IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Samairah04102016]

HELP @cansha

SOME BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS INCREASING THE GAP BETWEEN
RICH AND POOR PEOPLE, WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND
GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION


Many believe that due to incessant advancement in technology, the rich are being richer and poor becomes poorer. While others assert that technological changes has no role in increasing the financial gap between these two sections. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the later thought holds true.

on the one hand, many people think that new technology has broadened the financial gap between two sections of society,as the richer section, who can afford the ever changing and expensive technology, can earn more profits arising out of the use of modernized technology. For instance, Flipkart and Amazon are the recent examples of business based on new technology that has effected turnover of Small vendors, as customer have shifted to buying online rather than from small shops in nearby areas, making multiple lower class workers even more poor and centralising the major chunk of profit in favour of two or three big online shopping brands.

On the other hand, many people disagree that technology has lead to proliferation of gap between upper and lower section as they think there are many other reasons for it. For example, Reasons like lower illiteracy rate amongst poor is the prime reason why poor remains poor or even becomes poorer in this era of competition. Moreover, Lower risk taking ability of weaker section is another major reason. Poor people seldom risk investing in business, hence , the end up doing work for the upper class leaving them way behind their bosses.

I think, technology has opened horizons for both the classes. Many recent developments are cheap in cost, any person, who is educated and has creative mind, can take their advantage to make themselves in line with upper class,. Hence, if used properly it can help bridge the gap.

In conclusion, I believe that there are many other reasons like lack of education and lesser risk taking ability rather than technology, that corresponds to broadening the financial difference between upper and the lower class.

@cansha please evaluate my essay.

 

[Aruntocanada]

My BC 4th attempt :



Overall Band:
7.0

Listening:
7.5

Reading:
6.5

Writing:
6.5

Speaking:
7.0

Should i go for revaluate for reading , writing and listening?

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

My BC 4th attempt :



Overall Band:
7.0

Listening:
7.5

Reading:
6.5

Writing:
6.5

Speaking:
7.0

Should i go for revaluate for reading , writing and listening?

no, its lost cause, take another test.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

HELP @cansha

SOME BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS INCREASING THE GAP BETWEEN
RICH AND POOR PEOPLE, WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND
GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION

Many believe that due to incessant advancement in technology, the rich are being richer and poor becomes poorer. While others assert that technological changes has no role in increasing the financial gap between these two sections. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the later thought holds true.

fine, good paraphrasing.

suggestion,
you can simply state your opinion like
In my opinion, technological changes has no role in increasing the financial gap between these two sections

on the one hand, many people think that new technology has broadened the financial gap between two sections of society [restating, = wasting words, = lower band score.],as the richer section, who can afford the ever changing and expensive technology, can earn more profits arising out of the use of modernized technology.

For instance, Flipkart and Amazon are the recent examples of business based on new technology that has effected turnover of Small vendors, as customer have shifted to buying online rather than from small shops in nearby areas, making multiple lower class workers even more poor and centralising the major chunk of profit in favour of two or three big online shopping brands.

good, but nothing extraordinary

On the other hand, many people disagree that technology has lead to proliferation of gap between upper and lower section as they think there are many other reasons for it [again same]. For example, Reasons like lower illiteracy rate amongst poor is the prime reason why poor remains poor or even becomes poorer in this era of competition. Moreover, Lower risk taking ability of weaker section is another major reason. Poor people seldom risk investing in business, hence , the end up doing work for the upper class leaving them way behind their bosses.

and nothing about technology,

I think, technology has opened horizons for both the classes. Many recent developments are cheap in cost, any person, who is educated and has creative mind, can take their advantage to make themselves in line with upper class,. Hence, if used properly it can help bridge the gap.

vague language

In conclusion, I believe that there are many other reasons like lack of education and lesser risk taking ability rather than technology, that corresponds to broadening the financial difference between upper and the lower class.

lack of focus, vague.

read old essay reviews, not a 7 band one.

 

[Aruntocanada]

no, its lost cause, take another test.

thanks bro..I am at CLB 8 now...

Thinking to create EE profile...confuse on work Experience as I have continous 3.5 years expereince in desired NOC and have got reference letter too.

Now, If i choose expereince range :: 2-3 years - I dont qualify for 67 federal points and
if i choose 4-5 years, I do get to 67 points and can create my profile. Though, I have kept working but not having reference letter now.

Can I chose 4-5 years slab and create profile and later submit the reference letter?

Please help who has faced or solved this error.

@ H0peAndFa1th and anyone

 

[Samairah04102016]

@ H0peAndFa1th and anyone

Can you please tell me what should i write in BP1 after on the one hand,

also how to conclude ????

 

[Samairah04102016]

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many think that employees should be given key role while making major decisions in an organisation, whereas others think that is a matter of company's growth and future, Hence, should be taken by Top Management only. In my opinion, both the levels, if required, should be involved in decision making process.

on the one hand, Managers possess with excellent decision making ability due to their expertise and knowledge gained from studies they can understand the present applicability and future viablility of a decision. Moreover, they are responsible for growth of the company and if any decision taken by them prooves to be lethal to it, they will be wholly and solely responsible for it,So, fear of making a wrong decision drives them to differentiate between a good and bad decision, whereas employees are not educated enough and do not have the intellectual mind to make good decisions.

On the other hand, Employees should be given a say in making decisions because they are assigned with responsibility of bringing a plan into action,that is, actual work is done by them. Whenever a change occurs in an organisation, bottom level is affected the most, hence, they can help Managers understand the problems that can arise at bottom level, which finally can aid managers to make good decisions. Lastlt, employees feel motivated when they are asked to be part of important decisions.

In an organisation, many decisions are made, not all decisions affect the Employees or line staff, For example, decisions like changing constitution or taking working capital loan, hence , here employees need not to be involved.

In conclusion, employees must be involved in decisions that directly affects their working, as this can help top management to make more effective decisions,and for other decisions, top management should take decisons by their own.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

@ H0peAndFa1th and anyone

Can you please tell me what should i write in BP1 after on the one hand,

also how to conclude ????

start reading for first post of this thread, let it seep in, drink it, force it in your brain, read all of them thousand times, make notes,

it's already there, care to read.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

thanks bro..I am at CLB 8 now...

Thinking to create EE profile...confuse on work Experience as I have continous 3.5 years expereince in desired NOC and have got reference letter too.

Now, If i choose expereince range :: 2-3 years - I dont qualify for 67 federal points and
if i choose 4-5 years, I do get to 67 points and can create my profile. Though, I have kept working but not having reference letter now.

Can I chose 4-5 years slab and create profile and later submit the reference letter?

Please help who has faced or solved this error.

@ H0peAndFa1th and anyone

get the reference letter, otherwise it would be misrepresentation, paper proves, nothing else.

and don't use this thread for this kind of query, we have another full forum for these immigration issues.

 

[H0peAndFa1th]

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many think that employees should be given key role while making major decisions in an organisation, whereas others think that is a matter of company's growth and future, Hence, should be taken by Top Management only. In my opinion, both the levels, if required, should be involved in decision making process.

on the one hand, Managers possess with excellent decision making ability due to their expertise and knowledge gained from studies they can understand the present applicability and future viablility of a decision. Moreover, they are responsible for growth of the company and if any decision taken by them prooves to be lethal to it, they will be wholly and solely responsible for it,So, fear of making a wrong decision drives them to differentiate between a good and bad decision, whereas employees are not educated enough and do not have the intellectual mind to make good decisions.

everything else is good,
but (there's always a "but")
" whereas employees [ say: Junior employees] are [use : might ] not educated enough and [use : or] do [use : may] not have the intellectual mind [ say : required experience ] to make good decisions."

you wrote this like, you are 100% sure, don't use extreme language.

On the other hand, Employees should be given a say in making decisions because they are assigned with responsibility of bringing a plan into action,that is, actual work is done by them. Whenever a change occurs in an organisation, bottom level is affected the most, hence, they can help Managers understand the problems that can arise at bottom level, which finally can aid managers to make good decisions. Lastlt, employees feel motivated when they are asked to be part of important decisions.

good

In an organisation, many decisions are made, not all decisions affect the Employees or line staff, For example, decisions like changing constitution or taking working capital loan, hence , here employees need not to be involved.

what this para is about ?? why ??, you already gave your opinion in intro, so need of it.

In conclusion, employees must be involved in decisions that directly affects their working, as this can help top management to make more effective decisions,and for other decisions, top management should take decisons by their own.

good,

well congratulations, this one feels like 7 band, but don't get your hopes too high, keep repeating good things, and must read all of our reviews, see what mistakes other people are making, and don't make them.

we have few success stories in this thread, including mine. so positive about your writing.

 

[cansha]

start reading for first post of this thread, let it seep in, drink it, force it in your brain, read all of them thousand times, make notes,

it's already there, care to read.

Welcome back!!

 

[Zigzag85]

Sorry for delay. I know your exam is just 2 days away. So, I can't go into a lot of depth on this one. All the best for exam!



Good attempt at an introduction.


Good!


I don't know what to say about this one. This is kind of on the topic but not really the topic that is asked. This paragraph makes it tricky. I'm not sure how an examiner would have taken this.

Why no mention of diet which you argued in introduction in conclusion?

All the best for your exam!

I can’t believe I’m posting this.... but I got my Jan 5th test results 9/8.5/7/7.5
I thought I was going crazy when I didn’t see a 6 anywhere

 

[cansha]

I can’t believe I’m posting this.... but I got my Jan 5th test results 9/8.5/7/7.5
I thought I was going crazy when I didn’t see a 6 anywhere

Congrats buddy! All the best for next steps.

 

[Zigzag85]

Congrats buddy! All the best for next steps.

I swear studying after all this time sucks BIG time
Especially with toddlers running around
Thank goodness this part is over

 

[cansha]

I swear studying after all this time sucks BIG time
Especially with toddlers running around
Thank goodness this part is over

I hear you. Now on to next mission.