Thank you Cansha for your time and profound analysis. I have noted down my mistakes and will take care they are not repeated.
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
@cansha ONE DOUBT... you have mentioned that phrases like "It is observed that" or " it is true that" or "it cannot be denied " does not add any value to the paragraph.. but going through band 9 essays online I have found that these phrases are very common.... just wanted to ask as to
why is its usage not preferred then ?
Just a doubt since I do use it in all essays...
I always say it is my personal opinion. And the reason I say that is IELTS is looking for your opinion. If we are saying it is known, it can not be denied .. is it your opinion? or opinion of everyone? If it is opinion of everyone why should IELTS care if it is not your opinion.
That's my logic. If you say you have seen that in band 9 essays online than please ignore it if it doesn't resonate with you.
Well you can ignore it if you trust the authors / websites of band 9 essays. Honestly, they may know more about IELTS marking than me.Oh ok.. that's a good logic... will try to avoid its usage in that case !
I think we can use it is argued by some that .....
If we talk about other's opinion but if we want to express our stand we must do it in clear phrase like i strongly agree or disagree.. right ?
It is my time to try writing Task 2 of the writing since I get the grip of task 1. So here it goes.
The world's air pollution levels are rising year on year. Discuss what you feel are the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
The air quality has been dropping in recent decades and it eventually was successful at bringing the world's attention. To resolve this alarming trend, it is significant for popular understanding to be encouraged. In this essay I will examine the causes and effects of the continuous air pollution.
One of the biggest reasons of the air pollution is the increasing garbage combustion. Because of the growing amount of uncompostable plastics used which lead the burning of them to be the only way of degrading those, the noxious elements are released into air. Also, the rapid increase in the vehicle usages contributed enormously to the air pollution as well. The consumption of the gas already being high in the developed countries, the growing demand of vehicles in developed countries can be seen as one of the major reasons of pollution as well.
Some people do not consider the air pollution is a trouble but they can cause serious problems and shall not be denied. Despite the direct damage of the harmful gas to human, there are livestock and plants that are affected as well. Even with the small amount to begin with, the toxic elements will accumulate in those carriers and will eventually end up in human's body if consumed. After continuous consumption of affected foods, it will ultimately cause serious illness such as cancer.
In conclusion, although there are other causes for the polluted air, I believe the main causes are the increase in garbage combustion and the increasing vehicle demand in developed countries. Those will sooner or later lead human to suffer from serious diseases, and everyone shall be warned to control the situation.
PS. it was really tough for me to end the conclusion sentence, those I don't like the sentence in italics but that's what I wrote so I am posting the way it is.
Also, I was trained to write the causes and effects essay in
Intro
Cause 1
effect 1
cause 2
effect 2
conclusion
So the essay look a little bit discrete. Will be waiting for the reply about the feedback though.
The world's air pollution levels are rising year on year. Discuss what you feel are the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
The air quality has been dropping in recent decades and it eventually was successful at bringing the world's attention. To resolve this alarming trend, it is significant for popular understanding to be encouraged. In this essay I will examine the causes and effects of the continuous air pollution.
One of the biggest reasons of the air pollution is the increasing garbage combustion. Because of the growing amount of uncompostable plastics used which lead the burning of them to be the only way of degrading those, the noxious elements are released into air. Also, the rapid increase in the vehicle usages contributed enormously to the air pollution as well. The consumption of the gas already being high in the developed countries, the growing demand of vehicles in developed countries can be seen as one of the major reasons of pollution as well.
Some people do not consider the air pollution is a trouble but they can cause serious problems and shall not be denied. Despite the direct damage of the harmful gas to human, there are livestock and plants that are affected as well. Even with the small amount to begin with, the toxic elements will accumulate in those carriers and will eventually end up in human's body if consumed. After continuous consumption of affected foods, it will ultimately cause serious illness such as cancer.
In conclusion, although there are other causes for the polluted air, I believe the main causes are the increase in garbage combustion and the increasing vehicle demand in developed countries. Those will sooner or later lead human to suffer from serious diseases, and everyone shall be warned to control the situation.
PS. it was really tough for me to end the conclusion sentence, those I don't like the sentence in italics but that's what I wrote so I am posting the way it is.
Also, I was trained to write the causes and effects essay in
Intro
Cause 1
effect 1
cause 2
effect 2
conclusion
So the essay look a little bit discrete. Will be waiting for the reply about the feedback though.
Well since your logic does sound good I might as well not take a chance. Moreover, I sometimes don't know which material to rely on and which one to not!
But i always like understanding the reasons for any correction so that it stays in my mind and I can rectify it in my next attempt,I hope you didn't mind
Computers are increasingly used in education. In which areas do you think are computers more important and in which areas are teachers more important ?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.
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In modern society, the use of digital devices has become rampant in every field. Education is an important sector of our society, where computers play a paramount role. In my honest opinion, while computers are vital for education, it can never be a replacement for an educator, at any stage.
To begin with, the computer is a medium which can provide programmed tasks to students. As a result, students certainly have access to various kinds of question banks and study materials online, which in turn, helps them to learn and reinforce concepts well in their mind. Furthermore, when solving assignments at home, when they do not have teachers around, they can seek help online with the help of the computer. For instance, there are several online communities on websites such as Chegg.com where students have access to multitudinous digital books to refer and solve class assignments.
However, a teacher’s role is indispensable in the student's development. It is greatly orchestrated step by step, stage by stage by experienced teachers and, their acquisition of knowledge is guided and backed up in a systematic way by educators. A class consists of students with various learning capabilities, some may learn and understand faster than others, and only a teacher can cater to these individual needs. For example, for a mathematics question, there is a possibility that a weaker student needs more attention than others to solve a problem. Only a teacher can give this extra attention and guidance to make them understand the concepts better.
In conclusion, although a computer plays an important function to provide online study materials to students, it does not evaluate their reasoning and learning skills at all. Until further development, teachers will hence play an inevitable role in all stages of education.
Pls evaluate @H0peAndFa1th and let me know how can I improve ?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.
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In modern society, the use of digital devices has become rampant in every field. Education is an important sector of our society, where computers play a paramount role. In my honest opinion, while computers are vital for education, it can never be a replacement for an educator, at any stage.
To begin with, the computer is a medium which can provide programmed tasks to students. As a result, students certainly have access to various kinds of question banks and study materials online, which in turn, helps them to learn and reinforce concepts well in their mind. Furthermore, when solving assignments at home, when they do not have teachers around, they can seek help online with the help of the computer. For instance, there are several online communities on websites such as Chegg.com where students have access to multitudinous digital books to refer and solve class assignments.
However, a teacher’s role is indispensable in the student's development. It is greatly orchestrated step by step, stage by stage by experienced teachers and, their acquisition of knowledge is guided and backed up in a systematic way by educators. A class consists of students with various learning capabilities, some may learn and understand faster than others, and only a teacher can cater to these individual needs. For example, for a mathematics question, there is a possibility that a weaker student needs more attention than others to solve a problem. Only a teacher can give this extra attention and guidance to make them understand the concepts better.
In conclusion, although a computer plays an important function to provide online study materials to students, it does not evaluate their reasoning and learning skills at all. Until further development, teachers will hence play an inevitable role in all stages of education.
Pls evaluate @H0peAndFa1th and let me know how can I improve ?
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No I don’t mind. I always say essays are subjective and anything other than grammar corrections are my suggestions / personal opinions. You can disagree with them. Since it is your exam and your score on the line. My objective is to just help in anyway possible. It’s your prerogative on how much of the help is useful. So all good !!Well since your logic does sound good I might as well not take a chance. Moreover, I sometimes don't know which material to rely on and which one to not!
I hope you didn't mind
Hello @cansha and @H0peAndFa1th
Please check my new essay and give feedback .. Thanks in Advance.
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs.
Why do you think so many children are overweight?
What could be done to solve this problem?
The idea of introduction is good. You gave a glimpse of problem and solution in the introduction itself and hence setting up the essay. But, I didn't like some of the sentences. I think they could have been clearer.
Like the idea. Don't like the execution.
Agamjot - Sorry buddy but this is the weakest essay I have seen from you. I don't know if you wrote this while you were sleepy or not concentrating. Something is off. Better just forget this and move on. It happens to all of us.
You're writing a formal essay. A formal essay needs to be gender neutral (unless comments are specific to a gender), should have politically correct words. The word usage in this essay is not good (I'm sorry). Please do not take this wrong way. BUT please please do not use such language in formal essays. I don't know if it will matter on actual IELTS. As always this is my personal opinion and I have seen no official guidance from IELTS which says this. You can ignore it. But these are my two cents.
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Yes. If you are alluding to a contrary view or opinion you can use that phrase.
Ahhh.. so many reds...
Points I learned today :
1. Keep it simple (don't over-complicate them)
2. Every word don't need to be paraphrased
3. Never forget 2 and 3
An in starting : i wrote that on paper but forgot to write in computer..