Thailand. (LOS). Land of smiles...or Land of scams?

[Koifish76]

I am a regular poster on here as of late, and for those who don't know, I seem to fit the perfect victim according to some common stereotyping and misunderstandings.

Here are some facts:
Divorced young man mid to late 30's. Have a disability as i was born hard of hearing and wear hearing aids. Met a Thai lady. Married her. Am sponsoring her to come to Canada.

What are your first thoughts? I would imagine, as from reading other posts and listening to the general population, that I am probably a victim of a scam and i had better watch out for my money and don't talk about the future!!!! Is this what society has taught us ? to not trust thai women when it comes to love and relationships?

If so, I would like to address some of these on here.
Firstly, I want to admit, I am no expert on Thai culture, or Thai living, so I won't pretend that my views are the same as everyones, but I have spent the better part of three years here and have been all over Thailand, experiencing the true joys of this magnificent country. There are indeed, problems, like the ones you and I hear about on the morning news or a special made tv report. whether its rampant corruption., the booming sex industry, garbage, lazy policemen, a non functioning government, protests and terrorist bombs every other day,bad roads and even worse drivers.

But, if you look carefully, spend time here with an open mind, you will see that this is a country that is absolutely wonderful, full of incredible human beings, whether you are in the central hub of Bangkok, the paradise of PhiPhi, or in rural provinces like some of the 50 plus some provinces I have travelled to. Before coming here for the first time in 2008, I travelled extensively in beautiful countries like Australia, New Zealand, Switzerland, Fiji, South Korea, Cuba, Mexico, USA and have drove across Canada 3 times. I don't want to list all the reasons why I think this country is one of the most beautiful places on earth. That is not why I'm posting. Haha.

I want to address the stereotypes of Thai women and foreign men And to a smaller degree, foreign women and thai men (there are more than you think). In the beginning of my travels here and relationship, I heard my fair share of negative remarks and stereotyping from classmates, my neighbours, co-workers, cousins etc. I remember thinking to myself, why is this person giving me advice on something he/she has never experienced or witnessed first hand? When they start generalizing all thai women into the same category, as if all women are in the sex trade or who are after money and are planning a long scam? Some other posters on here are different, explaining they have lived in thailand for years, and still promote generalization of thai women. I have no problem when people explain some stories they have personally been through, but the thing is, many of the same stories you hear have been spread around for years, such as the one I read on this forum yesterday. No doubt they are true, "old man come here, marry bargirl, lose money and said bargirl, then jump from balcony in Pattaya". To this remark, my wife and I had a good laugh.

Here in LOS, sometimes the publicity and stories are sometimes covered up and washed away and yes there are some thai stories of insanely and ridiculous amount of planning taken by some of the few here will go through to take your money. 100,000 here is what some thais make in a lifetime. This is understood. People will do what they have to, to survive and provide.
However, People don't know or hear about the times foreign men scam thai women looking for true love. And we do we forget that domestic breakups and divorces are prevalent in every country in the world? Some do end up with one partner committing suicide (as my friend did off the Bloor viaduct) on the very same day his son was born.
To completely address the facts I stated in my first paragraph and hopefully change some of the views of Thai women:

I came to Thailand 3 times before meeting my wife for the 1st time. I had been legally separated for two years and divorced for one. While I am hard of hearing, i can attest to the fact I am a recent graduate of a dental program with only 40-60 percent graduate success rate. i previously owned a successful marketing company. I met my now very close friend during my first few travels to thailand and he was the one who introduced me to his friend (my wife) whom was just coming put of a 5 year relationship. My wife has never married before and neither of us have children. There is a 11 month age difference. We are both university educated and have numerous degrees and diplomas. She has spent 7 years with the same company. Recently was promoted.
Our wedding was attended by both of our families and friends in her hometown in Thailand. There was a decent dowry at the wedding presented to her mom for show. It was returned to me afterwards. Her family paid and planned for most of the wedding. My wife sold her car to help pay as well. We were physically together for 8 months before marrying and had known each other for 11. When I return to Canada, I try to be generous and caring and do send my wife a small amount every second month. What husband wouldn't?
I am now on my 7 or 8th trip here and we are together till Mid July when I return to Canada to restart my career. We spend our weekends with family and friends, travelling and celebrating life together. We each know and respect our faiths and her English is fantastic, while my Thai is terrible haha. (imagine a deaf man trying to listen to the many different tones of this language!)

No one dares to think My wife or I should pay for anything. We recently all went to Pattaya and I was just one of the gang as we got some blankets and drank on the beach with our alcohol purchased from 7-11. We all take turns with the hwy tolls and split the bills when eat out. I truly consider myself a close member of her family and with her friends. My days of checking out the bars are long gone. 8)
My family loves her. They miss her terribly and plan another visit to her before she gets her PR. My wife is indifferent to where we live, we decided mutually to try Canada and this will give us more freedom to decide where we like best. If refused, I will of course move here.

If you want to believe what you hear about Thai women and men, it's your choice. If you want to be careful and don't trust your own judgement, then maybe love and happiness is not in your cards. I was pretty close to taking my own life, while going through separation with my ex wife. In my sorrows, i looked to God about what I should do. The answer I got was to believe in my family and to believe in the good in people and I will feel complete again. The fact is, my Thai wife is the best person i have ever met and I cherish every moment with her and have never felt more alive and thank God I didn't listen to the general society and it's views towards Thailand and Thais.

Sorry for the long post, but I felt the need to vent regarding a post on this forum about the cliches and stereotypes of Thai women in general. This is a forum about how to bring loved ones closer to being together and I hope that Everyone here recognizes that Canadians do find true love anywhere in the world, regardless of country of origin of their spouse/partner.
koifish76

 

[mudder trucker]

I have been lucky enough to travel to Thailand several times, met and married my filapina wife there. never did visit any of the bars or meet anyone in the sex industry, I would love to retire in this amazing country and you have family there! congrats.

 

[steerpike]

Good post (even tho you don't exactly fit the sterotype because you aren't 20 years older than her. )

But you point is valid that people should think twice before perpetuating stereotypes. Thailand in particular has a bad reputation for foreign husbands getting taken by the beautiful local girls (and Philipines, Ukraine, Russia, Mexico...) . But we should consider that repuation may not be deserved.

Do you really think its helpful on this forum to say "oh you met after 1 week and got married to a girl who is 20 years younger, doesn't speak english, and has a different religion, nationality, background? congradulations, you should have no issues at all with CIC!"?

We should help people immigrate, but its only natural for people to point out obvious red flags, especially since CIC will see those red flags too and the applicants should be prepared to explain their case on those points.

 

[Kysorb]

Good post

I agree as said by another this post extends much further than just Thailand, it is really anything the ignorant view as "financially poorer" which generally includes a lot of Asian and eastern European women.

I'm just as offended as the general consensus is about the "stereotypical relationship", but to wrongly assume that these fraudulent relationships are the majority I think is quite ignorant.

That said, sadly outside of your close friends and family, you are going to encounter ignorant people who think they know all the answers about "these abroad marriages" often. Which i know is why your ranting.

In China rarely a day goes by where I don't get called a "Lao wai" or I am with my wife and am stared at by old "country people" on a subway, bus, elevator, or even just the sidewalk. If i am stuck in the situation i just stare back at them until they are too uncomfortable and look away...

Most disappointing however is the fact that even though I have lived in China for 4 years and came here specifically for work.. When I move home, people who only kinda know me will gossip and say oh I must of moved there to find a wife. Rumors and gossip are unavoidable and unconquerable because many people are inherently immature or ill informed about this subject and would prefer to believe their "truth". Even when you finally do prove the negative people will claim you doth protest too much.

Sigh

Good luck to ya.

 

[Carlaganda23]

For the record, I have few friends who are Thai and they are one of my best treasured friends...I met them when I took a Health Care Course in Essex, England.

There are plenty Thai girls who married a British Men in England.

Thai girls are very friendly, cheerful, outgoing and kind.

 

[Alurra71]

I think you will find your story doesn't even closely resemble those that are usually scrutinized. You are familiar with the culture even traveling there on your own to see the sights, learn what the country is about and such things. You are familiar with the territory, so to say, not just sitting at home lonely on the computer when the 'girl of your dreams' materializes out of nowhere and it's love at first sight.

I think, for the most part, there are stories that are heavily scrutinized just based on the she is from here and he is from here type of situation, but sadly, it is only that heavily scrutinized because it is known that this kind of a thing happens frequently.

Remember, you have experience in this country so you aren't easily 'tricked' but there are plenty, as I stated above, sitting home, lonely on the computer that can/will be 'taken' by those less scrupulous individuals that will do whatever is necessary.

 

[mikeymyke]

My wife is indifferent to where we live, we decided mutually to try Canada and this will give us more freedom to decide where we like best. If refused, I will of course move here.

IMO, this is the biggest indicator of her wanting to be with you because she loves you, ,not for PR. Both of you are willing to live with the other, Canada or not. Everybody here needs to have this kind of mentality

 

[keesio]

I am a regular poster on here as of late, and for those who don't know, I seem to fit the perfect victim according to some common stereotyping and misunderstandings.

Here are some facts:
Divorced young man mid to late 30's. Have a disability as i was born hard of hearing and wear hearing aids. Met a Thai lady. Married her. Am sponsoring her to come to Canada.

What are your first thoughts?

You are not the standard stereotype. The common stereotype is a OLD (out of shape) western man at least 20 years older than the girl. Your disability is hardly a major disability. Again the stereotype is something like wheelchair bound or uses braces/crutches, etc.

 

[chala]

For the record, I have few friends who are Thai and they are one of my best treasured friends...I met them when I took a Health Care Course in Essex, England.


Thai girls are very friendly, cheerful, outgoing and kind.

I would have to agree with this just speaking from my own experience