10 times is a lot. In my observation there are generally two main reasons for being stuck at 6.5Hi Cansha,
Here is my first essay in this thread, please kindly review and help me understand why I stuck with 6.5 for 10 times
Answer:Hello...
@cansha ...
would you please check my task 2 essay. I have tried to sort out the previous errors.
Task 2 question :
Some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news. However, others believe that other media are better sources of news. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
I am writing to you in connection with an online purchase I made on 25th August 2019. Its What is the difference between its and it's? Which one is applicable here?Hello @cansha
Request you to look into my Task 1 letter. Have scored 6.5 twice in my writing and now attempting my 3rd in a weeks time, though a CBT this time, as my handwriting is not the best.
Task 1 Question
You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job.
Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment. In your letter
Task 1 Answer
- describe the problem with the equipment
- explain how this problem is affecting your work
- say what you want the shop or company to do
Travelling and exploring places which were not popular earlier, are being now visited by tourists, such as the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic region. They are gaining popularity because of its you are talking about places i.e. plural. What should be the right pronoun here? one of a kind experience. This essay shall discuss the advantages and disadvantage of venturing into such places. Point 1.4 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485Dear @cansha
Request you to look into my Task 2 essay. Have scored 6.5 twice in my writing and now attempting my 3rd in a weeks time, though a CBT this time, as my handwriting is not the best.
Task 2 Question
Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic? What are the benefits and disadvantages of this?
Task 2 Answer
@cansha please help critique this essay, thank you.
QUESTION
Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the last. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of TV for children
Answer
Nowadays , there has been a rise in the number of screen time amongst children. Despite the fact that an increase in the time spent on television can result in various health complications,it is also beneficial in promoting learning in children.
A major merit of the recent surge in screen time is the fact that it enhances learning. Children especially toddlers learn faster when their sights are stimulated with captivating visuals. This has made it easier for the young ones to struggle less when acquiring knowledge as compared to the past as there are numerous learning materials available on the screen .For example, my 3 year old daughter learnt to identify her numbers and letters from watching educative shows on the television. In addition, an increase in screen time can also occupy the young ones and hence provides ample time for their parents or guardian to engage in other activities.
On the contrary, the increase in time spent on television has resulted in mental and physical complications in children. There has been an increase in the number of children coming down with sight issues and this has been traced back to the increment in screen time. A recent study also revealed some toddlers who were exposed early to too much screen time lacking cognitive function and became late bloomers. They found it difficult to communicate properly with people and fit in with their peers.
In conclusion , although the increase in the time children spent on television has led to various health problems, it is also important in promoting learning.
Nowadays , there has been a rise in the number of screen time amongst children. Despite the fact that an increase in the time spent on television can result in various health complications,it is also beneficial in promoting learning in children. Good. You have given me something to look forward to. You have given me what are possible advantage and disadvantage you are going to talk about. This makes your essay better.Please help critique, thank you.
QUESTION
Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the last. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of TV for children
Answer
Thank you so much, I really appreciateNowadays , there has been a rise in the number of screen time amongst children. Despite the fact that an increase in the time spent on television can result in various health complications,it is also beneficial in promoting learning in children. Good. You have given me something to look forward to. You have given me what are possible advantage and disadvantage you are going to talk about. This makes your essay better.
A major merit of the recent surge in screen time is the fact that it enhances learning. Children especially toddlers learn faster when their sights are stimulated with captivating visuals. See if you can combine these two sentences.
This has made it easier for the young ones to struggle less when acquiring knowledge as compared to the past as there are numerous learning materials available on the screen . The phrase in red could be written in some other way to make it better.
For example, my 3 year old daughter learnt to identify her numbers and letters from watching educative shows on the television. In addition, an increase in screen time can also occupy the young ones and hence provides ample time for their parents or guardian to engage in other activities. Okay. This point actually is good and makes sense. I'm not so sure it is related to task response here but still I would say makes sense.
On the contrary, the increase in time spent on television has resulted in mental and physical complications in children. There has been an increase in the number of children coming down with sight issues and this has been traced back to the increment in screen time. You are using screen time excessively across your essay.
A recent study also revealed some toddlers who were exposed early to too much screen time lacking cognitive function and became late bloomers. They found it difficult to communicate properly with people and fit in with their peers.The mental issue aspect is not very convincing. The sight issue still makes sense.
In conclusion , although the increase in the time children spent on television has led to various health problems, it is also important in promoting learning.
One line conclusions are risky. Read section 3 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
Overall there was a flow in the essay and the ideas did flow nicely. Introduction wasn't stale and actually gave direction to the essay which is a big positive. BP1 also flowed nicely. But BP2 and conclusion were a little weak. I think you are on the right path. Keep focusing on task response and you should be able to score 7 easily. All the best!
Thanks canshaAnswer:
It is true for many people that reading news in newspapers is the most effective method to learn about current and international events as well as broaden their horizon, # 7 on this list http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/ Not sure if you read the link.
while others claim that getting news via media, radio and the internet I is always capital in Internet is the best option. From my point of view, although reading news from the newspaper is a great way to obtain information, Give me a glimpse WHY?
I would argue that using other types of media is preferable. WHY?
On the one hand, reading news in newspapers has a range of benefits. Waste of first line Point 1.5 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
Firstly, the information in the newspapers is usually close to reality and subject to better editorial control than news from other types of media. Okay but why? and how?
Moreover, readers get detailed information about the matter without any fake data. Why and how?
For instance, the percentage of newspaper reader has been increasing in comparison to the different modes of news available. Your example has nothing to do with your arguments above.
Additionally, newspaper reporters and writers are professionally trained, so that they can cover an impartial perspective which gives the reader a more balanced view. Okay this is a why and how but it is hidden so far away. Use this argument and combine with your second line. Get rid of first line and start from there.
On the other hand, other types of news media such as radio, internet, and TV can be a great mode of information. No value add
Nowadays, people are busy in their life and work, radio is the most convenient news provider to them when they commute to and from home. Why? So can be an app on the phone? What is your argument here?
Furthermore, disabled persons who cannot see and hear easily, will be able to listen and see news from the TV news. See this is the issue you went from busy people on the go to disabled people.
For example, young people feel more comfortable in hearing news about electronic gadgets. And your example is about young people.. Do you see any issue here? This is where you lose point on coherence and cohesion. you are jumping from one argument to another.
Thus, the development of the internet has increased the usage of radio and other media rather than the newspaper. Your ideas are all over the place.
In conclusion, despite the fact that reading news in newspapers might have advantages, I believe that other types of media like TV, radio, and the internet is a better way to access news. Weak conclusion. No reiteration of main points discussed.
Read more and more. The key to writing good essays is to read good essays. Try and structure your ideas more. DO NOT write full essays for 2-3 days. Read a topic and write all the points that come to your mind. Then arrange those points in paragraphs. And then google the topic and see if you had good points... Did you have good structure in place? That is how you will learn. Just writing essays won't help. Take a break from writing essays and spend time in reading. Trust me it will help!
All the best!