IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.

[Akhil Soni]

Hi CANSHA and hope and faith,
Kindly evaluate this essay as per your convenience.
Thanks.


Essay – Some people argue higher taxes should be collected from industries causing higher industrial pollution whereas others argue there are better ways to deal it . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Carbon emissions and toxic byproducts from industries are increasingly proving to be a threat for the fauna and flora of the planet. While some people debate that imposing heavy taxes on industries can be an effective solution for this problem, others opine that superior alternatives are available to curb this menace. From my perspective, adoption of better mechanics in terms of suitable raw material and dealing with the violators of the established norms strictly can be a way out.

Collection of exorbitant taxes from the major sources of industrial wastes is conceived to be a potent way to deal with these problems. It is believed that adopting such a measure would coerce these factories to reduce the harmful waste products and adopt other means to safeguard the environment. Further, it is argued that the revenue collected from such sources of environmental pollution can be utilized by government agencies to provide funding to various government initiatives to protect the environment. Environmental ministry of France, to illustrate, adopted this policy in the year 2015 and according to their survey they have been able to reduce Industrial toxins by 35% in last three years.

Others, however, argue that imposing higher taxes would negatively affect the industries that are already paying taxes on their turnover. According to them, government should run awareness programs to sensitize this sector to adopt methods which are eco-friendly. Further , providing subsidies to industries is a more feasible alternative to encourage them to utilize bio-degradable raw material to substantially curb environmental pollutants. For instance, a pilot project in Uttrakhand was carried out to use eco-friendly raw materials in paint industries. The results were encouraging as the quantity of its toxic byproducts considerably reduced in adjoining river Ganga.

In conclusion, from my perspective, laying regulatory norms for industries to control pollution and providing them superior raw materials and mechanisms for their operation is an ideal way. However, if industries fail to adhere to these established norms, heavy fines should be imposed on them as a penalty.

 

[Ranbir_Dhillon]

Hello everyone, Please check my essay @cansha & @H0peAndFa1th .. Thanks in advance ..

examples are not that much strong I think. Pls suggest me more of that..

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill.

Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

It is believed by some that financial management should be taught to pupils at educational institutes since it is an indispensable life expertise. I completely agree with aforementioned statement because students will learn the value of money and become responsible citizens in their adult life.

One reason to support money management is that children will know how to appreciate money. In other words, majority of adolescents, especially from affluent backgrounds, receive daily cash from their parents as pocket-money and many of them waste this on unnecessary things namely, video games and junk foods. Now, if finance control is part of their school curriculum, they will learn how to use it judiciously rather than wasting it on dispensable items; consequently, they would help to reduce the monetary burden from their parents’ shoulders. 65 percent of students, for instance, who are currently learning money management at schools are saving money for their future education.

In addition, it will help students to not to be careless when they start doing higher studies. A large proportion of students relocate to other cities to pursue tertiary education. At times, unfortunately, they appear to be unable to manage their finances in the absence of their parents and soon they go out of funds, which not only put them but also their families in trauma. Nevertheless, they would have managed money more wisely if they had learned money management in 10th or 12th grades. Indian students in Canada, for example, manage their money responsibly, only because money management is compulsory subject in most of the Indian schools.

To conclude, although learning capital management at schools have some demerits, I firmly believe that it ultimately help them in learning the worth of money and leads them to be sincere residents in future.


Word Count : 294

 

[Tech_girl123]

Pls evaluate: I have tried to inculcate the ideas you have suggested in my earlier essays...
Thanks in advance for all the help @cansha and @H0peAndFa1th . God bless you two

The main purpose of public libraries is to provide books and they shouldn’t waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi-tech media such as computer software, videos, and DVDs.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a traditional sense, the public library is a space where people visit to retrieve books of all kinds and also to study. Some people claim that the public library should only provide books and should not give access to sophisticated media. In my opinion, I disagree with this proposition and certainly believe that a new-age community library should cater to all their visitors need.


To begin with, in today’s world, with the advent of technology, the number of people reading paper books has hit a trough. Consequently, they are now inclined towards reading digital books and gathering information online. To add to this, a lot of publishers have now released CDS which makes reading facts all the more fascinating for its readers. For instance, In a recent survey it was found that in the last 5 years, the sales figures for the Britannica Encyclopedia paper books have declined continuously after they have started publishing their CDS and DVDs. This, in turn, shows that a major section of our society is losing interest in paper books.

Furthermore, the DVDs may be expensive but as compared to books they are easier to manage and consume lesser space. This is because, firstly, when a book is read by many individuals, over time, its pages experience wear and tear due to physical deterioration, moisture, rain, fire, and might become illegible. In contrast, it is much easier to store information in these high-tech devices and the data can be copied and stored, perhaps, forever. Secondly, a CD or hard disk can store a whole Encyclopedia which, in physical volume, would occupy one whole bookshelf. Hence, storage can never be an issue with these digital devices.

Finally, the interactive multimedia is found more interesting because of its look and feel. For instance, reading and imagining Julius Caesar will not be as impactful as listening and watching Caesar scream “Et tu, Brute?”. The dynamic amalgamation of music, images, and video, hence will certainly have more influence on a visitor and will only enhance their experience.

In conclusion, it is imperative for the general libraries to follow the suit and to cater to their newfangled visitor's requirements. Though the cost of investment in these high-tech devices might seem to be exorbitant, its long-term advantages will certainly recoup its initial cost.

 

[Moeedkh]

In the past, buildings often reflected the culture of a society but today all modern buildings look alike and cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What do you think is the reason for this, and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Population of the world is rapidly growing so as the demand for commercial offices to accommodate business’ day to day operations. It is not unusual to observe buildings approaching 100 plus floors in a mega city like Newyork or Dubai etc. However, one common observation is that nearly all buildings in any modern city of the world look similar with same architecture, exteriors design and colors. This is can be attributed to tacit standardization of architecture and building material among international builders as well as rising emphasis on functionality rather than cultural adherence.

There are few international builders who have developed expertise and economies of scale in building vertical cities, as they call it. Standardized designs and construction material reduces the cost manifold by building items in bulk and supplying it all over the world e.g if every building had a unique design according to the cultural requirements, than their material would have been constructed specially by the vendor which will multiply cost and time. Utilizing standard construction material reduces this cost and time, which is required to erect a mega structure .



Likewise, Functionality of any building is more important than its appearance. A building should have good ventilation and air conditioning system, fire exits, modern amenities, soothing environment and flexible arrangement options for different applications. Standard prototypes are developed to provide all these feature in one place, It is not possible to ensure culture friendly design coupled with maximum utility.Thus, we observe similar kind of structures which are developed after continuous research by world renown builders and architectures.

To recapitulate, the emphasis of functionality and tacit standardization of design among builders has made all cities and building look alike. Globalization has started to play its role and we will soon observe one global culture being followed by everyone everywhere.

 

[Moeedkh]

Your friend has a travel company and would like you to come and work with him.
Write a letter replying to your friend's offer. In your letter:
· explain what you know about your friend's company
· choose whether you accept or decline the offer
· give reasons for your choice

Dear Wilson,

Hope you are doing good. I am writing this letter in response to the offer letter to join your company. I am so glad to receive the wonderful offer and It sounds lovely to work with you. I would certainly like to join your company.

I have been hearing about your garments export business from friends for quite some time. Export business is booming nowadays and with the declining cotton prices, it has become much more profitable nowadays. I believe that my years of expereince in marketing can add value in your company and I can better sell your products in international markets. I will join your company from next month while I have already started to devise marketing strategy for your products.

I am looking forward with great anticipation to start working with you. Meanwhile, do let me know if urgent assistance required. see you then.

Best Regards,

AMK

 

[Ranbir_Dhillon]

Hello everyone, Please check my essay @cansha & @H0peAndFa1th .. Thanks in advance ..

We are witnessing traffic jams across all the cities in the world. Some people say that increasing prices of petrol will help in reducing traffic jams and pollution.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Also give other possible solution.

Traffic congestion can be seen in almost all megacities around the world. While it is believed by some that traffic jams and contamination could be reduced by enhancing fuel costs, I completely disagree with this statement because it will not discourage people to use vehicles and contribute to higher level inflation; carpooling could be a viable solution to this problem.

One reason to disapprove multiplication of gasoline fares is that it will not stop people to use private-vehicles. To put it in perspective, majority of car-owners are from affluent section of society, who can easily afford to drive even after increase in fuel costs thereby, car usage shall not see decline, which results in traffic gridlock and pollution. Indian government, for instance, increases diesel prices annually but this do not dissuade Indians to minimize the use of automobiles, instead number of cars on road and pollution-levels are gradually mounting upwards.

Another point to consider why rise in petrol prices is not applicable is that it will increase costliness on ground level. Simply put, if there will be an increase in petrol price even by 50 paisa per liter, landing costs of such essential items as fruits, vegetable and electronics will also grow up to great extent, which would result in higher expensiveness. This will make people, especially poor, unable to buy necessary food items, which are indispensable to live. Punjab, for example, import apple from Srinagar and recent hike in fuel prices make apples unaffordable to Punjabis because of its high price.

Carpooling, means sharing an automobile while travel could help to reduce pollution and neck-to-neck traffic because the less the number of vehicles are, the less the pollution and traffic is. Netherlands, for illustration, recently introduces car-sharing which is highly beneficial in decreasing car numbers and pollution-levels.

To conclude, raising fuel charges to curb traffic and pollution seems to be impractical as it will not deter individuals to drive cars rather increase inflation and ride-sharing appears to be feasible way to diminish this problem.

 

[marosa]

Dear all, I have recently taken IELTS, with the following results: R 9, L 8.5, S 7.5, W 6.5. I'm retaking it this Saturday and will be very grateful if you could comment on my sample essays. Thank you in advance!

1. Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is argued that in course of economic growth some essential social values get damaged, despite an increase in quality of life. Since the beginning of human history people have adopted a goal to have a wealthier and happier life. However, these two do not always come together and sometimes they even contradict each other. In the next two paragraphs of this essay I shall discuss pros and cons of economic development from perspective of social values.

Benefits of economic progress are undeniable for many reasons. Firstly, common welfare is one of the indicators of humans' satisfaction. From my own observations, I can tell that people are happier and more proactive during times of economic prosperity, compared to the period of the financial crisis, such as the Global Crisis of 2008. Secondly, there is a direct link between poverty rates and frequency of law breaches. For example, as per official statistics of New York Police, Bronx has been recognized to be both one of the poorest and the most criminal counties of the city.

From the other hand, while chasing material benefits people often forget about social and humanistic values. In other words, the more emphasize people make on earning money, the less attention they pay to social aspects of life. It is a usual practice for those living in urban areas to gradually replace human interaction with more and more hours spent at work. As a result, they become antisocial and serve a poor example to the younger generation, forming an ever-evolving cycle. Various studies have shown that people, who live in metropolitan areas are more depressed, than those living in smaller towns.

To conclude, every issue has more than one sides and this matter is not an exception either. However, after consideration of both advantages and disadvantages of the influence that economic development has on the social part of our lives, I can state that in my opinion the benefits overweigh drawbacks.



2. Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is most important thing to succeed in life?

History knows a lot of stories when someone, who did not do well at school, later built an outstanding career. These cases include such famous people, as Albert Einstein, Bill Gates and many more. In this essay I shall present two main reasons for the above-mentioned phenomena.

Firstly, it is important to take into account the fact that the evaluation system in educational institutions is not perfect. In other words, grading system at schools is standardizes, meaning that pupils need to fit to certain criteria, in order to get high marks. From my own experience from school, I can tell that those pupils, who solved problems in a new way would receive lower grades than those, who repeated steps taught by the teacher. This example clearly illustrates that schools rather teach what to think than how to think.

Secondly, not all of human abilities fall into categories per school subjects. Of course, there is a wide range of classes taught, like math, literature and natural science, but this list is still limited, whereas human capabilities are endless. For example, how to evaluate a person’s gift to see the world by the means of numbers? How to mark a masterpiece in music or literature? It is technically impossible to compare genius people, as each is exceptional in their own way. Neither it is possible to rate from "A" to "F" emotions, that a piece of art gives.

To conclude, there are many inconsistencies between educational system and human brain, which not always allows marks at school to reflect real talent students possess. In my opinion, learning study materials does not necessarily mean success in the future, but rather developing one’s own abilities does.


@cansha @H0peAndFa1th

 

[MY.CANADADREAMS]

everyone giving exam on 13th oct ?

 

[cansha]

Hi CANSHA and hope and faith,
Kindly evaluate this essay as per your convenience.
Thanks.


Essay – Some people argue higher taxes should be collected from industries causing higher industrial pollution whereas others argue there are better ways to deal it . Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Carbon emissions and toxic byproducts from industries are increasingly proving to be a threat for the fauna and flora of the planet. While some people debate that imposing heavy taxes on industries can be an effective solution for this problem, others opine that superior alternatives are available to curb this menace. From my perspective, adoption of better mechanics in terms of suitable raw material and dealing with the violators of the established norms strictly can be a way out.

First two lines are good. you're following the often suggested structure of paraphrasing the essay topic. I like the attempt in third line to give a glimpse of the essay. However, the line is a bit confusing for a first time read. I think you could have phrased it better but I don't find any issues in terms of grammar as well. So, I guess it is not negative.

Collection of exorbitant taxes from the major sources of industrial wastes is conceived to be a potent way to deal with these problems. It is believed that adopting such a measure would coerce these factories to reduce the harmful waste products and adopt other means to safeguard the environment.

Line 1 is wasted I think. If you read the first line it is almost replica of second line in introduction and hence gives a sense of repetition. There is some meat in second line but it is too little too late after the first line. I think both these could have been combined for better impact.

Further, it is argued that the revenue collected from such sources of environmental pollution can be utilized by government agencies to provide funding to various government initiatives to protect the environment. Environmental ministry of France, to illustrate, adopted this policy in the year 2015 and according to their survey they have been able to reduce Industrial toxins by 35% in last three years.

I like the ideas. English is good. No major issues in Grammar I have said this before that you are good in terms of English, Grammar and ideas. Need to add a little more "punch" in terms of presentation of that ideas. Overall, I still think it is good enough.

Others, however, argue that imposing higher taxes would negatively affect the industries that are already paying taxes on their turnover. According to them, government should run awareness programs to sensitize this sector to adopt methods which are eco-friendly. abrupt ending of this idea
Further , providing subsidies to industries is a more feasible alternative to encourage them to utilize bio-degradable raw material to substantially curb environmental pollutants. For instance, a pilot project in Uttrakhand was carried out to use eco-friendly raw materials in paint industries. The results were encouraging as the quantity of its toxic byproducts considerably reduced in adjoining river Ganga.

Good but same comments as para 1.

In conclusion, from my perspective, laying regulatory norms for industries to control pollution and providing them superior raw materials and mechanisms for their operation is an ideal way. This is called parallelism ... basically using similar verb forms in a sentence e.g. here laying , providing etc. I have seen many people falter at this. But you're good.

However, if industries fail to adhere to these established norms, heavy fines should be imposed on them as a penalty.

Overall, I think you are almost there. Your competition is with yourself now. You know how to write a good essay, you have good vocab, your grammar has no issues, and you know the tricks of IELST .. using C&C within sentence for example.

My only suggestion is to focus more on "crisp delivery" of message. And trust me, I know saying this is a lot easier than doing it. I think even if I write an essay I won't be able to write a crisp essay every time. But, I don't see any other area of concern. So, may be read more high band essays and try and improve. All the best!

 

[cansha]

Hello everyone, Please check my essay @cansha & @H0peAndFa1th .. Thanks in advance ..

examples are not that much strong I think. Pls suggest me more of that..

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill.

Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

It is believed by some that financial management should be taught to pupils at educational institutes since it is an indispensable life expertise skill may be a better word I think. I completely agree with aforementioned statement because students will learn the value of money and become responsible citizens in their adult life.

I think one intro line before the "It is believed ..." would have added a little bit more.

One reason to support money management is that children will know how to appreciate money. You have to be careful with phrasing. For example, here you are not talking about "supporting money management" but "education about money management". Small but significant difference. It's similar to error in previous essay when I told you issue is not obese kids but issue is obesity in kids. Try and think about it.

In other words, majority of adolescents, especially from affluent backgrounds, receive daily cash from their parents as pocket-money and many of them waste this on unnecessary things namely, video games and junk foods.
If you have read my previous reviews you would know that personally I think using "in other words" weakens your essay.

Now, if finance control is part of their school curriculum, they will learn how to use it judiciously rather than wasting it on dispensable items; consequently, they would help to reduce the monetary burden from their parents’ shoulders.

65 percent of students, for instance, who are currently learning money management at schools are saving money for their future education.

Towards the end of para there is some content. I think first two lines do not add that much value to the topic at hand.

In addition, it will help students to not to be careless when they start doing higher studies. A large proportion of students relocate to other cities to pursue tertiary education. At times, unfortunately, they appear to be unable to manage their finances in the absence of their parents and soon they go out of funds, which not only put them but also their families in trauma. Nevertheless, they would have managed money more wisely if they had learned money management in 10th or 12th grades. Indian students in Canada, for example, manage their money responsibly, only because money management is compulsory subject in most of the Indian schools.

To be honest I think the essay probably was tough one for you. And it happens. As you said yourself the examples are little weak.

To conclude, although learning capital management at schools have some demerits, I firmly believe that it ultimately help them in learning the worth of money and leads them to be sincere residents in future.


Word Count : 294

Fair.
There are no big issues in terms of English or Grammar. But it happens sometimes we are not able to think of good ideas while writing an essay. Whenever this happens ... after the essay try to write more ideas for future on similar topic. So now take this opportunity to think if in future you get an essay on this topic what would you write.

 

[Akhil Soni]

First two lines are good. you're following the often suggested structure of paraphrasing the essay topic. I like the attempt in third line to give a glimpse of the essay. However, the line is a bit confusing for a first time read. I think you could have phrased it better but I don't find any issues in terms of grammar as well. So, I guess it is not negative.



I like the ideas. English is good. No major issues in Grammar I have said this before that you are good in terms of English, Grammar and ideas. Need to add a little more "punch" in terms of presentation of that ideas. Overall, I still think it is good enough.


Good but same comments as para 1.



Overall, I think you are almost there. Your competition is with yourself now. You know how to write a good essay, you have good vocab, your grammar has no issues, and you know the tricks of IELST .. using C&C within sentence for example.

My only suggestion is to focus more on "crisp delivery" of message. And trust me, I know saying this is a lot easier than doing it. I think even if I write an essay I won't be able to write a crisp essay every time. But, I don't see any other area of concern. So, may be read more high band essays and try and improve. All the best!

Thanks cansha for your evaluation. It's good to hear that I'm almost there but have to cross the line. Will read more band 9 essay. I try to write whatever naturally comes to me. Have I improved in writing conclusions or still need to work on it?

 

[Akhil Soni]

I have my exam on 13th and appeared for the speaking module today.

 

[cansha]

Pls evaluate: I have tried to inculcate the ideas you have suggested in my earlier essays...
Thanks in advance for all the help @cansha and @H0peAndFa1th . God bless you two

The main purpose of public libraries is to provide books and they shouldn’t waste their limited resources and space on providing expensive hi-tech media such as computer software, videos, and DVDs.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Tough topic!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a traditional sense, the a public library is a space where people visit to retrieve books of all kinds and also to study. Some people claim that the public library should only provide books and should not give access to sophisticated media. Wrong wrong choice of words. Changes the meaning of essay completely. Essay is not saying they should not give "access", it is saying they should not "store / house / host" such things in the first place. There is a huge difference in meaning of both things.

In my opinion, I disagree with this proposition and certainly believe that a new-age community library should cater to all their visitors need.Good

To begin with, in today’s world, with the advent of technology, the number of people reading paper books has hit a trough. If you read the link you sent me I think Liz doesn't like that phrase. In any case too many commas.

Consequently, they are now inclined towards reading digital books and gathering information online. To add to this, a lot of publishers have now released CDS which makes reading facts all the more fascinating for its readers. How are CDs different is not entirely clear. May be you wanted to say it has animations and stuff. But that idea is not coming through.

For instance, In a recent survey it was found that in the last 5 years, the sales figures for the Britannica Encyclopedia paper books have declined continuously after they have started publishing their CDS and DVDs. This, in turn, shows that a major section of our society is losing interest in paper books.

Furthermore, the DVDs may be expensive but as compared to books they are easier to manage and consume lesser space. This is because, firstly, when a book is read by many individuals, over time, its pages experience wear and tear due to physical deterioration, moisture, rain, fire, and might become illegible. Wear tear doesn't happen in DVDs? Have you heard of DVDs getting stuck and having scratches. Anyways I think IELTS doesn't test you on validity of logic so you're fine.

In contrast, it is much easier to store information in these high-tech devices and the data can be copied and stored, perhaps, forever. Secondly, a CD or hard disk can store a whole Encyclopedia which, in physical volume, would occupy one whole bookshelf. See now these are the kind of arguments that win you good points. Why so late in the para? Why not few more like these. Simple, concise, irrefutable and easy to see the contrast vs physical books. Whenever you have a question okay how should my arguments look? Come back to this line.

Hence, storage can never be an issue with these digital devices.

Finally, the interactive multimedia is found more interesting because of its look and feel. For instance, reading and imagining Julius Caesar will not be as impactful as listening and watching Caesar scream “Et tu, Brute?”. The dynamic amalgamation of music, images, and video, hence will certainly have more influence on a visitor and will only enhance their experience.

I get the idea and message but not entirely convinced. Seems like you're comparing book vs watching its enactment. Is it relevant here? Think!

In conclusion, it is imperative for the general libraries to follow the suit and to cater to their newfangled visitor's requirements. Though the cost of investment in these high-tech devices might seem to be exorbitant, its long-term advantages will certainly recoup its initial cost.

As I said it was a tough topic and you did have some good arguments but not all. I hope topics on actual tests are not such. It is difficult to think of many ideas in topics like these.

All the best!

 

[cansha]

Thanks cansha for your evaluation. It's good to hear that I'm almost there but have to cross the line. Will read more band 9 essay. I try to write whatever naturally comes to me. Have I improved in writing conclusions or still need to work on it?

It was good in this essay.

 

[cansha]

I have my exam on 13th and appeared for the speaking module today.

All the very best! How did the speaking module go?