Well written! I liked it. It was easy to read and the flow was good. I didn't see any big issues with English or Grammar that needed correcting. Introduction was good for this kind of essay. The ideas are on point and on the topic. Well done!
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Omg the fact that I didn’t understand the question shook my confidence even more.
I’m watching this Jay guy from E2learning (I’m not sure) and this is the way he writes his introductions.. I need to work on my introductions because I’m getting mixed up which is horrible for test day.
@cansha
After your post I went back and tried to apply ur advice to this essay.
I also watched videos of this Liz person that I didn’t know existed (I cannot believe I didn’t watch them before)
Well heres the new one
Be kind lol
The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Healthcare systems are dealing with an increased amount of pressure resulting from the relatively new illness, Obesity. People believe that adding more physical education classes in schools is the most effective way to tackle this issue. While I absolutely agree with this solution. However, in my opinion, a good diet is essential as well.
Many teachers in schools and most parents at home ignore the importance of exercise and the food choices children make. Nurseries and primary schools should put in extra lessons that consist of different kinds of exercises such as, dance, volleyball or swimming for instance to keep youngsters interested. This change would make pupils more eager to go to school since gym class is considered fun and may help them develop a love to a specific sport in the future thus, having a positive long lasting effect on their health. In addition, another viable solution would be keeping track of a child’s intake and types of foods they eat. I believe youngsters are too immature to be responsible for the outcomes of their food choices. It is the responsibility of the parents to ensure their child has access to healthy meals and snacks.
However, obesity isn’t necessarily due to over eating alone. Many medications can cause extreme weight gain as well as psychological or thyroid problems for instance. In some cases, it is important that a person receives medical attention and consistent checkups since there are exceptions to everything. One of the main reasons why over weight people are flocking towards surgeries and medication is due to encouragement from doctors. Instead of advising a patient to go under the knife or swallow harmful pills and substances, doctors should educate their patients about healthy diet and nutrition. Furthermore, therapy has been found to be very helpful for bing eaters.
After discussing the 2 main solutions to avoid obesity, it’s clear that this is a preventable illness. In conclusion, I personally opine that introducing more physical education lessons will absolutely help relieve some pressure from the health care system as well as prevent many other health issues for future generations.
After your post I went back and tried to apply ur advice to this essay.
I also watched videos of this Liz person that I didn’t know existed (I cannot believe I didn’t watch them before)
Well heres the new one
Be kind lol
The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Healthcare systems are dealing with an increased amount of pressure resulting from the relatively new illness, Obesity. People believe that adding more physical education classes in schools is the most effective way to tackle this issue. While I absolutely agree with this solution. However, in my opinion, a good diet is essential as well.
Many teachers in schools and most parents at home ignore the importance of exercise and the food choices children make. Nurseries and primary schools should put in extra lessons that consist of different kinds of exercises such as, dance, volleyball or swimming for instance to keep youngsters interested. This change would make pupils more eager to go to school since gym class is considered fun and may help them develop a love to a specific sport in the future thus, having a positive long lasting effect on their health. In addition, another viable solution would be keeping track of a child’s intake and types of foods they eat. I believe youngsters are too immature to be responsible for the outcomes of their food choices. It is the responsibility of the parents to ensure their child has access to healthy meals and snacks.
However, obesity isn’t necessarily due to over eating alone. Many medications can cause extreme weight gain as well as psychological or thyroid problems for instance. In some cases, it is important that a person receives medical attention and consistent checkups since there are exceptions to everything. One of the main reasons why over weight people are flocking towards surgeries and medication is due to encouragement from doctors. Instead of advising a patient to go under the knife or swallow harmful pills and substances, doctors should educate their patients about healthy diet and nutrition. Furthermore, therapy has been found to be very helpful for bing eaters.
After discussing the 2 main solutions to avoid obesity, it’s clear that this is a preventable illness. In conclusion, I personally opine that introducing more physical education lessons will absolutely help relieve some pressure from the health care system as well as prevent many other health issues for future generations.
Please review my essay
Question : Some people believe that internet makes it easier to get education online where as others think that it is more beneficial to take a course in a classroom.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Certain individuals prefer to take education online where as others think it is best to attend lectures in a classroom.In my opinion it is better to attend classroom lectures.
People choose to take up internet education courses for a variety of reasons.Firstly,these courses are beneficial for working individuals who do not have time to go and attend a classroom lecture.for example a person with a day job can take the online courses in his free time at nigjt.secondly taking a course online helps in saving time which would have been consumed during travel. finally certain introverts prefer to study alone rather than amongst people in a classroom.
On the other hand classroom lectures have their own advantages.Studying in a group with peers develops a sense of competition.for instance a person can be more motivated in learning in a group to perform better.Furthermore attending classroom lectures develops discipline in an individual which will help them in their future jobs.
In conclusion even though both cyber courses as well as classroom lectures have their own benefits in my opinion classroom education is more beneficial.
Question : Some people believe that internet makes it easier to get education online where as others think that it is more beneficial to take a course in a classroom.Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Certain individuals prefer to take education online where as others think it is best to attend lectures in a classroom.In my opinion it is better to attend classroom lectures.
People choose to take up internet education courses for a variety of reasons.Firstly,these courses are beneficial for working individuals who do not have time to go and attend a classroom lecture.for example a person with a day job can take the online courses in his free time at nigjt.secondly taking a course online helps in saving time which would have been consumed during travel. finally certain introverts prefer to study alone rather than amongst people in a classroom.
On the other hand classroom lectures have their own advantages.Studying in a group with peers develops a sense of competition.for instance a person can be more motivated in learning in a group to perform better.Furthermore attending classroom lectures develops discipline in an individual which will help them in their future jobs.
In conclusion even though both cyber courses as well as classroom lectures have their own benefits in my opinion classroom education is more beneficial.
Kindly scrutinize the below essay, highlight every possible mistake
Essay Title: Everyone should start eating vegetarian because it helps improve health. To what extent do you agree?
Although it is believed by many that eating vegetarian food helps sustain good health but it is also to be considered that doctors recommend to include fish and meat to maintain good health. In my opinion having a mix of vegetarian and non-vegetarian eatables, which provides enough vitamin and proteins, helps keep good health.
There are people who believe that eating vegetarian food such as pulses, green vegetables, fruits milk is ideal for maintaining good health. For instance vegetables such as carrot, radish helps build the muscles stronger and increase the immunity, which leads to lesser suffering due to joint pains during old ages, moreover dairy products, which are made of milk, provides different types of vitamins to the human body and keeps human body from weakness.
At the same time, there are people who believe that consuming meat is good for health compared to eating vegetarian. Eating meat provides strength to the muscles when consumed in a correct amount. It is often seen people in the profession of bodybuilding consume a considerable amount of meat, to gain the energy, which ultimately leads to strengthening body muscles and build stamina. Even it is recommended by physicians to include at least egg/fish, in the daily breakfast to avoid skipping protein required, for the good health.
I have a partial agreement on the fact that everyone should eat only vegetarian, as vegetarian food does not provide all kind of proteins and vitamins required for good health, and thus it is always a good idea to include non-vegetarian food in the diet.
Essay Title: Everyone should start eating vegetarian because it helps improve health. To what extent do you agree?
Although it is believed by many that eating vegetarian food helps sustain good health but it is also to be considered that doctors recommend to include fish and meat to maintain good health. In my opinion having a mix of vegetarian and non-vegetarian eatables, which provides enough vitamin and proteins, helps keep good health.
There are people who believe that eating vegetarian food such as pulses, green vegetables, fruits milk is ideal for maintaining good health. For instance vegetables such as carrot, radish helps build the muscles stronger and increase the immunity, which leads to lesser suffering due to joint pains during old ages, moreover dairy products, which are made of milk, provides different types of vitamins to the human body and keeps human body from weakness.
At the same time, there are people who believe that consuming meat is good for health compared to eating vegetarian. Eating meat provides strength to the muscles when consumed in a correct amount. It is often seen people in the profession of bodybuilding consume a considerable amount of meat, to gain the energy, which ultimately leads to strengthening body muscles and build stamina. Even it is recommended by physicians to include at least egg/fish, in the daily breakfast to avoid skipping protein required, for the good health.
I have a partial agreement on the fact that everyone should eat only vegetarian, as vegetarian food does not provide all kind of proteins and vitamins required for good health, and thus it is always a good idea to include non-vegetarian food in the diet.
HELP @cansha
SOME BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS INCREASING THE GAP BETWEEN
RICH AND POOR PEOPLE, WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND
GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION
Many believe that due to incessant advancement in technology, the rich are being richer and poor becomes poorer. While others assert that technological changes has no role in increasing the financial gap between these two sections. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the later thought holds true.
on the one hand, many people think that new technology has broadened the financial gap between two sections of society,as the richer section, who can afford the ever changing and expensive technology, can earn more profits arising out of the use of modernized technology. For instance, Flipkart and Amazon are the recent examples of business based on new technology that has effected turnover of Small vendors, as customer have shifted to buying online rather than from small shops in nearby areas, making multiple lower class workers even more poor and centralising the major chunk of profit in favour of two or three big online shopping brands.
On the other hand, many people disagree that technology has lead to proliferation of gap between upper and lower section as they think there are many other reasons for it. For example, Reasons like lower illiteracy rate amongst poor is the prime reason why poor remains poor or even becomes poorer in this era of competition. Moreover, Lower risk taking ability of weaker section is another major reason. Poor people seldom risk investing in business, hence , the end up doing work for the upper class leaving them way behind their bosses.
I think, technology has opened horizons for both the classes. Many recent developments are cheap in cost, any person, who is educated and has creative mind, can take their advantage to make themselves in line with upper class,. Hence, if used properly it can help bridge the gap.
In conclusion, I believe that there are many other reasons like lack of education and lesser risk taking ability rather than technology, that corresponds to broadening the financial difference between upper and the lower class.
SOME BELIEVE THAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS INCREASING THE GAP BETWEEN
RICH AND POOR PEOPLE, WHILE OTHERS DISAGREE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND
GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION
Many believe that due to incessant advancement in technology, the rich are being richer and poor becomes poorer. While others assert that technological changes has no role in increasing the financial gap between these two sections. In my opinion, I firmly believe that the later thought holds true.
on the one hand, many people think that new technology has broadened the financial gap between two sections of society,as the richer section, who can afford the ever changing and expensive technology, can earn more profits arising out of the use of modernized technology. For instance, Flipkart and Amazon are the recent examples of business based on new technology that has effected turnover of Small vendors, as customer have shifted to buying online rather than from small shops in nearby areas, making multiple lower class workers even more poor and centralising the major chunk of profit in favour of two or three big online shopping brands.
On the other hand, many people disagree that technology has lead to proliferation of gap between upper and lower section as they think there are many other reasons for it. For example, Reasons like lower illiteracy rate amongst poor is the prime reason why poor remains poor or even becomes poorer in this era of competition. Moreover, Lower risk taking ability of weaker section is another major reason. Poor people seldom risk investing in business, hence , the end up doing work for the upper class leaving them way behind their bosses.
I think, technology has opened horizons for both the classes. Many recent developments are cheap in cost, any person, who is educated and has creative mind, can take their advantage to make themselves in line with upper class,. Hence, if used properly it can help bridge the gap.
In conclusion, I believe that there are many other reasons like lack of education and lesser risk taking ability rather than technology, that corresponds to broadening the financial difference between upper and the lower class.
Okay
So good thing is it is easy to read and English has no issues.
Other than that I find it a very superficial argument. I didn't like it and I'm not sure if the examiner will be convinced of the task response. It is one of those essays where you would need luck on your side to get a 7+.
Same feedback as above!
As I said in my previous review your English is good. No issues in Grammar also. But, unlike the previous essay I'm not really convinced of the task response on this one. Personally, I think if this was on exam you would probably get a 6.5 and there was a chance of score being revised to 7 in reval. You will have to do much better on task response to ensure a 7+ score. There are plenty of reviews on this forum so go back some 40 pages and read those reviews for more inputs. All the best!
There is an issue with the essay without even reading it. The second body paragraph is so much longer compared to the other paragraph. That is an issue. If you really had that much content may be write 3 BP for better reading.
Okay
Good thing. English is good and no real issues with Grammar. Task response, in my opinion, is sketchy. An examiner may feel otherwise but I doubt it.
(wo)man I will be honest. I was lost after first few lines. Seems like you just let yourself flow in emotions. I get it this topic is weird. So I would rather not judge your essay skills on this topic.
Let's forget this essay. Please pick a more recent topic and come back again. And take care of paragraphing and keep your arguments simple, short and understandable.
All the best!
Don't know who that is but those introductions should be avoided. I followed Liz and found her suggestions logical. I didn't quite agree with some suggestions which I just ignored.
I like the positivity. All the best!
Sorry for delay. I know your exam is just 2 days away. So, I can't go into a lot of depth on this one. All the best for exam!
Good attempt at an introduction.
Good!
I don't know what to say about this one. This is kind of on the topic but not really the topic that is asked. This paragraph makes it tricky. I'm not sure how an examiner would have taken this.
Why no mention of diet which you argued in introduction in conclusion?
All the best for your exam!
Hey I'm not sure if you are aware of the minimum word count on IELTS task 2. You have to write a minimum of 250 words and there is no way these are 250 words. Hence, it doesn't matter how good you have written here you will not get more than 6.5 in score. Please go back and read up on IELTS task 2 and come back with an essay which fulfills the word count criteria. It is too short to evaluate.
Will do. Give me a day. In the meantime go back a few pages and read all the links that I have on my post. They may be helpful.