Many people are choosing to move to cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
For the last few decades, there has been a predominant trend of people relocating
of from countryside to the
nearby cities.
There are various reasons behind such massive migration. - each and every sentence you put in your essay should serve a purpose. With this one you gave no additional information, so you should remove it. Like of course there are various reasons, or else why would they ask this question, right?Although there are a few
drawbacks associated with this movement, the benefits it offers
in terms of... exceed the
drawbacks.
Using the same word twice just in one sentence tells the examiner that a) you’re lacking vocabulary b) your grammar is not advanced enough to paraphrase the sentence you initially had.
On the one hand, it could be argued that the quality of environment in the metropolition cities is continuously facing a downward trend as compared to villages, making people’s life difficult . The continuous exit of harmful smoke from chimneys and cars throughout the day adversely affects surrounding environment, and it is difficult to escape from it. As a result of
such a (try to tie the sentence to the previous one) massive air pollution,
people residing in cities are unhealthier
less healthy? compared to
people living in villages. Secondly, the high material and transportation cost make life in urban areas expensive. Taking the example of food items, which a lot of these items are transported from the nearby villages, the transportation cost adds up to the expenses and hence final cost rises. These underlying reasons make life difficult for city residents.
On the other hand, despite various disadvantages,
in my opinion,
* the quality of life
index is higher in cities compared to the towns.
The cities act as a hub where nearly all companies’ head offices and branch offices are present. Why do you need this sentence? This presence makes it easy to find jobs for professionals and labours alike. As a result of financial stability, the quality of life of individuals and families increase while living in cities. Similarly, the high earning capacity in the cities encourages individuals to set up their own businesses as well. Starting a business, attracting potential buyers and then flourishing the setup provides
may/can/would provide speedy success in cities which in villages are not possible at the same rate. All in all, the benefits associated with living and working in cities are
quite enough for individuals to stay in it.
No need for this sentence either.
To conclude, the negative elements of living in urban areas like the poor environment and high living costs are noticeable, however, cities do offer high earning capacities and as a result promote
s better financial stability. Therefore, on balance, the advantages of living in cities outweigh
s disadvantages.
* How to show opinion?
1. in the intro and in the conclusion you should directly and clearly indicate what your opinion is.
2. In the BP that supports your point of view use forms like “can”, “would”, “is likely to” etc.
3. In the BP that supports the opposite view use “may”, “might” etc. but don’t go too far proving that the idea is actually valid. Because in that case it’s not clear why you support the opposite point.
4. when you bring 2 pros for the idea you don’t support and only 1 for the idea you support, the examiner will get confused on your opinion. Like here you say moving to cities is bad for ecology and it’s also too costly and then you say it’s beneficial in terms of employment. To me it means you’re actually against migration. So at least try to give a balanced view.
5. Don’t put “in my opinion” in BPs. Again, your opinion should be so clear with the use of the above mentioned techniques, that there should be no need in saying “in my opinion” in any of the BP’s.
@cansha Please review
