Doubts after sponsoring spouse

[AladdinsGirl]

Some people do get married for other reasons, especially when you are in a country that doesn't allow you to live together without getting married first. I have no regrets and I have been living here for the 5 years, with long visits back home (usually in the summer because it's too hot for me here). He is not allowed to visit Canada (a visitor visa has been declined twice, even for the birth of our daughter).

We were married shortly after we met, but then I wouldn't really be able to live here alone (although a lot of expats do, but they are here for work not love).

We definitely have some red flags, and I am worried about that. He would prefer that we stayed here, I want to move back mainly for the sake of our daughter, as she will be going into kindergarten next year. His family never talks about immigration.

I can only hope for good things to come for us.

Always trust your gut because sometimes our heart does not always tell us the truth.

Good Luck!!!

 

[Masriixo]

I know many people that in the back of there mind say "maybe my spouse only wants me because of my passport"

When I told my family about my spouse many of them without even knowing who he was, told me to be careful that he doesn't just marry me because I'm Canadian.

But while we were still getting to know each other I asked him if we were to get married, where would you wanna live. And he said "with me of course!" My husband is a dentist in Syria and he made a great living and was comfortable and stable in his life.

As much as I would love to live in the country my mother is from I don't think that I would adjust well in the situation that it is now. I told him many times that canada is safer and better, especially because I'm still in school. He always tries to convince me that living in Syria would be more comfortable for him because moving to canada would mean he would have to take exams and go to school to practice dentistry which is just "wasting time" since he's been working in the field for over 3 years


ANYWAYS! Long story short. You have to go with your gut feeling. You have to see if your spouse has a life in their home country. No one ever wants to leave their home country unless it's necessary. It's okay to have doubts sometimes but if it's constant you should step back and look at the bigger picture.

 

[chhapa]

I agree with what you said about some people marrying quickly due to the long distance and the visa restrictions. However I was referring to the obvious red flags and sponsors not recognizing them and being too naive.

Take this person for example
http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/re-applying-for-sponsorship-t446600.0.html

Despite her husband still keeping pics of his exs, having two previous arrests for assault, and giving her a black eye, she's still pursuing the sponsorship. I mean come on, forget sponsorship, if someone punches you in the face, I figured a divorce would happen right away.

And then you have this guy, who found out that his wife couldn't even answer simple questions about his life, even said that his wife isn't very loving, but yet still tries to continue the sponsorship

http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/the-sponsor-is-responsible-for-appealing-the-rejection-of-the-applicant-t409691.0.html;msg5136690#msg5136690

Both these examples, the sponsors are extremely naive and are likely going to be disappointed in the end.

CIC thinks with western mindset of marriage/dating. while different culture have different value/mindset. in the arranged-marriage, family background matter plus behaviour of family in society. Usually, couple do not date in the arranged marriage.

 

[crazy D]

That is why sponsors have to do their due diligence prior to sponsorship, and even prior to getting married. I'll give several examples:

1) You're 65 years old, your wife is 20. You met her while vacationing in the Philippines and she suddenly falls so madly in love with you after just a few dates. Should ask yourself, what does this young woman see in me that's so appealing to her? And why would she fall so in love with me so quickly?

2) Your spouse's parents and family ask you if he/she becomes a PR in Canada after marrying you, would they be eligible to immigrate to Canada as well? Why would they ask such a question if they're not interested in immigrating to Canada or using your spouse as a means to come here?

3) You tell your spouse, if somehow the PR application isn't successful, we can live in your country. He/she hates the idea, and says "Why in the world would we want to live here? We have to go to Canada at all costs". Should ask yourself, is this person marrying you to immigrate? Or because they love you?

4) Your spouse constantly expresses a strong desire to "leave her country for a better life" or immigrate.

These are just a few examples. Growing up in Canada, we are taught that we should marry anyone regardless of race, gay/straight, religion, etc, and because of that, we tend to be blind to the fact that there are people out there who would marry you for immigration. That's why I see there are lots of naive sponsors out there who insist that their spouse loves them despite all the obvious red flags, and they're not trusting their gut, and end up getting burned in the end.

I've already seen a few forum members here who are angry at their spouse being refused at the interview, but when they got GCMS notes, they realized their spouse actually wasn't able to answer simple questions about the sponsor's life. If they're not interested in your life, is that not a red flag that they don't care or love you?

Again, due diligence.

Hi Mikeymyke,

Good example eh lol

But in our relationship , it's other way around, although we have that "red flag " .

He asked me why I like him despite of his age, I don't look at the age, but to his personality , I like the way he appreciated me in every single way. Make me happy that nobody can. There lots of thing I rather be with my husband now than younger guy. Sincerity

even before my husband really want me to live there,then I keep telling him , no, can't stand that cold weather. Convincing me there lots of Filipino who like snow , but I said not me lol. Plus the moment I knew about this whole immigration process that after we married. I said you can live here with me instead , but he just can't , his job there, we prob be starving with my income alone here.

Oh ya, he also mention your parents would like to live in Canada , I said no way for them, they prepared living their old age here I'm sure.

I got offended a lot of times when I heard people judge me in different way, but I'm glad that makes our relationship stronger. And my husband said, just don't mind them, the hell they care ;D

I guess my husband already tested without me knowing it lol

 

[MNM2015]

I agree with what you said about some people marrying quickly due to the long distance and the visa restrictions. However I was referring to the obvious red flags and sponsors not recognizing them and being too naive.

Take this person for example
http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/re-applying-for-sponsorship-t446600.0.html

Despite her husband still keeping pics of his exs, having two previous arrests for assault, and giving her a black eye, she's still pursuing the sponsorship. I mean come on, forget sponsorship, if someone punches you in the face, I figured a divorce would happen right away.

And then you have this guy, who found out that his wife couldn't even answer simple questions about his life, even said that his wife isn't very loving, but yet still tries to continue the sponsorship

http://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/the-sponsor-is-responsible-for-appealing-the-rejection-of-the-applicant-t409691.0.html;msg5136690#msg5136690

Both these examples, the sponsors are extremely naive and are likely going to be disappointed in the end.

Absolutely, there are lots of cases where the sponsor is very naive. However it's also hard when you are in the middle of a bad relationship (abuse, being used to get into Canada, etc.) to see things for what they really are. It's easy for an outsider to see what's going on because we don't have feelings and history clouding our judgement. I hope in these cases they have people that care about them enough to help them see the truth before it's too late.

I also think in some cases you can ask all the right questions like you suggest and still be fooled by someone especially when you haven't spent that much time together. It's not always the sponsors fault for not doing their due diligence. And in other cases there were likely little signs that were ignored but no big red flags. This is where people need to trust their gut and ask more questions before committing to sponsorship.

 

[ImABule]

Absolutely, there are lots of cases where the sponsor is very naive. However it's also hard when you are in the middle of a bad relationship (abuse, being used to get into Canada, etc.) to see things for what they really are. It's easy for an outsider to see what's going on because we don't have feelings and history clouding our judgement. I hope in these cases they have people that care about them enough to help them see the truth before it's too late.

I also think in some cases you can ask all the right questions like you suggest and still be fooled by someone especially when you haven't spent that much time together. It's not always the sponsors fault for not doing their due diligence. And in other cases there were likely little signs that were ignored but no big red flags. This is where people need to trust their gut and ask more questions before committing to sponsorship.

Agreed.

Many sponsors are naive like Mikey has pointed out, but sometimes people can be deceived even with their guard up.

As for me, I have zero doubts. My wife has zero interest in Canada. She would rather live in Indonesia. Her parents have zero interest in immigrating. My wife is not looking forward to the weather. She literally thinks 24C is cold. But, she understands that I have a daughter here, and that she is now her stepmother. It's for this reason she agreed Canada is our best option.

 

[Hardcookie]

That's wonderful scylla, I never knew that about your situation, thanks for sharing. Does he at least like the fact he gets to live in downtown Toronto?

Myself I had zero doubts as well. My family met my wife's. I've spent a lot of time with them and got to know them well. Wife actually wanted me to live in Vietnam, but I told her my job prospects are better in Canada and I can take care of her better here. She has definitely zero interest in coming to Canada, except to be with me.

If you need further proof, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years now, she's been in Canada for almost 2 years. She hasn't left me yet

And we already have a daughter together, and just last night she kept complaining to me how she "misses vietnam", and we actually were searching for tickets for her to go see her family back home.

Daughter
https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13892230_1146635908741778_4797077115469191851_n.jpg?oh=f78a7ba573bd343f5610b8b41df85eb6&oe=584F9AAA

Wow! Mikeymike you have such a cute daughter! I have been following your posts and answers to the posts keenly and i find them so educative.
Keep up with the good work!

 

[Hardcookie]

Hi Mikeymyke,

Good example eh lol

But in our relationship , it's other way around, although we have that "red flag " .

He asked me why I like him despite of his age, I don't look at the age, but to his personality , I like the way he appreciated me in every single way. Make me happy that nobody can. There lots of thing I rather be with my husband now than younger guy. Sincerity

even before my husband really want me to live there,then I keep telling him , no, can't stand that cold weather. Convincing me there lots of Filipino who like snow , but I said not me lol. Plus the moment I knew about this whole immigration process that after we married. I said you can live here with me instead , but he just can't , his job there, we prob be starving with my income alone here.

Oh ya, he also mention your parents would like to live in Canada , I said no way for them, they prepared living their old age here I'm sure.

I got offended a lot of times when I heard people judge me in different way, but I'm glad that makes our relationship stronger. And my husband said, just don't mind them, the hell they care ;D

I guess my husband already tested without me knowing it lol

Hello Crazy D thanks for sharing. This is just an encouragement to many people who may not be ready to share their stories but are in the same situation. True love conquers all. It breaks my heart to see people take advantage of their partners.
I wish you joy and happiness in your union.

 

[crazy D]

Hello Crazy D thanks for sharing. This is just an encouragement to many people who may not be ready to share their stories but are in the same situation. True love conquers all. It breaks my heart to see people take advantage of their partners.
I wish you joy and happiness in your union.

Hi Hardcookie,

Thank you. I believed each one of us here, has a unique love story. ;D

cheers!