I empathize with trainspotting, but he also makes me curious. He is the most persistent Eeyore on this forum, and unlike the others his posts are consistently depressing. If you look through his posting history (which he has edited substantially), they are the same from the beginning to end: tricked into coming here, promising career blighted, passive-aggressiveness of Canadians, isolated, miserable, funds running out, hopeless. However, unlike other people who complain and gripe (including myself), trainspotting never gives any details that would let one actually evaluate his situation or choices. This is what can be told about him:
- he has a PhD, but in what is unknown.
- he was making 6 figures plus in salary in the United States, but decided to come to Canada; the reason why is unknown.
- he has been here for more than 3 years, but has never worked once; what has he been doing? How does he survive?
- he bizarrely considers America to be less racist than Canada; why did he leave America?
- he despises Toronto and Torontonians, but in 3 years of never working he has not left for somewhere else; why? Alberta is filled with jobs.
- Everything that he has gone wrong he ascribes to Canadian racism, Canadian passive-aggressiveness, and the requirement for Canadian experience. This is what I'd like to know about him.
1) Why he came to Canada? He had a PhD and a good job in the United States -- if I had been making 6 figures+ in the U.S., I would not have come here without a similar job. Why is that? Because the PhD job market EVERYWHERE is specialized and selective. Only a madman would quit a good job in California to move to Texas; only an idiot would quit a job in Florida to move to New York City; and this is ESPECIALLY true in Canada, where the academic networks that people depend on to find jobs will semi-exclude the United States. So trainspotting, if for some odd reason you quit a permanent job to emigrate to Canada on a whim, and expected to find work easily, I consider that to be your terrible judgement.
And this is assuming your PhD is even in a useful subject. There are many, like anthropology, where you must be a professor, or nothing; and most people are nothing . . . What is your subject?
2) How is it remotely possible that you have never worked here? Did you think of Canada as a place where you would be acclaimed as a professional with no period of adjustment? The crap jobs most of us take are crap jobs; but they are also that thing that infuriates you so, 'Canadian experience.' When I had my first interview for a real job here, I told them flat out -- "Look, I've been working in a grocery store in Victoria for a year and it's fine for surviving but I've got a lot more to contribute to this place." Not everyone in Canada looks down on honest work; what would you have said, when they ask about the huge gap on your resume? "Look, I've been waiting for the job that I deserve; I sit in my apartment and surf the web." Working in a grocery was no fun, but it kept my landing funds in the bank and gave me and my family the leeway to make some choices. How many immigrants would succeed if, when they landed, they whispered to themselves: "I'm going to do everything I have to do to prosper in this strange new land, except work at a job that is below my professional level"?
3) You generally seem to hate Canada -- though there are exceptions. In July of last year you write:
Don't believe in the lies and the myth about people in Canada being nice and friendly.
It cannot be further from the truth.
The truth is that folks in Canada, at least the ones in Toronto, are probably the rudest persons you will come across in your life.
If you think that Americans are loud and rude and cannot get any worse -- wait till you come to Canada and more specifically Toronto.
The rudeness level here is unseen anywhere in the world, and it is not the loud kind of rudeness like you occasionally get in the U.S.
In Canada, the rudeness is passive. More precisely, it is extreme passive aggressiveness. You just get stared at coldly by others, even though you did absolutely nothing wrong.
But then in November of the same year, you write (more reasonably, I think):
Personally, I prefer the living environment in Canada to that in the U.S. I think Canadians are not dissimilar to Americans. Certainly, from my personal perspective, Canadians generally seem more egalitarian in their social outlook. But the exclusiveness in the employment context leaves a lot to be desired, and can be improved upon for all concerned, because, ultimately, what good is it for the immigrant and for the Canadians if the immigrant is welcome into Canada, but then has to spend the rest of his or her life looking for a job? It seems very cruel and unfair to the person.
So, again, the bottom line is: do your own research thoroughly before you move. Remember that there are things and norms in Canada that you must respect (even if you disagree with it, such as the tendency to exclude new-comers from the workplace), because ultimately, the Canadians are entitled to make their own rules as to how the system works in Canada.
But apart from this exception, all of your posts are the same, and in particular dwelling on the passive-aggressiveness of Canadians. I would like to suggest something -- and this is obviously limited in value by knowing you only through your posts -- that your strategy in assimilating to Canada has been itself extremely passive aggressive. An immigrant, or anyone, has to put themselves out there to be received; whereas you have done the opposite, staying inside. Where is the survival job that would have let you meet a few people, feel useful, and get out of your apartment? You never had one. What have you done in the past three years, as your professional experience in the United States recedes farther and farther into the distance? Stayed in your apartment and sent out resumes attached to emails. When did you move out of the GTA area to talk to possible employers or look at possible moves to Winnipeg, Calgary, Thunder Bay, or Saskatoon? Here is the record of your one trip:
On a side note, I actually visited a couple of smaller cities/towns outside of Toronto (1-2 hours train ride) just to get a sense of what it is like outside of Toronto and also to see if I could rent an apartment at a cheaper price. Visited some supposedly very good areas (according to people I talked to) -- but turned out to be a very bad mistake on my part. I was stared at in quite a hostile manner by some of the town folks -- not mere glances, but stare downs that lasted 5-10 seconds. Not sure why they did this, since they just stared at me coldly and rudely and did not say anything to me. I look average and normal, and I was dressed normally -- and I was just keeping to myself and minding my own business and walking normally. It seemed to me as if they wanted to let me know that I am not welcome in their town and/or that they have an issue with me -- but somehow they did not want to say it outright. Maybe I was doing something wrong, but if I was behaving wrongly, I honestly am not aware of what that is.
In other words, you came out of your shell, decided to think about making a break for it (all of one hour away), and someone looked at you wrong and you ducked back into Toronto for another 6 weeks of winter. The fact that your experience is totally different from anyone else I have ever talked to -- 'stare-downs that lasted 5-10 seconds -- makes me wonder whether you are perhaps in need of professional help. This is not meant as an insult, but a suggestion that perhaps you could discuss your inner state with a psychologist and see what they recommend. Reading all of your letters at once is quite depressing, not because of the failure -- most people here have failed at something or other, and some are currently failing -- but very few people actually despair. Here are some of the quotes that make me wonder if you are blaming Canada for a case of severe depression:
I look back at my life with lots of regret. I am broken emotionally and I am looking at a depleted bank account. I literally know no one in Canada that would fit into a truthful definition of a "friend" despite years of trying to connect with others. It is just sad really. (June, 2013)
silent, indirect exclusion in the social context (April 2013)
Yes, but then the questions become: (1) why they are so passive aggressive -- why can't they just simply state what the problem is and communicate it in an upfront and direct manner, so that everyone is on the same page and can try to fix the problem? (March, 2013)
You name it, I have seen it -- the silent side glares, the rolling of the eyes, the cold stares, etc. It is like they are trying to say "we don't like you here, and we don't want to have anything to do with you" without words.
Not saying I expect to be well-liked. Actually, I don't expect others to like me. Why should they? After all, they have no obligation to like me or even interact with me. But what I don't understand is why they are quite insistent and deliberate in conveying to me their dislike of me. Why can't they just ignore me. Why must they go beyond that to express their dislike of me? I mean, come on, I don't even know them -- most of the time, these are just strangers. And why must the dislike be expressed without using words? Why can't they just tell me in words what is it about me that is bothering them? I just don't understand -- I have never come across anything like this anywhere else in the world.
Now, after the traumatic experience, I am a very broken and different person, with a completely different mindset. I am still trying to have a better life and improve my lot. I am trying -- very hard and very desperately -- to hang on to a positive outlook on life.(March, 2013)
This whole Canadian misadventure is by far the toughest thing I have done in my life. Despite the many difficulties, I keep struggling to stand up and stay afloat, but then every now and then, I would find myself slipping and feeling down again. (February, 2013)
Every time I try to reach out and go out and open myself up to the outside world, I would come back home feeling depressed by the cold, sulking faces that always confront me outside. Maybe it is racism, maybe it is passive aggressiveness, I don't know. What I know is that I am making continuous, good faith efforts to reach out to people -- but somehow, there is no success for years. (January, 2013)
Personally, I sometimes think God is making me suffer in Canada. This has become my personal hell. Every day, I am struggling to find a job (been so for years), (January, 2013)
It is difficult to explain because the resistance to change, like most things here, is very subtle and passive -- but it is nonetheless there, ever-present. After a while, you learn to pick up on it and its vibe. There are invisible but very real walls and barriers everywhere, and it is a constant struggle to try to overcome them. After a while, you either get used to them, become worn out, or cease to care about things. (December, 2012)
I am not saying that I do not get bothered by it -- I see that passive aggressive racism all over the place and I get depressed by it and by the resultant exclusion, alienation and loneliness sometimes; but I just try to control my reaction -- after a while, I just don't feel much things anymore -- I have kind of lost faith in people generally, and I just feel numb most of the time -- no emotions, no expectations, nothing. (December, 2012)
After years and years of being ignored, nowadays whenever I have to go out, I just put on my earphones and keep to myself. Just trying to get by without feeling anything. (November, 2012)
So trainspotting, if you were my friend and these are accurate representations of your mood, I would strongly encourage you to seek medical help. Depression is not something that can simply be shaken off, and one of its major symptoms is an inability to communicate effectively with people. You have that, and you are putting it down to the fact that the people are Canadians -- but I assure you, you are living in a different Canada than most people here. These bizarre anecdotes of being constantly threatened on the subway, of going to a new town and being stared down by aggressive strangers, are simply not reality. Your actions since coming to Canada -- not working, not moving, not experimenting to improve your life -- are consistent with depression.
I haven't gone through your old posts to harass you, and I hope you don't consider it to be done aggressively. I've been struck over the past year by your consistent despair, and the odd nature of your inability to engage with Canada.
However, sometimes you write something that makes me think you just have no idea how to relate to people. The last two quotes suggest that 1) you know nothing about the United States and 2) that you have a highly exaggerated idea of your value in Canada . . .
God help you if you say things like that out loud . . . :-X
Homeless people everywhere -- and the homeless in Canada are not like the harmless homeless beggars in the US. In Toronto, for example, many of the homeless folks have serious mental health issues and will sometimes pose safety threats.
And yes, I do notice that Canadian employers have a difficult time acknowledging that Americans are able to do things better.
