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[Ar12345]

This model is outdated and not suitable for modern day societyI suppose. Not that long term relationships and dating is any better but I’ve seen a lot of arranged marriages ending up in divorce.

Surprisingly, India has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world. So it kinda works. Nowadays, "arranged marriages" are typically done using glorified dating sites that parents also have access to. People talk for months and get to know each other and their families typically

The thing about Indian/subcontinental culture which is different from places in the west is that parents are involved in thier children's life way into adulthood. The children stay with thier parents longer and they get supported longer. It's not considered some taboo thing to stay with your parents into your late 20s even. It's also expected that children offer the same support to their parents as they get old. So parents are involved a bit more in marriage decisions.

 

[Psyoptica]

Vancouver 3 million dollar houses disagree with you. This model is more and more apt for modern day society where real estate prices are going through the roof!

Tell me which one will you like to live as your "house mates"; your spouse's parents OR some random folks who could sublet the their portion of house to another people who will then AirBnB a bunch of junkies.... imagine waking up with weirdos in the kitchen. As shared ownership of houses is going to become an urban reality (it is already there in toronto and vancouver) you will have to choose between sharing your house with strangers or living in a 200 sqft shoebox in the sky... I will rather live with my parents in their 2500 Sqft house as two generation in one house.


Divorces in marriages are more of a function of how much both parties can not compromise.. There are things which simply do not work for either side. And sometimes, reasons like "living together for our kids" feel downright disgraceful to them.. that ends up in a divorce...

Good thing with arrangement marriage setup is that it allows external parties like parents to intervene. It can go south as well... but often years of experience helps.

the first part of your answer doesn’t explain why arranged marriages are preferable over say a love marriage. I understand the value of marriage and it’s importance in the modern world. I just can’t wrap my head around 2 people marrying, not knowing much about each other, suggested by someone else.

 

[Deleted member 1006777]

****This was posted 30 minutes ago in a FB group****

Be Aware of fraud Marriage
My husband Kinjal Patel has cheated me just to come canada. He was trying to come here from long time but he couldn’t come here because of his education. He was not behaving as husband with me. There was no connection between us. He was not giving any love care respect which every girl should get after marriage. This type of people can be sweet at first impression then they will show their true colours.
Marriage is not a game whenever u want u can marry someone whenever u want u can leave someone. Girls are not an toy to play with their emotional feelings. He was waiting for his pr once he received his pr he told me about divorce. Till that time he was just playing game with me.
Nowadays people are so emotional less they even dont know that this could destroy someone life.
Just they wanted to come here settle down and earn money fame and put their status up from other people achievements. If u really think this is easy way then think about god who is seeing everything.
Don’t cheat if you don’t want to be cheated. A relationship is mutual. This is the golden rule for all great connections. Instead of cheating be straight forward if u dont like someone just say it dont prevent to stay with someone because u are getting benefits from them.
Be proud on ur own instead of stealing someone success.
So dont be emotional fool choose husband wisely
Real husband will always care about his wife no matter what situation is he will be there whenever u need him. Love is based on understanding if u try to understand someone ur relation works.

Yes. Girls are not an toy.
an toy...
an toy

Also, "emotional feelings".

I wish I could also be emotional less about my immigration prospects.

This is what CLB 6 looks like. I'm not sure but I think I'm being generous calling this a CLB 6.

 

[wonderbly]

Surprisingly, India has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world. So it kinda works. Nowadays, "arranged marriages" are typically done using glorified dating sites that parents also have access to. People talk for months and get to know each other and their families typically

The thing about Indian/subcontinental culture which is different from places in the west is that parents are involved in thier children's life way into adulthood. The children stay with thier parents longer and they get supported longer. It's not considered some taboo thing to stay with your parents into your late 20s even. It's also expected that children offer the same support to their parents as they get old. So parents are involved a bit more in marriage decisions.

Low divorce rates does not mean people are happily married. I'm African and from a culture (and religion) that frowns upon divorce ("you want to disgrace our familyyyyyyyy") so people often stay in loveless and sad marriages unfortunately.

 

[GandiBaat]

the first part of your answer doesn’t explain why arranged marriages are preferable over say a love marriage. I understand the value of marriage and it’s importance in the modern world. I just can’t wrap my head around 2 people marrying, not knowing much about each other, suggested by someone else.

Its actually simple... What does marriage mean to you? Individual to individual OR family to family.

In family to family; it means families pool their resources -- some of which are getting really expensive.
In Individual to Individual; you have to start from zero.

Naturally, things are not so binary. You can bring your girlfriend home, introduce to your family and they can take it up with her family and then if all agree you can get married.

The biggest difference is involvement and consent of parents...

OR ... if you are not interested in playing the dating game (I was not). You can ask your parents to arrange it for you.

Either way, it will end up in a family to family relationship rather than individual to individual one.

 

[RSub]

The parents approval part is what I don’t understand. Why do u need anyones approval to pick a partner u want to spend ur life with?

Simple. I can talk about how things are down south. We are more attached to our culture. We find it difficult to live with someone who doesn't speak my language or someone who eats different food or even someone who grew up in a different city. I will find it hard to marry a girl from @PRANIT01 place even though we share so many common cultures. It's just difficult. Moreover, Indian society is more on the conservative side. Most Indians are introverts even if they grew up in cosmopolitan cities. Also, we knowingly or unknowingly have too much of a Parent's influence in our lives. In my case, I loved a girl and it ended in a break after 6 years. Thanks to Trump's immigration policy but more than that our different backgrounds separated us. While my parents approved of my relationship, it did not work when we thought about getting married. Even though we spoke the same language, our family cultures were completely different. It would affect our day-to-day lives. But now I found someone filtered with certain criteria and we have been seeing each other for 6 months and I feel very comfortable with her. Families are happy, I am happy. It is true that the success of marriages depends on the individuals. However, most of the time arranged marriages never break because we enter into a relationship with few compromises.

 

[GandiBaat]

Surprisingly, India has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world. So it kinda works. Nowadays, "arranged marriages" are typically done using glorified dating sites that parents also have access to. People talk for months and get to know each other and their families typically

The thing about Indian/subcontinental culture which is different from places in the west is that parents are involved in thier children's life way into adulthood. The children stay with thier parents longer and they get supported longer. It's not considered some taboo thing to stay with your parents into your late 20s even. It's also expected that children offer the same support to their parents as they get old. So parents are involved a bit more in marriage decisions.

Its not just an India only thing. Its more of a high context society thing. Japan, India, China all tend to be in that group.

 

[Psyoptica]

Surprisingly, India has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world. So it kinda works. Nowadays, "arranged marriages" are typically done using glorified dating sites that parents also have access to. People talk for months and get to know each other and their families typically

The thing about Indian/subcontinental culture which is different from places in the west is that parents are involved in thier children's life way into adulthood. The children stay with thier parents longer and they get supported longer. It's not considered some taboo thing to stay with your parents into your late 20s even. It's also expected that children offer the same support to their parents as they get old. So parents are involved a bit more in marriage decisions.

It works because Indians are typically socially awkward and the romance/social norms depicted in Indian movies is far from reality which some try to emulate but it doesn’t work. Arranged marriages work like a transaction, people do it for financial security, foreign citizenship etc. I’ve seen marriage profiles where they emphasis is on the financial status of the person rather than education and other characteristics.

 

[wonderbly]

Its actually simple... What does marriage mean to you? Individual to individual OR family to family.

In family to family; it means families pool their resources -- some of which are getting really expensive.
In Individual to Individual; you have to start from zero.

Naturally, things are not so binary. You can bring your girlfriend home, introduce to your family and they can take it up with her family and then if all agree you can get married.

The biggest difference is involvement and consent of parents...

OR ... if you are not interested in playing the dating game (I was not). You can ask your parents to arrange it for you.

Either way, it will end up in a family to family relationship rather than individual to individual one.

I do recognise that we have a difference in culture but my eyes are twitching something bad just reading your rationale on why parents should be involved in their adult children's affairs . I agree that the union between 2 people also unites both sides of the family, but no way would I have let my parents get involved in picking my spouse. Bonus for us if they like my choice, but if they don't I probably can live with that. There's no way our parents will move in permanently into my nuclear family home. Leaving and cleaving, you know?

If I am old enough to get married, then I am old enough to make that decision and choice of person, all on my own.

But like I said, I do respect your opinion on this and understand your underlying reasons.

PS: Married (happily) 18 years and counting .

PPS: I like the way this forum segways into all kinds of ridiculous topics and discussions on the daily .

 

[seadrag0n]

Low divorce rates does not mean people are happily married. I'm African and from a culture (and religion) that frowns upon divorce ("you want to disgrace our familyyyyyyyy") so people often stay in loveless and sad marriages unfortunately.

Atleast in my community in India, divorces are becoming easy as pie, didn't used to happen to my parents generation.

 

[Psyoptica]

I do recognise that this we have a difference in culture but my eyes are twitching something bad just reading your rationale on why parents should be involved in their adult children's affairs . I agree that the union between 2 people also unites both sides of the family, but no way would I have let my parents get involved in picking my spouse. Bonus for us if they like my choice, but if they don't I probably can live with that. There's no way our parents will move in permanently into my nuclear family home. Leaving and cleaving, you know?

If I am old enough to get married, then I am old enough to make that decision and choice of person, all on my own.

But like I said, I do respect your opinion on this and understand your underlying reasons.

PS: Married (happily) 18 years and counting .

PPS: I like the way this forum segways into all kinds of ridiculous topics and discussions on the daily .

I wholeheartedly agree with your point of view.

 

[GandiBaat]

I do recognise that this we have a difference in culture but my eyes are twitching something bad just reading your rationale on why parents should be involved in their adult children's affairs . I agree that the union between 2 people also unites both sides of the family, but no way would I have let my parents get involved in picking my spouse. Bonus for us if they like my choice, but if they don't I probably can live with that. There's no way our parents will move in permanently into my nuclear family home. Leaving and cleaving, you know?

My question is this: What is so fundamentally wrong in working with your parents to decide your life partner? After all what is fundamentally love is: You stick with a person with whom you do not have a fundamental disliking and very very likely you will get attracted to them. If my vision of marriage and family sound transactional, I think your versions of marriages and love sound very disney'esque to me.

Also, whats so wrong with living together with your parents?

 

[GandiBaat]

If I am old enough to get married, then I am old enough to make that decision and choice of person, all on my own.

There is no doubt you can make decision on your own... Why does it have to be ONLY your decision? What is so wrong with consensus?

 

[GandiBaat]

Atleast in my community in India, divorces are becoming easy as pie, didn't used to happen to my parents generation.

Divorces are never a problem per-say.. its living with their after effects thats an issue.

 

[Psyoptica]

My question is this: What is so fundamentally wrong in working with your parents to decide your life partner? After all what is fundamentally love is: You stick with a person with whom you do not have a fundamental disliking and very very likely you will get attracted to them. If my vision of marriage and family sound transactional, I think your versions of marriages and love sound very disney'esque to me.

Also, whats so wrong with living together with your parents?

Absolutely nothing wrong with it. No one has the right to judge someone’s culture even if they don’t agree with it. Also no need to change a practice that has worked for people for generations. As long 2 people are happily married, that’s all that matters.