Do they check age differences?

[boyee6576]

Buddhadimple was not trying to say you were a predator on the internet. No one is trying to insult you or anything. You did ask if age was a difference and we are trying to give you sound advice. The problem that you will likely face in all fairness and I am NOT trying to be mean, its not so much your age gap as your partners age being 18. The IO might look at him as a teenager and it could prove very difficult to prove your relationship is real especially if the relationship began a year ago. They will question why someone your age would be interested in someone his age before a love relationship started. You have to look at this realistically. You dont have to prove anything anyone here, but you will have to prove everything to the IO and they will pick your relationship apart. If he was in his 20's it might be a bit easier. IO will not see your relationship as you see it thats all Buddhadimple is trying to tell you. You have to look at your case from immigrations point of view and they could be very tough on you because of his age. Please dont take offence we only want to be honest and help each other. Looking the same age doesnt really matter if IO see him as a teenager and you as an adult of 31. As I said its not the age difference that will be your obsticle it will be your better halfs age and if the IO feels that the relationship can be genuine because of his age. This is not said to hurt you. Your both free to love whom you wish but as I said, you did ask if it would cause problems and its Immigration you have to satisfy. Im sorry if this upsets you its not said to be mean or unkind in any way.

 

[sbwv09]

Right. Nobody is judging you, Bostongirl. We all fell in love with people that 'normal' people would say we shouldn't be with (be it long distance, age difference, religious differences, etc. All of the above apply to me!). That is why we are here! We just want you to understand that, yes, the age difference may be a problem in your application. It is best to arm yourself with knowledge and information in order for you to combat this. You need to be prepared for the worst.. we all hope that you have a smooth and speedy process, but often an age difference such as yours will result in the IO looking at your relationship very closely. We just want you to be aware so you can prepare. We want to help you

 

[buddhadimple]

Yo, thanks for backing me up homedawgs.

Yeah the point is that because your relationships started before he was 18, he was still legally a child while you, a 30-year-old, was dating him. So it's not that they are going to look at the age difference so much as his age alone. You could have been 25 and they'd still look at it the same way because he was under 18.

 

[sbwv09]

Something to consider though, buddha, is that a lot of places have the age of consent at 16. I know most states in the US do, but not sure about Canada. Anyway, that means that if someone is over 16 they can be in a relationship, even a sexual relationship with an older person and it's not a crime.

 

[buddhadimple]

There have been a lot of changes in Canadian legislation in this area since the Conservatives took over Parliament.

I (think) this is how it goes:

Consent is 14 for 14-15 year-olds together. Consent is 16 for anyone else.


However, you and I both know that what is legitimate is not always waived as legitimate. Culturally, it is not usual to see a 17 year old with a 30 year old. Because it's uncommon and because even though he may have been the age of consent, he was still not age of majority, they will definitely dig into matters.

 

[BostonGirl]

I know no one here was calling me names, it is just distressing to learn I
may encounter a problem with trying to live with my fiance once we are married.
Everone on the family class forum fears problems with being with their loved ones.

My fiance is from British Coloumbia, age of consent is 14, 18 year olds can marry with parents permission.
His parents know me and we all spent alot of time together while I was living with my fiance this spring. (while he was 17)
His father is a pentacostal minister and he accepts all aspects of our relationship.

I really hope to avoid all problems and be alowed to live as a married couple till death parts us.

Again, I do not blame anyone here for their advice, in fact I find it invaluable.

Many thanks.

 

[sbwv09]

My father is a Pentecostal pastor too Yes, you will probably have some trouble and you should prepare yourself, but it is by no means impossible. Just provide a huge amount of evidence from your relationship and explain your relationship in detail. You will probably have to interview, so be prepared for that as well. I find it's better to prepare for and expect the worst in any situation.. and usually it's not as bad as you fear, but even if it is, you are ready.


buddha, I agree that such a relationship will come under fire, but just wanted to point out that it's not criminal

 

[buddhadimple]

I'm from BC as well - and age of majority provincially is 19 in BC. Federally, it's 18. Consent is a federal issue but BC does have its own Ministry of Children and Families who looks after safeguarding children (those under 19 in BC). I'm not sure if it makes a difference but it might be good to know at least.

 

[boyee6576]

I am older than my husband by 10 years me 44 him 34. I have been divorced and have kids. We are both of christian faith. Our families are very simular even though he is from India and I am Scotish canadian. The IO asked my husband why he got involved with someone "like" me and even degraded my husband and humiliated him. Telling him he was only after me casue I was white and indians love white skin. We never prepared for such comments. Now I am sure had I been a man this age thing might not be a big a deal as it was. It seems that its generally more socially acceptable for the man to be older than his spouse. If a man marries and 18 year old its not bad but if a woman marries an 18 year old then its looked at much differently. My grandfather was 25 years older than my grandmother and no one cared. But a guy I went to school with married my friends mother and everyone was talking for years. He was in his 20's and she was in her 40's. they are still married some 15 years or more later and very happy. Even alot of cultures dont really like the wife to be older, have kids and be divorced, however here in the west its not that way but still kind of frowned upon. We all have had to prove our case with documents up the waazoo. As someone already said. Its better to be warned and prepare fully than to be caught of guard. So you have the benefits of our experience and what not to do and what to work your butt off for to prove things. We are all in the same boat.

 

[buddhadimple]

I don't know if I agree that it would be different if you were a man. In fact, it would probably be worse since men have a bigger reputation in the area of paedophilia (it would be easier for a woman to become a daycare worker than a man because "why would a man want to work with children", right?).

The questions you were asked are quite shocking. Was this recent or..?

In any case, just get what you can to prove your relationship. You mentioned that you use 'stage names' for each other in another thread so your names in your correspondence won't match the names on your application. You'll have to explain that too.

 

[BeShoo]

You have to consider that they would like to believe that your marriage is long-term, even life-long, but an apparent lack of common interests, etc., may suggest otherwise. There is a web page that claims that "the divorce rate for couples under twenty is incredibly high (between 80 and 85%)" and I recommend that you read that entire page, and maybe some of the links from it, to prepare your counter-arguments about why your particular relationship will not fall into that 80% or fall victim to other problems of the kind:

http://www.mynippon.com/dreamland/marriage-age.htm

 

[ColorMePanda]

You have to consider that they would like to believe that your marriage is long-term, even life-long, but an apparent lack of common interests, etc., may suggest otherwise. There is a web page that claims that "the divorce rate for couples under twenty is incredibly high (between 80 and 85%)" and I recommend that you read that entire page, and maybe some of the links from it, to prepare your counter-arguments about why your particular relationship will not fall into that 80% or fall victim to other problems of the kind:

http://www.mynippon.com/dreamland/marriage-age.htm

No offense to you BeShoo but that site irritates me.
The same story "You are young you don't have your life figured out."
Seriously, "Shut up" Just let the couple figure it out as they go along. There is nothing wrong with marrying young. If you want to be together and will work at the marriage then it will succeed. Don't let anybody whether it be immigration or statistics tell you different.

*rolls eyes* Sorry this is nothing towards you BeShoo but things like that, I take offense to and I am sure other young couples could say the same. It is dependent of the couple whether marriage works or not. Not statistics.

My fiance and I don't know what careers we want yet but we know we want to grow and learn together and I think that is what marriage is about but that is "our" beliefs. Who says you can't figure out who you are while being married? Such a joke in my opinion.

If the marriage doesn't work then it is at the fault of the couple. I can honestly say that yes I would like to wait until I am 25 to marry but lets face it, immigration and being in a long distance relationship isn't going to put up with it for that long. And honestly I can't stand to not live with my fiance for 5 more years while I so call figure out my identity.

I will not ever have a problem appealing it if they refuse us because we are young. I know we will win because to say a marriage will not work based simply on age is so silly. It is about the couples committment to make the marriage work. That to me is a genuine marriage. One that knows each other even if they don't know themselves yet, willing to sacrifice the world for them, willing to grow together, and love each other til death do them part. Refusing our application based on a silly statistic would just piss me off.

Sorry for this exceedingly long message but I guess the site just erched me. Again that is of no offense to you BeShoo just towards the site.

 

[toby]

Is the interview officer entitled to ask ANY question, no matter how personal or offensively worded? And if the interview turns nasty, the questions offensive, is the applicant entitled to ask for a supervisor to step into the interview room to witness the officer's comportment?

If not, is the interview taped, so that the officer's behaviour can be demonstrated at an appeal hearing?

 

[sbwv09]

Toby, I don't know for sure but I've heard some pretty bad horror stories.. they can pretty much as you anything about your marriage, about sex, just about anything. I don't think it's videotaped and I think all you can do is file a formal complaint AFTER the interview.

The whole immigration process seems to lack any kind of checks and balances. This ONE immigration officer can determine if you can be with your partner or not.. I really don't like that.

 

[canadianwoman]

They can ask you anything, and the interview is not recorded. There are some things they are not supposed to ask or say, but some do anyway, and just don't write on the CAIPS notes that they said that. You can complain, but the superior will look at the CAIPS notes and say nothing bad was asked. The superior may believe you anyway - especially if the officer has had similar complaints before.
The visa officer who interviewed me and my husband was hostile and rude - she threw our documents on the floor, for example - but none of her most offensive comments or questions are in the CAIPS notes. The visa officer is the one typing the record of what was said.