IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[H0peAndFa1th]

@cansha, I wish to share another essay with you, thank you in advance.

Some people believe that to be successful at a sport you need a natural ability and others think that hard work and practice can make you successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

let's see what is topic.

some says, natural ability is must to succeed at sports

other say, hard work and practice can deliver the results, aka success


let's see if you got it right or not.

Many people argue that accomplishments in sports branches come with the natural born abilities, and others believe that practising and being hardworking are the most significant elements to become successful at a sport.

In my opinion,
[may be you are not reading this thread carefully, so let me explain this again]

even though, talent, which enables people to have better coordination of their organs, consists a vital part for the success, it is not sufficient unless it is mixed with hard work which ensures sportspeople to have sustainable achievements.

Let me tell ya mate, this is not English.
without reading any further, this is 6.5 no doubts.

coordination of their organs - wtf ??? being natural at something, does not mean you have to dissect the body - totally wrong.

it is [use of "it" refers to something,I can't find what it refers to] not sufficient [you can't measure sufficiency or insufficiency, thus, irrelevant to question] unless it is [same it] mixed with hard work [wow, wondering what kind of mixer you are using, stirring by hand or nutriblend or some concrete mixer, or some other method, because, results may vary]

Discuss both views and give your opinion?

this is an instruction for you/writer, look here https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/instruction

now, it is asking you to be specific.
first give me both views, and then, give me your opinion.

It is not 100% necessary, but I prefer to stick to instructions, for a very specific reason.

you can not discuss both views genuinely after stating your opinion.
what is means that, your reader is going to think that you are biased to one view
or there is possibility that you can bias the reader to one view, then reader will discard arguments of another view.

In English language, instructions are very important, just like in listening or reading section of IELTS.
for example, one word blanks or one to three word blanks (need more attention, mostly prepositions or articles )

you can not ignore instructions.

https://www.kibin.com/essay-writing-blog/what-is-a-discursive-essay/


see it for yourself.

A one-sentence definition

A discursive essay presents both sides of an argument, then states your stance.

The goal

The goal of a discursive essay is to present a balanced and objective analysis of both sides of the argument. (Keep in mind that, in some cases, you may need to examine three or more positions as topics may be more nuanced than basic for-or-against arguments.)

https://www.kibin.com/essay-writing-blog/why-avoiding-bias-in-writing-is-so-important-and-how-to-do-it/
https://www.essay.uk.com/guides/types-of-essay/discursive-essay.php

there is no point of reading the whole essay, if I know your opinion before reading the whole.

you all need to get your head around this. don't mess with instructions, or you will loose the bands, I am dead sure about it.


----
you may find me rude, but you will feel much worse when you see 6.5 in results.
you must read this thread from start. repeating this 10000th time, why don't you people listen to simple advice ???????

First and foremost,[trite - drop it] natural abilities, especially the consistency between the body parts [you failed to understand the topic], allow the individuals to have superiority among others in sports. This is because success at a sport comes with the dominance of an individual over his/her [use the] opponent, hence it can be achieved with quick body movements, such as kicking a ball with agility or passing to the team member rapidly.

To this end [not useful], these features play a tremendous part in the achievements in sports branches.

To illustrate, Brazilian people tend to play football in a better sense [wrong word choice, if they wining the word cup, its tangible, it means, they are the best, period, there is no question of sense or non sense ] than other nations, thus they have won the most Fifa World Cup titles in men’s branch with their durability, agile fundamentals and they have perfect leg and foot coordination which are all key for the success [which plays key role] in football.


However, these qualifications [these are not qualifications, i guess ] are not enough to become successful at sports since sportspeople should combine their discipline and hard work with their talent in order to become victorious. [this sentence is concession, but used wrongly because prior to this, there is no evidence to support the view, I mean to support the "discipline and hard work" one]


Consequently, even though talent gives clear advantages to the sportspeople, sustainable accomplishments in sports activities come with practising and working hard.

now you are declaring, that "discipline and hard work" is the main thing, again wrong like your sentence before.

My take: you don't know, how to construct a paragraph, in a way IELTS want you to.

go, start reading this thread from first page, you will see me ranting that alot.

we have

some says, natural ability is must to succeed at sports

other say, hard work and practice can deliver the results, aka success

your First BP, failed to address both of them, its confusing.

On the other hand, practising in a subject regularly makes people to do it perfect.

Considering this, training for the sport, being disciplined while getting ready for the match and staying persistent for the objectives create perfect results at sports.

Nevertheless, having a talent for the subject could boost the success but it is not totally compulsory [more appropriate word is : necessary ].

For instance, Michael Jordan, who is the most admired basketball player in the world, was not accepted to the high school basketball team due to his short height and not having talent [and how they measured that he didn't have the talent at that time.]

After a while, he practised abundantly every day and combined his genetic, naturally born, advantages such as having a high stamina and swiftness with his hard work which paid off as he became the most successful basketball player on earth.

As a result, working continuously with focusing on the targets results in victory in sports, however, the effects of talent should not be neglected.

pooooorly constructed paragraph, bad very bad.

writing about one thing, then offering concession,
then other thing, again concession.

To sum up, people can be successful at sports if they put their hard work and persistency on the table, though natural ability is clearly a positive matter that aids people to become successful.

before posting any essay, I strongly recommend you to read this entire thread, Learn from mistakes made by your predecessors, including me, before wasting your time, money, and our time ofcourse, wouldn't it be just a prudent idea ?????

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Greetings,
Can someone please review my below essay, will appreciate that.
Many thanks in advance!

Some people think that government should spend money on faster public transportation, others think that there are other important priorities of public transport (eg: cost and environment) Discuss both views and give your opinion

got two things

government should spend money on faster public transportation
example:bullet train,

other important priorities of public transport (eg: cost and environment)
means: cost is high, return is low, environment is severely affected, trees cut, pollution etc

People have different views about whether authorities should spend more on making the commute faster by bringing in high speed transport system or consider a cost effective and environment friendly transportation.
good paraphrasing

In my opinion, the later proposition merits serious consideration.

read here : why your second sentence is red
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137818

There are some logical arguments that people in favor of fast paced transport present.

The most preponderant one is that having high velocity commute system will save numbers of hours that are spent on daily travel.

This will not only set people free to use those particular hours in a much more productive work but will also bring mental peace which is not achievable otherwise because of hazardous nature of travel.

Besides, more cramped destinations will benefit more when more number of people will be commuting in a day by the virtue of high speed transport system.

love 4 sentence paragraphs
your sentence structure is great, feel native writing, or more close to native, natural, smooth.

green means, goooood.

However, there are some pitfalls too that can easily overwhelm aforementioned reasons to support faster transportation.
nice transition

The primary one stems from the fact that such advanced systems always come at a huge cost which eventually falls heavy on consumers’ pocket.

Keeping this implication in view, government should instead invest more on cost effective and comfortable public transport which will offer general public some savings on one hand and luxury on the other hand.

Another thing to consider while upgrading public transport is to make sure to develop environment friendly system that does not emit poisonous gases which pollute the air and deteriorate ozone layer.

Needless to say, all these considerations stand cost effective and environment friendly transport system in good stead as far as public interest is concerned.

Needless to say, this is one the best paragraphs in this thread.

To conclude, while high speed public transport saves time of masses but bringing in a low cost and eco friendly transport facilities are need of the hour.

everything feels natural, smooth, nothing forced, no confusion, precise clear ideas, writer is sure, completely understand the topic, knows how to write, present, convince.

band 7 is not a problem for this one, for me it surely is 7.5, I am thinking about 8 bands or more

you don't need much bashing on the head, just read old essay reviews in this thread, so you can avoid mistakes made by others, just in case, to be sure.

read this one, dissection in detail.
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-27#post-7230386

 

[cansha]

got two things

government should spend money on faster public transportation
example:bullet train,

other important priorities of public transport (eg: cost and environment)
means: cost is high, return is low, environment is severely affected, trees cut, pollution etc



read here : why your second sentence is red
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137818




love 4 sentence paragraphs
your sentence structure is great, feel native writing, or more close to native, natural, smooth.

green means, goooood.


Needless to say, this is one the best paragraphs in this thread.




everything feels natural, smooth, nothing forced, no confusion, precise clear ideas, writer is sure, completely understand the topic, knows how to write, present, convince.

band 7 is not a problem for this one, for me it surely is 7.5, I am thinking about 8 bands or more

you don't need much bashing on the head, just read old essay reviews in this thread, so you can avoid mistakes made by others, just in case, to be sure.

read this one, dissection in detail.
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-27#post-7230386

Welcome back!

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Some people think that new technology always improves the lives of workers. Other people believe that it results in disadvantageous for workers. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

we got :

new technology always improves the lives of workers

new technology is disadvantageous for workers

It is sometimes believed that the latest technological developments invariably make employees life simple, while others opine that it is detrimental for them.

I personally believe that it is advantageous for a large section of workers.

read this, why that one is red
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137818

On the one hand, some argue that technology brings in adversities for the employees. For instance, robots are taking away the jobs of humans and making their life more troublesome rather than making it easy. This way technology instead of supplementing the efforts of workers it is working as their competitors and making their life hell difficult as these machines can beat humans in speed and accuracy.

One the other hand, many consider that latest technology smoothens the working of employees. For example, the innovation of computer worked as a boon for the accountants, it has oversimplified the process of data collection, retrieval and analysis to a great extent and, nowadays, one cannot think routine work on this job without the help of a computer. These way technologies simplify the work of the staff members.

Personally, I believe that while technology many sometimes harm workers interest, but it mostly helps them to do work efficiently and effectively. To illustrate, tunnel-digging was once considered a very laborious task but, nowadays, this can be done effortlessly while sitting in an air-conditioned chamber with the help of the latest technology such as automation and robotics.

To conclude, although many consider that technology always works as a boon for the workforce, others consider this as a troublemaker for the workers. I personally feel that while it has some negatives, it mostly ameliorates the worker's situation.

read it

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-111#post-7783861

there is "THE LIST"

Missing things :

Should, Could, Might
Idiomatic language
not only but also
if, then, (conditional sentence)
however, nevertheless, despite this, in-spite of that,
dashes, colon, semi-colon
rare vocab ( which can me say "wow that's nice")

see, lots of things are missing, and people ask, why I don't get 7

Make this fucking list of these things, and must throw them in every essay to be sure that examiner have no chance to say no to you.

more: throw them in speaking too, make them your habit until u get 8777 - you must prevail.

you can improve your writing, for band 7, not a big issue for you, but you need proper guidance, which we have plenty in this thread.

as a prescription, read old reviews, compare your essays, note which mistake you are making, which things you did not know, then combine all that and write a new essay from new perceptive.

the problem is, you essay is good, but 7 bands in not sure, you must write in a way, that examiner will have no chance to say "No" to you. got it ??


we have that kind of essays here,

recent one
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137847

 

[cansha]

Dear @cansha

Request you to look into my responses of Task 1 Letter. Cannot thank you enough for your previous feedback, which helped me a lot in improving the silly mistakes I was making.

Task 1 Question
During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants.
Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter

• remind him when and where you met
• tell him what kind of job you are interested in
• say why you think you would be suitable for the job

Task 1 Answer

Dear Mr Bezos

I am Tom Fernandez and this is in context to a job opening at your restaurant, Yautcha. We had met last Friday, the 31st of October, on our flight from London to New York at the bar area. You mentioned to me that you own a chain of restaurants in the Long Island suburb.

I am a qualified C.A (Chartered Accountant) and would love to work in the accounts department of your esteemed restaurant. I am interested in something which would require me to use my expertise in software's Figure out why this is incorrect. like Microsoft Tally, Matlab and Excel 2018.

As I mentioned, I have prior work experience of working at a fast-food joint, where I spent 2 years with the cost accounting department. Also, my passion for this subject is seen in my grades, topping my university for 2 consecutive years.

Thank you for your time in the flight, use a full stop here instead I request you to consider me for the job and looking forward to hearing from you.

Regards
Tom

So the best part about this is that your task response is excellent. You have addressed all the points required from the task sufficiently. There are few things that could be worded better but then this should be good enough for Task 1.

 

[cansha]

Dear @cansha

Request you to look into my responses of Task 2 Essay. Cannot thank you enough for your previous feedback, which helped me a lot in improving the silly mistakes I was making.

Task 2 Question
In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion?

Task 2 Answer

Without even reading the essay I some issues. The length of the introduction is longer than your body paragraphs. That is bad. Now let's look at the essay. The topic is not an easy one.

The ever increasing population has led to the overcrowding of metros. Hence moving to the countryside and constructing homes there is one of the few options available. Few people are of the belief that conservation of the countryside is more crucial than the construction of homes in these areas. Find a way to paraphrase this in one sentence. This is far too long.
I strongly differ with this opinion, as the cost of our living & land is cheaper. This is a formal essay. Do not use & safer to use "and"
Also, the standard of living, which is our health is important and is far better in the countryside than in metros. Needs to be better phrased.

Housing prices in cities are constantly rising, hence everyone cannot afford them. Cost of purchasing land in the countryside is approximately 30% lesser than in metros, hence there is a huge saving. Also, the cost of living which would include electricity, telephone and gas bills are more expensive. Recently, the Housing Authority of India issued a paper where the costs of living in the two were compared, and it stated that the total cost of living in the countryside in 23% less. Ok I get where are you going with this but you haven't really made your point.

Also, because metros are so overcrowded, there is constant chaos. This could lead to the deterioration of our well-being in the long term, as it impacts us mentally and physically. We live a busier life in cities and hence fail to take proper care of ourselves. The Human Development ministry mentioned in an interview recently, that average living age of a human being in a city in 69, whereas in a village is 79.

Although it is crucial to conserve our villages and small towns, our health plays a far more important role in the development of our society. We save a lot of money and live a less chaotic life in the countryside, which pushes us to do better financially and focus a lot more at our work-place. You haven't discussed any of this in your essay.


I can see what you wanted to say in the essay but sadly the task response is still not up to the mark.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Welcome back!

yea thank you, but it boils my blood, when I see people making the same mistakes as I used to make in my 6.5 band era, 8 ielts test to be precise.

I was craving for the information, but nobody was there for me with that much info at one place, wild guess, probably this thread has the most concentrated info about writing on the entire internet.

should we make list of old reviews, to give it to lazy people ?
you are checking their essays, investing your time, despite that, meat is missing from essays, they don't get the point, Task achievement is shit in most essays, paragraph are clumsy, they don't understand the topic fully, its all mess. Literally break my heart, to avoid that pain, I don't even open this side of forums anymore.

and you might also aware of unlucky November 2018 AOR one's, shit is taking tooo much time, SithLord is our leader

 

[Ashinder]

@cansha , can you please review these introductions

@cansha , I attempted to write the introduction for the below essay topics. Can you please review them once and provide your feedback. Thanks in advance.


Essay:

Some people believe that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Introduction:

It is considered by many that an individual can ameliorate his or her intellectual skills by performing group activities. In my opinion, I agree that these activities utterly helps in improvising the intellectual skills because it provides opportunities to people to enhance their skills and learn new things from the group members.


Essay:

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Introduction:

While designing and developing new towns, the most important thing is to be considered is to construct additional community gardens or sports center instead of shopping complex. In my opinion, I agree that parks or sports arena are vital as they help us to stay salubrious and agile. However I also believe that launching shopping mall is indispensable in the area because each item bring plethora of benefits to the society.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

@cansha , I attempted to write the introduction for the below essay topics. Can you please review them once and provide your feedback. Thanks in advance.


Essay:

Some people believe that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Introduction:

It is considered by many that an individual can ameliorate [wrong word choice] his or her intellectual skills by performing [better: participating in] group activities. In my opinion, I agree that these activities utterly helps in improvising [wrong word choice] the intellectual skills because it provides opportunities to people to enhance their skills and learn new things from the group members.

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/ameliorate
https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/improvise


if question is, To what extent do you agree or disagree.

appropriate way to answer is :
I completely agree/disagree
I somewhat agree/disagree
I completely agree/disagree
I totally agree/disagree
I partially agree/disagree
I agree/disagree to a certain extent
completely / somewhat / completely / totally / partially << these words, tell me/reader your "extent"
https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/extent

now take a deep look at this sentence,

"I agree that these activities utterly helps in improvising the intellectual skills because it provides opportunities to people to enhance their skills and learn new things from the group members."

"it improve skills because it provide opportunity to enhance skills" << you are saying this, in a complex way, which does not make sense, you are repeating yourself.
then you added "and learn new things from the group members."

let me tell you how to say it correctly.

I completely agree that group activities absolutely enhance intellectual skills by providing the opportunity to
practice and learn new things from participating peers.


A short lesson on Task Achievement
Question : How many eyes you have ?
Correct : I have two eyes.

wrong:
I have some eyes,
I have eyes,
yea eyes.


give direct and clear answer to the main question.

Essay:

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Introduction:

While designing and developing new towns, the most important thing is to be considered is to construct additional community gardens or sports center instead of shopping complex.

In my opinion, I agree that parks or sports arena are vital as they help us to stay salubrious and agile.

However I also believe that launching shopping mall is indispensable in the area because each item bring plethora of benefits to the society.

https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/indispensable

now this is the wrong way of doing things.

Question specifically asked " agree" or "disagree?"
its like do you want
"Tea" or "Coffee"
"Fruit" or "Candy"

basically it says, You can not have both, you can have only one.

technically, in english it means that.

but, in essays people are messing around with instructions. which mess up task achievement

Learn about different essay types. How to answer the question.

 

[nthalork]

we got :

new technology always improves the lives of workers

new technology is disadvantageous for workers




read this, why that one is red
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137818













read it

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-111#post-7783861

there is "THE LIST"





you can improve your writing, for band 7, not a big issue for you, but you need proper guidance, which we have plenty in this thread.

as a prescription, read old reviews, compare your essays, note which mistake you are making, which things you did not know, then combine all that and write a new essay from new perceptive.

the problem is, you essay is good, but 7 bands in not sure, you must write in a way, that examiner will have no chance to say "No" to you. got it ??


we have that kind of essays here,

recent one
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137847

@H0peAndFa1th,

Thanks for being polite and gentle with my essay, I was expecting something harsh after reading your previous essay review. The list you shared is very useful, I will try to incorporate more of these in future write-ups. I am following your advice and reading the thread for past reviews, at the moment, I am on page 77 but posted essay and letters before completing it as I want to give another attempt on next Sunday. Till then I will try to write as many essays for trial and error for incorporating as many as advices I can. No words are enough to thank and appreciate your selfless contribution benefiting countless IELTS strugglers.

 

[can_da]

got two things

government should spend money on faster public transportation
example:bullet train,

other important priorities of public transport (eg: cost and environment)
means: cost is high, return is low, environment is severely affected, trees cut, pollution etc



read here : why your second sentence is red
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-152#post-8137818




love 4 sentence paragraphs
your sentence structure is great, feel native writing, or more close to native, natural, smooth.

green means, goooood.


Needless to say, this is one the best paragraphs in this thread.




everything feels natural, smooth, nothing forced, no confusion, precise clear ideas, writer is sure, completely understand the topic, knows how to write, present, convince.

band 7 is not a problem for this one, for me it surely is 7.5, I am thinking about 8 bands or more

you don't need much bashing on the head, just read old essay reviews in this thread, so you can avoid mistakes made by others, just in case, to be sure.

read this one, dissection in detail.
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-27#post-7230386

Dear @H0peAndFa1th
Thank you so much for reviewing my essay and these kind words are not less than a souvenir when they come from someone like you!
Well, I am going through this thread already and honestly speaking this is by far the best online source to find out and work on weak areas.
Above all, the dissection of Simon's essay you shared is instrumental for us all aspirants I believe (if someone reads and understands properly).

You and @cansha are doing a great service bro, may the Almighty bring you guys the ultimate success.

 

[priyanka.kanawat]

@cansha,

Seek your expert feedback on this essay, please. It was done within the 40 min time-frame.
Length: 270 words

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic.
What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?
-----------------------------------------------

An increasing number of tourists have now started exploring challenging destinations like Sahara desert and the Antarctic. While there are many pros to such experiences, one needs to be mindful of the cons too.

The biggest advantage of such trips is the sheer thrill that can get the adrenaline rushing. Visiting places with extreme climatic conditions helps one experience nature at its very extreme and such an experience can make one more adaptable. Besides, as it offers a completely contrasting experience to our mundane lives, it can get us recharged with a completely fresh approach. Exploring such unchartered territories also provides an opportunity to gain life skills from an exciting experience.

Such dangerous adventures have some perils too. If one has not researched enough before planning the trip, one might be in for some unpleasant surprises. A lot of times when you are at the mercy of nature, it could get extremely risky. What if the experience leads to life-threatening repercussions? One needs to take into consideration every little health condition before setting-out for such testing experiences. Despite all preparations, the situation might go out of hand. Hence, medical assistance must be handy. Also, children and senior-citizens must be either kept away from such situations or venture into them with appropriate precautions.

Every trip brings with it a whole lot of learning. On top of it, if it is an adventurous rendezvous like this, it tests your limits to the very best. It is a must-have experience. Having said that, people need to make sure that they are well-guided and well-guarded before setting out on every such uncommon adventure.

 

[priyanka.kanawat]

@cansha,
Seek your kind feedback on my Task 1 application. It was done in 23 minutes.
193 words

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.
Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment.
In your letter
· Describe the problem with the equipment
· Explain how this problem is affecting your work
· Say what you want the shop or company to do

Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Sir or Madam

------------------------------------------------

Dear Sir,

I am writing to you regarding a technical issue with the CD drive of my laptop that was purchased from your shop on 15th June.

The CD drive has been getting jammed ever since I bought the laptop. Therefore, I had brought this to the attention of your customer care team in the very first week. The complaint number that I was provided during my customer care call made on 20th June is AQ1243. I was assured that the problem will be resolved in the following week.

The nature of my work requires me to use the CD drive very frequently as I am a graphic designer. As I need to use high-quality graphics and programmes from my CDs regularly, this technical issue is not only affecting my quality of work but also delaying my assignments.

As committed by your customer care team, please arrange to have a technical support assistant visit my home immediately. In case if the problem remains unresolved, I request you to please consider replacing the laptop as it is still under warranty.

I request you to please take this on priority and revert.


Yours sincerely,

Priyanka K.

 

[Ria-sharma]

let's see what is topic.

some says, natural ability is must to succeed at sports

other say, hard work and practice can deliver the results, aka success


let's see if you got it right or not.



Discuss both views and give your opinion?

this is an instruction for you/writer, look here https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/instruction

now, it is asking you to be specific.
first give me both views, and then, give me your opinion.

It is not 100% necessary, but I prefer to stick to instructions, for a very specific reason.

you can not discuss both views genuinely after stating your opinion.
what is means that, your reader is going to think that you are biased to one view
or there is possibility that you can bias the reader to one view, then reader will discard arguments of another view.

In English language, instructions are very important, just like in listening or reading section of IELTS.
for example, one word blanks or one to three word blanks (need more attention, mostly prepositions or articles )

you can not ignore instructions.

https://www.kibin.com/essay-writing-blog/what-is-a-discursive-essay/


see it for yourself.

https://www.kibin.com/essay-writing-blog/why-avoiding-bias-in-writing-is-so-important-and-how-to-do-it/
https://www.essay.uk.com/guides/types-of-essay/discursive-essay.php

there is no point of reading the whole essay, if I know your opinion before reading the whole.

you all need to get your head around this. don't mess with instructions, or you will loose the bands, I am dead sure about it.


----
you may find me rude, but you will feel much worse when you see 6.5 in results.
you must read this thread from start. repeating this 10000th time, why don't you people listen to simple advice ???????


My take: you don't know, how to construct a paragraph, in a way IELTS want you to.

go, start reading this thread from first page, you will see me ranting that alot.

we have

some says, natural ability is must to succeed at sports

other say, hard work and practice can deliver the results, aka success

your First BP, failed to address both of them, its confusing.


pooooorly constructed paragraph, bad very bad.

writing about one thing, then offering concession,
then other thing, again concession.








before posting any essay, I strongly recommend you to read this entire thread, Learn from mistakes made by your predecessors, including me, before wasting your time, money, and our time ofcourse, wouldn't it be just a prudent idea ?????

Hi, you along with @cansha are doing a commendable job by helping people to prepare well for there writing module. Hats off to you guys!!!


Your selfless effort is really appreciated, but I have an enquiry about the correct introduction format for "Discuss both sides and give your opinion" question. Here you are emphasising on eliminating writer's opinion from the intro and restrict it to the conclusion only; However, I'm not sure whether this approach is good for an IELTS essay as different IELTS bloggers like IELTS Liz, E2 language, IELTS advantage, Myieltsclassroom do include their opinion in intro itself. Actually, this is not the first time when I have come across this suggestion of not giving my opinion in the intro as my mentor from IELTS Ninja also suggested this approach, but at that time also I was sceptical about using it bcz all the renowned IELTS trainers are saying that it is crucial to give your opinion in the intro in order to show a clear opinion throughout the essay. I do understand your's and my mentor's point also that if we religiously follow the instructions, then we have to discuss both sides first and only after that give our opinion. But, maybe that approach is for actual academic essays and not for IELTS essays. I'm really confused whom to agree here.


P.S I have attempted IELTS 2 times and both the times I got discuss both sides and give your opinion essay. I gave my opinion in the intro in both attempts as I didn't want to risk losing marks by not following the structure taught be famous IELTS trainers and my score was Band 7 in both, still confused if that was a right choice or not

@cansha could you also give your take on this?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Hi, you along with @cansha are doing a commendable job by helping people to prepare well for there writing module. Hats off to you guys!!!


Your selfless effort is really appreciated, but I have an enquiry about the correct introduction format for "Discuss both sides and give your opinion" question. Here you are emphasising on eliminating writer's opinion from the intro and restrict it to the conclusion only; However, I'm not sure whether this approach is good for an IELTS essay as different IELTS bloggers like IELTS Liz, E2 language, IELTS advantage, Myieltsclassroom do include their opinion in intro itself. Actually, this is not the first time when I have come across this suggestion of not giving my opinion in the intro as my mentor from IELTS Ninja also suggested this approach, but at that time also I was sceptical about using it bcz all the renowned IELTS trainers are saying that it is crucial to give your opinion in the intro in order to show a clear opinion throughout the essay. I do understand your's and my mentor's point also that if we religiously follow the instructions, then we have to discuss both sides first and only after that give our opinion. But, maybe that approach is for actual academic essays and not for IELTS essays. I'm really confused whom to agree here.


P.S I have attempted IELTS 2 times and both the times I got discuss both sides and give your opinion essay. I gave my opinion in the intro in both attempts as I didn't want to risk losing marks by not following the structure taught be famous IELTS trainers and my score was Band 7 in both, still confused if that was a right choice or not

@cansha could you also give your take on this?

Fair question, Let's dive in

famous examiners/trainers have targeted audience, customers to be precise, customers buy products, so these manufacturers think million times before producing any product, there are two types of customers, students/academic and general/working professionals,

there you have a problem, their customer base consist 99% students, which apparently have lower band score requirements, they rarely need 7, most of them need 6 bands. So manufacturers putt less effort in production, aka quality, and mass produce some "one size fit all" products.

they all are best for students, but General candidates are having hard times

So does it mean they are wrong, no they are not, does this mean, giving your opinion in intro is wrong, no it is not.

problems of General candidates
Most of them are engineers, or working professionals, they talk very logical,count lot of bullet points, don't expand ideas
not writing by hand (now computer test is good for them)
Left study long time ago
lost grammar
their vast knowledge makes them drift, they become philosophical, offtopic - TA become shit,
Never wrote these kind of essays ever before, ivy league universities demand these kind of essays, under their own writing style guides,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_style_guides
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/academic_writing/essay_writing/index.html


there are 4 things,
TA, CC, GRA, LR (https://ielts-academic.com/2016/01/07/ielts-writing-scores/)

if your english is exceptionally good, natural , native, nobody can stop you from getting 8 or 9 bands.

read this,see the slight difference, from one to another band scores.
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-30#post-7246424

then
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-11#post-7085313


now, how would examiner differentiate, its extremely hard job, if you ask me, but if you are checking 400 essays in day, or 2500 essay in a week, your brain will go in automatic mode, that is why most of essays fetch 6.5 bands.

people got 1 band jump in revaluation, so who's right, senior examiner or the first one ???

my approach is, to give a little jolt to examiner, do something different, so he/she pays some attention, put offf automation mode. and yes, also improve all 4 area of an essay

first and foremost is, Task Achievement.

if you write offtopic, your english does not matter, failed to address the topic head on, you have 6 to 6.5


General candidates, face issues in writing because of above and listening in bad luck, when there's too much 3 word blanks, maps, confusing MCQ, and higher requirement of band scores, 8


back to opinion essay,

if your both paragraphs have clear idea, explanation, reason, example, conclusion, - no overlapping, confusion, or mess,
and conclusion clearly conclude the findings, paraphrase the conclusion of both paragraphs.

you will get 7 bands, give your opinion in intro or not.

you can do whatever you want, but people must know that there is an instruction, which has a clear purpose, there is a way to do things,

when they mix, or fail to understand the topic, then for them,

discussion
opinion
advantage /disadvantage
cause effect
problem solution
reason solution

all they have is, I agree or I disagree

can you see the problem there ?

I just want them to understand all this, get a deep understanding of things.