hhassa said:
No words for u i have been feeling like this for past 19 months. You have a longgggggg way to go. I am just praying and trying to make me and my hubby happy. Just trying not to talk about immigration too much while talking to him. We have understood that it is not in our hands and we can't do anything else except waiting. We try to be connected as much as we can so we don't feel apart.
The above poster is right. It all depends on you how you handle the situation. Everyone is handling it differently I guess. As a man, I feel more responsible for how things develop. If I wanted I could talk to my wife all day and tell her how I will make her breakfast lunch and dinner and comb her hair and keep her like a doll when she gets here... this list can really go on about the things I can tell her.
BUT I keep things in check. I knew when I filed mid last year that it will be a while before she gets here.
So first thing I did (or didn't do) is limit phone calls. I made a habit of calling her on weekend only. My father is VERY punctual and calls my wife after Friday prayers for five minutes to just make sure she is doing fine(she's my dad's niece).
We have viber, skype, whatsapp, yada yada yada and although I use them all, I keep it limited. Let her live her life and I am living my life here. Talking daily without meeting is I believe torture.
I am not there for her and she's not here. We can kick and scream all we want but nothing is going to happen until she gets visa. Me/her whining about it all day long wont do any good but only bad. I actually hardly ever talk about visa and immigration except sometimes when I just can't control how much I miss her but then I gain control over my emotions and laugh it off.
So far in 10 months, I have talked to her around 40 times on phone. I have a mental goal that hopefully before 100th call she will be here.
This is how I deal with this situation. My mom calls her mom once a month and of course on special occasions.
I talk to my mother in law once every two months. (I actually ask my wife for my mother-in-law).
Father-in-law, once every 3 to 4 months. He's a busy man and so am I.
So far we have had no issues or urgency about the situation because starting from beginning I told my wife, its a marathon and not a sprint so live your life and don't get hung up on immigration.
I do write her an email once in a while telling her I love her and I miss her. Usually its in form of a card. I have sent her flowers twice, once on her birthday and once for no reason. On my birthday I sent her, her favorite cake.
This is how I deal with it and Alhamdolillah it has worked fine for me and she is happy and so am I.
I believe if I call her every day or twice a day she wouldn't complain, maybe she will love that but it has consequences like getting into arguments or fights or disagreements since you can not be ALWAYS on the same page and agree on everything when you talk too much. I have had 0 arguments with her so far and trust me when I say life is peaceful this way because if she is upset, I'll be upset. Its natural.
P.S. I hope I made sense in the above statements and hopefully it helps someone but again what works for us doesn't mean it will work for everyone else so please don't hate.
I tell it the way I see it. Kasam_se
