IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Ashinder]

@dotslash227 , @AB17 , @cansha

Please review the below essay..........Thanks in advance

Q. Over the last few decades there has been increase in international tourism.Some people think that tourism is beneficial for local communities and should be encouraged.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays there is a dramatic change in the tourism industry.With the advent of technology , low air fares and high wages of the people results in the healthy growth of this industry.However , I partially agree as I believe that increasing tourism is boon for the holistic development of the communities and nation but at the same time there are some banes as well which cannot be overlooked.

Firstly , the travel industry will ignite employment for the local people.Secondly, the hotel industry will also gain momentum due to proliferation of the tourist.As a result , it will bolster the overall development of the people as well as fuel up the economy of the nation.For instance, 60% of the population is employed in this booming field.Furthermore, we get insight of other cultures which help us to broaden our horizons of knowledge.In addition to this, the more flow of foreign exchange into a country will absolutely boost the economy of that country.

In contrary , there are some negative effects of this industry.On one hand, the traffic congestion will grow due to more visitors.To exemplify, the overflow of the travellers in Paris has resulted in creating lot of traffic jams on the streets.In addition to this the crime rate will also increase with the growth of tourist.Furthermore, the security of a place is at risk.These days many unethical people get access to enter in any country as a visitor and get a chance to do illegal activities that can cause threat to the nation

In a nutshell, I believe that there are more pros of tourism industry as compared to its cons but we can curb the negative effects by creating awareness among the masses.Moreover, government should come forward with some stringent policies to keep an eye on the unauthorised people.

 

[dotslash227]

@dotslash227 , @AB17 , @cansha

Please review the below essay..........Thanks in advance

Q. Over the last few decades there has been increase in international tourism.Some people think that tourism is beneficial for local communities and should be encouraged.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays there is a dramatic change in the tourism industry.With the advent of technology , low air fares and high wages of the people results in the healthy growth of this industry.However , I partially agree as I believe that increasing tourism is boon for the holistic development of the communities and nation but at the same time there are some banes as well which cannot be overlooked.

Firstly , the travel industry will ignite employment for the local people.Secondly, the hotel industry will also gain momentum due to proliferation of the tourist.As a result , it will bolster the overall development of the people as well as fuel up the economy of the nation.For instance, 60% of the population is employed in this booming field.Furthermore, we get insight of other cultures which help us to broaden our horizons of knowledge.In addition to this, the more flow of foreign exchange into a country will absolutely boost the economy of that country.

In contrary , there are some negative effects of this industry.On one hand, the traffic congestion will grow due to more visitors.To exemplify, the overflow of the travellers in Paris has resulted in creating lot of traffic jams on the streets.In addition to this the crime rate will also increase with the growth of tourist.Furthermore, the security of a place is at risk.These days many unethical people get access to enter in any country as a visitor and get a chance to do illegal activities that can cause threat to the nation

In a nutshell, I believe that there are more pros of tourism industry as compared to its cons but we can curb the negative effects by creating awareness among the masses.Moreover, government should come forward with some stringent policies to keep an eye on the unauthorised people.

There are significant noticeable grammatical errors and incorrect usage of some words in your essay, you should focus on improving your grammar and vocabulary. Some mistakes:-

1. With the advent of technology , low air fares and high wages of the people results in the healthy growth of this industry -> With the advent of technology, low air-fares and high wages of <omit the> people has resulted in the growth of this industry. Advice: The second sentence could had been written in a better way such as "Factors such as fast adoption of technology, and a combination of low air-fares and increase in wages, there has been a rise in the number of international tourists."

2. the travel industry will ignite employment for the local people. -> I would avoid usage of the word "ignite", ignite means to start, employment is already there, with an increase in tourism, it will help increase the employment rate and not give a start to employment to the rate. The word is inappropriately used.

3. the hotel industry will also gain momentum due to proliferation of the tourist -> There are two issues, the word "proliferation", proliferation is generally used to refer to inanimate objects, not the living, again, inappropriate usage. "tourist", plural form should had been used, "tourists", we are talking about many tourists who come, not one particular "tourist" in that area.

4. Furthermore, we get insight of other cultures which help us to broaden our horizons of knowledge.In addition to this, the more flow of foreign exchange into a country will absolutely boost the economy of that country.
Corrections : We get an insight of. helps us <omit to> broaden our horizons <omit of knowledge>. <omit the more> flow of foreign exchange <omit into a country> will boost the economy of that country [Give an example, how it will boost: by increasing the country's foreign reserves]



More or less, there are no issues with CC and TA of your essay, however, there are significant issues with Grammar and Lexical Resources. My recommendation to you would be to work on GRA and LR and then attempt the IELTS, because, not only with Task 2, your GRA and LR will affect your Task 1, too.

 

[Neha_89]

@cansha @AB17 @dotslash227
Hi,
I have tried incorporating suggestions received on forum. Kindly evaluate this essay and suggest what extra is needed.

Should private schools be giu funding by government. Give reasons and support with examples.

Nowadays, education has become a fundamental right of the individuals. A lot of private schools have involved in recent times to educate children. Since, the cost of providing quality education is high, there is a controversial debate, if private schools should receive government funding? In my opinion, the authorities should support boarding schools to evolve and promote education.

There is no denial to the strong arguments against the notion of providing subsidies to private schools. This is because, a lot of schools are earning immense profits and do not need any backing. The currently charge hefty amount of fees from students and operate on a self sufficient mechanism. As per survey, it was reported that the profits of private schools have risen by 20% in the last two years. Thus, it becomes vital for the government to read to redirect their resources in other sectors of economy, which require assistance. Furthermore, it has been observed that the sanctioned subsidies are never used is in the development of schools, rather it is directed towards the promotional activities of school.

Despite the above arguments, there are majority of schools which are on the verge of closures due to high operational costs and need assistance to operate. Thus, it becomes essential for the authorities to extend help to the budding schools to prosper. Since, the fundamental motive of the current educational schemes to promote education, it is thereby the duty of the government to provide funding to the schools. Although, a lot of subsidies have already been granted in the past but still there exists a requirement to extend the support and make sure it reaches the needful. The Times Now, reported that around 10% of the newly opened schools have announce closures due to high fixed cost. In my opinion, the schools should be supported to turn the dream of educated India true by next decade.

In conclusion, there are reasons to restrict the funding to private schools, there still exists need to support newly opened private schools, so that the whole population gets the benefit of education.

 

[cansha]

@cansha @AB17 @dotslash227
Hi,
I have tried incorporating suggestions received on forum. Kindly evaluate this essay and suggest what extra is needed.

Should private schools be giu funding by government. Give reasons and support with examples.

Nowadays, education has become a fundamental right of the individuals. This word is overly used in essays somehow. Has education become important only recently? This sentence is adding no value to your essay.

A lot of private schools have involved evolved? in recent times to educate children.
Since, the cost of providing quality education is high, there is a controversial debate, if private schools should receive government funding? Read point 4 https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/

In my opinion, the authorities should support boarding schools to evolve and promote education. Okay clear opinion but give some glimpse of why such opinion/

There is no denial to the strong arguments against the notion of providing subsidies to private schools. Point 2.6 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

This is because, a lot of schools are earning immense profits and do not need any backing. The currently charge hefty amount of fees from students and operate on a self sufficient mechanism. As per survey, which survey? it was reported that the profits of private schools have risen by 20% in the last two years. Thus, it becomes vital for the government to read to redirect their resources in other sectors of economy, which require assistance. Copy paste error? I know what you want to say but sentence is bad. Furthermore, it has been observed that the sanctioned subsidies are never used is in the development of schools, rather it is directed towards the promotional activities of school.

Despite the above arguments, there are majority of schools which are on the verge of closures due to high operational costs and need assistance to operate. Thus, it becomes essential for the authorities to extend help to the budding schools to prosper. Since, the fundamental motive of the current educational schemes to promote education, it is thereby the duty of the government to provide funding to the schools. You really need to review what you write.

Although, a lot of subsidies have already been granted in the past but still there exists a requirement to extend the support and make sure it reaches the needful. You're repeating same stuff
The Times Now, reported that around 10% of the newly opened schools have announce closures due to high fixed cost.
In my opinion, the schools should be supported to turn the dream of educated India true by next decade. Why opinion sentence again? And that too in body paragraph.

In conclusion, there are reasons to restrict the funding to private schools, there still exists need to support newly opened private schools, so that the whole population gets the benefit of education.

Poor conclusion. https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Overall, there are far too many errors which can be easily fixed. You need to review your essay before posting for review. I'm not certain if these were copy paste errors or genuine grammatical errors.

Also, you are committing some very common mistakes which we all do and can be fixed easily.

on the positives the task response was more or less on point but even in that I think there were far too many repetitive ideas and sentences.

Spend some more time in idea generation and structuring essays.

 

[Neha_89]

Nowadays, education has become a fundamental right of the individuals. This word is overly used in essays somehow. Has education become important only recently? This sentence is adding no value to your essay.

A lot of private schools have involved evolved? in recent times to educate children.
Since, the cost of providing quality education is high, there is a controversial debate, if private schools should receive government funding? Read point 4 https://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-tips-sentences-to-avoid/

In my opinion, the authorities should support boarding schools to evolve and promote education. Okay clear opinion but give some glimpse of why such opinion/

There is no denial to the strong arguments against the notion of providing subsidies to private schools. Point 2.6 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

This is because, a lot of schools are earning immense profits and do not need any backing. The currently charge hefty amount of fees from students and operate on a self sufficient mechanism. As per survey, which survey? it was reported that the profits of private schools have risen by 20% in the last two years. Thus, it becomes vital for the government to read to redirect their resources in other sectors of economy, which require assistance. Copy paste error? I know what you want to say but sentence is bad. Furthermore, it has been observed that the sanctioned subsidies are never used is in the development of schools, rather it is directed towards the promotional activities of school.

Despite the above arguments, there are majority of schools which are on the verge of closures due to high operational costs and need assistance to operate. Thus, it becomes essential for the authorities to extend help to the budding schools to prosper. Since, the fundamental motive of the current educational schemes to promote education, it is thereby the duty of the government to provide funding to the schools. You really need to review what you write.

Although, a lot of subsidies have already been granted in the past but still there exists a requirement to extend the support and make sure it reaches the needful. You're repeating same stuff
The Times Now, reported that around 10% of the newly opened schools have announce closures due to high fixed cost.
In my opinion, the schools should be supported to turn the dream of educated India true by next decade. Why opinion sentence again? And that too in body paragraph.

In conclusion, there are reasons to restrict the funding to private schools, there still exists need to support newly opened private schools, so that the whole population gets the benefit of education.

Poor conclusion. https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485

Overall, there are far too many errors which can be easily fixed. You need to review your essay before posting for review. I'm not certain if these were copy paste errors or genuine grammatical errors.

Also, you are committing some very common mistakes which we all do and can be fixed easily.

on the positives the task response was more or less on point but even in that I think there were far too many repetitive ideas and sentences.

Spend some more time in idea generation and structuring essays.

Hi @cansha, I cannot thank you enough for of providing your valuable suggestions. Will try work on the above mentioned areas.

 

[marosa]

Dears, I'm back again with my 5th attempt on the 29th)))) last time I got R9, L9, S 7.5, W 6.5 and was not successful with the remark either.

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th
Please kindly evaluate my essay, whoever is available. Thanks in advance!

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that governmental institutions should give preference to railways over roads, when it comes to investing money into infrastructure. In my opinion, I do not agree with this statement, since roads are more cost efficient and can enable people to have various travel options.

It is claimed by many experts that building railroads is more expensive compared to highways, when covering the same distance. Would a government decide to initiate with a railway construction, they will have to face additional costs including: building respective platforms; hiring support staff; and constantly maintaining the rails. Such a development of events may result in lack of financial resources within the country and can have a detrimental effect on the economy. A recent study conducted by the students of Yerevan State University has shown that construction and maintenance of roads is 30% cheaper than that of railways.

Besides that, roads and highways have the distinction of providing a much wider freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions. Those, who possess their own means of transportation will benefit more from newly built roads than from railways and the remaining population can still opt for commuting by bus or use carpooling services. It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the cost and the route of the trip. The aforementioned argument has been substantiated by The New York Times research, published in summer 2017, which has shown that only 30% of Americans prefers to travel by trains.

To conclude, I strongly opine that it would be more favorable for governments to spend money on roads instead of railways, because of the two fundamental reasons: building roads is less costly; and the community will have a wider range of travel options with roads network rather than railway system.

 

[alwezali]

@cansha @AB17 @dotslash227
i am a newbie here on this thread and would like to thank you immensely for providing this opportunity for strugglers in writing module with your refined expertise and helpful suggestions. Please review my essay so that i can work on my shortcomings and proceed to rectify them in my next attempt.

Some people think a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree?

Group activities has become increasingly popular and the need of the hour. Many researchers has linked an individual's cognitive skills improvement with their performance as a team. This essay will discuss how participating in study-groups and team-games increase a person's intelligence, however there are still a few professions that demand isolation to bring out the creative yet bright side of the person.

Team games and study-groups clearly improves the individual's level of smartness. In a team, a player is expected to predict and anticipate possible way of actions within tight time constraints. For example, a recent study by Harvard University showed that basketball players can-within a span of seconds-calculate over a dozen different permutation that could arise from a single course of action. Furthermore, study-groups enable individuals to obtain information that they could not otherwise acquire in isolation. A peer feedback and support is necessary for a refined understanding of concepts. For example, a study by The British Institute of Learning found that, individuals participating in group learning are far more likely to have an objective and sophisticated understanding of the topic than learners who were not a part of study-group. Such predictive powers in a game along with a high level of comprehending the topic clearly implies the improvement of a person's mental abilities during a group session.

However, there are a few jobs that demand the person to work in a secluded atmosphere,almost disconnected with the world. Performing the act in a peaceful seclusion translates their work into a masterpiece, bringing out their creativity, thus intensifying their cognitive skills that would not have been possible otherwise. Take for instance, an artist or a writer who prefer working by themselves without any intervention to produce something extraordinary.Their mental abilities to think and create something are more enhanced when working alone.

In conclusion, an individual's improvement in mental skills is more likely, if not entirely, to do with group activity . Nevertheless, assistance from peers and co-workers could encourage them to think in a clear way and have a better understanding of the situation which could enhance their performance on a high level.

 

[cansha]

Okay I had floated this idea in the past but dropped it. But I will float it again since I see same mistakes committed over and over and it is difficult to explain a few points by writing here.

So, I can do a Skype group call if any / some of you are interested. I can't do individual calls so if most people can do one time that would be great.

If interested - create a skype ID (if you don't have already or create a new one just for this ). Let me know how many are interested and we can do a group call either Sat or Sun.

If not interested, even that is fine. I will continue to review essays here and share some of my old posts again for new folks.

All the best folks!

 

[Parm Bhatti]

Hey guys,
Hope u all r doing well. Plz go through my essay and giv it a strict score.
Thanks in advance

It is argued that the geriatric people should get a care from their families, but others think that it is the responsibility of a government to provide care during this age. I will be discussing that, how the family could support old-age person to live happily, and the role of the government in providing financial and healthcare support. In the last paragraph, I will conclude the importance of both in the life of an old person.

On the one hand, family-members play an effervescent role to support their elders psychologically, in order to help them to live the rest of their life in a good way. Old-age people only seek love, affection and care from their younger-one's, also the family could support them by spending time with them, day-outs like buying grocery with their grandparents, and help them to do routine-activities. Apart from this, they could make them feel special by celebrating their birthdays, taking advice for tough decisions and reward them on making good choices. It will be helpful for them to boost up their self-esteem because a recent study by geriatric Care Hospital in America has concluded that, old age people are more likely to get depressed and disoriented, when they face family ignorance.

On the other hand, government could make them independent by providing health-care and financial strength. If old people got some funds for their routine expenses, and at least a monthly check-up for frequent health problems, then they would not be a burden for their family anymore. It is also the responsibility of the government to aid elderly because they had given their services to the society for their whole life, and paid taxes too. Now, it's the turn of government to pay attention towards them for this difficult stint of life.

In conclusion, the government and family both have equal importance to take care for the elderly, wheather government could support by provision of monetary and hospital services, and family played crucially to build them socially and mentally strong.

 

[dotslash227]

@cansha @AB17 @dotslash227
i am a newbie here on this thread and would like to thank you immensely for providing this opportunity for strugglers in writing module with your refined expertise and helpful suggestions. Please review my essay so that i can work on my shortcomings and proceed to rectify them in my next attempt.

Some people think a person improves their intellectual skills more when doing group activities. To what extent do you agree?

Group activities has become increasingly popular and the need of the hour. Many researchers has linked an individual's cognitive skills improvement with their performance as a team. This essay will discuss how participating in study-groups and team-games increase a person's intelligence, however there are still a few professions that demand isolation to bring out the creative yet bright side of the person.

Team games and study-groups clearly improves the individual's level of smartness. In a team, a player is expected to predict and anticipate possible way of actions within tight time constraints. For example, a recent study by Harvard University showed that basketball players can-within a span of seconds-calculate over a dozen different permutation that could arise from a single course of action. Furthermore, study-groups enable individuals to obtain information that they could not otherwise acquire in isolation. A peer feedback and support is necessary for a refined understanding of concepts. For example, a study by The British Institute of Learning found that, individuals participating in group learning are far more likely to have an objective and sophisticated understanding of the topic than learners who were not a part of study-group. Such predictive powers in a game along with a high level of comprehending the topic clearly implies the improvement of a person's mental abilities during a group session.

However, there are a few jobs that demand the person to work in a secluded atmosphere,almost disconnected with the world. Performing the act in a peaceful seclusion translates their work into a masterpiece, bringing out their creativity, thus intensifying their cognitive skills that would not have been possible otherwise. Take for instance, an artist or a writer who prefer working by themselves without any intervention to produce something extraordinary.Their mental abilities to think and create something are more enhanced when working alone.

In conclusion, an individual's improvement in mental skills is more likely, if not entirely, to do with group activity . Nevertheless, assistance from peers and co-workers could encourage them to think in a clear way and have a better understanding of the situation which could enhance their performance on a high level.

The intro has two mistakes with tenses. Group activities has should be have become increasingly popular and the need of the hour. Many researchers has->have linked. These are "noticeable" grammatical errors and will carry a heavy penalty.

Task Achievement
The task is straightforward, "to what extent do you agree", hence your opinion is sought. Your text "This essay will discuss how participating in study-groups and team-games increase a person's intelligence, however, there are still a few professions that demand isolation to bring out the creative yet bright side of the person." mentioned in the intro, derelicts from the task that has to be achieved.

Coherence and Cohesion
In paragraph 2, the main idea that links academics to group study is being repeated 3 time, moreover, this particular sentence : "Such predictive powers in a game along with a high level of comprehending the topic clearly implies the improvement of a person's mental abilities during a group session.", is very difficult to comprehend and I am not able to link this sentence with the main idea of the paragraph. In Para 2, we suddenly jumped from group studies and academics to games. This is affecting your CC seriously.

3rd Paragraph seems to be fine.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy - Now, this is your Achilles heel.
Many noticeable grammatical errors in the essay.
1. The intro has two mistakes with tenses. Group activities has should be have become increasingly popular and the need of the hour. Many researchers has->have linked. These are "noticeable" grammatical errors and will carry a heavy penalty.

2. disconnected with the world-> disconnect from the world
3. Performing the act in a peaceful -> performing the act in <omit a> peaceful
4. Take for instance, -> Take, for an instance OR <Omit take> For instance
5. A peer feedback -> <omit A> Peer feedback
6. to do with group activity -> to do with a group activity


Better, comprehensive sentences should be formed such as
In conclusion, an individual's improvement in mental skills is more likely, if not entirely, to do with group activity .-> To conclude, an individual's mental abilities are directly linked with their participation in group activities.

You should focus on basic grammar because your grammatical errors are pretty noticeable. Also, practice short, complex and compound sentences to get more points on GRA.

Lexical Resources
Your vocabulary is fine.

 

[alwezali]

T

The intro has two mistakes with tenses. Group activities has should be have become increasingly popular and the need of the hour. Many researchers has->have linked. These are "noticeable" grammatical errors and will carry a heavy penalty.

Task Achievement
The task is straightforward, "to what extent do you agree", hence your opinion is sought. Your text "This essay will discuss how participating in study-groups and team-games increase a person's intelligence, however, there are still a few professions that demand isolation to bring out the creative yet bright side of the person." mentioned in the intro, derelicts from the task that has to be achieved.

Coherence and Cohesion
In paragraph 2, the main idea that links academics to group study is being repeated 3 time, moreover, this particular sentence : "Such predictive powers in a game along with a high level of comprehending the topic clearly implies the improvement of a person's mental abilities during a group session.", is very difficult to comprehend and I am not able to link this sentence with the main idea of the paragraph. In Para 2, we suddenly jumped from group studies and academics to games. This is affecting your CC seriously.

3rd Paragraph seems to be fine.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy - Now, this is your Achilles heel.
Many noticeable grammatical errors in the essay.
1. The intro has two mistakes with tenses. Group activities has should be have become increasingly popular and the need of the hour. Many researchers has->have linked. These are "noticeable" grammatical errors and will carry a heavy penalty.

2. disconnected with the world-> disconnect from the world
3. Performing the act in a peaceful -> performing the act in <omit a> peaceful
4. Take for instance, -> Take, for an instance OR <Omit take> For instance
5. A peer feedback -> <omit A> Peer feedback
6. to do with group activity -> to do with a group activity


Better, comprehensive sentences should be formed such as
In conclusion, an individual's improvement in mental skills is more likely, if not entirely, to do with group activity .-> To conclude, an individual's mental abilities are directly linked with their participation in group activities.

You should focus on basic grammar because your grammatical errors are pretty noticeable. Also, practice short, complex and compound sentences to get more points on GRA.

Lexical Resources
Your vocabulary is fine.

Thankyou so much for putting in the effort to actually read my essay and correct my blunders! I'm forever thankful for your kindness
Never ever remotely realized that i sucked at grammar so much, even did the 'articles' placement wrong, now this is something i really need to ponder upon and workout. Thankyou so much again, will comeup with a new essay soon, hopefully with the grammar right!

 

[cansha]

Dears, I'm back again with my 5th attempt on the 29th)))) last time I got R9, L9, S 7.5, W 6.5 and was not successful with the remark either.

@cansha @H0peAndFa1th
Please kindly evaluate my essay, whoever is available. Thanks in advance!

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads.
Do you agree or disagree?
.

Some people argue that governmental government institutions should give preference to railways over roads, when it comes to investing money into infrastructure. In my opinion, I do not agree Avoid this sentence structure. It is verbose. When you say you don't agree that is your opinion itself. So you are kind of saying same thing in both phrases.
with this statement, since roads are more cost efficient and can enable people to have various travel options. This sentence is ambiguous.
So I like the introduction. You have tried to give a "glimpse" of essay. Just avoid ambiguous phrasing.

It is claimed by many experts that building railroads is more expensive compared to highways, when covering the same distance. Fair argument but bad phrasing.
Would a government decide to initiate with a railway construction, they will have to face additional costs including: building respective platforms; hiring support staff; and constantly maintaining the rails. It feels like I have seen this essay before. Did you post this before also? Feels like you haven't changed anything.
Such a development of events may result Why are you complicating things. Could be written in much simpler way. in lack of financial resources within the country and can have a detrimental effect on the economy.
Point 2.4 https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-90#post-7568485
A recent study conducted by the students of Yerevan State University has shown that construction and maintenance of roads is 30% cheaper than that of railways.
The positives is that the BP structure itself is good. Start with argument / hypothesis, then support sentence and finish with example / evidence. BUT the sentence structure could be much better. You are making it complicated.


Besides that, roads and highways have the distinction of providing a much wider freedom of choice and flexibility in terms of travel conditions. See this is the second time you are talking about flexibility after the introduction sentence and till now I don't know what you mean by that. So basically you have wasted first sentence here. I have no additional information.

Those, who possess their own means of transportation will benefit more from newly built roads than from railways and the remaining population can still opt for commuting by bus or use carpooling services. Now I'm certain this essay has been posted before and I'm almost certain nothing much has been changed in the content.
It will therefore be up to the traveler to decide on the timing, the cost and the route of the trip. The aforementioned argument has been substantiated by The New York Times research, published in summer 2017, which has shown that only 30% of Americans prefers to travel by trains.
Same comment. You have the structure nailed down but still content is poor.


To conclude, I strongly opine that it would be more favorable for governments to spend money on roads instead of railways, because of the two fundamental reasons: building roads is less costly; and the community will have a wider range of travel options with roads network rather than railway system

Poor conclusion. Looks like repetition of intro paragraph.

 

[Parm Bhatti]

Plz friends...look on my essay too..waiting for corrections

 

[dotslash227]

Hey guys,
Hope u all r doing well. Plz go through my essay and giv it a strict score.
Thanks in advance

It is argued that the geriatric people should get a care from their families, but others think that it is the responsibility of a government to provide care during this age. I will be discussing that, how the family could support old-age person to live happily, and the role of the government in providing financial and healthcare support. In the last paragraph, I will conclude the importance of both in the life of an old person.

On the one hand, family-members play an effervescent role to support their elders psychologically, in order to help them to live the rest of their life in a good way. Old-age people only seek love, affection and care from their younger-one's, also the family could support them by spending time with them, day-outs like buying grocery with their grandparents, and help them to do routine-activities. Apart from this, they could make them feel special by celebrating their birthdays, taking advice for tough decisions and reward them on making good choices. It will be helpful for them to boost up their self-esteem because a recent study by geriatric Care Hospital in America has concluded that, old age people are more likely to get depressed and disoriented, when they face family ignorance.

On the other hand, government could make them independent by providing health-care and financial strength. If old people got some funds for their routine expenses, and at least a monthly check-up for frequent health problems, then they would not be a burden for their family anymore. It is also the responsibility of the government to aid elderly because they had given their services to the society for their whole life, and paid taxes too. Now, it's the turn of government to pay attention towards them for this difficult stint of life.

In conclusion, the government and family both have equal importance to take care for the elderly, wheather government could support by provision of monetary and hospital services, and family played crucially to build them socially and mentally strong.

What is the topic title of your essay?

 

[Parm Bhatti]

Some people think that it is the responsibility of families to look after their old people, however, some of them believe that government should be responsible for this.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.