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MaryJ

Newbie
Oct 31, 2009
4
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Hi,

On a French discussion forum/blog, I read the story of a young girl, who went to Canada (Ontario) to study (with corresponding visa, she is a French citizen). She gets pregnant and gives birth to a little boy. The father of her baby is a citizen of Canada. In order to get child support (she has no income, never had any, she has only the money her own parents send from France), she requests alimony from the father, since they are no longer in a relationship. The custody of the child is shared between her and the father.

She appears to be in a situation where she cannot get a job (student visa) but also not leave the country (the father of her child lives in Canada, the custody is shared, her child is also a Canadian citizen). She has to stay in Canada in order to support her child (it would be illegal to leave the country with the baby and immoral to leave the baby behind without his mother) but cannot financially support the child if she does not work.

Is this situation really a catch 22? Or are there specific rules for a single mother of a Canadian child? Can she apply for a work permit, although she is already in the country with a student visa and stopped studying after getting pregnant and giving birth?

I'm aware that the girl is a fool and ought not have gotten in this situation in the first place, but I still wonder if there is a way out for her??

For those who read French, the story is here:
http://bebe.doctissimo.fr/blog/7259-Les-mamans-expats-dark-angelwarriore-a-besoin-d-aide.html
The link to the forum is given in this article.
 
She should have taken the baby back to France immediately. Then this would not have been an issue. She can try taking the case back to court and ask for full custody based on that the baby is still small and needs his mother and she can not support him in Canada since she can not work. Faiing that, she will have to look for an employer and try to get a work permit. If she plays her cards right, she can eventually apply for PR.

This is really something to think about for people who are in international relationships with kids. Whereever you choose to live, should you break up, you may be stuck there. If it doesn't work out for her to get full custody, she is either stuck in Canada or she can go to France and leave the baby with the father.
 
Thanks for the fast answer.

If she gets a job offer, she can apply for a work permit (with the support of the employer), right?
What are the odds that the work permit will be refused given that she is already in the country with a student visa but did not complete her studies? Does that matter?
 
The only problem is that to get a temporary visa, they have to believe she's going to leave at some point but they don't really know about her custody issues. She was in Canada on a student visa, had a baby, decided to give up her studies, big deal. The problem getting a work visa, she's 19, what kind of job is she going to get? Tim Hortons or McD's? Actually, it's possible to get work permits for those places since they are not the most popular with Canadians but they are low skill so not really leading to immigration and working shifts with a kid would be hard.

What she could also do is try to go to an immigrant or newcomer centre and see if they can give any advice. I've heard some of them may have access to a free lawyer. There could be a small chance of applying for something based on H&C reasons since she can't leave Canada unless she leaves her baby behind and she can't work. I don't really know about that. She could also go to the press. Get her case publicised. It may help her get a job offer so she can stay.
 
I was curious to know the answers.
But I will also post your advice on the French forum. Hopefully she can use it.

Thanks!
 
Leon said:
She should have taken the baby back to France immediately.

Suggesting that some one commit a criminal offence. Not good advice.

Depending on your current status in Canada. You can apply for an extension or change in conditions to visitor status. At the same time submit a H & C application citing your reasons to stay, including the health of the child.
 
ImmEnforce said:
Leon said:
She should have taken the baby back to France immediately.

Suggesting that some one commit a criminal offence. Not good advice.

If you read the article, you will find that she was not even with the guy when the baby was born. He had no custody at that point. He only got shared custody after she sued him for child support. If she would have taken the baby back instead of suing him for CS, she would now be happily living in France.
 
Parental rights exist - Period. In the absence of a custody agreement both parents have equal access.

"He only got shared custody after she sued him for child support"

Having a court recognize a right and put measures in place to control that right doesn't mean he didn't have the right in the first place.
 
he is not on the birth certificate due to the fact that he "wanted nothing to do with me" so did not have official rights towards my child.
my goal is not to deprive my child from his father as much as he does not seem to care he still takes him one in a while and that's about it.
I just need to find a solution...

and i know i have made a mistake i don't need anyone to remind me that thank you very much
i just need to find a solution orelse i would have to give up my child, the father is not in the ability to take care of him full time
 
So as I understand it, he now has legal rights and shared custody preventing you from leaving with the baby?

If that is the case, you have two possible solutions to work on.

1) Try to get full custody so you can leave.

2) Try to make it so that you can stay in Canada.

If you want to go with 1) you should look for legal aid where you live, look for womens organizations, immigrant centers, even call custody lawyers and ask them who will take a pro-bono case. The lawyer can get a lot of airtime in the media because of your situation so he'll get free advertisement and gets to look like the good guy. The father can still have visitation so it would not be like you are robbing the child of the father. He can go to France to visit and you can take the child to Canada to visit him or let him go alone when he's older.

If you want to go with 2), an immigrant center is also a good place to go to find advice, then you might want to be looking for an immigration lawyer who will take a pro-bono case to try to find out if you have a possibility of a H&C claim or something like that. Other than that, it might also be a good idea to go make a plea to the media that you need a job offer so you can apply for a work permit. If you can get a work permit, you can stay and if you manage to get a skilled job, you will be able to apply for your permanent residency at some point.
 
The perspective of the father is not known first hand in this story. He might be a responsible father, or a guy who doesn't care if he sets a few off-springs in the world, as long as the mothers don't get back to him for financial support.

The girl herself thinks (well at least says so on the French forum and just confirmed here) that the father was not interested in her/their baby and probably would have let her slip away with the child. But she is also very ambivalent with respect to leaving Canada. It seems that her preference ultimately would be to stay. She was already active on the forum before the child was born and many people advised her to go back to her own family (parents) before the baby's birth. She has rejected this possibility. It's still unclear if she realized then that she would be "trapped" afterwards.

But anyway, it's an "if" kind of statement. She hasn't left with the born or unborn baby and therefore it doesn't matter. Although, I hear you (Immenforce) when you say that it might have been a rather bad idea (provided that the father would have requested to have the child before he was required to pay alimony).

Thanks to both of you for your replies and help!
 
Leon said:
So as I understand it, he now has legal rights and shared custody preventing you from leaving with the baby?

If that is the case, you have two possible solutions to work on.

1) Try to get full custody so you can leave.

2) Try to make it so that you can stay in Canada.

If you want to go with 1) you should look for legal aid where you live, look for womens organizations, immigrant centers, even call custody lawyers and ask them who will take a pro-bono case. The lawyer can get a lot of airtime in the media because of your situation so he'll get free advertisement and gets to look like the good guy. The father can still have visitation so it would not be like you are robbing the child of the father. He can go to France to visit and you can take the child to Canada to visit him or let him go alone when he's older.

If you want to go with 2), an immigrant center is also a good place to go to find advice, then you might want to be looking for an immigration lawyer who will take a pro-bono case to try to find out if you have a possibility of a H&C claim or something like that. Other than that, it might also be a good idea to go make a plea to the media that you need a job offer so you can apply for a work permit. If you can get a work permit, you can stay and if you manage to get a skilled job, you will be able to apply for your permanent residency at some point.


thank you for your advise. The 2nd solution is the one i'm looking for and then if that does not work go for sole custody.
But i havn't been in canada for long enough to apply to be a Permanent Resident and that won't be before 2 years, then i have no one to sponsor me according to the fact that i was with my ex for over a year and a half and he would have been the only one to be able to sponsor me. I have contacted the immigration itself soooo many times they don't even know what to do to help me, they just give me links to different possibilities to get the permanent residency but i do not meet any requierements. So i feel a little bit stuck, i was looking at the one who helps people in need BUT it takes a few years to get it... I do not have a few years right now.
And no employers are willing to hire me here where i live (woodstock, ON).

As for the 1st option Legal aid won't help me, because the file has just been create so they refuse to help me out financialy before 6months unless there is an emergency for the child... and apparently it is none of their buisiness if III have troubles, My son could just go to his dad... that's pretty much what they made me understand.. But yes i do agree that he could come to France, i am willing to pay for the expensises to let him see his child, my goal is CLEARLY not to deprive my father from his dad, i trusted him because i wanted to be part of my son's life and now he put me in this situation but i still want him in his life that is for sure.


i'm calling a lawyer on monday, i've seen him already, i had a 30min free consultation with him so he knows my case a little bit
 
MaryJ said:
The perspective of the father is not known first hand in this story. He might be a responsible father, or a guy who doesn't care if he sets a few off-springs in the world, as long as the mothers don't get back to him for financial support.

The girl herself thinks (well at least says so on the French forum and just confirmed here) that the father was not interested in her/their baby and probably would have let her slip away with the child. But she is also very ambivalent with respect to leaving Canada. It seems that her preference ultimately would be to stay. She was already active on the forum before the child was born and many people advised her to go back to her own family (parents) before the baby's birth. She has rejected this possibility. It's still unclear if she realized then that she would be "trapped" afterwards.

But anyway, it's an "if" kind of statement. She hasn't left with the born or unborn baby and therefore it doesn't matter. Although, I hear you (Immenforce) when you say that it might have been a rather bad idea (provided that the father would have requested to have the child before he was required to pay alimony).

Thanks to both of you for your replies and help!

i did not realize indeed because the father (who i will say is part of my son's life.... "responsible" would not be the word for him but he's not unreponsible either because he still takes his child and loves him (even tho he did not want him and his parents puched up to love him a little bit but that's another story), so yeah the father was supposed to help me out, he promised he would and would never take the child away from me... but promises....... i trusted him i shouldn't have...
The father would never ever ask for wole custody or he would have never done any paper work of someking, wouldn't have taken me to court... because he does not know how to do any of that, he is a little bit incompetent on that part and is not able to do a whole lot.
So all of this is honestly my fault i admit it but i needed the money from Ontario Work and the condition was that i had to ask him to pay child support (which he refused to do at first, so that's why we went to court. I think he knew where it was getting and that he could just use that day to get what he wanted, aka join custody so he could put a restraining order on me).
Hopefully the lawyer is going to be able to help me out soon... but yes my goal is definetly to stay here so he can have a father and a mother close by, he needs the both of us no matter how bad the situation is and how bad my relationship with the abusiv father is. My son comes first.

Thank you for your advises, i have contacted a few organisation, i am still waiting to hear from them... that's of course according that they will check their voice mail....

thanks again
 
Leon said:
ImmEnforce said:
Leon said:
She should have taken the baby back to France immediately.

Suggesting that some one commit a criminal offence. Not good advice.

If you read the article, you will find that she was not even with the guy when the baby was born. He had no custody at that point. He only got shared custody after she sued him for child support. If she would have taken the baby back instead of suing him for CS, she would now be happily living in France.



Thank you for that BUT..... then my son would not have had a father... and that was my main concern :) I have been fooled and i have been stupid to not realize that i agree with you on that one... :)
 
ImmEnforce said:
Leon said:
She should have taken the baby back to France immediately.

Suggesting that some one commit a criminal offence. Not good advice.

Depending on your current status in Canada. You can apply for an extension or change in conditions to visitor status. At the same time submit a H & C application citing your reasons to stay, including the health of the child.


problem was anyways : i needed a passeport, in order to get a passeport for him i needed a birth certificate.... they took 2 months to send me the birth certificate...
the OTHER problem i have right now is that be father does not want to sign for the passeport to let me go back for a visit