Don't you think it would be tougher to give glimpse of two or more reason in topic sentence. I am bit confused.
Please let me know if any standard way you can think of.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Please let me know if any standard way you can think of.
Dear @cansha @H0peAndFa1th,
Can you please evaluate my writing task 2 done in exam environment.
Job satisfaction is more important than earning a high salary.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Getting high remuneration is often considered more important than any other aspect of job. However, according to my opinion, self-satisfaction in an organization play a key role in overall growth of an employee.
To being with, an employee who feel himself as a valuable asset of company gets more satisfaction which cannot be measured in monetary terms in contrast to the company where he is offered high salary without congenial working atmosphere where he can feel himself as a part of the organization. A recent survey by Times of India reveals that non financial factors play a vital role in ensuring loyalty which can make him realize that he is an integral part of the organization.
In addition, it is also observed that in many companies where high salaries are offered, workers are forced to work under strict deadlines resulting in mental stress and pressure which can adversely affect their health and mind and can lead them to realize that instead of taking so much pressure, one should work under cool atmosphere even if comparative salary is less. Further it is felt that they can devote their time to family also so that they can feel self satisfied which is only possible if terms of employments do not act as hindrance in making relationships not only among family members but also among co workers.
On the other hand, some argue that high scale of salary motivate employees to do better and can improve their standard of living in society resulting in feeling as well being in the community.
To recapitulate, no doubt good remuneration is essential for making a good livelihood, however earning money at the cost of other factors such as health and family relationships cannot give any sort of satisfaction to an employee.
Can you please evaluate my writing task 2 done in exam environment.
Job satisfaction is more important than earning a high salary.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Getting high remuneration is often considered more important than any other aspect of job. However, according to my opinion, self-satisfaction in an organization play a key role in overall growth of an employee.
To being with, an employee who feel himself as a valuable asset of company gets more satisfaction which cannot be measured in monetary terms in contrast to the company where he is offered high salary without congenial working atmosphere where he can feel himself as a part of the organization. A recent survey by Times of India reveals that non financial factors play a vital role in ensuring loyalty which can make him realize that he is an integral part of the organization.
In addition, it is also observed that in many companies where high salaries are offered, workers are forced to work under strict deadlines resulting in mental stress and pressure which can adversely affect their health and mind and can lead them to realize that instead of taking so much pressure, one should work under cool atmosphere even if comparative salary is less. Further it is felt that they can devote their time to family also so that they can feel self satisfied which is only possible if terms of employments do not act as hindrance in making relationships not only among family members but also among co workers.
On the other hand, some argue that high scale of salary motivate employees to do better and can improve their standard of living in society resulting in feeling as well being in the community.
To recapitulate, no doubt good remuneration is essential for making a good livelihood, however earning money at the cost of other factors such as health and family relationships cannot give any sort of satisfaction to an employee.
Oh you're moving for good now? I kinda assumed you'd been here a while.
Welcome to Canada (for good!). It's a great place
Please do not take it harshly. I only intend to improve your essay and my essay writing skills while reviewing this. I am sure it can still get better. Maybe @cansha can add to it or correct your essay and my review comments.
As @cansha said in this group once, we all are better writers than what our essays reflect here. Just feel like repeating it.
With the advent of technology in every walk of our life, space exploration is no more exception. Due to the cutting-edge technology and scientific discoveries, mankind has a great opportunities to investigate boundless space. There are some critics (why are the critics supporting the motion?) who supports the idea of knowing more about universe and some argue with this view. (There are some who support the idea of knowing more about the universe and others who criticize this view.) In my opinion, I believe that good understanding of universe can help us to resolve the crucial problems of our home planet.
On one hand, space exploration helps in dealing with the concern of limited sustainable land due to increasing population and resource depletion. Searching new planets (which are suitable for people life and which are abundant in essential survival resources) is what modern space science is dealing with. For example, a recent discovery of NASA about the availability of water on planet moon has proved the possibility of human life on this planet. In addition to this, scientist may explore new form of life and living beings such as aliens which are considered to be beneficial for the mankind. That is why space research is worth continuing.
Multiple ideas introduced in a single paragraph. one is finding an alternate planet to handle resource scarcity and another one is research on aliens. the second idea is not completely developed. You should have focused on one idea which is completely developed.
Again there is no rule, however in my view, writing opposing side in 1st paragraph and supporting side in second body paragraph is more logical. You may disagree, it is purely my opinion.
On the other hand, some people think that funding astronomical research is futile. As these projects requires hefty investment which results in putting financial stress on government as well as on the people. For instance, the citizens of Somalia went under poverty due to the heavy investment by the government in cosmic projects. Furthermore (not the right word) Therefore, rather than finding new planets we (who is this pronoun referring to?) authorities/governments should invest in improving our healthcare and education which will bolster to make our planet a living heaven. All these reasons represents the darker side drawbacks of the space exploration.
The example is way too much of an imagination. Not sure if this is valid. Experts can comment on this.
In conclusion, space research provides significant knowledge to us about the universe. and Hence, I assert that we should allocate adequate funds such so that we can fulfill the basic necessities of mankind and at the same time we can continue with our research about the galaxies. (what basic necessities are you fulfilling with space research) Over all the conclusion is little confusing and not in sync with intro.
All the best
Thankyou so much. You have rightly highlighted my mistakes. Please evaluate my all essays I am posting in near future and also provide a score. I would also like to let you know that I have appeared 6 times in IELTS, each time I have consistent score 6.5 in writing neither more nor less. Please guide me so that 7th time I can fulfill the criteria.
Sure I will do whatever I can.
Which location have you appeared and with which provider IDP or BC?
Btw I have appeared twice with IDP Hyd and got 6 both times.
My problem is, the moment I see the time, my mind goes blank and I end up writing some illogical essays.
I have appeared in Jalandhar. I have appeared 5 times in IDP and once in BC recently.
Ok, I am planning to test my luck with BC in next attempt. Did you find any major difference?
I think BC is strict in awarding speaking scores, rest is same
@cansha
Computers are increasingly used in education. In which areas do you think are computers more important and in which areas are teachers more important?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.
Use of computers in the area academics is growing these days. While computers are being used for complex calculations and research & development, teachers play a pivotal role in training primary school children along with teaching some crucial theoretical concepts.
To begin with, science plays a key role in research and development. People, in general do research on topics which doesn't have any proven answers and they must be dependent on computers to search for the right information as these machines can pool information from around the world and make it available for researchers. For instance, a recent survey shows that the use of computers has grown 200% in the field of research and development in the last decade. Furthermore, students who work on mathematics involving large numbers and formulas, are dependent on computer as it gets difficult to compute all complex calculations on paper. Therefore, computers are very popular among researchers and mathematics students.
On the other hand, teachers play a vital role in teaching primary school students as they are not well versed with versed with computers and would require someone to teach them basic of all essential subjects. Moreover, every student needs to go through some basic theory classes before they do any further work and teachers are the main source of such information. For example, it will be very difficult for a student to understand Einstein's theory of relativity, whereas, it can easily be explained to them by a teacher. So, teachers are essential in early years of education.
Overall, I firmly believe that, while the research students and mathematicians appreciate use computers, students of primary schools are more appreciative of having teachers to teach them basics. Both are important at different phases of education.
Computers are increasingly used in education. In which areas do you think are computers more important and in which areas are teachers more important?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.
Use of computers in the area academics is growing these days. While computers are being used for complex calculations and research & development, teachers play a pivotal role in training primary school children along with teaching some crucial theoretical concepts.
To begin with, science plays a key role in research and development. People, in general do research on topics which doesn't have any proven answers and they must be dependent on computers to search for the right information as these machines can pool information from around the world and make it available for researchers. For instance, a recent survey shows that the use of computers has grown 200% in the field of research and development in the last decade. Furthermore, students who work on mathematics involving large numbers and formulas, are dependent on computer as it gets difficult to compute all complex calculations on paper. Therefore, computers are very popular among researchers and mathematics students.
On the other hand, teachers play a vital role in teaching primary school students as they are not well versed with versed with computers and would require someone to teach them basic of all essential subjects. Moreover, every student needs to go through some basic theory classes before they do any further work and teachers are the main source of such information. For example, it will be very difficult for a student to understand Einstein's theory of relativity, whereas, it can easily be explained to them by a teacher. So, teachers are essential in early years of education.
Overall, I firmly believe that, while the research students and mathematicians appreciate use computers, students of primary schools are more appreciative of having teachers to teach them basics. Both are important at different phases of education.
Hello everyone, im new on this thread and seeking help in writing task 2. @cansha @H0peAndFa1th can anybody help me my band requirement is 6.5 in writing.
nowadays museums and historical sites sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists than locals. why is this happening ? what can be done to attract locals to visit museums and historical sites more often.
It is true that only foreigners take interest to visit museums and historical places these days. High ticket prices and lack of interest can be the reasons for low number of local visitors than foreigners, which can be overcome by giving additional benefits such as low entry fees to locals and organising annual events at these places.
One of the main reasons of this can be foreign tourists visit other countries to explore new cultures, and one best one best way to do it is visiting museums and historical places. On the other hand, locals are already well aware about the cultures because they are living in that for a long time. as a result, they show less interest to visit those places. Moreover, some historical places and museums impose huge amount of entry fees on visitors. While foreigners do not deny this charge because visiting is in their interest, while domestic visitors find it extravagant. For example, entry fees in the Taj Mahal, one of the seven wonders, is 1000 Indian rupees per person, which is the total income per day of most of the Indians.
A possible solution to this problem can be the entry fee can be lowered for local visitors or these places can wave entry fees on weekends. This will encourage more people to come into these museums and historical places. Moreover, the authorities can organise annual exhibition of artefacts and artworks for visitors, and can celebrate historical festivals by inviting locals. For example, Dussehra, which is one of the most famous festivals of india, can be organised and celebrated in historical places . the This will attract many people to visit these places.
in conclusion, less interest and expensive entry passes are the reasons in the reduction of local visitors. Solution to this problem lies in the hands of management authorities of these places.
nowadays museums and historical sites sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists than locals. why is this happening ? what can be done to attract locals to visit museums and historical sites more often.
It is true that only foreigners take interest to visit museums and historical places these days. High ticket prices and lack of interest can be the reasons for low number of local visitors than foreigners, which can be overcome by giving additional benefits such as low entry fees to locals and organising annual events at these places.
One of the main reasons of this can be foreign tourists visit other countries to explore new cultures, and one best one best way to do it is visiting museums and historical places. On the other hand, locals are already well aware about the cultures because they are living in that for a long time. as a result, they show less interest to visit those places. Moreover, some historical places and museums impose huge amount of entry fees on visitors. While foreigners do not deny this charge because visiting is in their interest, while domestic visitors find it extravagant. For example, entry fees in the Taj Mahal, one of the seven wonders, is 1000 Indian rupees per person, which is the total income per day of most of the Indians.
A possible solution to this problem can be the entry fee can be lowered for local visitors or these places can wave entry fees on weekends. This will encourage more people to come into these museums and historical places. Moreover, the authorities can organise annual exhibition of artefacts and artworks for visitors, and can celebrate historical festivals by inviting locals. For example, Dussehra, which is one of the most famous festivals of india, can be organised and celebrated in historical places . the This will attract many people to visit these places.
in conclusion, less interest and expensive entry passes are the reasons in the reduction of local visitors. Solution to this problem lies in the hands of management authorities of these places.
Last edited:
(I feel you messed it up here. The points from the good introduction are not followed in to your body paragraph. You have started a new idea alltogether.)
another version of the first paragraph based on your introduction.
To begin with, high ticket prices is a serious contributor to this low number of local visitors. For most of the sight-seeing places, the entry fees are not in proportion to the average salary of the locals. So it is only foreign travelers who can afford to buy tickets at such a high price. For example, the entry fees for Tajmahal, one of the seven wonders of the world, is 1000 Indian rupees, which is more than the daily income for an average Indian. Furthermore, the lack of interest to visit such places is another vital factor contributing to the low turnaround of locals. Many of them would have already studied about these places during their schooling. So they may find it redundant to visit and listen to the same stories again.
ideas are good but not well developed. give a reason why lowering the ticker price will attract visitors. Maybe you can write something like this.
"As many domestic visitors are price-sensitive, this solution would attract locals in good numbers." Also for the second point, you need a reason. "It will be a great opportunity for people who are looking for social gathering during festivals." then comes the example of dushera.
Hope you got my point. Paragraph structure should be (topic sentence< reasoningor explanation of the idea presented in topic sentence< further reasoning (if required)<illustration<short closing statement.) Make sure the topic sentence and closing statements are linked back to the introduction.
Should have elaborated the solution as well a little more.