Can my mother and stepfather deport me?

[scylla]

Absolutely horrible advice from Awesomeg. Please don't follow it. Listen to everyone else. You are in an abusive situation - you need to treat it as such. Involve the police and other officials if needed.

 

[Lobzang]

I don't really see how this is abuse? threatening to send her back to her original country? I mean what parent hasn't used empty threats to try and get their kids to do something. Perhaps we're missing part of the picture. all I see here is a mother who didn't want her 18 year old child to move out with friends. Many families don't believe in this. If I tried to move out at 18 my parents would have pulled a major fit as well. Im not saying that maybe there isn't abuse involved.. I just don't see it in the information that was shared. The problem with western culture is we are always so quick to scream abuse... give me a break ppl.. there are actual REAL abuse cases out there but its not every time a mother yells at her child that she is an emotional abuser yeesh.

 

[keesio]

I don't really see how this is abuse? threatening to send her back to her original country? I mean what parent hasn't used empty threats to try and get their kids to do something. Perhaps we're missing part of the picture. all I see here is a mother who didn't want her 18 year old child to move out with friends. Many families don't believe in this. If I tried to move out at 18 my parents would have pulled a major fit as well. Im not saying that maybe there isn't abuse involved.. I just don't see it in the information that was shared. The problem with western culture is we are always so quick to scream abuse... give me a break ppl.. there are actual REAL abuse cases out there but its not every time a mother yells at her child that she is an emotional abuser yeesh.

It looks like this wasn't a one time thing. The mother has pulled this stunt a few times and is even trying to get the brother involved in the con. That is a load of BS. My parents immigrated from a conservative asian country and when my sister and I was growing up and rebelled, they never pull this kind of stunt on me. All the parents did was lose credibility in their children's eyes. And 18 years old is an adult in this country. You can't hold someone against their will.

 

[Lobzang]

that's true but all in saying is we don't have the full story. i just think we jump too quickly into accusing abuse. and yes 18 Is technically an adult but how many of us did stupid things at 18. maybe this is just a concerned mother trying to scare her daughter into not doing something she deemed as stupid. maybe not. .Im born in Canada my parents as well and not remarkably conservative. i can totally picture my parents doing this if i wanted to move out at 18. not to say they would actually follow through but threaten it.

 

[Lobzang]

btw not saying u moving out is stupid. by all means I'm not saying to listen to ur parents. do what u feel l is right but try to understand where they are coming from

 

[Alurra71]

From the perspective of a mother that has a daughter roughly the same age as the OP.

When she was 18, she knew it all. She wanted to move out and live with this boyfriend she had met. It was true love. They were going to be together forever!

I too 'pitched a fit' of sorts. I didn't threaten her with deportation (we were in our home country anyway, where would I deport her to, the womb?) but I told her if she did this she could NEVER come back home again. I wouldn't accept her back. Nope, sorry, no passing go. You are old enough to take care of yourself now and live with a boy then you don't need to live in my house and eat my food, so on and so forth.

Was this the right thing to do? Maybe not. She left anyway.

3 months later, I came home from work, she was sitting on the front steps crying her eyes out. He broke up with her. Her friends wouldn't help her and take her in. She had no place to live, what was she supposed to do, where was she supposed to go?

Of course, I allowed her to come back home, what mother wouldn't?

The point of the story here is that sometimes, just sometimes, Mom's do and say shit because we can see the road our child is on and we know how it will turn out. We want to save the child from the pain and embarrassment later on so we put ourselves on the line and act all the fool hoping it will sway the behavior. Sometimes they listen and it works but most times it does not, however, I can say with some degree of certainty, we are all not narcissistic nor controlling nor anything else you want to label us as.

To the OP. You know your situation and your parents the best. Has your mother EVER treated you like this before? Do you think she MIGHT just be doing this because you, her baby, want to leave the nest and she thinks you are not prepared to handle life on your own yet? There is a lot to be said for going out on your own for the first time and spreading your wings. Sometimes you fall flat on your face, other times you soar like an eagle. You have to make your decisions on your own at some point but try not to burn a bridge if really doesn't need the match lit.

Your PR is safe no matter which decision you choose. You can rest easily with that knowledge and then try to sort through the rest.

Best of luck to you, no matter what you choose to do.

 

[SenoritaBella]

To the OP, have you tried talking with your parents? Sounds like they are afraid but you need to know what they are afraid of to be able to re-assure them. It could be anything from them not being sure you are capable of taking on this responsibity, worried about your safety, how you will afford it, etc.

On the otherhand - are you ready to move out? Have you shown them that you are responsible and capable of this? Have you found an apartment? Do you have good credit to sign a lease on your own or will you need them to co-sign? Can you afford the rent and utilities? Have you done your homework on how to stay safe while living on your own? Do you and your future roommates have similar attitudes when it comes to safety, drinking responsibly, behaviour around the opposite sex, etc?

You may need to re-assure your parents of these and any other concerns of theirs before they feel comfortable with your decision. As a young adult, it is very important to have your parents' support especially with such big decisions. Even if they still don't agree with you, they may be supportive which can only be good for you.

 

[lleahdoll]

I'm sorry, but I have to respectfully disagree. The OP's description of their parents fits precisely with the patterns displayed by those who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or other related "Cluster B" personality disorders. Many family members gave me similar advice, that my mother's actions were based on love or the best intentions. It wasn't until I broke away from that and obtained professional help that I was able to see it for what it really was: abuse. People with these disorders are not capable of experiencing empathy the way normal people are. In my case, and in the cases of thousands of others who have suffered needlessly at the hands of people with these disorders, control is disguised as love.

Unfortunately for the victims of people with these disorders, particularly children (adult and minor), there is a huge amount of social stigma surrounding some of the only known effective ways to deal with the situation. Reducing or eliminating contact with the affected person is currently the only reliable way to address the situation and prevent further abuse.

For me, the hardest time of the year is around the holidays and mother's day. Around mother's day I am bombarded with ad campaigns about how wonderful mothers are and the duties one should have for their mother. I wish my situation with my mother could fit into the perfect image created in these 30-second commercials, but it doesn't. Worse yet, people accuse me of being a bad person and being disrespectful because I am adhering to a plan developed with the help of psychological professionals.

The fact of the matter is that OP's parents are not exhibiting love. Much like it is NEVER acceptable to inflict physical abuse on someone you love, it is also NEVER acceptable to inflict emotional abuse. Making threats to have a child deported IS emotional abuse, no matter the perceived intentions behind it. Staying with an abuser is not the right thing to do.

I just want to make a clarification. I too was raised by a mother showing narcissistic traits. I can't say she has NPD since she has never been diagnosed but it's pretty obviously she's NPD and maybe a sociopath as well.
But I want to clarify that BPD is nothing like NPD.
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/


People with BPD are very capable of experiencing empathy, love, remorse, etc. I have personal experience with BPD and I can guarantee that it's mostly having trouble with your anger and emotions.
It's very important that to ease the stigma on mental disorders like these, that we don't group them all together. And to know what each entails.

 

[Castlever]

I have the same situation... im an immigrant also sponsored by my mo. Been here for morethan 2 yrs now..and i am employed for over a year, and a PR and in my case i have a girlfriend back home (philippines) and i wanted to go back to see her before she go to new zealand. And my mom told me to not to go back to philippines and if i insist to go back she told be that you are under my name... i sponsored you if go back home i will deport you and u can never come back here... is she really can do that?

 

[Castlever]

Thank you.. now i dont have to worry...

 

[tomlee1986]

I have the same situation... im an immigrant also sponsored by my mo. Been here for morethan 2 yrs now..and i am employed for over a year, and a PR and in my case i have a girlfriend back home (philippines) and i wanted to go back to see her before she go to new zealand. And my mom told me to not to go back to philippines and if i insist to go back she told be that you are under my name... i sponsored you if go back home i will deport you and u can never come back here... is she really can do that?

No they can not deport you

 

[SRafiq]

Hello, I'm so sorry if this is in the wrong section.

I'm wanting to know if my mother and step father can deport me? I've been a PR for a few years, I can't remember exactly for how long. I told my mother that I wanted to try moving out with some friends and she threw a fit at me. It got to the point to where she threw me out and she's trying to force me back home. She's trying to threaten me with deporting me out of the country if I don't come back. I'm 18 almost 19 years old and I didn't think she could do that. My step father sponsored us here in order to become PR and he's threatening not to sponsor me anymore. They tell me that because of that, they can deport me out of the country even though I didn't do anything wrong. I just wanted to try moving in with some friends and my mother is making it worse. I'm really scared about all this and I haven't been able to sleep because of it. My mother has manipulated me over and over with this. She won't let me have my clothes or anything so I would have to call the police in order to get my belongings. I'm desperate for help, I'm not knowledgeable with how this process works. I was only 14 or 15 when I moved to Canada and became a PR.

Thank you

No. Individuals cannot request deportation of any other individual. You are legally in the country. they can do nothing. Just move away and ignore them.

 

[JMVC20]

No - they can't deport you.

She is trying to manipulate you and lying to you. She does not have the power to deport you.

It doesn't matter who sponsored you - neither your mother nor your step father can deport you.

Your PR status is safe.

Is this true?? Cause my mom and step dad are telling me they gonna call the immigration to deport me ? Im just scared

 

[zardoz]

Is this true?? Cause my mom and step dad are telling me they gonna call the immigration to deport me ? Im just scared

Yes, your PR status is yours individually and nobody except IRCC can revoke it, and they won't. Basically it's a fraudulent "controlling tactic" and is a completely empty threat, with no legal validity.

 

[JMVC20]

Okay thank you., im just scared cause he said im still under on him, i hope this is not true that he can just deport me cause i came here n canada PR already