IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
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Hello
@cansha
Please check my essay. and approximate band score..thank you
Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences.
There is no doubt that technological advancements especially computers have a profound impact on education. While some people believe that this is in favor of better learning, others are adamant opponent and think that the use of such tools will have reverse results. By the end of this essay, I will have discussed both points of view and explained my support for the latter view.
On one hand there is some who assert that Computers are technological tools to be diploid in distance learning. For instance, although, I am located in Algeria, I was able to benefit from a management course that took place in London last year. Moreover, computers can be of great importance regarding time consumption. While traditional learners use library to lookup new information which could take hours, those who utilize computers have all the information they need a click of a button away. Nevertheless, the aforementioned arguments are in my opinion not enough to support this way of thinking.
On the other hand, a considerable portion of society believe that computers will separate learners from their environment. Indeed, a Canadian study has shown that depression among students of computer-based schools is rising year after year. Furthermore, while spreading learning by computers can be seen as a step forward, the economical aspect of using these machines can have its toll on individuals, families and even governments. Thus, I would strongly advise against the use of computers in the educational process because the disadvantages of such use outweigh its advantages.
In conclusion, this essay has discussed both the positives and negatives of using computers in education. And after thoroughly analyzing the impact of that on students both socially and economically, I confirm that I am completely against the implementation of computers in education.
@cansha
Please check my essay. and approximate band score..thank you
Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences.
There is no doubt that technological advancements especially computers have a profound impact on education. While some people believe that this is in favor of better learning, others are adamant opponent and think that the use of such tools will have reverse results. By the end of this essay, I will have discussed both points of view and explained my support for the latter view.
On one hand there is some who assert that Computers are technological tools to be diploid in distance learning. For instance, although, I am located in Algeria, I was able to benefit from a management course that took place in London last year. Moreover, computers can be of great importance regarding time consumption. While traditional learners use library to lookup new information which could take hours, those who utilize computers have all the information they need a click of a button away. Nevertheless, the aforementioned arguments are in my opinion not enough to support this way of thinking.
On the other hand, a considerable portion of society believe that computers will separate learners from their environment. Indeed, a Canadian study has shown that depression among students of computer-based schools is rising year after year. Furthermore, while spreading learning by computers can be seen as a step forward, the economical aspect of using these machines can have its toll on individuals, families and even governments. Thus, I would strongly advise against the use of computers in the educational process because the disadvantages of such use outweigh its advantages.
In conclusion, this essay has discussed both the positives and negatives of using computers in education. And after thoroughly analyzing the impact of that on students both socially and economically, I confirm that I am completely against the implementation of computers in education.
Hello Mr. Cansha
I wish to share another essay with you. Thank you in advance.
‘Nowadays, news companies spend a lot of money covering international news. However, local news is more relevant to people’s lives and should receive more funding.’
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In today’s world, news broadcasters allocate great portion of their financial sources for international news coverage. Many people believe that these funds should be switched to the local news, due to the irrelevance of international news to the society. In my opinion, I believe that even though local news is essential for citizens, international developments around the world should not be neglected.
First and foremost, local news is significant for every person in a country. This is because national developments affect people’s lives, therefore individuals should keep themselves informed with the latest local news. For instance, in 2019, Italian government was abolished by the Prime Minister due to a dispute between the coalition parties and parliament decided to go for snap elections. If an Italian voter does follow that update, then he or she may miss to fulfill his/her responsibility as a citizen. Apart from that, TVs and newspapers should ensure to convey the latest advantages or improvements in the country, such as newly constructed public transport lines or a law that gives extra tax refund for seniors, hence people can benefit from these local developments. Consequently, every person should keep himself/herself updated with local news in order not to miss developments that are vital for them.
On the other hand, international news should be covered by the news channels adequately since many global developments are relevant for everyone in the world. Considering this, particular global issues are significant for every resident because globalisation connects everyone to each other with strong bonds. To illustrate, a raise in the interest rates of the Unites States Federal Reserve, which is the Central Bank of the USA, detoriorates the payback conditions of the debt owners in the world since the interests rates in global financial institutions are correlated with the interest rates in the Federal Reserve, so a hike in interest rate in the USA could increase the marginal interest payment of a mortgage debt owner in Turkey. From that concept, it can be comprehended that global news can be valuable for individuals if it affects their life, people should keep an eye on this news.
To sum up, I believe that even though covering local news is a must for the news broadcasting firms to keep people informed, individuals should not ignore major global news not to miss any relevant information.
Hi guys, I have booked the test on September 3rd. Have written this essay and would like to know what areas I can quickly work on or improve prior to sitting for my next exam. Thank you
Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion
Some people believe that having a university degree is the most important factor for getting a good job. However, others consider first-hand experience and soft skills to be more effective. In my opinion, while developing experience and skills are basic things and can be acquired on the job, I believe completing higher studies is a must for getting professional jobs.
Admittedly, prior experience and having basic skills can be handy for performing effectively the duties of any role, according to some. In other words, people that have carried similar tasks and have developed some basic skills can use their experience to fully apply themselves into their new roles. It is believed that these people could use their past experience and can easily tackle the challenges they face in any organization they join. While these could be important for carrying a job, they are primary elements and can easily be learned on the job by proper training and capacity building programs. For this reason, many companies have now been focusing on training their employees on a few of these basic skills, such as communication, presentation, and report writing.
On the other hand, some people think that the key to get a good job, particularly in a professional area, is to have a university degree, and I completely agree. There is a minimum requirement of at least a bachelor’s degree for practising many professions which are seemed to be many people’s dream jobs. Medicines, science and law are example of those perfect occupations that require a technical degree to pursue a successful career in. The growing number of students attending colleges and universities each year willing to pursue higher studies in these technical also justifies the importance of these professional degrees in setting up a good career.
In conclusion, while there are different views, I believe soft skills and prior work experience are basic elements and can easily be acquired on the job through trainings, however, completing a university degree is extremely vital as it is the minimum requirement to work in different professional fields.
Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion
Some people believe that having a university degree is the most important factor for getting a good job. However, others consider first-hand experience and soft skills to be more effective. In my opinion, while developing experience and skills are basic things and can be acquired on the job, I believe completing higher studies is a must for getting professional jobs.
Admittedly, prior experience and having basic skills can be handy for performing effectively the duties of any role, according to some. In other words, people that have carried similar tasks and have developed some basic skills can use their experience to fully apply themselves into their new roles. It is believed that these people could use their past experience and can easily tackle the challenges they face in any organization they join. While these could be important for carrying a job, they are primary elements and can easily be learned on the job by proper training and capacity building programs. For this reason, many companies have now been focusing on training their employees on a few of these basic skills, such as communication, presentation, and report writing.
On the other hand, some people think that the key to get a good job, particularly in a professional area, is to have a university degree, and I completely agree. There is a minimum requirement of at least a bachelor’s degree for practising many professions which are seemed to be many people’s dream jobs. Medicines, science and law are example of those perfect occupations that require a technical degree to pursue a successful career in. The growing number of students attending colleges and universities each year willing to pursue higher studies in these technical also justifies the importance of these professional degrees in setting up a good career.
In conclusion, while there are different views, I believe soft skills and prior work experience are basic elements and can easily be acquired on the job through trainings, however, completing a university degree is extremely vital as it is the minimum requirement to work in different professional fields.
Dear @cansha
Request you to look into my responses of Task 1 Letter. Cannot thank you enough for your previous feedback, which helped me a lot in improving the silly mistakes I was making.
Task 1 Question
During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants.
Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter
Dear Mr Bezos
I am Tom Fernandez and this is in context to a job opening at your restaurant, Yautcha. We had met last Friday, the 31st of October, on our flight from London to New York at the bar area. You mentioned to me that you own a chain of restaurants in the Long Island suburb.
I am a qualified C.A (Chartered Accountant) and would love to work in the accounts department of your esteemed restaurant. I am interested in something which would require me to use my expertise in software's like Microsoft Tally, Matlab and Excel 2018.
As I mentioned, I have prior work experience of working at a fast-food joint, where I spent 2 years with the cost accounting department. Also, my passion for this subject is seen in my grades, topping my university for 2 consecutive years.
Thank you for your time in the flight, I request you to consider me for the job and looking forward to hearing from you.
Regards
Tom
Request you to look into my responses of Task 1 Letter. Cannot thank you enough for your previous feedback, which helped me a lot in improving the silly mistakes I was making.
Task 1 Question
During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants.
Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter
- remind him when and where you met
- tell him what kind of job you are interested in
- say why you think you would be suitable for the job
Dear Mr Bezos
I am Tom Fernandez and this is in context to a job opening at your restaurant, Yautcha. We had met last Friday, the 31st of October, on our flight from London to New York at the bar area. You mentioned to me that you own a chain of restaurants in the Long Island suburb.
I am a qualified C.A (Chartered Accountant) and would love to work in the accounts department of your esteemed restaurant. I am interested in something which would require me to use my expertise in software's like Microsoft Tally, Matlab and Excel 2018.
As I mentioned, I have prior work experience of working at a fast-food joint, where I spent 2 years with the cost accounting department. Also, my passion for this subject is seen in my grades, topping my university for 2 consecutive years.
Thank you for your time in the flight, I request you to consider me for the job and looking forward to hearing from you.
Regards
Tom
Dear @cansha
Request you to look into my responses of Task 2 Essay. Cannot thank you enough for your previous feedback, which helped me a lot in improving the silly mistakes I was making.
Task 2 Question
In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion?
Task 2 Answer
The ever increasing population has led to the overcrowding of metros. Hence moving to the countryside and constructing homes there is one of the few options available. Few people are of the belief that conservation of the countryside is more crucial than the construction of homes in these areas. I strongly differ with this opinion, as the cost of our living & land is cheaper. Also, the standard of living, which is our health is important and is far better in the countryside than in metros.
Housing prices in cities are constantly rising, hence everyone cannot afford them. Cost of purchasing land in the countryside is approximately 30% lesser than in metros, hence there is a huge saving. Also, the cost of living which would include electricity, telephone and gas bills are more expensive. Recently, the Housing Authority of India issued a paper where the costs of living in the two were compared, and it stated that the total cost of living in the countryside in 23% less.
Also, because metros are so overcrowded, there is constant chaos. This could lead to the deterioration of our well-being in the long term, as it impacts us mentally and physically. We live a busier life in cities and hence fail to take proper care of ourselves. The Human Development ministry mentioned in an interview recently, that average living age of a human being in a city in 69, whereas in a village is 79.
Although it is crucial to conserve our villages and small towns, our health plays a far more important role in the development of our society. We save a lot of money and live a less chaotic life in the countryside, which pushes us to do better financially and focus a lot more at our work-place.
Request you to look into my responses of Task 2 Essay. Cannot thank you enough for your previous feedback, which helped me a lot in improving the silly mistakes I was making.
Task 2 Question
In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion?
Task 2 Answer
The ever increasing population has led to the overcrowding of metros. Hence moving to the countryside and constructing homes there is one of the few options available. Few people are of the belief that conservation of the countryside is more crucial than the construction of homes in these areas. I strongly differ with this opinion, as the cost of our living & land is cheaper. Also, the standard of living, which is our health is important and is far better in the countryside than in metros.
Housing prices in cities are constantly rising, hence everyone cannot afford them. Cost of purchasing land in the countryside is approximately 30% lesser than in metros, hence there is a huge saving. Also, the cost of living which would include electricity, telephone and gas bills are more expensive. Recently, the Housing Authority of India issued a paper where the costs of living in the two were compared, and it stated that the total cost of living in the countryside in 23% less.
Also, because metros are so overcrowded, there is constant chaos. This could lead to the deterioration of our well-being in the long term, as it impacts us mentally and physically. We live a busier life in cities and hence fail to take proper care of ourselves. The Human Development ministry mentioned in an interview recently, that average living age of a human being in a city in 69, whereas in a village is 79.
Although it is crucial to conserve our villages and small towns, our health plays a far more important role in the development of our society. We save a lot of money and live a less chaotic life in the countryside, which pushes us to do better financially and focus a lot more at our work-place.
Dear @cansha
Request you to look into my response to Task 2 Essay below. Thanks in Advance
The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement ?
It is often argued that government should finance public services rather than wasting budget on art, music and theatre. However, my views are in strong contrast with the given statement. I elucidate my stand in subsequent paragraphs.
At the outset, most conspicuous reason which reinforce my perception is that arts, theatre and music help in the growth of economy in numerous ways. Since, people from different countries often travel to attend/ take part in theatre ,drama and music concerts. As a result, spending of those visitors add on to local economy. Further substantial viewpoint is these skills like art and music often create plethora of employment opportunities. Here, an empirical evidence reveals that music industry alone is contributing almost 25% to employment opportunities among youngsters. Hence, government cannot think of ignoring investments to music, art and theatre industry.
In addition to the aforementioned ideas, another worthwhile standpoint is that these skills help in upgrading the status of the nation. To be specific, a country who has more talented and unique citizens in terms of arts and theatre can be leader in that particular industry. Therefore, major chunk of government budget should be invested on it. Furthermore, music/art/theatre should be become a compulsory subject in every school. As per mentioned according to the survey done by prestigious media group, almost one third of the british students opted either in music or art as their career choice. Consequently, many of them became very successful in their field.
In conclusion, it is quite discernible from the above mentioned explanation that my inclination towards endorsing this matter is justified as this can only be possible if governing bodies keep supporting arts, music and theatre financially.
Request you to look into my response to Task 2 Essay below. Thanks in Advance
The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement ?
It is often argued that government should finance public services rather than wasting budget on art, music and theatre. However, my views are in strong contrast with the given statement. I elucidate my stand in subsequent paragraphs.
At the outset, most conspicuous reason which reinforce my perception is that arts, theatre and music help in the growth of economy in numerous ways. Since, people from different countries often travel to attend/ take part in theatre ,drama and music concerts. As a result, spending of those visitors add on to local economy. Further substantial viewpoint is these skills like art and music often create plethora of employment opportunities. Here, an empirical evidence reveals that music industry alone is contributing almost 25% to employment opportunities among youngsters. Hence, government cannot think of ignoring investments to music, art and theatre industry.
In addition to the aforementioned ideas, another worthwhile standpoint is that these skills help in upgrading the status of the nation. To be specific, a country who has more talented and unique citizens in terms of arts and theatre can be leader in that particular industry. Therefore, major chunk of government budget should be invested on it. Furthermore, music/art/theatre should be become a compulsory subject in every school. As per mentioned according to the survey done by prestigious media group, almost one third of the british students opted either in music or art as their career choice. Consequently, many of them became very successful in their field.
In conclusion, it is quite discernible from the above mentioned explanation that my inclination towards endorsing this matter is justified as this can only be possible if governing bodies keep supporting arts, music and theatre financially.
There is no doubt Point 2.6 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
that technological advancements especially computers have a profound impact on education. While some people believe that this is in favor of better learning, others are adamant opponent and think that the use of such tools will have reverse adverse results. By the end of this essay, I will have discussed both points of view and explained my support for the latter view.Similar to point 1.4 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
Even if you were to use the above line I will is wrong .. I would be the correct phrase. Overall weak introduction and has all the issues discussed many times over in this thread and also mentioned in my post on this link.
On one hand there is are some who assert that Computers are technological tools to be diploid you mean deployed? in distance learning. For instance, although, I am located in Algeria, I was able to benefit from a management course that took place in London last year. Moreover, computers can be of great importance regarding time consumption. May be you are translating your local language to English here. This makes no sense to me.
While traditional learners use library to lookup new information which could take hours, those who utilize computers have all the information they need a click of a button away. Nevertheless, the aforementioned arguments are in my opinion not enough to support this way of thinking. Very similar to #10 on this list here http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/ Plus this sentence adds no value to your essay. Just avoid it.
On the other hand, a considerable portion of society believe that computers will separate learners from their environment. Not sure what is your argument here.
Indeed, a Canadian study has shown that depression among students of computer-based schools is rising year after year. I know you can make up facts on IELTS but this is way too much.
Furthermore, while spreading learning by computers can be seen as a step forward, the economical aspect of using these machines can have its toll on individuals, families and even governments. How?
Thus, I would strongly advise against the use of computers in the educational process because the disadvantages of such use outweigh its advantages. No value add.
In conclusion, this essay has discussed both the positives and negatives of using computers in education. And after thoroughly analyzing the impact of that on students both socially and economically, I confirm that I am completely against the implementation of computers in education.
Weak conclusion. Read section 3 here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
For all the times you have mentioned socially and economically refer to my point 2.4 here https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
So you have all the issues in this essay that have been discussed number of times on this thread. Just imagine the number of times I had to repeat same things again that I wrote that one post to summarize all points.
I know you are new to this thread. My suggestion is just spend a few days going back 20 pages and start reading reviews before you attempt a new essay. Each and every one of us makes same mistakes. Just learn from others' mistake rather than making the same mistakes yourself.
Finally, the essay is very weak on TASK RESPONSE. And that is the single major factor that will make or break a 7+ score on IELTS task 2. There is no easy fix for that other than reading more and building an idea bank so that you can write on almost any topic. All the best!
This is content from one of my very old post when this thread was very new. Re-posting it here as this may help some of you struggling with generating ideas and in general task 2.
Below is the process I followed to prepare for IELTS writing test.
1. Understand the task types and type of questions. Please do spend sometime in understanding the Task 1 and Task 2. And spend even more time in understanding various type of questions in Task 2.
For me, Task 1 was not really difficult as we write formal / informal emails all the time in our office. For Task 2 I did spend a lot of time in understanding types of questions. I also read a lot of essays for each type to understand how they are structured differently to each other.
2. Understand what exactly is being tested in Task 2. You all know the four things on which you are being evaluated. Even if you think you know them. Read those 4 criteria again everyday. Remind yourself what is needed to be accomplished.
3. Understand basic techniques of IELTS essays. For example what is expected in introduction, what is expected in conclusion paragraph. How many words are expected?
Some examples are - You should paraphrase the task in your introduction paragraph. You should one idea per paragraph. You should write a clear concluding paragraph
Honestly, I would never write an essay the way I would write for IELTS exam. But again, it's an exam. You give the examiner what he is looking for.
4. Learn what is a complex sentence. Now most of you would have read or seen in some YouTube video that IELTS expects you to write "Complex Sentences". What does a complex sentence really mean. Is it a sentence with a lot of commas and really long in length. No it is not. Please do google and understand the concept of a complex sentence.
5. Revise English Grammar rules. If you think you are not good in English Grammar please spend some time in reviewing a few rules.
A few examples and very common mistakes people do.
You always use first form of very after "did". Learn about concept of parallelism. Learn the difference between when to use whether and when to use If. Learn about conjunctions.
6. Now coming to the actual task of writing Task 2 (I'm not focusing on Task 1 as we all know Task 2 has more weight in scores)
For your first 5/6 essay practice do not try to time yourself. I think one of the common mistakes we do is trying to simulate exam conditions from the very first essay. First you need to train yourself to think in the IELTS way. So for first few essays (and make sure you pick essays from each question type)
7. Try to create an idea bank for your essays. For example have a list of ideas for environment based topics, technology based topics etc.
8. Master a few sentence structure which will help you to write complex sentences or structures. Some examples are ... Not only .... but also, Either ... or , Neither ... Nor etc. You don't need to know many. Even if you know 8-10 and you can use them in your essays you will be fine.
9. Just like idea bank build a vocab bank for yourself. Write 10 words for each category type and try to use them in your essays. Again you don't need to know a lot of words. Even if you know 80-100 good words you will be fine. Believe me learning 100 words is not that difficult. Also you may already know the words which IELTS considers good vocab.
10. Do not just practice without spending time on understanding where you committed mistakes. It is said practice makes perfect. But that is only true if you're practicing right. if you keep practicing and do not correct your old mistakes you are just practicing to commit same mistakes over and over again.
11. Learn the art of reviewing your essays. Once you have done step 6. And you are now practicing with a clock, keep at least 10 minutes to review your work. Use this time to correct mistakes or change sentence structure or make the idea flow better.
I hope some of this will help you! All the best!
Below is the process I followed to prepare for IELTS writing test.
1. Understand the task types and type of questions. Please do spend sometime in understanding the Task 1 and Task 2. And spend even more time in understanding various type of questions in Task 2.
For me, Task 1 was not really difficult as we write formal / informal emails all the time in our office. For Task 2 I did spend a lot of time in understanding types of questions. I also read a lot of essays for each type to understand how they are structured differently to each other.
2. Understand what exactly is being tested in Task 2. You all know the four things on which you are being evaluated. Even if you think you know them. Read those 4 criteria again everyday. Remind yourself what is needed to be accomplished.
3. Understand basic techniques of IELTS essays. For example what is expected in introduction, what is expected in conclusion paragraph. How many words are expected?
Some examples are - You should paraphrase the task in your introduction paragraph. You should one idea per paragraph. You should write a clear concluding paragraph
Honestly, I would never write an essay the way I would write for IELTS exam. But again, it's an exam. You give the examiner what he is looking for.
4. Learn what is a complex sentence. Now most of you would have read or seen in some YouTube video that IELTS expects you to write "Complex Sentences". What does a complex sentence really mean. Is it a sentence with a lot of commas and really long in length. No it is not. Please do google and understand the concept of a complex sentence.
5. Revise English Grammar rules. If you think you are not good in English Grammar please spend some time in reviewing a few rules.
A few examples and very common mistakes people do.
You always use first form of very after "did". Learn about concept of parallelism. Learn the difference between when to use whether and when to use If. Learn about conjunctions.
6. Now coming to the actual task of writing Task 2 (I'm not focusing on Task 1 as we all know Task 2 has more weight in scores)
For your first 5/6 essay practice do not try to time yourself. I think one of the common mistakes we do is trying to simulate exam conditions from the very first essay. First you need to train yourself to think in the IELTS way. So for first few essays (and make sure you pick essays from each question type)
- Think about the question being asked. Write down your thoughts.
- Organize your thoughts and see if you have a logical path in your essay
- Write the essay
- Review your essay
- Keep making corrections / edits till the time you are satisfied with your essay
7. Try to create an idea bank for your essays. For example have a list of ideas for environment based topics, technology based topics etc.
8. Master a few sentence structure which will help you to write complex sentences or structures. Some examples are ... Not only .... but also, Either ... or , Neither ... Nor etc. You don't need to know many. Even if you know 8-10 and you can use them in your essays you will be fine.
9. Just like idea bank build a vocab bank for yourself. Write 10 words for each category type and try to use them in your essays. Again you don't need to know a lot of words. Even if you know 80-100 good words you will be fine. Believe me learning 100 words is not that difficult. Also you may already know the words which IELTS considers good vocab.
10. Do not just practice without spending time on understanding where you committed mistakes. It is said practice makes perfect. But that is only true if you're practicing right. if you keep practicing and do not correct your old mistakes you are just practicing to commit same mistakes over and over again.
11. Learn the art of reviewing your essays. Once you have done step 6. And you are now practicing with a clock, keep at least 10 minutes to review your work. Use this time to correct mistakes or change sentence structure or make the idea flow better.
I hope some of this will help you! All the best!
Some people believe that having a university degree is the most important factor for getting a good job. However, others consider first-hand experience and soft skills to be more effective. In my opinion, while developing experience and skills are basic things and can be acquired on the job, I believe completing higher studies is a must for getting professional jobs. Good Intro! If others are reading this please see this introduction passage. This doesn't have that cliche This essay will discuss .... blah blah.
Admittedly, prior experience and having basic skills can be handy for performing effectively the duties of any role, according to some. In other words, Oh no you have something I really dislike in an essay. Point 2.2 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
people that have carried similar tasks and have developed some basic skills can use their experience to fully apply themselves into their new roles. It is believed that these people could use their past experience and can easily tackle the challenges they face in any organization they join. While these could be important for carrying a job, they are primary elements and can easily be learned on the job by proper training and capacity building programs. For this reason, many companies have now been focusing on training their employees on a few of these basic skills, such as communication, presentation, and report writing. So this passage has good ideas and flow. The thing I don't really like is that the whole passage is written in third person. People think this ... It is thought ... It is believed etc. IELTS is asking for your opinion so give your opinion and ideas. I know you have written it this way because you agree with the other point of view but still.
On the other hand, some people think that the key to get a good job, particularly in a professional area, is to have a university degree, and I completely agree. Okay so you also have point 2.1 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485. I find such lines very weak opening lines.
There is a minimum requirement of at least a bachelor’s degree for practising many professions which are seemed to be many people’s dream jobs. Medicines, science and law are example of those perfect occupations that require a technical degree to pursue a successful career in. The growing number of students attending colleges and universities each year willing to pursue higher studies in these technical also justifies the importance of these professional degrees in setting up a good career. Okay is more people start getting addicted to say Cocaine .. will that represent importance of Cocaine? You see issue with that sort of argument? Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean that thing is really important or is it? Think about it. Basically, it doesn't really convince the reader of your point of view. Think a little more.
In conclusion, while there are different views, I believe soft skills and prior work experience are basic elements and can easily be acquired on the job through trainings, however, completing a university degree is extremely vital as it is the minimum requirement to work in different professional fields. Okay decent conclusion.
Overall, I think introduction was good. BP1 was largely on target, although openings of both BP were weak. In addition I think BP2 was not so much on target and little short on task response. Conclusion was decent enough.
On a good day this essay may fetch you a 7 on exam easy but there is a risk of getting stuck at 6.5 and then getting a 7 at reval. To be honest this essay is closest to a 7 I have seen in recent few pages. But, there is scope of improvement. But you are very close.
All the best!
@cansha Dear Cansha,
I would like to bring another essay for your attention. I would be appreciated with your helpful feedbacks, thank you,
Some people think that cooking is an important skill for young people to learn. Others believe that it is better for people to learn how to cook after they become adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There has been an ongoing debate whether young adults should learn to cook at their early ages or get skilled to cook after they grow up. In my opinion, I agree that youngsters should be equipped with cooking skills as early as possible since it could be helpful for them in hard times, although many people argue that it is unnecessary and dangerous for these individuals.
First and foremost, adolescents can take advantage of being familiar with cooking when they are obligated to prepare their own meal. This is because, in some cases, youth may be left by themselves or they would be left hungry if their parents or adult relatives are not around with them. For instance, after graduating from high school, substantial amount of students prefer to study abroad or far from their hometown. In that case, they need to handle cooking by themselves since their parents will not be next to them. A second case can be given that in many occasions, parents leave their kids at home when they go out for an event or an invitation. Hence, young people ensure to know cooking in case they starve in these situations. Consequently, youngsters should be taught how to cook to deal with hunger while they alone.
On the other hand, some people argue that teaching kids how to cook is redundant and it poses danger for them. Considering this, they believe that cooking by themselves can be risky for youngsters who are also occasionally left alone. To illustrate, cutting the materials with sharp knifes or using fire to heat the meal could even burn the house or hurt the kids mistakenly. However, they fail to understand that the probability of these incidents are too low thanks to the technological developments in housing appliances and the items such as fire detector which prevents these issues to occur. Furthermore, the individualism in today’s world has been rising rapidly which causes the parents to leave their kids at home by themselves more than an occasional frequency. As a result, even though some people reject to teach their daughters or sons how to cook due to possible ramifications, it would be definitely useful in many times and it poses risks which can be neglected.
To sum up, I believe that young people should get accustomed to cook their own meal to deal with situations when they are alone, even though many individuals are opposed to the view due to its danger and unnecessity which are both preventable and invalid.
I would like to bring another essay for your attention. I would be appreciated with your helpful feedbacks, thank you,
Some people think that cooking is an important skill for young people to learn. Others believe that it is better for people to learn how to cook after they become adults.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There has been an ongoing debate whether young adults should learn to cook at their early ages or get skilled to cook after they grow up. In my opinion, I agree that youngsters should be equipped with cooking skills as early as possible since it could be helpful for them in hard times, although many people argue that it is unnecessary and dangerous for these individuals.
First and foremost, adolescents can take advantage of being familiar with cooking when they are obligated to prepare their own meal. This is because, in some cases, youth may be left by themselves or they would be left hungry if their parents or adult relatives are not around with them. For instance, after graduating from high school, substantial amount of students prefer to study abroad or far from their hometown. In that case, they need to handle cooking by themselves since their parents will not be next to them. A second case can be given that in many occasions, parents leave their kids at home when they go out for an event or an invitation. Hence, young people ensure to know cooking in case they starve in these situations. Consequently, youngsters should be taught how to cook to deal with hunger while they alone.
On the other hand, some people argue that teaching kids how to cook is redundant and it poses danger for them. Considering this, they believe that cooking by themselves can be risky for youngsters who are also occasionally left alone. To illustrate, cutting the materials with sharp knifes or using fire to heat the meal could even burn the house or hurt the kids mistakenly. However, they fail to understand that the probability of these incidents are too low thanks to the technological developments in housing appliances and the items such as fire detector which prevents these issues to occur. Furthermore, the individualism in today’s world has been rising rapidly which causes the parents to leave their kids at home by themselves more than an occasional frequency. As a result, even though some people reject to teach their daughters or sons how to cook due to possible ramifications, it would be definitely useful in many times and it poses risks which can be neglected.
To sum up, I believe that young people should get accustomed to cook their own meal to deal with situations when they are alone, even though many individuals are opposed to the view due to its danger and unnecessity which are both preventable and invalid.
@cansha,
Seek your expert feedback on this essay, please. It was done within the 40 min time-frame.
Length: 270 words
Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic.
What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?
-----------------------------------------------
An increasing number of tourists have now started exploring challenging destinations like Sahara desert and the Antarctic. While there are many pros to such experiences, one needs to be mindful of the cons too.
The biggest advantage of such trips is the sheer thrill that can get the adrenaline rushing. Visiting places with extreme climatic conditions helps one experience nature at its very extreme and such an experience can make one more adaptable. Besides, as it offers a completely contrasting experience to our mundane lives, it can get us recharged with a completely fresh approach. Exploring such unchartered territories also provides an opportunity to gain life skills from the exciting experience.
Such dangerous adventures have some perils too. If one has not researched enough before planning the trip, one might be in for some unpleasant surprises. A lot of times when you are at the mercy of nature, it could get extremely risky. What if the experience leads to life-threatening repercussions? One needs to take into consideration every little health condition before setting-out for such testing experiences. Despite all preparations, the situation might go out of hand. Hence, medical assistance must be handy. Also, children and senior-citizens must be either kept away from such situations or venture into them with appropriate precautions.
Every trip brings with it a whole lot of learning. On top of it, if it is an adventurous rendezvous like this, it tests your limits to the very best. It is a must-have experience. Having said that, people need to make sure that they are well-guided and well-guarded before setting out on every such uncommon adventures.
Seek your expert feedback on this essay, please. It was done within the 40 min time-frame.
Length: 270 words
Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic.
What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?
-----------------------------------------------
An increasing number of tourists have now started exploring challenging destinations like Sahara desert and the Antarctic. While there are many pros to such experiences, one needs to be mindful of the cons too.
The biggest advantage of such trips is the sheer thrill that can get the adrenaline rushing. Visiting places with extreme climatic conditions helps one experience nature at its very extreme and such an experience can make one more adaptable. Besides, as it offers a completely contrasting experience to our mundane lives, it can get us recharged with a completely fresh approach. Exploring such unchartered territories also provides an opportunity to gain life skills from the exciting experience.
Such dangerous adventures have some perils too. If one has not researched enough before planning the trip, one might be in for some unpleasant surprises. A lot of times when you are at the mercy of nature, it could get extremely risky. What if the experience leads to life-threatening repercussions? One needs to take into consideration every little health condition before setting-out for such testing experiences. Despite all preparations, the situation might go out of hand. Hence, medical assistance must be handy. Also, children and senior-citizens must be either kept away from such situations or venture into them with appropriate precautions.
Every trip brings with it a whole lot of learning. On top of it, if it is an adventurous rendezvous like this, it tests your limits to the very best. It is a must-have experience. Having said that, people need to make sure that they are well-guided and well-guarded before setting out on every such uncommon adventures.
@cansha,
Seek your kind feedback on my Task 1 application. It was done in 23 minutes.
Word limit: 193 words
You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.
Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment.
In your letter
· Describe the problem with the equipment
· Explain how this problem is affecting your work
· Say what you want the shop or company to do
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Sir or Madam
------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you regarding a technical issue with the CD drive of my laptop that was purchased from your shop on 15th June.
The CD drive has been getting jammed ever since I bought the laptop. Therefore, I had brought this to the attention of your customer care team in the very first week. The complaint number that I was provided during my customer care call made on 20th June is AQ1243. I was assured that the problem will be resolved in the following week.
The nature of my work requires me to use the CD drive very frequently as I am a graphic designer. As I need to use high-quality graphics and programmes from my CDs regularly, this technical issue is not only affecting my quality of work but also delaying my assignments.
As committed by your customer care team, please arrange to have a technical support assistant visit my home immediately. In case if the problem remains unresolved, I request you to please consider replacing the laptop as it is still under warranty.
I request you to please take this on priority and revert.
Yours sincerely,
Priyanka K.
Seek your kind feedback on my Task 1 application. It was done in 23 minutes.
Word limit: 193 words
You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.
Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment.
In your letter
· Describe the problem with the equipment
· Explain how this problem is affecting your work
· Say what you want the shop or company to do
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear Sir or Madam
------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you regarding a technical issue with the CD drive of my laptop that was purchased from your shop on 15th June.
The CD drive has been getting jammed ever since I bought the laptop. Therefore, I had brought this to the attention of your customer care team in the very first week. The complaint number that I was provided during my customer care call made on 20th June is AQ1243. I was assured that the problem will be resolved in the following week.
The nature of my work requires me to use the CD drive very frequently as I am a graphic designer. As I need to use high-quality graphics and programmes from my CDs regularly, this technical issue is not only affecting my quality of work but also delaying my assignments.
As committed by your customer care team, please arrange to have a technical support assistant visit my home immediately. In case if the problem remains unresolved, I request you to please consider replacing the laptop as it is still under warranty.
I request you to please take this on priority and revert.
Yours sincerely,
Priyanka K.
@cansha , I attempted to write the introduction for the below essay topics. Can you please review them once and provide your feedback. Thanks in advance.
Essay:
Some people believe that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
Introduction:
It is considered by many that an individual can ameliorate his or her intellectual skills by performing group activities. In my opinion, I agree that these activities utterly helps in improvising the intellectual skills because it provides opportunities to people to enhance their skills and learn new things from the group members.
Essay:
When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Introduction:
While designing and developing new towns, the most important thing is to be considered is to construct additional community gardens or sports center instead of shopping complex. In my opinion, I agree that parks or sports arena are vital as they help us to stay salubrious and agile. However I also believe that launching shopping mall is indispensable in the area because each item bring plethora of benefits to the society.
Essay:
Some people believe that a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
Introduction:
It is considered by many that an individual can ameliorate his or her intellectual skills by performing group activities. In my opinion, I agree that these activities utterly helps in improvising the intellectual skills because it provides opportunities to people to enhance their skills and learn new things from the group members.
Essay:
When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centers for people to spend their free time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Introduction:
While designing and developing new towns, the most important thing is to be considered is to construct additional community gardens or sports center instead of shopping complex. In my opinion, I agree that parks or sports arena are vital as they help us to stay salubrious and agile. However I also believe that launching shopping mall is indispensable in the area because each item bring plethora of benefits to the society.