I believe your above essay explains why you are getting low marks in writing. First of all, you didn't answer the question of the essay. Even if you did, it is not clearly stated. To get level 6 and above, you must address the point(s) given in the essay. Secondly, your supporting ideas are not clear nor are the evidences (examples) provided.
I would totally recommend getting Ryan Higgins's Task 1 and Task 2 documents (
HERE) to see how he constructs essays and letters. The documents aren't free though. So, you either have to pay for them or find them some other way. You can also watch E2 youtube channel (
HERE); that guy takes you through steps in organizing an essay as well as letters.
Besides essay format, you are making a lot of spelling mistakes and also repeating the same words like "millennials". To get 7, you need to make minimum spelling mistakes and also have to show variant vocabularies that fit the sentence grammatically and logically.
I had the same essay question for 3rd March exam, unfortunately, I didn't know any good documents to teach me the steps. The only things I learned on youtube were how to build introduction paragraph and conclusion. My two supporting body paragraphs were weak, hence why I didn't get good marks, probably.