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To fraud or not to fraud, that is the question

My sympathy, you must be devastated and yes, as you've said, humiliated. Such a despicable man.

Were I in your shoes, I'd send an email or letter to CIC. At the very least I'd inform them of the matter, giving the name and UCI number. They likely can't do anything, but your story (as well as countless others, I'm sure) may help them as they consider better screening protocols/regulations. Unfortunatly, the latter may catch up many legitimate couples (as it already has) in a lengthier process and more onerous system, but marriage fraud is such a heinous crime, so many innocents are affected.

Again, my heartfelt condolences.
 
Just saw your tag line at the bottom of your post. Made my heart constrict for you... Again, I'm so sorry.
 
:'(
 
The whole point of dating someone is to get to know them and to see if the way they live their lives will match what's important to me. I try not to put myself in situations where I can be hurt. The world has lots of people telling us what we want to hear to take advantage of our trusting nature. That is why I believe trust has to be earned. If I just believe what someone says without having seen their character in action I'm putting myself in a position of vulnerability. That's not a lot different from blindly jumping off a bridge without looking down, because someone I've never seen before told me I should. It's a painful lesson that unfortunately I've had to learn a few times :'( because I wanted to blame others for my pain >:( instead of taking responsibility for my part in the experience. Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope yourself and others can learn an important lesson from it rather than just getting angry at other people. Living in anger is a miserable way to waste a beautiful life. That's my perspective anyways :)
 
Cdagal said:
After depleting my substantial savings and obtaining all the certificates and licenses he needed to obtain the kind of lucrative job he wanted in order to "provide for us", he flew up north to look for work. On arrival, he remembered that he didn't actually love me and said he was not coming back. This whole process took less than 10 months.
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Your misfortune is truly sad. I don't know the specific circumstances that led you to meet him and decide to sponsor him, but it sounds like he played on your kindness and generosity. It is the nature of loving someone to want to help them as much as you can. I can empathize with both doing what you did to help and support someone you loved and the betrayal you must feel now knowing that he used you.

While I'm sure it will damage your own ability to trust and love someone, I sincerely hope that it does not destroy it so that in time you can find someone worthy of you - because it is clear that he was not worthy of you.

I agree that you should report this to CIC - that you were in fact a victim of someone who exploited you for a "marriage of convenience". While they are unlikely to do anything about it, having something in his file will at least mean that he will face additional scrutiny in the future should he seek to obtain services from CIC.

But once you've done that, move on. He's already done too much damage in your life, you would be best served by refusing to allow him to do any more. Take care of yourself and your family. In time you will find someone who really is worthy of you, because you are proof that not everyone is as manipulative and conniving as your ex husband.
 
Cdagal said:
Many of you won't remember me, but many of you will. I sponsored my Nigerian spouse from Brazil and he landed in March of last year. It was a tough process, but we made it through.

On arrival, he was not the same man I had known and loved for almost 4 years prior. He was secretive, always lying to me and hiding money...never willing to discuss financial things with me at all. The close relationship and friendship I thought we shared became very one-sided almost right away.

He did not make an effort to be a husband to me or be a part of my children's lives, instead spending hours and hours daily on the phone or computer to his people in Nigeria and Brazil.

After depleting my substantial savings and obtaining all the certificates and licenses he needed to obtain the kind of lucrative job he wanted in order to "provide for us", he flew up north to look for work. On arrival, he remembered that he didn't actually love me and said he was not coming back. This whole process took less than 10 months.

I am on the hook for 2 more years for someone who has already taken everything I have and left me in a pile of debt, humiliated and heart broken. I signed that sponsorship agreement and did so knowingly, but it still feels like an extra slap in the face. There is nothing that can be done to my children and I, but hopefully this story helps someone.
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That absolutely sucks, especially with children involved :( I would suggest doing as others recommended and contacting CIC, while they can't do much for you, there is the chance if he were to leave the country say on vacation he could be denied reentry.

And despite what at least one person here is saying, it is possible to live with a person and not know they're scamming you. A friend of my wife married a man in Canada on a work permit, they lived together about a year, got married and she sponsored him. To everyone he seemed a loving husband to her, so we were all shocked when barely three months after he got PR he packed up and left her. Some people are that good at being deceptive, that's why we have con men, scam artists, used car salesmen and politicians...
 
Thats terrible, so sorry for you.
 
Hi,

I noted these points from what you said:

- you said your husband spends a lot of time talking to his family and friends in his country.
- you said he doesn't talk about money with you and lieing to you on money issues.
- you have children in common
- you did not say any thing about another women in his life or betrayal ....

I think this is all happened because he is an emotional person and worried, everything around him changed, friends, his family, not working he is thinking what will happen........ can I work , can I make my wife and my children happy.

give him a time it is not easy to change the life from.... to ....

you can know the possibility that is correct, :) think positive and put this in your mind and see what will happen you will not lose anything I hope everything will be ok
 
Alice.a1 said:
Hi,

I noted these points from what you said:

- you said your husband spends a lot of time talking to his family and friends in his country.
- you said he doesn't talk about money with you and lieing to you on money issues.
- you have children in common
- you did not say any thing about another women in his life or betrayal ....

I think this is all happened because he is an emotional person and worried, everything around him changed, friends, his family, not working he is thinking what will happen........ can I work , can I make my wife and my children happy.

give him a time it is not easy to change the life from.... to ....

you can know the possibility that is correct, :) think positive and put this in your mind and see what will happen you will not lose anything I hope everything will be ok
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He lied to her about money. He told her that he didn't actually love her. He said he's never coming back.

It's not realistic to think that time is going to fix this.

I understand you're trying to be helpful. However the best thing Cdagal can do right now is move on. Holding out hope this situation can be fixed will only cause more heartbreak, humiliation and loss.
 
scylla said:
He lied to her about money. He told her that he didn't actually love her. He said he's never coming back.

It's not realistic to think that time is going to fix this.

I understand you're trying to be helpful. However the best thing Cdagal can do right now is move on. Holding out hope this situation can be fixed will only cause more heartbreak, humiliation and loss.
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I have to agree 100% with Scylla on this one. Time to move on - to balance being more cautious in the future against never trusting someone in the future. Not everyone in the world is like this man.
 
Scylla is right, I have learned my lesson well and am moving forward with my own life. To clarify, they are my children, he was their step-parent. I take full responsibility for allowing this to happen to me, I am aware that my choices are to blame...people can only do to us what we allow them to do. My only reason for putting this out there was to maybe help someone else from repeating my mistake.
 
I'm very sorry to hear your story, OP. And I can completely understand what you are going through as it happened to me before.

All I can say is be strong, and take good care of your children. The best way to avenge is to live better than the person who have hurt you.

There won't be an answer and there is no justice. But God will heal and provide. Take care!
 
Cdagal, I am so sorry to hear what happened. After four years, one would think that would be enough time to know what someone is planning.
 
canadianwoman said:
Cdagal, I am so sorry to hear what happened. After four years, one would think that would be enough time to know what someone is planning.
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I don't think even in these circumstances, that a probational pr would have helped. If someone can wait for 4 yrs - then it won't be a huge deal for them to wait another 2 to get what they want.

I can see both sides of the coin on this one - yes I agree in part with Tuyen that it hould have been easy to spot tel tale signs had they been living together, however - if you love and trust someone 100% - you aren't looking for those signs of marriage of convenience, it's also very easy to write of signs of unhappiness as homesickness (which of course in a lot of cases it is).

Things are never cut and dried, Cdagal - don't beat yourself up, you made the best decisions you could at the time, with an open heart. None of this is your fault, if someone wants to pull the wool over someone elses eyes, they'll do it whether it takes 6 months or 6 years.
 
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