that, tell them so. As noted above, also bring proof of your ties to Canada, just in case.

 

[InfiniteCheese]

Awesome, thanks for the advice everyone! I'll just go ahead and say my normal explanation, since it is true, and just know not to get too nervous if they do ask. And yes, we are settled are her moving up here after the wedding, so I'll definitely bring that up.

Thanks again, this'll give me much more peace of mind.

 

[danawhitaker]

Awesome, thanks for the advice everyone! I'll just go ahead and say my normal explanation, since it is true, and just know not to get too nervous if they do ask. And yes, we are settled are her moving up here after the wedding, so I'll definitely bring that up.

Thanks again, this'll give me much more peace of mind.

I wouldn't bring the part about moving up there after the wedding up unless they ask either. When my husband crossed the border for the first time after we'd gotten engaged, the U.S. guard gave him a hard time about why we weren't getting married in the U.S. and why we were going to be choosing to live in Canada.

They very well may ask about it. I remember they asked who he was going to visit, he mentioned fiancee, then they asked when we were getting married, when, and then got into the topic of where we were living after, why we weren't pursuing the fiancee visa option in the U.S., etc. He said the guy almost seemed personally insulted that we weren't choosing the U.S.

 

[CDNPR2014]

They very well may ask about it. I remember they asked who he was going to visit, he mentioned fiancee, then they asked when we were getting married, when, and then got into the topic of where we were living after, why we weren't pursuing the fiancee visa option in the U.S., etc. He said the guy almost seemed personally insulted that we weren't choosing the U.S.

weird, this is one of those "depends on the visa officer" thing. in our experience, telling them we are planning to move to Canada and not the US made our crossings easier. i agree, don't offer up the information unless specifically asked about it.

 

[Omegabyte]

I wouldn't bring the part about moving up there after the wedding up unless they ask either. When my husband crossed the border for the first time after we'd gotten engaged, the U.S. guard gave him a hard time about why we weren't getting married in the U.S. and why we were going to be choosing to live in Canada.

They very well may ask about it. I remember they asked who he was going to visit, he mentioned fiancee, then they asked when we were getting married, when, and then got into the topic of where we were living after, why we weren't pursuing the fiancee visa option in the U.S., etc. He said the guy almost seemed personally insulted that we weren't choosing the U.S.

This happened to me as well. I had the US border agent asking me why I couldn't find anyone in the US to marry. Then she noticed my engagement ring (both my wife and I wore rings during our engagement), and started accusing me of "cheating" on my supposed US wife! When I explained it was an ENGAGEMENT ring, she didn't care. The agent went so far as to suggest she was looking up my info online, in order to see if I was currently married, so she could, "call your wife and see if she has the same story"! Worst trip ever through the border.

 

[CDNPR2014]

This happened to me as well. I had the US border agent asking me why I couldn't find anyone in the US to marry. Then she noticed my engagement ring (both my wife and I wore rings during our engagement), and started accusing me of "cheating" on my supposed US wife! When I explained it was an ENGAGEMENT ring, she didn't care. The agent went so far as to suggest she was looking up my info online, in order to see if I was currently married, so she could, "call your wife and see if she has the same story"! Worst trip ever through the border.

geez... what borders were you all going through?

 

[danawhitaker]

geez... what borders were you all going through?

Bluewater bridge. That's the same spot where coming into Canada I got asked why I hadn't moved there and was told I could bring all my stuff while the application was in process and basically work under the table since I'm self-employed.

 

[Omegabyte]

In my case, it was Eastport/Kingsgate in Northern Idaho. I was headed north, but that day they were pulling random vehicles over to the US building. I never did get an explanation why. I was too upset about the whole thing. She seemed personally offended that I was marrying a Canadian and planning on moving north. Highly offended.

I've also heard several horror stories from Sweetgrass/Coutts, south of Lethbridge in Montana.

 

[canadianwoman]

And yes, we are settled are her moving up here after the wedding, so I'll definitely bring that up.

Only bring this up if the border agent asks specifically.

 

[viva-c]

I've crossed from Canada to the US and back upwards of 200 times. Based on my experiences, I would say NEVER volunteer any information unless they specifically ask you for it. You'll be in for a nightmare if you say you're proposing (plus they might try to charge you duty/taxes on the ring...) Just say you're visiting her, as usual. They won't press you unless you make it seem weird or suspicious. It's not like you're lying; I just honestly don't think the information is relevant for them to know.

Heck, when my husband crossed from Canada into the US for our wedding (not to immigrate, just for the actual wedding itself) we purposely didn't tell them. We had family members take his tux and other stuff across the border. We just played it like a normal visit. Much easier that way, considering we weren't actually doing anything illegal and didn't want to go through the thousand hoops they'd make us jump through if they found out.