IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Rockstar09]

@artificial.nocturne @cansha @H0peAndFa1th
I will be very grateful if you could please help me by evaluating my essay - I am stuck with 6.5 in last two attempts. Trying hard to improve my score. Got 8.5 in all the other section - Listening, Speaking and Reading

Q- Many people believe that the internet has made life much easier for most people. However others fear that it might also represent a threat. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

A-

It is thought by many that the internet has made the life of a majority of people more comfortable, whereas others believe that the internet poses a threat. In my opinion, I consider that the internet has brought great benefits to humanity and has made everyone's lives so much easier.

On the one hand, many people believe that the internet has contributed to make life much easier for a significant section of the population and I completely agree with this. Without the internet, it would have been impossible for people to connect, interact and take part in discussions with people from entirely different culture and remote location, whereas now with technology like Facebook it has become simple to meet so many people with similar interests. Furthermore, as people are continuously connected through online social media, they are regularly updated on news and information about critical events or situations happening in their family.

On the other hand, it is often believed by some that the internet might also pose a threat to the people. It has become increasingly common for people to look for information using Google search engine and share pictures of friends and family on Facebook or Instagram. These pictures shared on social sites and topics searched on Google are stored indefinitely by those companies. If people are not cautious, and the private data about people fall into the wrong hands, it can cause damage to the society. Data privacy is critical, and one should be aware of this before posting photos and private information publicly.

In conclusion, while people vary in their opinions, I think that the internet has brought tremendous benefits by connecting people from all over the world and making their lives much easier.

 

[manish41711]

@artificial.nocturne @cansha @H0peAndFa1th

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.

Why is this the case?

What can be done about this problem?

---------------------------------------------------------

World food production has increased steadily with enough food to feed everyone but that hasn't resulted in eradicating hunger in many parts of the world. I believe bad storage and distribution practices, as well as the wide disparity in affordability, are the primary causes for people still going hungry. Solving this issue would require targeted and sustained efforts to properly store and distribute different kinds of produce along with countries cooperating with each other to try and distribute food to poorer countries.


Food storage and distribution have not kept pace with the food production which results in large amounts of food grains and vegetables getting spoilt by natural forces like rain, heat etc as well as by rodents like rats, termites. A recent study done by a UK based group has found that almost forty to fifty percent of food grains rot away as they are kept in the open or in inadequately made shelters. To make matters worse, whatever food is left edible is not properly distributed to people in need in poorer parts of the world. Another important reason is that many developing countries can not afford most of the food that is produced.


We can solve a big part of this problem simply by focusing less on increasing production and more on trying to preserve what we already produce which, by the way, is more than enough to feed everyone in the world. Scientists should find new and improved ways to store food by making better food storage facilities with good air conditioning, humidity control, and pest control. Moreover, international organizations like the UN should strive to allocate funds to distribute extra food from developed nations to the poorer developing nations.


So, in conclusion, we see that by simply shifting our focus away from more production and towards better storage and distribution and with better cooperation between countries, we can alleviate world hunger to a large extent.


(320 words)

 

[artificial.nocturne]

@artificial.nocturne @cansha @H0peAndFa1th

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Today as a school subject, both History and Science and Technology , have their fair share of followers, with some regarding the former as the most important subject while others deem the latter to be of much more importance. I am in the latter group and believe that Science and technology subjects are far more important than history.


Studying history is important because it helps us to avoid the mistakes we made in the past and helps us make much better decisions in the future. For example, a study of how India was colonized by the British in the form of East India Company eventually leading to large scale suppression of the Indian population for two hundred years helps us avoid making the same mistakes in the future. On the same note, a study of the Holocaust reminds us of atrocities humans are capable of which can be avoided to create a much better place for people to live in. A careful study of the past and learning from it is of utmost importance if we want to make progress in the future.


On the other hand, I feel true progress can only come with a careful and sustained focus on Science and Technology because those are the subjects that help in making true progress and making our lives much better every single day. For instance, vaccinations have brought down the infant mortality rate down from 50 percent to less than 10 percent and even zero in some developed countries. Along the same lines, breakthroughs in medical procedures have made fatal diseases manageable and treatable. Similarly, modern transport inventions like cars and airplanes have made travel across the world possible in a matter of hours instead of months and years it previously used to take. Mobiles phones nowadays have the computing power of full-fledged computers but fit into our palms.


In conclusion, I feel that though history should definitely be taught in schools and is irreplaceable, it is the Science and Technology subjects which bring much more to the table. It has made lives much more comfortable and aims to take it to a much better place in the future!


(363 words)

Intro:-
Today as a school subject, both History and Science and Technology (Here you can put history and science and technology in commas, like this, 'History' and 'Science and Technology' - since the 'and' can be confusing or perhaps it just doesn't look very nice so you can avoid that by using quotation marks or also called opening and closing brackets), have their fair share of followers, with some regarding the former as the most important subject while others deem the latter to be of much more importance. I am in the latter group (I agree with the latter opinion/view/notion) and believe that Science and technology subjects are far(use much instead of far, 'far' is a bit extreme) more important than history.

Body Para 1:-
Studying history is important (instead of using 'important' - again another cliche word use 'crucial' ) because it helps us to avoid the mistakes we have made in the past and helps us make much(no need to use 'much' here) better decisions in the future. For example (Big mistake please never begin an example so early into the paragraph, you need to be aware of the format of body paragraphs, it's always a standard you need to use - It's always like, Opening Sentence which is introducing a new idea, and then you add another sentence or more which are your 'supporting idea or argument, this will further explain and develop on the idea that you initially introduced and then you might add another 'supporting idea 2' and only after that and in the end you will give an example, please be cautious of this format, this will bring you down from 7 to a 6 if you make such mistakes. Also as I mentioned earlier please instead of using For example you can also use 'For instance' Please visit http://ieltsliz.com/linking-words-for-writing/ and memorize these words) , a study of how India was colonized by the British in the form of East India Company eventually leading to large scale suppression of the Indian population for two hundred years helps us gain understanding of what actually happened and take precautionary measure in order to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. On the same note (too many examples, if you have followed the format of a body paragraph correctly you won't have word limit to write more than one example - examples surely help you make your argument stronger but they should be used when you have fully developed a certain idea and done proper explaining), a study of the Holocaust reminds us of atrocities humans are capable of which can be avoided to create a much better place for people to live in. A careful study of the past and learning from it is of utmost importance if we want to make progress in the future.

Body Para 2:-
On the other hand, I feel (instead of talking about your opinion you need to say 'some are of the view' and later you can say 'I agree with this notion because........ You need to discuss both opinions, man! and then state your opinion - you are not fulfilling what the question is asking you - you will lose marks here if you are not careful) true progress can only come with a careful and sustained focus on Science and Technology because those are the subjects that help in making true progress and making our lives much better every single day. For instance (okay so you used 'for instance here which is good but again same mistake, you are giving an example too early into the paragraph- also when stating an example it helps to write where you got it from, e.g. you can start with something like "According to study published in The Times, it was discovered or found out that.... The thing is it's not necessary that you must have read that there or any particular magazine or newspaper you mention, as I said examiners are not gonna go fact-checking), vaccinations have brought down the infant mortality rate down from 50 percent to less than 10 percent and even zero in some developed countries. Along the same lines, breakthroughs in medical procedures have made fatal diseases manageable and treatable. Similarly, modern transport inventions like cars and airplanes have made travel across the world possible in a matter of hours instead of months and years it previously used to take. Mobiles phones nowadays have the computing power of full-fledged computers but fit into our palms.(All this that I have highlighted in green should have come before the example and the example should have been after it, only then it will show that you have properly followed the format for a proper body paragraph).

Conclusion:-
In conclusion (In view of the argument above - again refer to the ieltsliz link i gave earlier to get more ideas on how to summarize or conclude your argument), I feel (mistake - you are giving your own opinion too early, please refer to the question you need to summarize what the two sides of societies feel and only then in the end state your opinion or simply agree with one) that though history should definitely be taught in schools and is irreplaceable, it is the Science and Technology subjects which bring much more to the table. It has made lives much more comfortable and aims to take it to a much better place in the future!

Overall, you are essay feels dull, insert some fancy words here and there so you have a better shot at scoring good for Vocabulary/Lexical Resource. When practicing try to pick topics that you feel are tough and different, the topics you are writing on feel easy to me to be honest. Picking topics outside of your comfort zone will help you learn more in the longer run. Be careful about the format of each paragraph. All the best.

For reference:-
https://www.ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/03/ielts-writing-task-2-essay-structures/

Main Body Paragraph 1

Sentence 1- Topic Sentence - Introducing the idea

Sentence 2- Explain Topic Sentence - Further explain and where necessary give reason to support that idea

Sentence 3- Example - Closing with an example so your idea or point of view comes 'full circle'

Sentence 4 (this is optional) - Restate the view or your opinion (I do not personally recommend using sentence 4 because first a lot of the times it just leads to too much repetition in the essay and also a lot of times the word limit will not allow you to write so much).

 

[artificial.nocturne]

@artificial.nocturne @cansha @H0peAndFa1th
I will be very grateful if you could please help me by evaluating my essay - I am stuck with 6.5 in last two attempts. Trying hard to improve my score. Got 8.5 in all the other section - Listening, Speaking and Reading

Q- Many people believe that the internet has made life much easier for most people. However others fear that it might also represent a threat. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

A-

It is thought by many that the internet has made the life of a majority of people more comfortable, whereas others believe that the internet poses a threat. In my opinion, I consider that the internet has brought great benefits to humanity and has made everyone's lives so much easier.

On the one hand, many people believe that the internet has contributed to make life much easier for a significant section of the population and I completely agree with this. Without the internet, it would have been impossible for people to connect, interact and take part in discussions with people from entirely different culture and remote location, whereas now with technology like Facebook it has become simple to meet so many people with similar interests. Furthermore, as people are continuously connected through online social media, they are regularly updated on news and information about critical events or situations happening in their family.

On the other hand, it is often believed by some that the internet might also pose a threat to the people. It has become increasingly common for people to look for information using Google search engine and share pictures of friends and family on Facebook or Instagram. These pictures shared on social sites and topics searched on Google are stored indefinitely by those companies. If people are not cautious, and the private data about people fall into the wrong hands, it can cause damage to the society. Data privacy is critical, and one should be aware of this before posting photos and private information publicly.

In conclusion, while people vary in their opinions, I think that the internet has brought tremendous benefits by connecting people from all over the world and making their lives much easier.

Hi Rockstar,
I know it can be very annoying to be stuck on 6.5, I will try my best to assist you in recognizing where you are lacking in your essay writing ability.

Intro:-
In recent times, internet has revolutionized our lives in various ways. It is thought by many (Here instead of using 'It is though by many' you can instead say 'A section of society is of the view') that the internet has made the life of a majority of people more comfortable (convenient), whereas others believe that the internet poses a threat. In my opinion, I consider that the internet has brought great benefits to humanity and has made everyone's lives so much easier(instead of using easy too much, try to integrate synonyms for the word like 'effortless' or 'smooth').

Body Para 1:-
On the one hand, many people believe that the internet has contributed to make life much easier for a significant section of the population and I completely agree with this (I am not entirely sure if jumping to your opinion so early is wise - perhaps elaborate a bit and develop on the idea of why one section of society believe what they believe or perhaps I am wrong - seniors and experts please chime in if you know better. To me, it just feels a bit off. Also you don't need to add 'completely' just saying 'I agree with this' is enough).Without the internet, it would have been (this is wrong because later you are saying 'whereas' to make proper sense you should say 'Without the internet it was quite difficult for people to... - do not use impossible because we still had postal service, radio, television and telephone) impossible for people to connect, interact and take part in discussions with people from entirely different cultures and remote locations, whereas now with technology like Facebook it has become simple to meet so many people with similar interests. Furthermore, as people are continuously connected through online social media, they are regularly updated on news and information about critical events or situations happening in their family. (Where is your example? You need to give example the proper way, always begin with 'For example' or 'For instance' to state your example). Good examples for this particular view would be 'online banking', 'Youtube' - how people can make money even playing video games, online flight check-ins or status inquiry etc.

Body Para 2:-
On the other hand, it is often (no need to use 'often' here) believed by some that the internet might also pose a threat to the people (society). It has become increasingly common for people to look for information using Google search engine and share pictures of friends and family on Facebook or Instagram. These pictures shared on social sites and topics searched on Google are stored indefinitely by those companies. If people are not cautious, and the private data about people fall into the wrong hands, it can cause damage to the society. Data privacy is critical, and one should be aware of this before posting photos and private information publicly.(Again no example - you will be heavily marked down if you don't give any examples or state an example the proper way, that's a strict no-no, please be cautious) - In this para you could have easily talked about more crucial threats of internet, a huge example would be the game 'blue whale' and how it led to many teenage suicides. There are better examples all around you or in the news every day we hear something bad happening over the internet or because of it. Another example would be catfishing, another would be getting your credit card history stolen or being robbed, another would be online scams!!!. To be honest I don't think in this essay agreeing completely with one view makes sense.. if i were you I would have probably stayed 'neutral' i.e. agreeing and not agreeing with both at the same time as this is a tricky discussion topic.

Conclusion:-
In conclusion, while people vary in their opinions, I think that the internet has brought tremendous benefits by connecting people from all over the world and making their lives much easier. (At the same time, it carries some major threats and you need to mention or summarize on those threats- summarize first both point of views and then in the end re-state your opinion).

I hope I am not being too blatant but overall, your essay felt like everybody else's, there was nothing new or interesting that I learned from it. Remember you don't want to bore the examiner with the same old stuff - say something exciting, interesting and things that are critical to a particular subject when looking at the bigger picture. Also try to integrate or insert advanced vocabulary here and there if you can and also focus on your "Linking words". All the best!

 

[manish41711]

C

Intro:-
Today as a school subject, both History and Science and Technology (Here you can put history and science and technology in commas, like this, 'History' and 'Science and Technology' - since the 'and' can be confusing or perhaps it just doesn't look very nice so you can avoid that by using quotation marks or also called opening and closing brackets), have their fair share of followers, with some regarding the former as the most important subject while others deem the latter to be of much more importance. I am in the latter group (I agree with the latter opinion/view/notion) and believe that Science and technology subjects are far(use much instead of far, 'far' is a bit extreme) more important than history.

Body Para 1:-
Studying history is important (instead of using 'important' - again another cliche word use 'crucial' ) because it helps us to avoid the mistakes we have made in the past and helps us make much(no need to use 'much' here) better decisions in the future. For example (Big mistake please never begin an example so early into the paragraph, you need to be aware of the format of body paragraphs, it's always a standard you need to use - It's always like, Opening Sentence which is introducing a new idea, and then you instead another sentence or more which are your 'supporting idea or argument, this will further explain and develop on the idea that you initially introduced and then you might another 'supporting idea 2' and only after that and in the end you will give an example, please be cautious of this format, this will bring you down from 7 to a 6 if you make such mistakes. Also as I mentioned earlier please instead of using For example you can also use 'For instance' Please visit http://ieltsliz.com/linking-words-for-writing/ and memorize these words) , a study of how India was colonized by the British in the form of East India Company eventually leading to large scale suppression of the Indian population for two hundred years helps us gain understanding of what actually happened and take precautionary measure in order to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. On the same note (too many examples, if you have followed the format of a body paragraph correctly you won't have word limit to write more than one example - examples surely help you make your argument stronger but they should be used when you have fully developed a certain and done proper explaining), a study of the Holocaust reminds us of atrocities humans are capable of which can be avoided to create a much better place for people to live in. A careful study of the past and learning from it is of utmost importance if we want to make progress in the future.

Body Para 2:-
On the other hand, I feel (instead of talking about your opinion you need to say 'some are of the view' and later you can say 'I agree with this notion because........ You need to discuss both opinions, man! and then state your opinion - you are not fulfilling what the question is asking you - you will lose marks here if you are not careful) true progress can only come with a careful and sustained focus on Science and Technology because those are the subjects that help in making true progress and making our lives much better every single day. For instance (okay so you used 'for instance here which is good but again same mistake, you are giving an example too early into the paragraph- also when stating an example it helps to write where you got it from, e.g. you can start with something like "According to study published in The Times, it was discovered or found out that.... The thing is it's not necessary that you must have read that there or any particular magazine or newspaper you mention, as I said examiners are not gonna go fact-checking), vaccinations have brought down the infant mortality rate down from 50 percent to less than 10 percent and even zero in some developed countries. Along the same lines, breakthroughs in medical procedures have made fatal diseases manageable and treatable. Similarly, modern transport inventions like cars and airplanes have made travel across the world possible in a matter of hours instead of months and years it previously used to take. Mobiles phones nowadays have the computing power of full-fledged computers but fit into our palms.(All this that I have highlighted in green should have come before the example and the example should have been after it, only then it will show that you have properly followed the format for a proper body paragraph).

Conclusion:-
In conclusion (In view of the argument above - again refer to the ieltsliz link i gave earlier to get more ideas on how to summarize or conclude your argument), I feel (mistake - you are giving your own opinion too early, please refer to the question you need to summarize what the two sides of societies feel and only then in the end state your opinion or simply agree with one) that though history should definitely be taught in schools and is irreplaceable, it is the Science and Technology subjects which bring much more to the table. It has made lives much more comfortable and aims to take it to a much better place in the future!

Overall, you are essay feels dull, insert some fancy words here and there so you have a better shot at scoring good for Vocabulary/Lexical Resource. When practicing try to pick topics that you feel are tough and different, the topics you are writing on feel easy to me to be honest. Picking topics outside of your comfort zone will help you learn more in the longer run. Be careful about the format of each paragraph. All the best.

For reference:-
https://www.ieltsadvantage.com/2015/03/03/ielts-writing-task-2-essay-structures/

Main Body Paragraph 1

Sentence 1- Topic Sentence - Introducing the idea

Sentence 2- Explain Topic Sentence - Further explain and where necessary give reason to support that idea

Sentence 3- Example - Closing with an example so your idea or point of view comes 'full circle'

Sentence 4 (this is optional) - Restate the view or your opinion (I do not personally recommend using sentence 4 because first a lot of the times it just leads to too much repetition in the essay and also a lot of times the word limit will not allow you to write so much).

Cannot thank you enough for the valuable suggestions you are giving man! I need a minimum of 7.5 in writing based on my higher age etc (along with my wife's expected minimal score for her attempt) to cross 440+ . Fingers crossed :|

 

[Rockstar09]

Hi Rockstar,
I know it can be very annoying to be stuck on 6.5, I will try my best to assist you in recognizing where you are lacking in your essay writing ability.

Intro:-
In recent times, internet has revolutionized our lives in various ways. It is thought by many (Here instead of using 'It is though by many' you can instead say 'A section of society is of the view') that the internet has made the life of a majority of people more comfortable (convenient), whereas others believe that the internet poses a threat. In my opinion, I consider that the internet has brought great benefits to humanity and has made everyone's lives so much easier(instead of using easy too much, try to integrate synonyms for the word like 'effortless' or 'smooth').

Body Para 1:-
On the one hand, many people believe that the internet has contributed to make life much easier for a significant section of the population and I completely agree with this (I am not entirely sure if jumping to your opinion so early is wise - perhaps elaborate a bit and develop on the idea of why one section of society believe what they believe or perhaps I am wrong - seniors and experts please chime in if you know better. To me, it just feels a bit off. Also you don't need to add 'completely' just saying 'I agree with this' is enough).Without the internet, it would have been (this is wrong because later you are saying 'whereas' to make proper sense you should say 'Without the internet it was quite difficult for people to... - do not use impossible because we still had postal service, radio, television and telephone) impossible for people to connect, interact and take part in discussions with people from entirely different cultures and remote locations, whereas now with technology like Facebook it has become simple to meet so many people with similar interests. Furthermore, as people are continuously connected through online social media, they are regularly updated on news and information about critical events or situations happening in their family. (Where is your example? You need to give example the proper way, always begin with 'For example' or 'For instance' to state your example). Good examples for this particular view would be 'online banking', 'Youtube' - how people can make money even playing video games, online flight check-ins or status inquiry etc.

Body Para 2:-
On the other hand, it is often (no need to use 'often' here) believed by some that the internet might also pose a threat to the people (society). It has become increasingly common for people to look for information using Google search engine and share pictures of friends and family on Facebook or Instagram. These pictures shared on social sites and topics searched on Google are stored indefinitely by those companies. If people are not cautious, and the private data about people fall into the wrong hands, it can cause damage to the society. Data privacy is critical, and one should be aware of this before posting photos and private information publicly.(Again no example - you will be heavily marked down if you don't give any examples or state an example the proper way, that's a strict no-no, please be cautious) - In this para you could have easily talked about more crucial threats of internet, a huge example would be the game 'blue whale' and how it led to many teenage suicides. There are better examples all around you or in the news every day we hear something bad happening over the internet or because of it. Another example would be catfishing, another would be getting your credit card history stolen or being robbed, another would be online scams!!!. To be honest I don't think in this essay agreeing completely with one view makes sense.. if i were you I would have probably stayed 'neutral' i.e. agreeing and not agreeing with both at the same time as this is a tricky discussion topic.

Conclusion:-
In conclusion, while people vary in their opinions, I think that the internet has brought tremendous benefits by connecting people from all over the world and making their lives much easier. (At the same time, it carries some major threats and you need to mention or summarize on those threats- summarize first both point of views and then in the end re-state your opinion).

I hope I am not being too blatant but overall, your essay felt like everybody else's, there was nothing new or interesting that I learned from it. Remember you don't want to bore the examiner with the same old stuff - say something exciting, interesting and things that are critical to a particular subject when looking at the bigger picture. Also try to integrate or insert advanced vocabulary here and there if you can and also focus on your "Linking words". All the best!

Thank you so much for your time. Your detailed comments are very helpful. Regarding the comment on "I am not entirely sure if jumping to your opinion so early is wise", i followed IELTSLiz method. Her sample band 9 essays mentions the opinion clearly in the topic sentence in the discussion essay. But after reading your comment, I am confused if that approach is incorrect.

 

[artificial.nocturne]

C

Cannot thank you enough for the valuable suggestions you are giving man! I need a minimum of 7.5 in writing based on my higher age etc (along with my wife's expected minimal score for her attempt) to cross 440+ . Fingers crossed :|

If you want I can send you Essay Writing Notes for Band 8-9, those notes personally helped me a lot in insuring a better score. Just drop your email address in my inbox and I will share them with you.

 

[artificial.nocturne]

Thank you so much for your time. Your detailed comments are very helpful. Regarding the comment on "I am not entirely sure if jumping to your opinion so early is wise", i followed IELTSLiz method. Her sample band 9 essays mentions the opinion clearly in the topic sentence in the discussion essay. But after reading your comment, I am confused if that approach is incorrect.

No worries . If you found it on IELTSLiz then it's probably correct. The thing is Band 9 essays are more complex in writing and personally I am not an expert in those. You have to decide what band you are aiming for and then write accordingly. All the best!

 

[manish41711]

Also, how great are automatic assessments from sites like these? https://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-ielts-general-training-essays/spite-advances-made-agriculture-many-people-6 Bots assess the essay text and assigns scores and give suggestions in the comments "Essay evaluations by e-grader"!

 

[artificial.nocturne]

Also, how great are automatic assessments from sites like these? https://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-ielts-general-training-essays/spite-advances-made-agriculture-many-people-6 Bots assess the essay text and assigns scores and give suggestions in the comments "Essay evaluations by e-grader"!

Wow, this looks like a very useful tool. But again, I would not rely too much on it as in the end it is still auto-generated by a machine, just like humans, machines are prone to making errors too. Whatever band you get from this tool, always subtract .5 or 1 band from it to get your actual band just to be on the safe side. It's like they say "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst".

 

[Bienovo]

Pls help me out with a review

@artificial.nocturne @cansha @H0peAndFa1th

Many people expect that the proportion of old people will be more than the young people in future.

Do you think it is positive or negative?


Answer


There are more young people than elderly people in our society at present. However, many people expect the proportion of old people to be more than young people in the future. This essay will discuss why having more elderly people than young ones in the future is a disadvantage.

The world’s current census says that 40 percent of the worlds population are over 60 years old. People in this age bracket are termed old. There are benefits to having this set of people in our society. The most important benefit they bring is their experience in various facets of life. Having more old people in society will bring about a more informed and knowledgeable society. This will impact positively on societal activities such as elections and in educational institutions. For example in the last elections held, the proportion of youths who had voters cards were less than older people.

However, the disadvantages of having more old people than young ones outweigh the advantages. Firstly, the society will become a dependent society. This will put a lot of stress in the economy. Since more jobs are tailored for younger people, there will be less indivisuals to fill such roles. At the same time the government will have to pay more pensions. For example, the total budget for pensions in the year 2019 was more than half the total salaries paid to government workers in that same year.

In conclusion, having an experienced and knowledgeable society in form of old people is a good thing. However, the disadvantage of having a dependent society outweighs such benefits.

 

[winterisnotcoming]

Where do you all get your essays evaluated in detail? How much do you pay? I am looking for a cost effective way to do this. Right now paying someone $10/essay, it's good, they haven't given a single 7+.
Please let me know if there is a different thread focussing on this.

 

[cansha]

Where do you all get your essays evaluated in detail? How much do you pay? I am looking for a cost effective way to do this. Right now paying someone $10/essay, it's good, they haven't given a single 7+.
Please let me know if there is a different thread focussing on this.

This thread does it for free.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Where do you all get your essays evaluated in detail? How much do you pay? I am looking for a cost effective way to do this. Right now paying someone $10/essay, it's good, they haven't given a single 7+.
Please let me know if there is a different thread focussing on this.

don't take it personally, may be you being ignorant is the main hurdle for you

you came in a fruit shop and asking, where I can buy the fruits.

well, go to first page of this thread, and start reading from there. every single comment and post, and of-course, make notes for yourself, don't repeat same mistake as others.

 

[Hannan Khan]

Guys, please evaluate this essay with a band prediction. TIA.

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children’s future.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The parents always desire for their children to enjoy the best facilities. It is widely debated whether the children should be given skills training or taught various subjects at schools. In my opinion, both skills and subjects should be taught in order to nurture the physical and mental capabilities of the children.

On the one hand, there are various benefits of training children on different skills. Firstly, physical skills such as sports make the children fitter. With the sedentary lifestyle children have these days, it is imperative for the schools to provide physical training so that children can lead a healthy life. Secondly, children who want to become artists can learn from the non-theoretical subjects such as arts, music and dancing. Schools provide an early stage for the future artists which goes a long way in defining a successful career.

On the other hand, there are equal benefits of teaching various subjects to the children. Once the children come of age, they utilize all theoretical knowledge gained at school in their work life. If subjective knowledge is not given to the children, they will not be able to compete with their coworkers. Moreover, the theoretical knowledge learnt at schools helps children secure admission in the university of their choice. For the sake of higher education, the children need to clear aptitude tests or interviews at various universities which are dependent upon their earlier studies.

In conclusion, I believe that practical skills and theoretical subjects are of equal importance. The schools should maintain a viable balance between practical skills training and theoretical subjects so that the children can learn and benefit from both.