The other side of US/CAN relationships, Anyone else care to share?

[sogwap]

I want to start a thread about the personal/relationship stress some of us may be feeling especially for those of us from visa exempt countries.
I’m not looking for sympathy because of my situation, but I wonder how others are coping with the stress they may or may not have known in the process of immigration.

One year ago at this time I moved from the States to Ontario to be with my new Canadian Bride.
I left everything to come and marry my beloved, I left my home, my job, along with family and friends. Bringing only those things that fit in two suit cases. Before coming here I was led to believe immigration would take maximum 6-8 months. However unbeknown to me immigration has taken considerable longer than I had anticipated. After one year of being here and considering the current (immigration) time line I will continue to be a visitor for at least the next six months as I can not (legally) work. Nor do I have legal status to stay, other than as a visitor.

The stress of not working has been very difficult for both for myself and my new Canadian wife. I have depleted well over $15,000 in savings, while my wife continues to work and pay the majority of the bills on her home and car. This imbalance has caused her considerable anger towards me. Because I cannot work it leaves me feeling so not good.

 

[SimpleMan]

I understand that it is difficult. Did you think of moving back to the US? You can work in the US, and once you get your PR, you can move back to Canada.

Why is your PR taking all this time? Usually it less than 5 months for US citizens to get PR?

 

[sieb]

An interesting post.

Last year I met my - now - wife and we started talking about immigration. I got adviced on the matter and based on that advice I quit my job, home, left friends etc. to wait out the immigrationproces in Canada (inland). I was aware of the fact that I could not work and I had to live on my savings. Returning from our holiday, in which I proposed, we would apply. Unfortunately I was stupid to ship some householdgoods which was considered to be reason to give me a removalorder. To show our commitment towards eachother we decided to get married earlier before I had to leave. Although my wife was able to visit me twice since the removal the being apart became harder and harder as you are not there when the other needs you most. Frustration was growing, so was the stress. To the point that I have to fear that enough is enough and that my wife will no longer continue the proces, in effect will withdraw the application.
I've read a lot of stories on this forum where partners haven't seen each other - and their kids - for months. However they still manage to deal with the stress. I hope everybody will get trough unharmed and be with their lovedones asap.

 

[sbwv09]

The hardest part for me are the assumptions that people make. Since America and Canada are thought to be 'the same', I have no right to be homesick or to think of what I am doing as a sacrifice.. and people are shocked that immigration isn't somewhat instant, and somehow think that it's something that I've done wrong that I haven't been approved yet (We only sent our app in in late May). It's also hard knowing that I worked hard for 6 years to get my two degrees and I will probably not be able to work in my field since it is saturated here and Canadian employers don't respect people without Canadian work experience.

In some ways it's almost easier for people in far flung places in the respect that people can acknowledge that they are 'newbies' and give them some accommodation and respect. As for me, I feel very much alone.

 

[sogwap]

I understand that it is difficult. Did you think of moving back to the US? You can work in the US, and once you get your PR, you can move back to Canada.

Why is your PR taking all this time? Usually it less than 5 months for US citizens to get PR?

This is part of the problem, assumptions are made that make you feel like... you done something wrong. That I should just be able to get a job.

I moved here a year ago and several months later we married. When we started filling out the immigration papers I found out that I would need the infamous FBI report... a three months delay. However my first set of fingerprints were rejected because of quality was "too low" and my second set got lost, delaying the immigration/PR process by over seven months.

Yes I have thought about moving back to the States to work. But where would I go, what would I do? I gave up everything to be here. My old job is hesitant to have me back because they know it's temporary. And the expense of living and traveling 500 miles a week (or more to visit my new Canadian family) would pretty well negate going back to the States to have an income.

 

[nyssa]

All the time, from family and friends: "But it's Canada, I don't understand why you can't just live there". Yeah, I know, and our Buffalo timeline is relatively long considering we live just a hop skip and a jump away. I've been away from my husband since May 2009. He used to live in the US but he was illegal. His mom brought him over when he was ten. My government won't shed him a single tear even though he's never done anything wrong and literally was put into a terrible situation when he was as child without his choice. No one understands that one either. I just need this nightmare to end... I am here with him now until tomorrow... and then I have to wait a couple months again to see him.

 

[sieb]

Although I'm not from the US I thougt I'd give my view on the matter since it affects all of us.

 

[jmni1]

I moved to a small city in Quebec in May 2010 to get married and live with my husband. I am happy that I am able to "visit" while we wait for the immigration process to be over. However it is difficult living in a place where no one speaks English and I am unable to work. If it was not for my husband I would not choose to live in a place that I can not communicate with people easily. I will be happy once I get PR because the Quebec government will provide me with free French classes, but until them I am on my own to learn French. Since I live in a small city there are not french classes for english speakers. It is also difficult to leave all my friends and family in the U.S. and now I live a 30 hr drive one way from them. This makes visiting almost impossible, but you sacrifce for the people you love.
I am hopeful that this whole PR process will be done soon and that I will have the option of working and going to school. Now we are expecting a baby so that also creates some more stress, even though we are both excited about it. I am hoping things will be better once we can move to montreal in January, then I will be able to speak to people in English again instead of feeling like I moved to France. I never realized that in Canada people speak French until I meet a person from Quebec, I just assumed that Canada and the U.S. were the same and we shared the same language English. Now I know differntly

 

[sbwv09]

jmni, it will be much better when you move to Montreal. My hubby has been there and from what he says, everyone speaks English so you should be fine. I can understand how frustrating it would be to live somewhere where you don't know the language. Best of luck!

 

[plumosa]

jmni1, I totally understand about the french thing. I've been in Quebec City for a year now as a visitor and it can be really difficult to get by if you can't communicate. My husband also pretty much refuses to speak to me in French because he finds it took difficult to switch back and forth. I actually start my first french lesson on Monday!

I believe that once you get your CSQ you can start your free French lessons. It doesn't seem like it on the website but I went in person to the immigration office and the lady at the front desk gave me the application form. I am not 100% on this because I am not taking my French classes through them, though it is subsidized by the Quebec government and only costs 45$. I couldn't wait any longer and the next open classes don't start until November through MICC (and you have to apply ahead of time).


One thing that you can do, however, is go to the grocery store and put up sign offering english lessons in exchange for french. Basically you can try to speak for an equal time in both languages, and since you are both beginners there is not a lot of pressure. There is also Voice of English Quebec (VEQ) but I'm not sure how useful it will be to you since I don't know how far out of the Quebec City you are. http://www.veq.ca/



Oh and try to learn as much French as you can before moving to Montreal. Its pretty much impossible to learn French there because everyone will switch to English once they hear your accent or if you are struggling. I haven't spent a lot of time in Montreal, but I've also had issues trying to speak English when outside of Westmount or the English-Universities area, so you'll still need to learn French. Not to mention the whole sensitivity about English speakers that refuse to learn French in Montreal and the tensions that arise from that!

I hope this helps! (and sogwap too since I know you're in Quebec as well!)

 

[Kess]

All the time, from family and friends: "But it's Canada, I don't understand why you can't just live there".

I get that all the time. No one seems to understand that there is a lengthy process involved and it is the most invasive thing I have ever gone through.

Things have been pretty tough on my husband and I. Originally he was adamant that we should live together before getting married. I would have agreed except I couldn't find anyway to make that work. One would end up supporting the other and I was worried there would be resentment because of the helplessness/dependancy that could ruin the relationship. We almost broke up before we were married because of the stress and frustration of trying to figure out what to do. We managed to work through that, got married, and finally got our application in. The plan now is to pack up his stuff and move it to a storage locker just across the border from where I live and have him stay with me as a visitor at the end of November. This way we've set a deadline and he will be here for Christmas, it really helps emotionally.

Right now we've been able to see each other every 2-3 months (I watch for seat sales) but usually only for an extended weekend each time. I'm planning on flying down at the beginning of September. I will be so glad when this process is over because I am petrified of flying.

 

[kelKel]

I am the sponsor and I have to say this forum has helped me more than anyone can possibly imagine I've learned so much and the support is invaluable.

We originally applied inland. After reading all the stores about it taking so long (mistakes in the app) and the idea my boyfriend shouldn't leave Canada we withdrew the first application and will submit a new one in September outland. Wish I would have done more research beforehand but hey hindsight is 20/20.

The stories on here have touched my heart. My boyfriend is living with me now but the financial stress is going to be something to overcome especially if it takes a long time.
Being able to chat with some of you about your situations doesn't make me feel so alone

 

[kelKel]

Oh he's not from the states but I likes the topic

 

[BeShoo]

I believe that once you get your CSQ you can start your free French lessons.

I called and asked about this. The man on the phone said it depends on the address on your forms, so I'm hoping that a "visitor" status will allow this in our situation.

Oh and try to learn as much French as you can before moving to Montreal. Its pretty much impossible to learn French there because everyone will switch to English once they hear your accent or if you are struggling.

I totally agree with this. I grew up in Ontario and I've been living in Gatineau, Quebec for almost 6 years. I don't really know any more French than before because everyone speaks to me in English. I would have been in a far better position if I had been forced to speak French all the time. (And now I'm teaching my partner my imperfect French remembered from high school.)

 

[MexiCana]

Well, we're not American but we're in the same situation as you sogwap. I am the sponsor and my partner is from Mexico. He was living in Canada as a temporary foreign worker and we met here. We moved in together and the immigration path looked easy. He would stay at his job until he had two years of work experience and then apply in the Canadian Experience Class. If not that, he would just work for one year, which would have given him just enough points to apply as a Federal Skilled Worker.

Then he and his entire division were unexpectedly laid off. We needed to wait until we'd been co-habitating for one year before sending our sponsorship app, because I was still finalizing divorce proceedings with my ex and therefore could not marry. My partner has been unemployed and unable to obtain a work permit for a different employer since May 2009. He has gone through all of his savings and now I support him. But I'm going back to school and so I won't be able to support us both for much longer. We applied through Buffalo, heartened by the stories on here of people whose applications were finalized in three months or less for the whole thing. Our "drop dead date" by which my partner needs to be working is February 2011, and ideally well before that so he has time to find a good job. We thought we had tonnes of time. But first CIC Mississauga was experiencing delays in processing, and now it seems like everyone in Buffalo has gone to the cottage for the summer.

It's stressful for me, and very difficult for my partner. He feels guilty for not working while I am working so hard trying to make ends meet. This said, I feel very lucky that we are here together and I wouldn't do it any other way.