Let me see if I can do this with a less emotional tone this time around!
I tried to give a general picture of my experience in the first post. It's time to reveal a few more specifics of my situation: I decided to settle in Toronto because I thought it's the largest city in Canada and hence it must have the largest job market. Whether that's true or not is not my concern here. I applied for jobs spanning a wide range of skills, from unskilled grocery store stocking jobs to Business Analyst position with the big five banks. Of course I scoured the national market for jobs in my preferred occupation (college instructor) but I was certainly under no illusions as to what I could expect when starting over. I came here willing to do any job and go from there.
Of all the jobs I applied for since June 4th, these are the calls I've gotten: a phone call from Wal-Mart for a part-time cashier position in Waterloo (55 miles west of Toronto), a phone call from a Toronto Metro store for a part-time cashier position, and an interview call from a local college in Toronto regarding a contract teaching position with their Math Department for the Fall semester (no other college called me about teaching jobs, even though I applied to a lot of open opportunities from coast to coast, making it clear in my cover letters that I was perfectly willing to move at my expense). I went to all three of these interviews I got hired for all three of these positions but needless to say, I had to decline the Wal-Mart offer because it was a back-up option and I really want to be in Toronto. So, right now I'm working as a cashier for Metro (8-12 hours a week a minimum wage) just to cover grocery costs until my teaching contract job starts next week. Since it's only a one-semester contract, I have no way of knowing whether it's going to be renewed beyond December so this teaching job is no big comfort (I won't know until October whether they'll keep me or treat me like a seasonal construction worker).
When you don't have a permanent job, the uncertain nature of your income keeps eating you alive from inside. You have to always worry about where your next paycheck is coming from, and whether you're going to have to go through the embarrassment of facing your landlord with the message that you don't have enough to make next month's rent. You have to spend your time exploring alternative career options, studying for certificate programs or to otherwise upgrade your skills, or applying to jobs in the hope there's some ray of light at the end of the tunnel. There is no time to taste life. None at all, and even if you do take a short amount of time to do something fun, it won't be nearly as enjoyable as you want it to be because the worries in your head don't leave you alone, not even for a minute. This is not what I imagined my life to be. I didn't dream of being rich, but I did want a stable, full-time, permanent job that paid my bills. I felt proud of my accomplishment of getting permanent residence here, a pride that has vanished in the wind after realizing that it's a status that means nothing here. My relationship with this country has been damaged beyond repair. Even if I manage to get a job that's permanent, I don't think I can learn to love this country given how I get treated here.
I guess part of what makes this hard is that I'm getting older and I expect better from life (even if that's not a fair expectation). I'm going to be 34 years old in two and a half weeks and I'm still no closer to owning a home than I was at 19. When you're 19, it's easier to accept living in a basement bachelor apartment that's someone else's property, and looking for the absolute cheapest prices in the absolute cheapest stores ("poor man stores" I like to call them, e.g. Dollarama, for those of you that are here and have seen them).
I don't know where life will take me in this country. I am exploring a few other career options that are in line with my mathematical training but these will take time to materialize, as will my hurt soul to recover (if ever).
I tried to give a general picture of my experience in the first post. It's time to reveal a few more specifics of my situation: I decided to settle in Toronto because I thought it's the largest city in Canada and hence it must have the largest job market. Whether that's true or not is not my concern here. I applied for jobs spanning a wide range of skills, from unskilled grocery store stocking jobs to Business Analyst position with the big five banks. Of course I scoured the national market for jobs in my preferred occupation (college instructor) but I was certainly under no illusions as to what I could expect when starting over. I came here willing to do any job and go from there.
Of all the jobs I applied for since June 4th, these are the calls I've gotten: a phone call from Wal-Mart for a part-time cashier position in Waterloo (55 miles west of Toronto), a phone call from a Toronto Metro store for a part-time cashier position, and an interview call from a local college in Toronto regarding a contract teaching position with their Math Department for the Fall semester (no other college called me about teaching jobs, even though I applied to a lot of open opportunities from coast to coast, making it clear in my cover letters that I was perfectly willing to move at my expense). I went to all three of these interviews I got hired for all three of these positions but needless to say, I had to decline the Wal-Mart offer because it was a back-up option and I really want to be in Toronto. So, right now I'm working as a cashier for Metro (8-12 hours a week a minimum wage) just to cover grocery costs until my teaching contract job starts next week. Since it's only a one-semester contract, I have no way of knowing whether it's going to be renewed beyond December so this teaching job is no big comfort (I won't know until October whether they'll keep me or treat me like a seasonal construction worker).
When you don't have a permanent job, the uncertain nature of your income keeps eating you alive from inside. You have to always worry about where your next paycheck is coming from, and whether you're going to have to go through the embarrassment of facing your landlord with the message that you don't have enough to make next month's rent. You have to spend your time exploring alternative career options, studying for certificate programs or to otherwise upgrade your skills, or applying to jobs in the hope there's some ray of light at the end of the tunnel. There is no time to taste life. None at all, and even if you do take a short amount of time to do something fun, it won't be nearly as enjoyable as you want it to be because the worries in your head don't leave you alone, not even for a minute. This is not what I imagined my life to be. I didn't dream of being rich, but I did want a stable, full-time, permanent job that paid my bills. I felt proud of my accomplishment of getting permanent residence here, a pride that has vanished in the wind after realizing that it's a status that means nothing here. My relationship with this country has been damaged beyond repair. Even if I manage to get a job that's permanent, I don't think I can learn to love this country given how I get treated here.
I guess part of what makes this hard is that I'm getting older and I expect better from life (even if that's not a fair expectation). I'm going to be 34 years old in two and a half weeks and I'm still no closer to owning a home than I was at 19. When you're 19, it's easier to accept living in a basement bachelor apartment that's someone else's property, and looking for the absolute cheapest prices in the absolute cheapest stores ("poor man stores" I like to call them, e.g. Dollarama, for those of you that are here and have seen them).
I don't know where life will take me in this country. I am exploring a few other career options that are in line with my mathematical training but these will take time to materialize, as will my hurt soul to recover (if ever).
