keebs
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- Jan 31, 2018
- 123
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- 05-02-2018
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- 02-10-2018
IELTS - Writing - For Band 7 or Above.
- Thread starter H0peAndFa1th
- Start date
Hi, Can anyone here review my essay please? I would like to know what my writing can score. As I have only few days left for my exam, any help will be greatly appreciated. I have attached the question and essay here.
Question - Some people think it is a good thing for senior management positions to have very high salaries compared to other workers of the same company or organisation. To what extent do you agree?
Answer :
The remunerations offered for employees at senior management positions are relatively high compared to the salaries of employees at junior or intermediate levels within the same organisation. This phenomenon is widely accepted my many people. In my opinion, I firmly extend my support in paying high salaries to senior employees.
This essay will outline the analysis on why senior employees ought to be offered high salaries followed by a reasoned
Conclusion.
While I agree that every employee's contribution, irrespective of their designation or role is of Paramount importance towards the success of an organisation, senior employees are the most important assets, as they are primarily responsible for loss or profit. Higher officials are offered spectacular positions, and they directly take part in defining organisational goals and driving the employees towards achieving them. For example, the vice president or CEO of an organisation is held accountable when there is a loss in the business, where as employees at other levels are hardly involved in such circumstances.
Another important point to consider is that, employees are often motivated by higher officials and the rewards they are offered. The gap between the salaries offered at different levels often influences people positively, in order to strive to get into higher positions. People tend to work hard and stay dedicated to get promoted to senior levels gradually. To illustrate, If all the employees are offered the same amount of salary, then there is no stimulation for employees to perform better to get promoted and it eventually leads to lack of motivation.
In conclusion, defining different pay scales based on an employee's role or designation is an appropriate way to keep them motivated. Moreover, it is necessary to reiterate that seniors that play most valuable roles should be rewarded by providing high salaries.
Question - Some people think it is a good thing for senior management positions to have very high salaries compared to other workers of the same company or organisation. To what extent do you agree?
Answer :
The remunerations offered for employees at senior management positions are relatively high compared to the salaries of employees at junior or intermediate levels within the same organisation. This phenomenon is widely accepted my many people. In my opinion, I firmly extend my support in paying high salaries to senior employees.
This essay will outline the analysis on why senior employees ought to be offered high salaries followed by a reasoned
Conclusion.
While I agree that every employee's contribution, irrespective of their designation or role is of Paramount importance towards the success of an organisation, senior employees are the most important assets, as they are primarily responsible for loss or profit. Higher officials are offered spectacular positions, and they directly take part in defining organisational goals and driving the employees towards achieving them. For example, the vice president or CEO of an organisation is held accountable when there is a loss in the business, where as employees at other levels are hardly involved in such circumstances.
Another important point to consider is that, employees are often motivated by higher officials and the rewards they are offered. The gap between the salaries offered at different levels often influences people positively, in order to strive to get into higher positions. People tend to work hard and stay dedicated to get promoted to senior levels gradually. To illustrate, If all the employees are offered the same amount of salary, then there is no stimulation for employees to perform better to get promoted and it eventually leads to lack of motivation.
In conclusion, defining different pay scales based on an employee's role or designation is an appropriate way to keep them motivated. Moreover, it is necessary to reiterate that seniors that play most valuable roles should be rewarded by providing high salaries.
Overall Band: 7.0
Listening: 7.5
Reading: 8.0
Writing: 6.0
Speaking: 6.0
See it for yourself, Its over my head now, am I learning or unlearning, Got 7 or 7.5 in last 3 speaking test, writing was 6.5, listening and reading is again fluctuating.
One change was, it is British council.
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don't be depressed, this was my 5th test, you can't be sure of your bands.
here's my all 5 test bands
Bc[G] idp[A] idp[A] idp[G] bc[G]
Listening 7.5 - 8 - 8.5 - 7 - 7.5
Reading 9 - 6 - 9 - 7 - 8
Speaking 6 - 7 - 7 - 7.5 - 6
Writing 6.5 - 6 - 6.5 - 6.5 - 6
G for general, A for Academic
Tell me what do you see in that kind of results, It going over my head, Difference between bands in a test and compared to other test is huge, It makes me wonder, do i know English or not, Am i learning constantly or unlearning.
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May I know for what purpose you are taking the IELTS test.. I thought only General Training scores could be used for immigration?
yes only GT is used for immigration, was planning to study abroad so gave academic ones.
Don't have right one now, but yes I did get coaching from ex-ielts examiner couple of years back. Again I want to tell you that, now I feel that she taught me nothing, I learned more by reading books, Liz tuts, engvid and other YouTube channels.
Now I feel the need of a person who can check my essays, who knows how to check, band descriptors etc.
i hope i can get 8777 in the coming 24th march test i really dont want to keep re- taking it, its really annoying
All the best guys! Writing is the trickiest of them all.
For the 1st part of writing, be precise.
2nd part is all about expressing our views. The only problem i faced was time management.
Be confident and make sure there are no spelling mistakes.
For the 1st part of writing, be precise.
2nd part is all about expressing our views. The only problem i faced was time management.
Be confident and make sure there are no spelling mistakes.
I would say 8 bands, but not less than 7.5. No mess, to the point talk, clear thesis, clear conclusion, fine examples.
I wish to write like that...
First writing with pencil, buy a mechanical pencil with 0.5 mm lead.
>Its both sides discussion essay, avoid giving your own opinion in introduction, first discuss both sides then conclude with your own opinion, that just seems right.
BP 1
> some nations suppose that -- suppose is not right word here, they think, believe, feel etc
> no need of coma after that
> have many qualifications -- okay how many ??, again not a right word choice, use certain, appropriate, required etc
> In modern days > I don't think its right term or phrase to use here,
> gaining lots of advancement > doesn't feel right
> completing the study life > Life is life, there's no study life, it is period, a phase,
> every sector > talk about specific related to essay topic
> survey stated that > in a survey you found, discover, survey never state anything (in my opinion)
> women company position > again example is completely different from essay topic, should have stayed near military or police etc
> mentally and physically enough > ?? is this right language ?
your C and E looks the same, be careful they just need a chink in your Armour, look the words service, executed etc
BP 2
>first sentence > sorry can't make sense of it.
> integrity of household work > what ? senseless
> taking care common job > its essential job for them, common is totally wrong word here.
there are more,
for this one you can get 6 to 6.5 bands
you writing shows you know grammar, good rare words and can make sentence, but that is not enough for getting 7 or above, your essay shows that English is not your first language, you are writing as you are thinking in your first language. you are translating it to english, that's where our problem begins.
you have to read alot, read editorial essays, read line by line, see how they structure their sentences, you have to think in english to write better.
There were times that I thought the examiners intentional gave those half points so we don't get the full mark.
Got an 8 in my first writing test and 7.5 in my most recent. I would say, first of all, that you should address every "question" that is asked in the problem statement. The examiners also give marks for creative writing. Your writing shouldn't seem like one you've practiced over and over. Also, display your full range of vocabulary. I'm not asking that you write as if you're a human thesaurus. Use plain language but throw in a few "big" words here and there. Use connecting words, organize your ideas clearly in paragraphs etc. Good luck
Got an 8 in my first writing test and 7.5 in my most recent. I would say, first of all, that you should address every "question" that is asked in the problem statement. The examiners also give marks for creative writing. Your writing shouldn't seem like one you've practiced over and over. Also, display your full range of vocabulary. I'm not asking that you write as if you're a human thesaurus. Use plain language but throw in a few "big" words here and there. Use connecting words, organize your ideas clearly in paragraphs etc. Good luck