IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Ha ha yeah. Could be neighbours in Canada as well.Great, we are neighbours then.
Cheers.
Regards.
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Yes why not.
It will be a pleasure. Really.
I am a Veterinarian by Profession and planing to land in Toronto after I get my PR.
But for settling down I may select Alberta or BC province. So see you there.
All the best.
I will be very thankful if someone can review my essay and suggest the areas for improvement. Thanks in advance.
Prompt:
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main causes of crime?
How can we deal with those causes?
Essay:
In last decade, crime is rising at an alarming rate in most of the countries. People are getting insensitive towards the lives of others. There are couple of reason for this situation. In this essay we will discuss the causes for increase in crime as well as the ways to address it.
Most important reason for increase in crime rate is lack of education. If we analyse the statistics, we will find that crime is very high in the countries with lower level of education. Since, due to lack of education the people get influenced by the anti-social elements very easily. Moreover, lack of education also creates fever employment opportunities. Higher unemployment rate also lead to higher crime rate. Poverty is another cause of increase in crime. Most of the countries with lower per capita income leads in the crime tally. Poor people indulge into criminal activities to get easy money. Moreover, lack of adequate laws and regulation also create a very conducive environment for the criminals.
In order to address the situation, government need to take an initiative by creating awareness amongst the public that crime not only impacts the country badly but also has negative implication on them as well as on their families. Literacy level should be increased through various means like free education, scholarship for intelligent children etc. Simultaneously government should make efforts to create adequate employment opportunities. Last but not the least is to create laws with proper implementation to control the crime. Since in some situations, stick is required to control it.
To conclude I feel illiteracy, unemployment, lack of strict laws are the main reasons for increase in crime rate. This can address by following a balanced approach. Government should create adequate employment, education, awareness as well as stringent rules and regulation to control it.
Prompt:
In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing.
What do you think are the main causes of crime?
How can we deal with those causes?
Essay:
In last decade, crime is rising at an alarming rate in most of the countries. People are getting insensitive towards the lives of others. There are couple of reason for this situation. In this essay we will discuss the causes for increase in crime as well as the ways to address it.
Most important reason for increase in crime rate is lack of education. If we analyse the statistics, we will find that crime is very high in the countries with lower level of education. Since, due to lack of education the people get influenced by the anti-social elements very easily. Moreover, lack of education also creates fever employment opportunities. Higher unemployment rate also lead to higher crime rate. Poverty is another cause of increase in crime. Most of the countries with lower per capita income leads in the crime tally. Poor people indulge into criminal activities to get easy money. Moreover, lack of adequate laws and regulation also create a very conducive environment for the criminals.
In order to address the situation, government need to take an initiative by creating awareness amongst the public that crime not only impacts the country badly but also has negative implication on them as well as on their families. Literacy level should be increased through various means like free education, scholarship for intelligent children etc. Simultaneously government should make efforts to create adequate employment opportunities. Last but not the least is to create laws with proper implementation to control the crime. Since in some situations, stick is required to control it.
To conclude I feel illiteracy, unemployment, lack of strict laws are the main reasons for increase in crime rate. This can address by following a balanced approach. Government should create adequate employment, education, awareness as well as stringent rules and regulation to control it.
The good - Okay so English wise nothing wrong in the paragraph. You don't really have any grammar issues also.
What could be better ? The introduction is a little weak. There is nothing new in the intro paragraph and it doesn't give me any preview of what to expect. Sentence 3 and 4 add no value whatsoever to the essay.
Another minor thing ... You say a couple of things ... Then you give three reasons in your paragraph following it. Is it a big deal? I'm not sure but why take a chance and use kind of informal language in your essay.
The Good - You have good vocab. Highlighted in green. You have many ideas on the topic. Highlighted in bold.
Could be better - There are a few grammatical mistakes which I have highlighted.
And buddy having ideas is a good thing. BUT my friend you have messed it up. You said in the intro "couple of reasons" then in this paragraph you have introduced 4 ideas. And apart from Education you have not done justice to remaining ones. Why not stick with just two/three and do them justice.
This is where you lose marks for coherence and cohesion. See I had to read through and break your para line by line to highlight that you made 4 different points. Many websites / tutors suggest to use Firstly, Secondly ... etc... to show cohesion. It may be cliche but atleast it is better than having nothing at all.
On coherence, you are jumping from one idea to another. See I understand what you are trying to say. BUT remember this is a formal writing task ... do not assume what you're thinking is obvious to the examiner.
The good -> Good use of not only but also. Good complex sentence. Also, you tried to follow the same order in solution as in the problem para above. Good. Well done!
What could be better -> Last sentence is just hanging there. It could have been phrased better. The first argument of awareness basically doesn't tie to your problem paragraph. The argument from literacy onward ties to your argument of lack of education. The last but not least sentence is phrased wrongly. Who needs to implement the laws? The subject is missing. If it is supposed to be subject less then a noun is missing.
Example,
Last but not the least (I would rather just use Lastly), Government needs to create laws
or
Last but not the least (Lastly,) there is a need to create laws ....
Okay conclusion.
Doctor sahib, thank you so much for the quote, I am also clinging to it in some other way than IELTS itself.
Let's just pray together, God will surely bless us with good fortune....
Appreciate your effort in reviewing my essay and providing valuable inputs...surely, I will try to address them in my next writings...Thanks alot.
You are most welcome hope and faith.
My prayers are with you, just don't get disappointed at any stage of your life.
God will bless us surely.
Regards.
Does the Writing -Task 2 for both Academic and General is same or there is some difference in level of complexity? kindly advise..
Dear Friends, I tried to practice on the topic of Task - 2 from the September 15th IELTS test. I would highly obliged, if someone can review my essay and highlight the areas of improvement.
Prompt:
As countries develop, more and more people buy their cars. Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?
Essay:
Pollution is becoming a severe problem for most of the countries. It is a responsibility of all of us to preserve the environment. Transportation is a major contributor for this concern. We should encourage people to use public transport rather than private car. This will definately help us to serve our environment to some extend.
We have noticed a trend that as the economy of the country grow, the people tends to buy their private vehicle. There are multiple reasons for such phenomena. As the income level grows, people buys car for their comfort. Moreover another reason is that the government fail to maintain the pace of economic growth to the development of public transport system. This approach of government and insensitiveness of the public towards the environment is creating lot of problems like global warming, health problems etc, for all of us. We cannot compromise with the entire society, because of the negligence of few.
We should focus on addressing this problem on the priority basis. The government should create awareness amongst the public towards the environment. Moreover, a concrete plan need to be developed to have an adequate public transport system, available to public. The transport system should be economical and comfortable. So that, the public is left with no excuse to uase their personal cars.
To conclude, the usage of private cars are inversely impacting all of us in much greater way than helping a small group of people. The situation need to be addressed on an urgent basis.
Save Environment, Save World !!
Prompt:
As countries develop, more and more people buy their cars. Do the advantages for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?
Essay:
Pollution is becoming a severe problem for most of the countries. It is a responsibility of all of us to preserve the environment. Transportation is a major contributor for this concern. We should encourage people to use public transport rather than private car. This will definately help us to serve our environment to some extend.
We have noticed a trend that as the economy of the country grow, the people tends to buy their private vehicle. There are multiple reasons for such phenomena. As the income level grows, people buys car for their comfort. Moreover another reason is that the government fail to maintain the pace of economic growth to the development of public transport system. This approach of government and insensitiveness of the public towards the environment is creating lot of problems like global warming, health problems etc, for all of us. We cannot compromise with the entire society, because of the negligence of few.
We should focus on addressing this problem on the priority basis. The government should create awareness amongst the public towards the environment. Moreover, a concrete plan need to be developed to have an adequate public transport system, available to public. The transport system should be economical and comfortable. So that, the public is left with no excuse to uase their personal cars.
To conclude, the usage of private cars are inversely impacting all of us in much greater way than helping a small group of people. The situation need to be addressed on an urgent basis.
Save Environment, Save World !!
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The good -> No problem in English barring a few spelling errors. Mostly simple sentences though.
What could be better -> I'm afraid I think the whole introduction could be better. You completely missed to hit the the topic in introduction. Okay ... linking Environment with pollution is okay. But read the question once again. Do you think you have addressed it?
Okay there are quite a few grammar errors. You really need to review the use of Articles A, An, The. Also, wrong verb form for people multiple times. Missing comma once again after However. This had pointed out in previous review as well. What is the point of a review if you will repeat same small mistakes again.
So that was the English part. Let's come to the content part. I'm afraid this is so far from the topic. The question is whether advantages of an individual car outweigh disadvantages to Environment. Have you addressed advantages of owning a private vehicle?
This para again is off topic. There are spelling errors too.
You really need to focus on task response. Please read the question again. What is more painful is that @H0peAndFa1th has reviewed many essays in previous pages and explained this at least more than 20 times. Please do read the previous pages and reviews. You are repeating same errors as others.
You really need to focus on task response. Please read the question again. What is more painful is that @H0peAndFa1th has reviewed many essays in previous pages and explained this at least more than 20 times. Please do read the previous pages and reviews. You are repeating same errors as others.[/QUOTE]
Thanks alot for your feedback comments..I will definitely try to improve on these areas next time...
Hi,
I am overwhelmed by looking at this forum. It is great to see that we are also helping each other out to evaluate our essays and improve it further.
Please evaluate my essay below and help me with improving my task 2 writing.
Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
ESSAY STARTS FROM HERE-------------------
Nowadays, there is a rise in the number of students taking up part-time jobs while completing their education. This, in turn, has an adverse effect on their studies. There are several reasons which compel the students to take this step.
To begin with, in today's competitive world, the youth wants to have their hands on the latest electronic gadgets. Most of the parents cannot afford to provide their children with these high - tech devices since these are exorbitantly priced. Secondly, some students feel jobs can provide them with an experience which will help them to mould their future career paths in a better way due to the experience they will acquire. Thirdly, a few poverty-stricken families cannot afford the expenses of their children's higher education. All of these factors force students to handle more things than required which deviates them from concentrating on studies and they may feel to be under a lot of unnecessary pressure.
However, this arduous situation can be resolved if the parents, teachers and government come together. For instance, The usage of these sophisticated devices should be banned in educational institutions like school and colleges. This would avoid undue pressure on the students who cannot afford a luxurious lifestyle. In addition, the government should introduce scholarship programs or easy loan schemes with low-interest rates for the students who are below the poverty line. This would largely remove the onus of education fees from the less - privileged students. Furthermore, the college authorities can introduce internship programmes as part of the college course for students who want to explore their field of study and are immensely interested to gain work experience.
To conclude, the amalgamation of equal financial and emotional support from the government and parents can help students overcome the undesirable pressure caused due to an imbalance of work and studies.
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I am overwhelmed by looking at this forum. It is great to see that we are also helping each other out to evaluate our essays and improve it further.
Please evaluate my essay below and help me with improving my task 2 writing.
Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
ESSAY STARTS FROM HERE-------------------
Nowadays, there is a rise in the number of students taking up part-time jobs while completing their education. This, in turn, has an adverse effect on their studies. There are several reasons which compel the students to take this step.
To begin with, in today's competitive world, the youth wants to have their hands on the latest electronic gadgets. Most of the parents cannot afford to provide their children with these high - tech devices since these are exorbitantly priced. Secondly, some students feel jobs can provide them with an experience which will help them to mould their future career paths in a better way due to the experience they will acquire. Thirdly, a few poverty-stricken families cannot afford the expenses of their children's higher education. All of these factors force students to handle more things than required which deviates them from concentrating on studies and they may feel to be under a lot of unnecessary pressure.
However, this arduous situation can be resolved if the parents, teachers and government come together. For instance, The usage of these sophisticated devices should be banned in educational institutions like school and colleges. This would avoid undue pressure on the students who cannot afford a luxurious lifestyle. In addition, the government should introduce scholarship programs or easy loan schemes with low-interest rates for the students who are below the poverty line. This would largely remove the onus of education fees from the less - privileged students. Furthermore, the college authorities can introduce internship programmes as part of the college course for students who want to explore their field of study and are immensely interested to gain work experience.
To conclude, the amalgamation of equal financial and emotional support from the government and parents can help students overcome the undesirable pressure caused due to an imbalance of work and studies.
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I would really appreciate if you could provide your helpful evaluation and then a deserving band(in your view, of course) to my attempt at Writing Task 2 essay:
Many people believe that formal pen and paper examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.
What is your view of examinations?
Examination is one of the most common methods of measuring learning in education. Exams are used to assess the learners to see whether they are ready to move on next stage. However, many people think that the role of examination should be changed.
There are certain advantages for exams because the help to ensure the fairness and different type of questions for instance, multiple choice question and essay tasks etc. On the other hand exams also have drawbacks. Test wise students can perform well on test day without having good knowledge or skills. However, some candidates present poorly in exams because of anxiety and some teachers and pupil only focus on those topics that are likely to be tested in examination.
Therefore, distinctive measures should be taken to address these concerns. Test papers should match the content and activities of the learning environment. Exams should be varied to give fair opportunities to the students with different types of skills and other assessment also should be taken like assignment writing to assess individual learning , research skills and group projects to measure teamwork ability.
Finally, I think exams play significant role in ensuring proper results of achievement. However, tests need to designed carefully for the better education and government should make fair and square system of assessment .
Many people believe that formal pen and paper examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.
What is your view of examinations?
Examination is one of the most common methods of measuring learning in education. Exams are used to assess the learners to see whether they are ready to move on next stage. However, many people think that the role of examination should be changed.
There are certain advantages for exams because the help to ensure the fairness and different type of questions for instance, multiple choice question and essay tasks etc. On the other hand exams also have drawbacks. Test wise students can perform well on test day without having good knowledge or skills. However, some candidates present poorly in exams because of anxiety and some teachers and pupil only focus on those topics that are likely to be tested in examination.
Therefore, distinctive measures should be taken to address these concerns. Test papers should match the content and activities of the learning environment. Exams should be varied to give fair opportunities to the students with different types of skills and other assessment also should be taken like assignment writing to assess individual learning , research skills and group projects to measure teamwork ability.
Finally, I think exams play significant role in ensuring proper results of achievement. However, tests need to designed carefully for the better education and government should make fair and square system of assessment .