Disabled Sponsor, Sweetheart in Togo

[scylla]

I heard Eugene's voice again today, but he was asking for money, and I told him no.

Congratulations on standing your ground and saying no. That was definitely the right decision. I've very sorry this didn't work out for you and I truly hope you find the happiness you're looking for some day soon. Good luck.

 

[mikeymyke]

Wow, that's terrific you stopped sending money to him. Taking money from a disabled woman, he should be ashamed of himself. You're already having a tough time getting by with just your money, but the fact he keeps asking you for money, especially in your last post you mentioned he attempted to ask you for $ again, shows you his true colors. Real men make their own money.

All of us were really trying to help you out, even if it's a "tough-love" way of helping. You see, even when neither of us knows Eugene as well as you did, we all knew he was a fraud, and even though it took you a while to figure that out yourself, at least you saw it too in the end. Anyone who asks for money so early in a relationship, and keeps asking for more and more, should be canned.

You see the part where as soon as you stopped sending money to him, he stops calling you? And when he finally calls you, it wasn't to say, "Hey I miss you honey," it was "Can I have more money?" Is that what a loving sweetheart would do? None of us here know Eugene as well as you, but we were the first ones who could see him as a fraud. Its common sense really, someone asks for money, again and again, yeah, they're clearly not a keeper. And taking from a disabled woman, we ought to beat the crap out of him.

And please don't yell at Mrs_Canuck, she might seem a bit harsh, but just think of it as a mother berating you for smoking a cigarette when you were 8 years old.

 

[CdnandTrini]

And hey, let me tell you, love felt over the internet or on a phone call is very easy to continue. You can take a break from it if you are annoyed. Living with someone you've loved long distance is VERY different to your email and phone conversations and comes with all sorts of challenges.

lol.....the above topic deserves to have its own thread!! +100 ;D

 

[MissThea]

sweetheart in TogoRe: Disabled Sponsor, Sweetheart in Togo

:'(
Hi, friends.
As to Mrs. Cannuck: I apologize for calling you an extremely ignorant person. My only defense is not only am I hurting badly, but you pushed buttons with your cliches and assumptions about my life--what I'm trying to do to help myself or not trying; about the CNIB, etc.
As to the one who told me not to get angry with Mrs. C., I'm sorry but I'm not her child, I'm not eight years old, and I have not been caught smoking. She has the right to tell me what she knows is the truth about the subject at hand: immigration and visas--not the right to berate me or tell me how to live.
That is unacceptable, and offensive to me.
Berating someone does NOT make them feel happy, so if that is what she is trying to do, she needs to learn better tactics.
I am, however, sorry for the personal attacks.
I don't like it when people act self-righteous or like they can just say any old thing to someone they don't know, in the name of "tough love".
I don't have the relationship with Mrs. C., that she can treat me that way. She is not my mother nor my older sister, nor any kind of friend. At least, not offline, and we have not shared the kind of life experiences that would give her that kind of right.

I'll tell you who I will listen to--and that's most of you, especially Obrannobini, who has approached me with Christlike humility throughout this whole thing.
She has made no cliches, no assumptions about me. She (woops, I'm sorry, maybe I mean he--LOL), has made every effort to imagine what I must be suffering day to day, and how I've tried to alleviate that suffering. I have tried every way I can think of. This individual, and most of the forum's posters, have treated me with this same humility and graciousness.
Remembering that we are strangers, and that I have asked for help in this one area.
I appreciate this help. But when it goes over the line, I'm sorry, no, I don't appreciate that.
I will not be treated like an eight-year-old who has been caught smoking.
There are better practitioners of tough love on this forum, and I will listen to them.
The one or two who have shown themselves over the line in some way ... let's agree to disagree, shall we?
And I thank the poster who asked for a little slack. I really do.
Eugene's glistening-fur voice was in my ear again, asking for money, and I said no. He asks am I glad for him not to be in Canada forseventeen months, and I said, not glad, but it's realistic. There is no quick way to get into Canada.
I didn't tell him this, yet: but I will. I do not want to be with anyone who doesn't have the patience to go through proper channels. Until I joined this forum, I didn't know what those proper channels were. Now that I do, and have passed that knowledge along to him, I have more strength to
stand on.
By the way, I did NOT send the whole 2500. I sent him all but nine hundred, for which I will pay my long distance bills, and live on, etc.
Really, this whole thing with Mrs. C. has soured my experiences on the forum. I am emotionally fragile, and must be handled with care, even when dispensing tough love.
I am in tears alot, because I'm coming out of this fever. The lovely dreams are being replaced by the lonely apartment, and my strength is sapped.
I have tried churches, but no matter what I try, I can't get anyone to see me as anything but a disabled person--now more so that I've contracted other diseases.
Canadians can be very cold people.
Accessing some minds can be damned hard, and I'm so tired. Tired.
My experience on the forum have been soured by a couple of people, and I know that's not right, but at the moment I can't help it.
I came here for information, not to get my hands slapped off by someone who knows me less than Eugene does.
I'm sorry for the personal attacks, but the rest of my message still stands.
Besides, what you can find on the web about CNIB or any other organization supposed to serve the disabled is what they want you to think. In their own way, they're scammers, too. Why would you donate to an organization whose website says, "We are no longer hiring blind people. We have shut down our employment department, so we no longer teach blind people how to go about getting a job. There's not a blind person who knows us very well, who is happy with our service. And that stuff about volunteers for the blind is so much fluff. We haven't got very many volunteers, and those we do have, choose how much they do."
Those we do have don't choose to go to Scarborough to help one, known on this forum as Miss Thea
During the nearly two years of my isolation, I have been busy phoning this volunteer agency and that church, to no avail. I have been on the psych ward, suicidally depressed because no matter what I do, I can not make my life any better. Social workers come and go, and as long as I cannot get out to what little there is, there is nothing they can do for me.
I am on the waiting list for mental health housing. That is, housing where I can live independently, that has a psychiatric nurse or whatever on staff. Waits for such housing are seven years. I am not even in subsidized housing. That is seven years too.
There was even a time when it was thought that I was at high risk for homelessness.
With no family and no lover to comfort me, I am weeping much of the time, now that I've tried everything I know and have been told "no, we don't have anyone for you".
Yes, I love God, but there a few things He can't do for me, which is why He created fellow human beings.
I cannot kiss God, or hold his hand, or hold him close to me. I cannot hear his heart beat in the middle of the night, nor hold his hand when my mental health gets shaky.
The best he can do is a cat. Maybe because people's hearts are so hard. At least, that's the reason Jesus gave as to why Moses allowed a man to give his wife a writing of divorcement.
Also, friends, I didn't addvertise for a mate in the developing world. I advertised for a Toronto man who knows Christ as his savior, and I never got a response.
Ask anyone who's disabled. They'll tell you. Even if you get a ride to church, and go to singles and all the meetings and extracurricular activities, accessing minds is very hard, and accessing hearts even harder.
They don't see you; they see your disability(ies).
I speak from experience, of which I have 48 years worth. I'd like to be treated as if I know what I'm talking about, please.
I'm sad. I'm tired. I'm sapped. The only strength I have left is to not send Eugene any more money. I've never sent anyone money before, as I looked up all the advice about online relationships.
Being inside my apartment, going online is the only way I can interact with the outside world.
God, I need touch. I need hugs and kisses, and people's nearness, and don't know how to get or give it, in my present circumstances.
And my depression is making me focus on the words of Mrs. C., and her ally, rather than on the kinder but still true advice of the rest of you. Not all of you have slapped my hands off.
And I didn't attack anyone on purpose.
Look, I'm feeling so bad, I have to get off here. Tears are streaming down my face, and I'm feeling crummy. All the fur is gone, and I have no way I know of of bringing it back.
Eugene and I are not compatible. His voice is like fur that glistens under your fingertips--smooth, glossy Persian fur. And I need touch so bad. His voice is a textured fur voice, but the most charitable thing I can say is, he must be very foolish to believe every fable and fairy-tale he hears about getting quick visas. I do not want a man like that. I do not want a man who demands quick trust, who wants to throw money (mine) at every problem, naively thinking that will melt the bureaucracy, etc. And I am in no position to feed and clothe someone, should the relationship go south before 3 years. Now that I know what's really involved, I'm pulling out. It will be hard to tell him in some ways, because he'll act like, Gee, I was going to give you the love and happiness you deserved, but you're blowing the whole thing. Only that's not true, and God knows it, and you guys know it. Anyway, I'm feeling crummy, so I have to go now.

 

[chakrab]

i feel sorry for your state and hope the best for your future. one thing i would definitely say is that, if you dont want people to get personal with you, then please don't put your personal life in front of people. i can see that depression is making you view only the bad stuff and your helplessness is making you believe untrue things. anyone can be a professional here as long as you keep the conversation to that level.

 

[Aquarian]

+1

"We people" get it. Disabled or not, everyone needs to be loved. We are not lacking in compassion, you just choose not to hear what we are trying to tell you.

We are simply trying to help you as you have ASKED for help. Immigration is NOT a walk in the park. It is NOT easy and it is VERY easy to be duped by people who just want your money. The fact that he stopped calling you after you said you wouldn't give him the money is a HUGE red flag.

If you want something badly enough, which it seems like you do, go out and get it. If there is a will, there is a way. Hire a caregiver who is willing to be a companion. There are such things as them in Toronto - you can go through the province. Don't say you can't because you can - my uncle who is partially blind and hard of hearing from working years with VIA Rail was able to get one in Toronto.

If you don't like hard truths, then don't ask tough questions. Sugar-coating truths doesn't help anyone. The only person stopping you from living life is yourself. There are 50+ CNIB centers in Toronto that host events and social gatherings and provide resources to people of all ages who are blind or partially blind. You WILL find someone to love, you will find friends; but please do not categorize yourself and allow yourself to be put down by your limitations. Know what you want for yourself and go out and get it. Don't rush it - work with it; you are worth the time that it takes to develop a proper relationship.

I wish you the best of luck in the future.

 

[Aquarian]

+1

It was a lost cause long before that. This is/was a complete scam. Like many thousands before and many thousands yet to come, this poor lady has been taken in. All of the warning signs were there and have been confirmed by the last post. Contact has been cut off, phone numbers changed etc etc.

The sign of a good romance scammer is that the victim still thinks, after everything that has happened, that there is still hope....

 

[zardoz]

Thea,

I really wish that you hadn't posted your full name. It was but the work of a couple of seconds to identify you, and unfortunately, not everybody who views this forum has good intentions. I strongly suggest that you remove personal identifying information, for your own protection.

 

[Aquarian]

+1

Wow, that's terrific you stopped sending money to him. Taking money from a disabled woman, he should be ashamed of himself. You're already having a tough time getting by with just your money, but the fact he keeps asking you for money, especially in your last post you mentioned he attempted to ask you for $ again, shows you his true colors. Real men make their own money.

All of us were really trying to help you out, even if it's a "tough-love" way of helping. You see, even when neither of us knows Eugene as well as you did, we all knew he was a fraud, and even though it took you a while to figure that out yourself, at least you saw it too in the end. Anyone who asks for money so early in a relationship, and keeps asking for more and more, should be canned.

You see the part where as soon as you stopped sending money to him, he stops calling you? And when he finally calls you, it wasn't to say, "Hey I miss you honey," it was "Can I have more money?" Is that what a loving sweetheart would do? None of us here know Eugene as well as you, but we were the first ones who could see him as a fraud. Its common sense really, someone asks for money, again and again, yeah, they're clearly not a keeper. And taking from a disabled woman, we ought to beat the crap out of him.

And please don't yell at Mrs_Canuck, she might seem a bit harsh, but just think of it as a mother berating you for smoking a cigarette when you were 8 years old.

 

[Matt the Aussie]

Thea,

I really wish that you hadn't posted your full name. It was but the work of a couple of seconds to identify you, and unfortunately, not everybody who views this forum has good intentions. I strongly suggest that you remove personal identifying information, for your own protection.

Second this.

 

[Avadava]

Yes, Zardoz is right. You should really delete your real name from your previous post. It only takes a search on google and people can find out so many private and personal things about you that they can use to scam you or God knows what.

 

[chakrab]

okay, i did google her name and found certain stuff which i wasn't expecting. no offense or judgement intended.

 

[Aquarian]

It is better that you realized that he is a scammer now, then finding out way down the road. Yes, u lost some money, but it could have been much, much worse had you continued with him. You must stay away from him!

We cannot pretend to understand what you have been through, are going through now, and will be going through. I will pray for you. Don't give up on love, but just look for it here at home; you have a significantly higher chance here at finding someone who loves you for you and not for your money and/or access to Canada.

Keep us posted, ok?

I heard Eugene's voice again today, but he was asking for money, and I told him no.
I do appreciate all your encouraging comments, even those of Mrs. Canuck, (sorry, you mentioned your uncle, not your grandfather; the rest of my reply stands), but I cannot hire a caregiver. There are limits on my money, and certainly limits on what the Canadian government will allow for caregiving. I've been denied service from CAC, even during the week I spent on the psychiatric ward.
When I was denied service with paratransit here, I got a Human Rights lawyer. I've been locked in my apartment for almost two years now, because this paratransit's test for qualification is at least as hard and cold as SIC apparently is.
I'm falling through every crack in the system. I can't get out because the service, which I'm not even allowed to name, won't take me.
I am not allowed to go to the media, because I and the only escort I could find, who is as disabled as me but gets to use Paratransit, had to sign a confidentiality thing, saying we wouldn't discuss what happened at the mediation.
Meanwhile, I wait. I wait for the day when I can book a ride like anyone else and go somewhere.
If you have an escort, you are under their power. If they don't want to accompany you, you don't go. I've had plenty of those experiences, not to mention the odd volunteer I could find deciding for whatever reason, they had the right to tell me what to think and feel, and how to live.
One such ignoramus brought me to tears with her sharp, and uncalled-for judgements.

As to Eugene, I've told him no, I won't be sending him any more money. I've said no to many scam artists, but this one apparently tripped me up. He has a voice like fur. Listening to him is like petting glistening fur. My heart sang his name. I dreamed of sharing his name. He wooed me good.
I got tripped up, I guess.
Now, I'm hurting, and I'd appreciate it if anyone wouldn't add to it.
In my ad, I advertised for Toronto men, but no one from there responded.
I appreciate those of you who aren't in my situation disability-wise, isolation-wise, and lack of friends or family-wise, not trying to buck me up with misinformation or cliches.
Thanks, Abranna, for saying you are proud of me for not sending Eugene any more money.
I don't know how much more I'll be writing here. I'm feeling miserable, and haven't much in the way of comforting it. I can't walk it off bc of the pain conditions.
I was high on endorphins, love's chemicals, for a few weeks. I didn't mean to fall for Eugene. I just did. Now, the dream is over, and I feel like &^%# @ !!!
I didn't mean for my heart to just start singing his name. It just flowed naturally from me. Loving him allowed me to stop mourning my dead ex, and the loss of the marriage, as well as the fact that a real snake of a man got everything my ex owned, to look after my teenagers, and to make life as difficult for me as possible.
OK so I'm feeling like crap, and I guess there isn't anything anyone can do.
Eugene asked me to get all the Braille books I could on Africa. The Library is one thing the CNIB is capable of doing.
Oh yes, I've asked for a volunteer from there, and no dice.
So I'd like it folks assumed I'd done everything within my powers, rather than assuming I'm just sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
I mean, if you're going to make assumptions, why not assume I've done everything for myself I can think of--including calling my MPP, except that it didn't do any good?
This paratransit mess up has been going on for nearly two years, and I'll be lucky if I can get my freedom, to travel like an adult, much less money for pain, suffering, and loss of dignity.
Anyway, I need two or three quarts of dark chocolate ice cream. I need a drink. I need love, and don't know how to reach out for it, without getting my hands slapped off.
I'm going to keep telling Eugene no money. He'll probably just stop calling altogether, I guess. Unless he surprises me, and decides he wants me more than the money. I don't know.
Anyway, thanks for any help; I'll see you guys around, I guess.

 

[Obronibini]

That was another bold step there . You can do it! Let no be your answer till you gather enough strength to cut him off forever! . He's only after the money. You going through hell to send him money to try to come give you all the love he confesses is like " paying" for love. He's realized you are desperate . Am sure you are and I understand because we all yarn for what we don't have and sometimes it can be crazy . Living in isolation can beige a toucher . But I know you are not stupid . You are on the way of getting over him finally. Tell him you have no money now and tell him to stay away from you when you gather enough courage to do that. I know everyone here care about you and I know they all forgive you for what ever you said wrong . It good how you realize you need to be calm and apologize . I am pleading they forgive you . You've come a long way and it good how you are learning something from here. Everything will be ok I pray you get a place at where the nurses take Care of you and someone to at least take you for a walk ones in a while . If there's a way to walk around the house try to do that , at it it summer now and having some fresh air outside your house won't be a bad idea . I know you are right about the neglect of society etc . I believe you . Just keep your head up . And take it a day at a time like I always say. God bless you and see you around

 

[steerpike]

+1

+1

+1

Why are you spamming this forum? if you have nothing to contribute, then don't post.