Sponsorship breakdown - protecting both sides?

[Coralsocks]

I'm just so furious.. If I had physically been beaten black and blue this means I would still have to continue to pay? I didn't know how far this man would go. I felt my saftey could be at risk.

This man put my health and well being at risk. I had no choice but to leave!! I lost chunks of my hair from stress LITERALLY bald spots, he would physically get in my face so his nose was touching mine and yell at the top of his lungs how ugly fat and stupid I was until my ears would ring. He threw my phone out the car once, and then another time into a wall smashing both my brand new phone and left a hole in my wall, He lied to me and my family... he did drugs.. he would flip me his middle finger and grind it into my forehead telling me how pathetic I was when we fought!!! I COULD NOT LIVE WITH THIS. How is this possible that I am stuck with the bill when this behaviour is not what I signed up for? How could the government think its ok for me to be abused like this on a weekly basis? I had to go get counselling just to get my head back on straight after I left. It's been over a year yet I'm still crying right now. I feel so helpless.

 

[JimM]

Is getting a couple of large friends with hockey sticks have a talk with him an option?

 

[Coralsocks]

Yeah I had to convince a few friends and a brother not to... True story.

 

[ldjames]

yell at the top of his lungs how ugly fat and stupid I was until my ears would ring.

I hope you know that you're not these things and you have people around you to make this clear to you daily.

Also it is natural to have regret and self-doubt after such a trauma and misjudging somebody so but there will be lots of people who have had much longer relationships (though not necessarily via immigration) and experienced the same. What matters is that you made the right decision and had the strength to walk away.

Unfortunately the government needs people to fulfill their agreements regarding welfare payments to try and reduce fraudulent claims- I am sorry that this did not work out in your case.

You are still responsible for this scumbag partner but you are not helpless. Best to concentrate on the future you can control- the best revenge is living well.

 

[Coralsocks]

[quote author=ldjames ]
I hope you know that you're not these things and you have people around you to make this clear to you daily.
well.
[/quote]

I do. They have been wonderful. It's been a roller coaster.

But for conversational purposes... if he had beaten me, then what? If he had stalked me? Threatened me ( which he did ) Only then would they do something or even then say.. "Sorry you signed the papers"

 

[truesmile]

. . . is not what I signed up for?"

Well, you DID sign that you agree to foot the bill should things go wrong. What? You now want to pass the "bill" to the rest of US? You brought him to Canada ... now it's your responsibility to deal with it.

 

[amikety]

If he had commited a crime and you reported it, he could be sitting in jail right now instead of trying to collect welfare. Unfortunately, that's a hard choice to make when you love someone (even if they treat you poorly).

If you feel he used you to get into Canada, you can still report it. It probably won't change anything now, but if he tries to sponsor a wife from his home country, it will remain on his file.

If you feel strongly, you can try writing to Jason Kenney or contacting local papers. Just be forewarned, that's a difficult path to take. Unfortunately, they hear a lot of stories about abusive or neglectful foreign spouses... which is why they changed the rules late last year. (But that only applies to people who have applied since then.)

On the other hand, if you think he might be using welfare and working under the table - report him for welfare fraud too.

 

[Coralsocks]

Well, you DID sign that you agree to foot the bill should things go wrong. What? You now want to pass the "bill" to the rest of US? You brought him to Canada ... now it's your responsibility to deal with it.

Ok I agreed if we broke up, but I didn't expect the abuse. I didn't foresee that. I'm NOT expecting to YOU to foot the bill.. I think he should be forced to leave.

 

[Coralsocks]

Actually I expect him to pay his own bill...

 

[amikety]

Ok I agreed if we broke up, but I didn't expect the abuse. I didn't foresee that. I'm NOT expecting to YOU to foot the bill.. I think he should be forced to leave.

As I said before, report the fraud. Make as much noise as you're comfortable with/able to. He breaks any rules or laws, report him. But prepare for nothing to change. Under the old laws, there is little recourse for a sponsor.

 

[Coralsocks]

As I said before, report the fraud. Make as much noise as you're comfortable with/able to. He breaks any rules or laws, report him. But prepare for nothing to change. Under the old laws, there is little recourse for a sponsor.

Well as time goes on and the more I read its becoming crystal clear I can't do anything. So far I've done as much as I can. I have reported all I can to the assistance office where he is applying for welfare. I know he is manipulative and sneaky with money, I can only hope they can keep track of what he does.

 

[Reflectoman]

make sure to also report the fraud to CIC ... http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/protection/fraud/report.asp

 

[gsize]

if you have the financial resources, hire a private investigator. More than likely, he will be working because you cannot live on $600.00 per month (at least in the GTA)

So sorry you are going through this ! :-X

 

[JimM]

Well, you DID sign that you agree to foot the bill should things go wrong. What? You now want to pass the "bill" to the rest of US? You brought him to Canada ... now it's your responsibility to deal with it.

Were you born a total jerk or did you have to work at it?

 

[cempjwi]

If he had commited a crime and you reported it, he could be sitting in jail right now instead of trying to collect welfare. Unfortunately, that's a hard choice to make when you love someone (even if they treat you poorly).

If you feel he used you to get into Canada, you can still report it. It probably won't change anything now, but if he tries to sponsor a wife from his home country, it will remain on his file.

If you feel strongly, you can try writing to Jason Kenney or contacting local papers. Just be forewarned, that's a difficult path to take. Unfortunately, they hear a lot of stories about abusive or neglectful foreign spouses... which is why they changed the rules late last year. (But that only applies to people who have applied since then.)

On the other hand, if you think he might be using welfare and working under the table - report him for welfare fraud too.

The rules were changed based on marriages of convenince statistics, not because the applicant is always believed to have an ulterior motive - otherwise this forum would be called 'how to rid of my foreign partner - a guide by CIC'. The new rule has exceptions, such as the cases for abusive and/or neglectful sponsors (yes, breaking news!). People should try to avoid making insensitive comments, even more so because of the nature of this forum community. One thing is sharing a bad experience and perhaps comforting and giving advice, and another one is especulating and generalizing on applicant's behaviors and motivations, which in fact only demonizes those very ones we are trying to sponsor.

Unfortunately, the undertaking is a commitment that may add to the pain of a breakup.