39 year age gap

[ScottishPolish]

We have a 15 year gap between us (my husband, the sponsor, is older - 45, I'm 30), but we're both academics (have PhDs) and share lots of interests, so I am hoping all will be well (I asked about us some time ago and got some great answers, and am very happy to see the same knowledgeable people answer here!)

I have a general question, though, because from what I'm reading here and in other threads, of how officers handling the applications react to some things, I wonder where is the sweet spot to make them see the genuine nature of a relationship. Because, for instance, like in our case, you can seen from our texts that the early ones after I moved in were much more typical (like: "wanna eat out?" or: "do we need anything from the store?" ), and gradually became more affectionate - to be honest, I'm not sure why! (minus the ones when we were away, these were obviously more affectionate). I guess what I'm trying to say is that some people are less or more affectionate, or show feelings less through, say, texts, and more in real life, and trying to show more affection in texts etc just because one knows officers will find it suspicious that there isn't enough is, to me, a bit weird although I realize that tangible evidence is all they have to rely on when assessing a case. I suppose I'm now worried a bit if our messages and other evidence will seem genuine enough! Also, it's actually kind of funny, but when I met him, 6 years ago, he already had greyish hair (at the age of 39, they actually go grey quickly in his family, his mum was grey at the age of 25!), and now I suppose I also worry that they will think we're not a great match because of the way we look (though I find that preposterous!) - can that be somehow fixed, or do you think we should also expect an interview? (I didn't actually think that the way we look might affect anything, but now I'm worried :/)

Don't worry about how you look together, but do focus on proving how genuine your relationship is. You shouldn't have a problem at all to prove it - and believe me, they don't read the texts - we had 1200 pages of texts, submitted about 25 pages of them from the beginning, the middle, and right before we moved in together. What they want to see is pictures of you together - travelling together, smiling in all your pictures, looking like the happy couple. Even if the travelling is just day trips on the weekend, or going to the grocery store. Take a trip on a Saturday for example, get a picture of you together at some location (even if its a selfie), keep a receipt from lunch out at that location...just try to document absolutely everything you do. Its a complete pain sometimes, especially if you are private people and don't feel the need to take a bunch of pictures. Which was us....

I know at the end of it all, once my husband got his COPR, we were relaxing and saying "oh thank god we don't have to take pictures anymore!!!" but at the same time? We made it a lot of fun and we still do it...because we are used to it now...for example? This weekend at the grocery store...me: "selfie time"...him: "seriously? You want a picture of me buying veggies and steak"? me: "why not"??

I don't know that there is a "sweet spot" for an officer - its just case by case. My husband and I are academics as well....and trust me we thought about every single angle possible to avoid an interview, because that is what we do, analyse everything from every angle, but got called anyway, although we were partly expecting it. Having said that, we were ready. Which is why I was saying that its really helpful to read many of the threads on here, especially the interview thread and the appeal cases thread - why? Not to be negative, but because it helps to identify possible red flags and allows you to submit information along with your file to answer and eliminate potential questions from CIC. In our case? I found this thread after we had submitted our application unfortunately...

 

[Lady_Ashka]

Don't worry about how you look together, but do focus on proving how genuine your relationship is. You shouldn't have a problem at all to prove it - and believe me, they don't read the texts - we had 1200 pages of texts, submitted about 25 pages of them from the beginning, the middle, and right before we moved in together. What they want to see is pictures of you together - travelling together, smiling in all your pictures, looking like the happy couple. Even if the travelling is just day trips on the weekend, or going to the grocery store. Take a trip on a Saturday for example, get a picture of you together at some location (even if its a selfie), keep a receipt from lunch out at that location...just try to document absolutely everything you do. Its a complete pain sometimes, especially if you are private people and don't feel the need to take a bunch of pictures. Which was us....

I know at the end of it all, once my husband got his COPR, we were relaxing and saying "oh thank god we don't have to take pictures anymore!!!" but at the same time? We made it a lot of fun and we still do it...because we are used to it now...for example? This weekend at the grocery store...me: "selfie time"...him: "seriously? You want a picture of me buying veggies and steak"? me: "why not"??

I don't know that there is a "sweet spot" for an officer - its just case by case. My husband and I are academics as well....and trust me we thought about every single angle possible to avoid an interview, because that is what we do, analyse everything from every angle, but got called anyway, although we were partly expecting it. Having said that, we were ready. Which is why I was saying that its really helpful to read many of the threads on here, especially the interview thread and the appeal cases thread - why? Not to be negative, but because it helps to identify possible red flags and allows you to submit information along with your file to answer and eliminate potential questions from CIC. In our case? I found this thread after we had submitted our application unfortunately...

Thanks so much for your answer! It's great to see that you can relax now, after this long journey!

For us, to be honest, when I moved in we didn't have a good idea about what will be needed for immigration - I had a work permit, but permanent residency, sponsorship - all these things came later, initially we had no idea how to get round to things, which also means we didn't retain many receipts etc. We have lots of photos, some random receipts from grocery stores, receipts for furniture we bought together (I can't believe he waited a whole year, right until I came to visit him, to buy any furniture ), and more recently more pictures from outings with friends, receipts for movie and theatre tickets, and lots more, though there isn't necessarily a picture-receipt-booking pairing every time (like sometimes I keep a receipt from a restaurant, some other time we take a photo of us and our friends after we went to see a movie and I got a booking confirmation for that, and so on) - I hope they will see in all that that we are a very natural, normal couple... We do have lots of pictures from travel together (we just came back from our "honeymoon" - we're not married, just common-law, but we kind of treated it as a honeymoon), so thanks for the reassurance that just because he's got gray hair they'll think we're not genuine... anyways, thanks so much guys - as always, after asking and getting answers on this forum I feel a whole lot better!

 

[ScottishPolish]

Thanks so much for your answer! It's great to see that you can relax now, after this long journey!

For us, to be honest, when I moved in we didn't have a good idea about what will be needed for immigration - I had a work permit, but permanent residency, sponsorship - all these things came later, initially we had no idea how to get round to things, which also means we didn't retain many receipts etc. We have lots of photos, some random receipts from grocery stores, receipts for furniture we bought together (I can't believe he waited a whole year, right until I came to visit him, to buy any furniture ), and more recently more pictures from outings with friends, receipts for movie and theatre tickets, and lots more, though there isn't necessarily a picture-receipt-booking pairing every time (like sometimes I keep a receipt from a restaurant, some other time we take a photo of us and our friends after we went to see a movie and I got a booking confirmation for that, and so on) - I hope they will see in all that that we are a very natural, normal couple... We do have lots of pictures from travel together (we just came back from our "honeymoon" - we're not married, just common-law, but we kind of treated it as a honeymoon), so thanks for the reassurance that just because he's got gray hair they'll think we're not genuine... anyways, thanks so much guys - as always, after asking and getting answers on this forum I feel a whole lot better!

Ask me what you want - we were in a very similar situation, with very little receipts etc. Just send me a message, and I will help where I can. We did use a lawyer, but as a result have a lot of information, and want to pay it forward...and help others.

 

[Lady_Ashka]

Ask me what you want - we were in a very similar situation, with very little receipts etc. Just send me a message, and I will help where I can. We did use a lawyer, but as a result have a lot of information, and want to pay it forward...and help others.

Oh, I definitely will, then! Thanks so much!!

 

[Alurra71]

I think if the OP address' with clarity and certainty things the VO will see from the outside looking in he might be able to slip through without an interview. It won't be easy, but I think it could be done.

He stated he has never been married and no children and also the same for her. The biggest issue there is that he is 59 and she is only 24.

Personally I would look at the pics. They appear to be quite compatible and comfortable. What do pictures with her family show? Are they both still as easy going in pictures with family?

She is from an area that large families are normal and expected. Do they both share the same family goals? No kids/lots of kids?

How did they meet? Was this an online romance first? (Fact is that many men/women from Canada and the US are taken advantage of from countries such as the Philippines) Is this what is happening here?

How and where are they living now? Do they appear to be comfortable where they are living or does it appear they require a change at any cost?

What kind of skills does she have the would help her to assimilate to Canadian culture? Is she going to want to go out clubbing with friends her own age while her older spouse wants to spend a quiet evening at home?

There are probably hundreds, if not thousands of questions the VO is going to ask about this relationship. If you can put away the rose colored glasses for a few moments and think hard about what you might perceive if you were looking in on this and then address those issues in your application it will certainly show that you've both discussed these issues, are aware of them and have a unified front and a close bond. Oh, and stop referring to yourselves as 'buddies'. While I understand what you mean, the VO is not going to see it the same way. This is the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life. She should be your lover, your rock your best friend, your soulmate, but she should never be described as your 'buddy'.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Aquakitty]

I think if the OP address' with clarity and certainty things the VO will see from the outside looking in he might be able to slip through without an interview. It won't be easy, but I think it could be done.

He stated he has never been married and no children and also the same for her. The biggest issue there is that he is 59 and she is only 24.

Personally I would look at the pics. They appear to be quite compatible and comfortable. What do pictures with her family show? Are they both still as easy going in pictures with family?

She is from an area that large families are normal and expected. Do they both share the same family goals? No kids/lots of kids?

How did they meet? Was this an online romance first? (Fact is that many men/women from Canada and the US are taken advantage of from countries such as the Philippines) Is this what is happening here?

How and where are they living now? Do they appear to be comfortable where they are living or does it appear they require a change at any cost?

What kind of skills does she have the would help her to assimilate to Canadian culture? Is she going to want to go out clubbing with friends her own age while her older spouse wants to spend a quiet evening at home?

There are probably hundreds, if not thousands of questions the VO is going to ask about this relationship. If you can put away the rose colored glasses for a few moments and think hard about what you might perceive if you were looking in on this and then address those issues in your application it will certainly show that you've both discussed these issues, are aware of them and have a unified front and a close bond. Oh, and stop referring to yourselves as 'buddies'. While I understand what you mean, the VO is not going to see it the same way. This is the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life. She should be your lover, your rock your best friend, your soulmate, but she should never be described as your 'buddy'.

Best of luck to you!

Excellent post Alurra71, you summed up the essentials well. One thing that will negate a little of the "scam" aspects of this, is his living there for 18 months.

 

[canphil]

Thanks to everybody.. you have all been a great help, we picked up a lot of tips here... I guess will have to expect an interview but my main concern wasn't the interview itself but the fact that an interview could lengthen processing time considerably. I am worried because I need to leave the Philippines in less than 2 years but I do not want to go back to Canada without my love and will not go, but not going will make things so difficult. I saw it can take 3 or 4 years when an interview is requested.
I guess depends on office. this will be the Manila office.
Has anyone had to do an interview and despite it got landed status in less than one year?

 

[ScottishPolish]

Thanks to everybody.. you have all been a great help, we picked up a lot of tips here... I guess will have to expect an interview but my main concern wasn't the interview itself but the fact that an interview could lengthen processing time considerably. I am worried because I need to leave the Philippines in less than 2 years but I do not want to go back to Canada without my love and will not go, but not going will make things so difficult. I saw it can take 3 or 4 years when an interview is requested.
I guess depends on office. this will be the Manila office.
Has anyone had to do an interview and despite it got landed status in less than one year?

I think your best option is to follow the forum with the Manila applicants. Applying from outland you should be able to cut down the time a little bit because it would seem that outland is faster than inland applications, interview or not. But as you said, it does depend on the office. You can apply outland while living outside of Canada, which might be an option for you, and hopefully shorten the time...

 

[Indocanada27]

Yes we have same level of education and same religion. We have same goals and desires. We enjoy doing the same things. We both enjoy the homelife and more.. we are like buddies and we love each other true!

interviw is sure but you guys need to be get ready for that provides your relationship proof as much as you can living together is the best.if have child this also good at least they can do dna.its tough but not impossible.

 

[canphil]

Well, we are going to try our best to avoid an interview by doing our best and hoping for a VO who uses common sense. I plan to write a cover letter about the age gap with a list of our similarities and how we fit.

 

[canphil]

I think your best option is to follow the forum with the Manila applicants. Applying from outland you should be able to cut down the time a little bit because it would seem that outland is faster than inland applications, interview or not. But as you said, it does depend on the office. You can apply outland while living outside of Canada, which might be an option for you, and hopefully shorten the time...



Thanks, and yes it will be outland, we are presently living in the Philippiines (will be 18 months at our planned application time in Nov)

 

[deeafahd]

hello everybody here ...My husband is 28 yrs older than me ...we applied october 4th 2014 and still waiting (for my VO bucharest is 13 month so I have one more month) hope all will be fine although I am very worried....we met online and skype for 5 months and after we met in real and spent together 1 weekthen he left. After 2 months he visited me again and we spent 1 month and also got married and then he left.
After our marriage,in these 12 months we spent 7 months together he moved with me for the last 5 months. We hope we can waived the interview.

 

[canadianwoman]

When the husband is older, there is a lot less suspicion. Since you two have spent quite a lot of time together, it should be OK.

 

[justanerd]

Same sex common law here, sponsor is 26 years older than the sponsored. Applied September 2015, landed in August 2016 (delayed by medical & document requests)

Initially we thought there's gonna be an interview for sure...but nope there's no interview. The GCMS note also reveals nothing about age gap concern. We have been living together for more than 3 years and some solid evidence (IDs showing the same address and co-filed tax notices since 2013)

I always think "less is more" or "quality over quantity". Instead of showing hundred pages of chat log, I think it makes more sense to provide concrete documents like joint-bank account/credit card that can be dated back a while ago or shared housing mortgage, life insurance/wills with your partner as beneficiary purchased a while ago. If you have every documents produced in the 2 or 3 months preceding to the application, it will be suspicious of course. Think logically, will you buy a house with or change your will to leave all your money to a person you have just met 6 months ago?

I sometimes think the relationship proof requirements are here to protect the sponsors. There are posts on this forum about how some sponsors feel like their loved ones just use them to get the PR and have their heart broken when the truth came out

 

[crazy D]

hello everybody here ...My husband is 28 yrs older than me ...we applied october 4th 2014 and still waiting (for my VO bucharest is 13 month so I have one more month) hope all will be fine although I am very worried....we met online and skype for 5 months and after we met in real and spent together 1 weekthen he left. After 2 months he visited me again and we spent 1 month and also got married and then he left.
After our marriage,in these 12 months we spent 7 months together he moved with me for the last 5 months. We hope we can waived the interview.

Hi deeafahd,
Good thing you spent couple of months together.
in our case, we didn't have much time together cause of work. my husband and i only have 10 days/year vacation. i have to resign from work this time so we can spend time at least a month next visit.

cheers!