IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[sandipu]

Hi @cansha

Please evaluate my writing task 1 for GT. Thank you in advance.

"On a recent holiday,you lost a valuable piece of jewellery. Fortunately you have travel insurance which covers the cost of any lost or damaged items.

Write a letter to the insurance company that

1) What item you lost
2) Explain how you lost it
3) Tell the insurance company what you would like them to do"

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to make a claim of my watch that I lost last week when I was on my holiday.

Let me recount the whole story, My wife bestowed me a silver plated Fossil watch, model FW335 worth $3000 on my last birthday. As the watch was costly, I bought the insurance from your company (insurance number - AB234532) which includes, lost and damages of valuables. I have attached the purchase receipt with this for your reference.

I was on my summer holiday last week, and stayed at The Grand Hyatt hotel. I wore the same watch on my holiday. As I like to swim, I remove my watch and put it on the side table near hotel's swimming pool. After about an hour, when I return back to get the watch, I found it was not there. Suddenly, I lodge the complain to the hotel manager. Although I stayed 7 days at the hotel, I was unable to found my watch.

Hence,I would like to make a claim of my lost as I have great emotions attached with it. So, please provide me the detail of claim process, and kind of documents required as well.

I look forward to your reply.

Yours faithfully
Mr Sandy Patel

 

[ieltscanada]

@cansha am registered for IELTS on 9th Feb 2019 , followed your tips and guidelines and came up with essay . Please if you can proof read and share your feedback it would be great.

Topic: In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result
of eating too much fast food. It is therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this
kind of food.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Answer
People’s wellbeing is affected due to consumption of more fast food in few areas of the world. However,
I do not agree that raising the tax on fast food by government is a solution. This essay will discuss why
higher tax on these products is not a solution.
In today’s world we are choosing unhealthier options like burgers or sugar rich foods more often. One of
the causes being as they are available at a lower rate than healthier options, causing our health to
deteriorate and giving rise to issues such as high cholesterol, diabetes and other heart problems. The
reason price of these products is less, because subsidies are provided to farmers for selling meat to
these establishments while no subsidies are provided for fresh foods leading to disparity in prices. It
seems like raising tax on these products and driving up the price will be an obvious solution. As in many
counties like US, Britain a huge healthcare Budget is spent each year on people who might be ill due to
their poor food choices. Therefore, it makes sense that they cover their medical expenses by paying
higher taxes.
But we also need to consider that it’s the lower income population who is eating these food products
more compared to wealthier people as they cannot afford fresh products. To this socio – economic
group fast food is more readily available at a price they can pay. The food for them is a necessity and not
an option.
In conclusion, imposing higher taxes on these products will lead to more poverty and starvation which
will not benefit anyone.

 

[ieltscanada]

@cansha , @H0peAndFa1th Please help me with evaluating this essay. Hope you could spare some time from your busy schedule.

Topic - Even though organic fruits and vegetables are more expensive than conventional fruits and
vegetables, they are worth the extra cost.
Do you agree or disagree?


People prefer to pay the extra cost for organic fruits and vegetables in spite of them being costlier. In my
opinion, it is not worth paying more for them. Often they aren’t any more nutritious or delicious than
conventional fruits.
Usually organic fresh produce does not look appealing in stores. More often they do not look as fresh
and tasty as conventional ones and they do not offer any more nutrients either. An organic fruit or
vegetable has same level of vitamins as the conventional ones with only difference being the coating of
chemicals on conventional fruits and vegetables. Once the conventional fruits and vegetables are
washed they are at par with their organic counterparts and tastes just as good. Therefore, why pay an
extra price to acquire organic produce. Lower cost also means you can consume more quantity of
conventional fruits and vegetables at the same price.
Some people argue that consuming organic produce leads to better health. But, many studies indicate
that we should have some intake of dirt molecules in our diet as it builds up our immune system to
different toxins that surround us. Not all the places have availability of organic fresh produce and when
we visit a place where we don’t have an option of it, we would like to be sure that our body has a strong
immunity and digestion system for conventional local fruits and vegetables available.
In conclusion, organic fruits and vegetables have no added benefit compared to conventional fruits and
vegetables and paying an extra price for them is not justified.

 

[Jimmy_McGill]

Please, if you have free time, point out my mistakes and also score my last essay.
Thanks!

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

To what extent do you agree with this statement??

The way in which governments use public funding is a matter of controversy. It is argued by some that major investments should be done in ameliorating public services rather than in arts (music, theater etc.), since there is no palpable benefit from it. I partially agree with this statement as both issues should have equal resources.

There is no doubt that by having modern, efficient and good public services (hospital, schools, roads, and the like), the quality of people's life would definitely be better. For instance, if educational centers are properly equipped, with top-notch teachers, our kids would receive an excellent education. That is why, public administrations always allocated a significant amount of its budget to this area each fiscal year.

On the other hand, recreational activities are an intrinsic part of human being. It is an indispensable area not only for entertainment purposes, but is the main way to trigger creativity and imagination, particularly in children. Spain, aware of this undeniable fact, during the last 10 years has set apart a quarter of its annual finances to enhance theaters, music halls and gallery arts to offer a breadth of artistic activities and events to its citizens.

In conclusion, although it is true that governments should pay special attention to public services as they are one of the way of measuring the living standards of a nation, it is also true that arts, in all its expressions, is also factor of that equation, and as such should be also taken into account.

 

[cansha]

Kindly scrutinize the below essay, highlight every possible mistake

Essay Title: Everyone should start eating vegetarian because it helps improve health. To what extent do you agree?

Was this essay in IELTS recently? If not, don't waste your time writing essays on such topics. Somehow I doubt such topic would be on IELTS.

Although it is believed by many that eating vegetarian food helps sustain good health but it is also to be considered that doctors recommend to include fish and meat to maintain good health. It is nowhere mentioned in the topic line. Keep your paraphrasing line 'clean". Do not add information which is not there in topic line. The line in red is fine but use it separately.

In my opinion having a mix of vegetarian and non-vegetarian eatables, which provides enough vitamins and proteins, helps keep good health.

Introduction is fine.

There are people who believe that eating vegetarian food such as pulses, green vegetables, fruits milk is ideal for maintaining good health. For instance vegetables such as carrot, radish helps build the muscles stronger and increase the immunity, Based on what evidence?

which leads to lesser suffering due to joint pains during old ages, moreover dairy products, which are made of milk, provides different types of vitamins to the human body and keeps human body from weakness.

The whole passage is just your opinion and not an argument.

At the same time, there are people who believe that consuming meat is good for health compared to eating vegetarian. Eating meat provides strength to the muscles when consumed in a correct amount. It is often seen people in the profession of bodybuilding consume a considerable amount of meat, to gain the energy, which ultimately leads to strengthening body muscles and build stamina. Even it is recommended by physicians to include at least egg/fish, in the daily breakfast to avoid skipping protein required, for the good health.

Same thing as above

I have a partial agreement That's clear in introduction. This is conclusion.

on the fact that everyone should eat only vegetarian, as vegetarian food does not provide all kind of proteins and vitamins required for good health, and thus it is always a good idea to include non-vegetarian food in the diet.

Again read more on this thread and if possible pick recent topics that were on IELTS. If this was on IELTS than it is a weak attempt.

 

[cansha]

This is an old post. Re-posting here for benefit of some of the new folks on thread. Hope this is helpful for you!

Hello Folks!

I see some new members posting essays on the forum now. Some of our old friends have moved on after scoring their desired scores.

One thing that I have noticed is that the new essays have all the same mistakes which have been discussed on this thread before. Well, it is possible when you will post your first essay you would not have read all the previous posts. BUT I really urge you to go back atleast 15/20 pages and read some past reviews and learn from those.

I have said this many times before but I will say it one more time. The key to writing a good essay is not just about practicing writing essays. If you keep practicing the wrong things it won't really help. The key really is two/three things

1. Figuring out what is a good essay in the first place? For this you need to read a lot of high band essays and figure out what is working there. Especially focus on how they address "task response"

2. Second key is to learn to generate ideas, organize them and then structuring your essay in accordance with the essay topic. Do not follow one size fits all strategy for all essay topics. It won't work! Again the key is to read essays and see how essay introductions and structure changes depending on the topic of the essay. Also, do not time yourself initially when you write the essays. You will be doing yourself a favor.

3. Learn from others' mistakes. For that read other reviews as well and not just the review for your own essay.

And now since I know even after writing this some of you may not find the time or motivation of going back pages. I have done some work for you. I went back 40 pages and I have found some of the relevant posts that people really need to read. Below are the links. I hope you will find time to read these.

All the best!


https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-18#post-7174358

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-36#post-7266093

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-38#post-7269377

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-38#post-7269603

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-46#post-7282474

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-61#post-7343517

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-83#post-7495694

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-40#post-7271249

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-40#post-7271430

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-42#post-7271808

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-43#post-7275154


https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-20#post-7183566

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-21#post-7197177

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-25#post-7218355

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-26#post-7223638

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-26#post-7227157

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-30#post-7245793

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-31#post-7247697

 

[cansha]

Hi Hope&faith & Cansha, I will be thankful if you could proofread below essay & give your valuable reviews on it.

Wealth does not necessarily guaranty happiness.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Having an ample amount of money does not necessarily brings bring joy, it has been a debatable topic invariably, as some believe that money can buy happiness & on the contrary some differ on this aspect. This whole sentence is messed up. I don't know why you would want to over complicate it.

However, I do not agree with the statement that immense richness assures life pleasure always.

Just a thing to consider. I know many people say you need to use synonyms to score more. But, it should not be overdone.
Even the last sentence of introduction is weird to read. Try to write simpler before you write complex.

Firstly, Being Why is B capital here?

filthy rich informal language in formal essay

is not a surety to enjoyment because an unhealthy affluent person can never live happily.

For Instance – A Why is I capital and A capital.
half body wealthy paralyzed I know what you wanted to write but this is incorrect

man cannot drive his expensive Ferrari car parked in his garage, Similarly, A WHY?

well successful person with no loved ones living with him in big mansion would never understand the cheerful life of family staying together under one roof. Further, Bill Gates once said “I understand wanting millions but beyond that it is all same” as it is extrinsic & No WHY?

one knows how much is too much.

Many people however believe that Money can achieve all the happiness, To Capital after a comma????

illustrate – money could please a homeless person who can not afford the basics, also, a deadly disease might get cured & saved by getting treated in advance technology equipped health centers. Moreover, Most WHY? of individuals would like to associate with the well off person. Evidently, a life of rich people is much smoother & better than of an indignant people.

In Conclusion – Yet WHY?

money plays a significant role in every human beings life, but money is not the only route to happiness. Therefore, one should not give too much weightage to money over love, respect & relationship. Because love last forever but money doesn’t. Wealth could give temporary happiness not permanently.

I'm sorry buddy but after a while I lost interest in reviewing this. Now you can argue oh it was a typo but then you need to put in the work if you expect me to spend time in reviewing this. Why is your capitalization all over the place? That is like elementary school level mistake. I may sound harsh but there is absolutely no excuse to do that level of mistakes. If you are planning to take a computer based test it will be a big issue. Even on an actual test your content would not matter if you have so many mistakes on capitalization.

I'm happy to review essays but I need to see some effort before you post something here. All the best!

 

[velocityblood]

This is an old post. Re-posting here for benefit of some of the new folks on thread. Hope this is helpful for you!

Hello Folks!

I see some new members posting essays on the forum now. Some of our old friends have moved on after scoring their desired scores.

One thing that I have noticed is that the new essays have all the same mistakes which have been discussed on this thread before. Well, it is possible when you will post your first essay you would not have read all the previous posts. BUT I really urge you to go back atleast 15/20 pages and read some past reviews and learn from those.

I have said this many times before but I will say it one more time. The key to writing a good essay is not just about practicing writing essays. If you keep practicing the wrong things it won't really help. The key really is two/three things

1. Figuring out what is a good essay in the first place? For this you need to read a lot of high band essays and figure out what is working there. Especially focus on how they address "task response"

2. Second key is to learn to generate ideas, organize them and then structuring your essay in accordance with the essay topic. Do not follow one size fits all strategy for all essay topics. It won't work! Again the key is to read essays and see how essay introductions and structure changes depending on the topic of the essay. Also, do not time yourself initially when you write the essays. You will be doing yourself a favor.

3. Learn from others' mistakes. For that read other reviews as well and not just the review for your own essay.

And now since I know even after writing this some of you may not find the time or motivation of going back pages. I have done some work for you. I went back 40 pages and I have found some of the relevant posts that people really need to read. Below are the links. I hope you will find time to read these.

All the best!


https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-18#post-7174358

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-36#post-7266093

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-38#post-7269377

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-38#post-7269603

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-46#post-7282474

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-61#post-7343517

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-83#post-7495694

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-40#post-7271249

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-40#post-7271430

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-42#post-7271808

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-43#post-7275154


https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-20#post-7183566

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-21#post-7197177

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-25#post-7218355

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-26#post-7223638

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-26#post-7227157

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-30#post-7245793

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-31#post-7247697

@cansha thanks buddy. I will be back after 15 days with your suggestions implemented in my writing. Thanks that giving so much back to the forum.

 

[Ali Pak]

@cansha
I have written this essay in my ielts exam and got 6.5. I am thinking of going for revaluation. Please have a look at the essay and tell me whether this essay deserves 7 or not?.
Thanks in advance.

Some people say young people should be encouraged to leave their parent’s home, while others say it is in their best interest to stay with their parents as long as possible.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.



Whether or not the teenagers should continue living with their parents on reaching maturity has become debatable. Many people say they should be persuaded to leave their parental home, where as several people disagree to it and insist that for youngsters own good they should continue living with their family to the maximum possible time. This essay will argue why numerous people believe that youngster should be talked in to leaving their parent’s house but why it is better for the youth to stay with their parents long after maturity as claimed by many.

On one hand, there are people who say that the youngsters once they enter adulthood should be persuaded to shift from their parent’s home to attain independence from parents. They say that this independence teach them lessons of life in a better way. For instance, according to a recent research article published in a leading newspaper; teenagers who choose to leave their family on attaining maturity are more independent and deal with the challenges of life better based on the lessons of life they learn while living alone as compared to those youngsters who do not move out. However, in my opinion, these lessons of life can be learnt more easily by living with parents due to the continual soothing of parental guidance.

On the other hand, there are also numerous people who believe teenagers should live with their mother and father for maximum possible time as it is in their own good to do so. They base their view on the ground that by living with parents, youngsters have lower responsibilities of life, such as reduced cost of living. To illustrate, according to the results of a recent research study if adolescents continue to live with their parents they generally have lower financial burden in terms of living costs, thus tend to have reduced responsibilities of life. Therefore, it is evident that living with parents for maximum possible time is in the youth’s own best interests as asserted by many people.

To recapitulate, the issue of moving out from the parent’s home by the youngsters on attaining maturity is debatable. Though the moving out provides multiple benefits like independence and a more mature approach to life by the youngster, it is best for the youth to continue living with their mother and father as long as possible because of the lower responsibilities of life granted by living with them.

 

[qaziarslantariq]

I can’t believe I’m posting this.... but I got my Jan 5th test results 9/8.5/7/7.5
I thought I was going crazy when I didn’t see a 6 anywhere

Congratulations. 1st attempt?

 

[ieltscanada]

@cansha ,

Please, can I get your blessings on these tasks which I attempted, based on your reviews I need to correct the mistake which I am making.
Really need your support to crack this ielts.

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-88#post-7531526
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-88#post-7534604
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-87#post-7529524


Thanks in advance

 

[cansha]

@cansha ,

Please, can I get your blessings on these tasks which I attempted, based on your reviews I need to correct the mistake which I am making.
Really need your support to crack this ielts.

https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-88#post-7531526
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-88#post-7534604
https://www.canadavisa.com/canada-immigration-discussion-board/threads/ielts-writing-for-band-7-or-above.540392/page-87#post-7529524


Thanks in advance

This weekend. Have been having busy days so been behind on reviews. Hopefully this weekend.

 

[kangkang1]

Thanks Cansha for your valuable feedback on my essays. I think m too lucky as I got the result for eor for my 1st attempt and cleared it. Can’t believed it really!!

Before reval - LRSW- 9,8,7,6.5
After reval- 9,8,8,7

All the best to everyone and I would suggest to go for reval even if you are not sure about your writing, might get lucky as me.

Could any one suggest me links to follow for further process as I don’t have much clue about applying for express entry .my Crs now is 453.

 

[qaziarslantariq]

Dear @cansha Please if you could evaluate this essay. I have test on 14th February.
Thank you.

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs.
Why do you think so many children are overweight?
what could be done to solve this problem?



A continuous increase has been seen recently in the number of children getting obese. This may lead to several health problems and medication issues to cure obesity related diseases. This essay is going to discuss some of the possible causes of obesity and its solutions.


First and for most reason of fatness is massive usage of fast food in kids. Burgers and sandwiches have become an effective replacement, in terms of cost and time, of usual homemade food for most of the parents. Hence, such eatables containing higher levels of cholesterol and fats are resulting in weight gain for children. This issue can be resolved by moving back to the conventional food, cooked at home. And governments ought to discourage fast food chains to offer cheap child-offers by imposing heavy taxes.


Secondly, lack of exercise has also resulted in increasing fatness in teens. With the arrival of gaming apps in tablets and mobiles, children have stopped doing any sort of physical activities. For instance, during late 90’s I was unable to find any empty Cricket or Football ground in my town. Such was the rush and amount of children taking part in physical games. Things now, however, has been changed dramatically. Computer games have replaced those real life activities and grounds are empty nowadays. This problem can be fixed through offering incentives on taking part in physical activities. Academics should include a subject of physical activities at primary and secondary level of education. Moreover, imposing levies on internet usage and social media apps can cure this disease too.


To conclude, this essay has thoroughly discussed different causes of increase in numbers of children becoming fat and presented several solutions to overcome this continuously growing problem.

 

[qaziarslantariq]

Thanks Cansha for your valuable feedback on my essays. I think m too lucky as I got the result for eor for my 1st attempt and cleared it. Can’t believed it really!!

Before reval - LRSW- 9,8,7,6.5
After reval- 9,8,8,7

All the best to everyone and I would suggest to go for reval even if you are not sure about your writing, might get lucky as me.

Could any one suggest me links to follow for further process as I don’t have much clue about applying for express entry .my Crs now is 453.

Hi dear,

What were your exam writing questions? and which was your test center?