Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Uncertainty

[alemoo]

I'm wondering how those of us who are not as wealthy are dealing with the depression and long term stress and anxiety involved with being separated from your spouse while awaiting the decision of the Sponsorship application?

I'm depressed all the time, and do my best to hide it. I don't call my friends to hang out anymore, or do anything after work. I know I'll get better once she is here, but for now, I don't care about doing anything other than putting music on while I research everything I need to know about this sponsorship process, and calling lawyers, immigration consultants, browsing forums, reading guides, etc.

Has anyone ever been in a situation where the person they are married to is living in very poor conditions with virtually no money and barely able to get by, and for extended periods of time? How do you prevent your spouse from going crazy from stress and depression? Has anyone ever been in a place where the people you live with yell at you on a regular basis and treat you poorly?

Her rent is cheap and she can't afford to get her own apartment right now. We have to wait at least a year until we get our decision. What do you do to distract the one you love from all the pain?

Here's some ideas I'd like to share; not all of them apply to us because everyone has different tastes. Please share - we need new ideas.

Skype
Regular emails
Flower delivery
Looking at recipes online
Watching YouTube together
Playing online games together
Exercise routine on Skype together
Mailing chocolates and love letters
Making the same meals and trading pics (or on Skype)
Using a remote connection program to watch her computer screen and browse the web together

 

[DanSlh]

My wife and I do the same things you listed above.
Also we walk on the street "togheter" using Skype on cellphone.
We buy stuffs, take a walk with her dog. It's sad but it's a way to get closer to our significant other

 

[gsize]

Here are some more

prayer
meditation
visualization
deep breathing
therapy


I learned the hard way.

""What doesn't kill us makes us stronger""

 

[Prelude]

God, my American wife is up here in Canada with me now, and I'm still dealing with tons of stress, albeit different stress than while we were separated. I'm dealing with this stupid paperwork nightmare, she's not legally allowed to work because of PR junk, and I'm struggling to find work. We had some money saved or else this would be literally impossible. (I want to cry right now, oh my god.)

I'm glad we can finally be together but I'm also scared of messing up this whole thing. It's such a disaster. ):

While we were apart, we did many of the same things as you, and I'd also talk to her on the phone while she was trying to go to sleep (since she used to be 3 hours ahead of me in timezones).

 

[Ponga]

God, my American wife is up here in Canada with me now, and I'm still dealing with tons of stress, albeit different stress than while we were separated. I'm dealing with this stupid paperwork nightmare, she's not legally allowed to work because of PR junk, and I'm struggling to find work. We had some money saved or else this would be literally impossible. (I want to cry right now, oh my god.)

I'm glad we can finally be together but I'm also scared of messing up this whole thing. It's such a disaster. ):

While we were apart, we did many of the same things as you, and I'd also talk to her on the phone while she was trying to go to sleep (since she used to be 3 hours ahead of me in timezones).

Don't worry. With the help of this amazing forum, you'll be fine!

Maybe she can look into ways of working remotely.

As long as she is not working for a Canadian company or individual and is not remunerated from within Canada, she can do all sorts of things online.

If money is tight, she could consider filing an Inland application along with an Open work Permit (which is usually NOT suggested for an American, but...).
As long as she still has legal status (and keeps it until CIC receives the Inland application and OWP), she would likely have the OWP in ~ 4 months.

Again...this is only worth even considering if she needs to work ASAP; otherwise submit an Outland application!

 

[mrsB]

Hi! First of all, it is indeed very difficult for everybody to be away from their spouse. Not even a day goes by without us hoping that we'd be able to be with them the soonest possible time. I feel your pain, most of us do. The anxiety is beyond words. I would just like to tell you that you and your spouse is not alone. While CONSTANT COMMUNICATION is the key, it is really important to establish trust and faith with each other. We might practice different religious belief. But also prayer works, it might also help your wife if you encourage her to socialize back home as well. Learn new things, take short courses (if you can support her), develop a talent (cooking, painting, sketching, write a song..), apply for a job ft/pt (it will help her establish a career here in canada too if the time comes), it will also keep her distracted for the time being. Volunteer for a not for profit organization (Red Cross/Red Crescent, animal shelters, social assistance welfare) like i said, Engage her to social activities.

If all above mentioned activities are not possible, It is important for you to be her support system, mailing each other a hand written letter makes you feel even closer to each other (works for me and my hubby. Hihi), We do each and everything on your list too. Just tell yourself that you are one step closer to being with your partner everyday. Be her strength, just make her feel supported, and loved, everything will be worth it in the end.

I wish you a speedy process!

 

[Prelude]

Don't worry. With the help of this amazing forum, you'll be fine!

Maybe she can look into ways of working remotely.

As long as she is not working for a Canadian company or individual and is not remunerated from within Canada, she can do all sorts of things online.

If money is tight, she could consider filing an Inland application along with an Open work Permit (which is usually NOT suggested for an American, but...).
As long as she still has legal status (and keeps it until CIC receives the Inland application and OWP), she would likely have the OWP in ~ 4 months.

Again...this is only worth even considering if she needs to work ASAP; otherwise submit an Outland application!

Huh? I thought she just wasn't allowed to work, period. Like, we asked awhile back if it was possible for her to do things like take art commissions or use Patreon (since there's a good chance all of the money will come from America; we've never had non-American art commissioners), but the forum said that was sketchy and not a good idea. I'm super confused.

Also, re: outland applications, which Visa office do we even apply through? I originally assumed we could use any, but I read something else on the forum that made it sound like you had to use your country of origin (in her case, America), which... is even slower than Canada. I am so so confused and I'm on the verge of tears here. Like, I'm honestly considering just getting a lawyer again (now that I'm in a larger centre that would have, you know, competent ones). This is awful.

I'm assuming she needs to at least have legal status until they receive our app, period, right?

 

[mrsB]

God, my American wife is up here in Canada with me now, and I'm still dealing with tons of stress, albeit different stress than while we were separated. I'm dealing with this stupid paperwork nightmare, she's not legally allowed to work because of PR junk, and I'm struggling to find work. We had some money saved or else this would be literally impossible. (I want to cry right now, oh my god.)

I'm glad we can finally be together but I'm also scared of messing up this whole thing. It's such a disaster. ):

While we were apart, we did many of the same things as you, and I'd also talk to her on the phone while she was trying to go to sleep (since she used to be 3 hours ahead of me in timezones).

I'm sorry to hear your situation, on the positive note: you are still very lucky that you are together (well atleast). Most of us struggle that we are not there physically to support each other. Not even the slightest touch to soothe us after a long day at work. But then again, we all have different situation to deal with. Try extending your network. Meet new people on a day to day basis. they might help you find a job in the long run, discover communities, and like what i said in my previous post, support each other. Stress as we all can say is the downside of this whole application thing. This forum helps me personally to overcome stress on a day to day basis. sharing our daily struggles, and good news. Since your partner is american, outland application really is your best option. I doesn't take too long since she's already in canada anyway. (As per my personal observation on our spreadsheet. american application are usually a step or two ahead of the others. When it comes to our processing) so keep the faith. Be strong and don't give up just yet.

 

[Ponga]

Huh? I thought she just wasn't allowed to work, period. Like, we asked awhile back if it was possible for her to do things like take art commissions or use Patreon (since there's a good chance all of the money will come from America; we've never had non-American art commissioners), but the forum said that was sketchy and not a good idea. I'm super confused.

Also, re: outland applications, which Visa office do we even apply through? I originally assumed we could use any, but I read something else on the forum that made it sound like you had to use your country of origin (in her case, America), which... is even slower than Canada. I am so so confused and I'm on the verge of tears here. Like, I'm honestly considering just getting a lawyer again (now that I'm in a larger centre that would have, you know, competent ones). This is awful.

I'm assuming she needs to at least have legal status until they receive our app, period, right?

I remember that thread.

No, she cannot do the artwork/Patreon work, but she can work remotely (meaning the work is delivered `virtually' outside of Canada).

An American that applies with an Outland application (no matter if they are presently in Canada) is usually processed [completely] in ~8-10 months, because the application is processed in Ottawa NOT LA or NY. Usually, only applicants that have red flags, such as criminality or relationship concerns, are processed in the states. This is why the vast majority of Americans choose the Outland application, but...in your case you might be more concerned with her ability to work in Canada ASAP.


Unless you have a complicated case, you really don't need a lawyer. Just take it one step at a time; one form at a time. She should absolutely make sure that she has legal status until the Inland application and OWP is received, or if you submit an Outland application she needs to maintain her status throughout the process.

 

[Prelude]

I feel super bad gumming up this person's thread with stuff that's not really relevant to his original post or anything. I'm super super desperate to get help with this, though. Is there some way you'd consider talking to me? PMs? Emails? I legit don't know what to do at this point.

 

[alemoo]

The problem with us watching Netflix together is that our countries don't have a lot of mutually available movies in common. We sometimes have to spend 20 minutes saying "Do you have so-and-so movie?" "No." "How about _________?" "Nope". I guess it's time use a VPN program so Netflix will be tricked into thinking I'm in Mexico and will show me the same movies as her (or vice versa).

I'm hoping I can convince her to start playing video games online...

 

[DanSlh]

The problem with us watching Netflix together is that our countries don't have a lot of mutually available movies in common. We sometimes have to spend 20 minutes saying "Do you have so-and-so movie?" "No." "How about _________?" "Nope". I guess it's time use a VPN program so Netflix will be tricked into thinking I'm in Mexico and will show me the same movies as her (or vice versa).

I'm hoping I can convince her to start playing video games online...

I had this same issue. We use popcorn time now. And it's for free lol

 

[lilikoi]

My husband and I would read books to each other on Skype. One book, he'd pick and then the next time, it would be my turn. It was a great way to connect, especially at the end of the day when both of us were tired and had exhausted conversation. Just hearing his voice at the end of the day was so soothing and put me in better spirits!

I know it's not easy-sending you positive thoughts!

 

[lilikoi]

My husband and I would read books to each other on Skype. One book, he'd pick and then the next time, it would be my turn. It was a great way to connect, especially at the end of the day when both of us were tired and had exhausted conversation. Just hearing his voice at the end of the day was so soothing and put me in better spirits!

I know it's not easy-sending you positive thoughts!

 

[Prelude]

Reading the same books is a really nice way to do something together, definitely! I think there's actually a service out there that allows you to watch movies / browse online together in real time, too, so you're actually seeing the same thing, though I forget what it's called.